dcox94
WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY - STARTING WEIGHT 425LBS. BEFORE SURGERY 404
I love to travel. I enjoy spending time with my husband. I am hoping that with this surgery will help me become a healthier person.
I started to think about this surgery April 2003. At that time I was given two surgeon's names to contact for an appointment to discuss the procedure. I got an appointment with one September 2004 and the other was out in 2005. I was seriously surprised by the long lead date to discuss this. I got a call that there was a cancellation in March 2004 so my ride began.
My surgery is scheduled for June 21, 2004. I am scared and happy at the same time. I am hoping this is the right decision and all will go well for me. I want to desparately get the sleep apnea under control. My BiPAP numbers get bigger and bigger each year and so does my weight. I want to be in control of both of these issues.
I have my dates scheduled for pulmonary, nutrition, and pre op. I have already done the cardiac clearance. What a stress test. I hope to never have to do that again. My heart was beating so hard it scared me. Pulmonary is going to be my real challenge. I have bad bouts of brochitis and OSA to contend with. My primary doctor thought I had asthma with all the wheezing I have been doing. I just think its the way I breath from the weight that I walk around with.
Another hurdle is nutrition. My husband feels for me and still thinks there may be one more option out there I should try before going to the knife. He wants me to go to a nutritionist and try and follow a diet from them that would be similar to after surgery. I told him it would not work the same. But I thought it was good of him to make sure I have exhausted all of my options before doing the surgery. We eat out alot. I think he is afraid that will go away and well he can still eat right?? He even suggested about having the surgery too. He is overweight but I don't believe his BMI is over 40. I think once I go this road his weight problem will go away. He will start to eat healthier. I think we enable one another.
| How to make a Debbie |
| Ingredients: 5 parts outgoing nature 5 parts crazyiness 5 parts ego |
| Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge! |
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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
May 21, 2004 PRE OP Days!
Well I have been searching the web for weeks since my approval to go with the surgery. I have lots of questions....I don't see the surgeon again until June 17th. I have another support group meeting to attend next Tuesday so I am hoping to get a few of my questions answered there. Friends of mine have given their friend's numbers that have been through the RNY surgery. I spoke to two of them and they have been extremely helpful and supportive of the surgery. Both have given me a lot of information on the dos and don'ts when you have the procedure done. WATCH the sugars and fats, DONT drink while you eat, eat slowly and CHEW REAL GOOD seemed to be a very common thread with both women. They are both very happy about their weight loss and I was excited to hear their numbers. I am hoping I will be as sucessful as both of them. One of the women I spoke with was three years out from her surgery and so far all she has gained back is 10lbs. She says this is from not being able to exercise since she broke her foot. She is planning to get that 10 off real soon! The other woman is 5 mos post op and she is doing really well and has such a positive attitude. It was a real pleasure talking to both of these women!
Next week I do the pulmonary thing and support group. My surgeon will be the guest speaker! I will report findings from my visits next week! Everyone enjoy!
May 25, 2004
Today was the pulmonary Doc visit for clearance. He got on my case about using the inhaler. I haven't done it because I did not see the need to just keep medicating myself. He agreed that if I felt good there is no reason but I should understand the signs of problems. I have been coughing the last few days...not thinking coughing is a problem did not do anything. He told me to look at this a problem and the inhaler would help to avoid the problem getting worse. OKAY I will use the inhaler and pay attention to what my body is telling me. Its funny how I never thought that I had a problem. He said other than that I seemed in good shape and recommendation letter for surgery will be written and sent to my surgeon. YEAH!!! Two done! I have to do nutrition, pre op testing and meet again with my surgeon on the 17th of June. I am feeling more confident that I have made a very good decision to do this surgery.
I had my monthly support meeting tonight. My surgeon did the presentation. He was excellent. Some of the looming questions I had such as when will I be released from hospital, when can I take a shower, how big of a scar will I have, and will I have to do a swallow test was all answered. Although afterwards I had more questions. Different questions that I did not think about before. My husband went with me and was impressed with the surgeon too! He thought he was extremely throrough in his presentation and he told it as it was..... which is so refreshing these days. I am ready to go!
Memorial Day May 31, 2003 PRE OP
This was a great weekend. I ate of course and well I got to see alot of my friends who were very interested in my decision to go with WLS. Not one of them thought I was doing the wrong thing (believe me someone would have said something if they thought it was bad decision that is the kind of friends I have). They thought I would be happier after the surgery. Its great to be able to talk to people about your feelings and what you know you have to go through in the future. I think it is helping me reinforce the knowledge that I have obtained from reading books, pamphlets, going to support group meetings and of course this wonderful site. Without these tools I am sure I would feel alot more insecure about going on this adventure. I still go back and forth on my decision by thinking can I deal with the pain and can I do all that I need to do afterwards. Its a lot to do and you can't go down that road and expect that you can make these changings when you want because that is not the case. YOU MUST BE COMMITTED TO MAKE THEM ALL AT ONCE! I have never had to do all or nothing before so this is very new territory for me and with God's help I will get through all of this just fine. He has given me a fine supportive husband, lots of great friends and family.
June 5th - Days are getting closer to surgery date of June 21st! I have to get preop sleep exam. Apnea has not been very good lately. Its so out of control I hate it! The 15th is sleep exam, 16th is another mask fitting.... and 17th is Pre Op tests and meeting with surgeon to go over everything one last time. I am still scared. Postings are encouraging but you always have a little voice in your head saying it might not work for you. To top today off I even got my period again! I guess its nerves! Well here is to a good week and hope everyone has the same!
I have been feeling really bad about the news of Mama Angel. What a sweet wonderful woman. I appreciated her words of encouragement and hope I can only be as encouraging as she has been to me!
Saturday June 12, 2004
Well back from vacation. Left my mind wander away from all the mental medical stuff for a week and boy I feel better for doing it. Now surgery is a week and two days away and I have to get back into the groove and start putting things in play so that I am ready for the big birthday event (June 21st). I have to get another sleep study done since I am so wacked out. Then I have pre op stuff, nutrition stuff, and of course the one on one meeting with Dr. Kirkland to go over the final hundred questions I have. I am nervous and scared. What ifs are all over these days. I went to graduation party tonight and there were lots of foods but I did not jump at them like I thought I would. I was very proud of myself. I just was not hungry. I am hoping its that way after surgery. I can handle the temptations?? It was good to talk about the surgery. It does reinforce what you know and make you think if perhaps you are missing information on something. This week will fly by I am sure. I hope I can get all my questions down and answered. I am doing a plan of action for after surgery. Just in case..... I hope by doing this I can respond properly. Sorta like a fire drill. If you don't know where to go and practice how can you know what you have to do? It should prove to be an interesting week. Wish me luck!
Well the day time sleep study went well. Guess what I may be able to get lower pressure settings for my BIPAP! YEAH!!! Tech is recommending a lower one. I hope my doctor bites on it. It was hard sleeping during the day especially since I sleep at night. I was in at 7:30AM and out by 3:00PM. Next stop is my mask fitting session. My full face mask may be too big for me and with my blowing pressures of 25/14 its tough to keep a nasal mask plastered to my face! I hope that the Dr. makes a decision soon and that the DME gets out to make the change before my surgery on Monday. More fun!
June 18th (3days and counting)
Well I did my final follow ups. My sleep doc bumped pressures down (YEAH) I finally got a mask that fits me! (Now if I can find a chin strap to keep my mouth shout! LOL) I did the nutrition class on Thursday morning. I lot a little out of it. Most of what she went over I read over and over again so I don't think she covered anything new. I was a little disappointed. We did it as a group vs one on one. Then I signed my consent papers with the surgeon. I was bummed he was not there but his nurse Cindy was great. She answered alot of my questions! Then last but not least was the pre op stuff. I really wanted to chat to pain manager. I guess that will happen on Monday at 9:30AM! My last day of work was today. They ran me to the ground! I also had to run to the other hospital to get gallbladder study. I am getting a two for one! Gallbladder will come out with the WLS! Feel like I am getting a bargain. One cut for the price of two! Well tomorrow I am going to look around for a binder for stomach, something for the toilet since I don't want hubby staying home with me and the rest of my goodies. Protein shakes, baby spoon, vitamins! It will be a costly weekend. Last supper is going to be LOBSTER TAIL!
OH I forgot....When I went to do my consent, I lost 7lbs! I am now at 404!
Sunday, 20 June 04
LAST SUPPER (The supersize meal!) My very first trip to a Red Lobster and I had lobster for dinner. All 16 ozs! The Tail was so big I could not finish it and I was really hungry for it! Left the potato because I did not think it was worth eating! Larry the lobster was what I wanted as a last meal. I say last but don't mean it is the last. It will just be the last time that I eat such a large size lobster. I bet I could have feed 15 people with that! Pulled a muscle in my back today so its aching and tomorrow is the surgery. I am okay with it I guess. Its weird that I feel okay. I guess tomorrow is when the nervousness will kick in since I don't go in until 9:30AM. No food or drink for two days...I hope I survive! Everyone has wished me well. With everyone praying for me God is going to get tired of hearing my name! My neighbor has offered to help out when I get home. She is such a sweet and wonderful person. I am so glad she is my neighbor. My hubby can't stay with me because of work and well I will be here by myself. I think I should be okay. I will take it easy but move around! I am worried about going to the bathroom. Why did that nurse have to bring that up!!! Mobility won't be good and well I am concerned about the potty and getting a bucket for vomiting if it happens. I bought a few things this weekend so that they would be here when I come home. Vitamins, tape, gauze. Food stuff I thought could wait until I got home. Juice, water, SF jello, broth.....This is such a change. Well I am ready to go! Bag is packed. When I am up to it I will check in with everyone to let them know I am on the losing side. The AMOS family has been wonderful. Thank you all so much for your insight and understanding. With all of your help I will succeed!
Thursday 24 June 2004
I got home from hospital yesterday. Most people I know have had 5 days in hospital not me! I am glad too! Could not sleep there let alone pee! My room was right outside nurses station and it can be quite noisy there. I had my surgery Monday 21st but of course I drew the last straw and did not go into operating room until 4:30PM. That was hard sitting around the hospital since 9:30AM with nothing to eat. But I made it. I was done and in recovery in less than 2 hours. Although the respiratory guy told me I looked a lot better in my room the next day than I did coming into the recovery room. I remember lots of pain and a wonderful button to take it away. Unforunately, I found out on day 2 that me and morphine don't get along. I felt ill to my stomach lot. Once they weened me off I felt alot better. Although my cathter expereince was not so good. I am hoping I do not get a UTI from it. They took it out the next day. I could not pee enough so they put it back in. Then at midnight they took it out again. The problem was still there I could not pee. Finally I was able to do 200cc's! Then they released me. I am still on Tylenol #3 but have not taken many. I am tired, and groggy so I will cut this entry short. But I am in good spirits!
March 2004 411
PreOp June 404
Sunday 26 June 20004
I thought I would wait and report a full week but I have Doc appointment Monday and not sure how tired I will be. Well everything seems to be healing well. This week started the clear fluids after 2 days of nothing but I survived it. Although on day 3 I had the runs which lasted into the next day. I just assumed it was from the diet and the body adjusting. Although I started the full fluids (Milk, pudding, etc.) yesterday and well I had more runs. I called Dr. to find out want to do about this and he said as long as I don't have temperature, just push lots of fluids for the next 12 hours. I was flushed in the face and was not sure if that was from sitting out all day or the pudding I ate. Tapioca is not recommneded this early....(Small pearls stick!) My husband bought the wrong stuff. Oh well you live and you learn. At least I did not barf! I am feeling a lot better today. What a difference a sleep makes!
The protein shakes are pretty good. I couldn't get over how sweet they were. Only have had two so far. Both seem to go down okay.
I still cannot get out of bed by myself. Bathing is done by both my husband and I. He does the bottom I do the top. Sneezing, blowing my nose and coughing really hurts. You forget how much your stomach muscles get used until you are in this situation. I am managing. You have to at this point! Sore point...I am stuck with a commode I don't need. My husband went to take it back and told them it was not used and they said they could not take it back. That was a true waste of $188!. My friends say put it on ebay!
1 July is my follow up appointment with Dr. Kirkland. I am sure he will be pleased with progress. I have no idea what I weigh yet. I guess I will find out then.
To everyone out there considering the procedure, think about your needs for after care carefully. Make sure you have help available to you. You will have mobility problems at first and do require the assistance of others.
Lots of Thanks goes to my husband and neighbor who I would not be doing as well if I didn't have them here to help along the way.
Thursday 1 July 2004
I am moving along. I am a little frustrated today, I went for my two week check up and was told I am not eating right or should I say drinking. I have not been getting five meals in because I am trying to consume 8oz shake for protein, jello 3oz as a meal. I was told to cut in half and have this 5x's a day. I am so aggravated with these people. This is not really clear to me in their instructions. I thought it was for the puree and soft food phases. I could scream!!!!! Good News is I was told I lost 13 lbs since the 21st. I didn't think that was bad at all. I will take any loss I can get. The nurse said if I ate differently there may have been more weight off....I figured that my losses would be like when I was on Optifast which was 5lbs a week. This is a little more but I am sure water weight is in there. I am not unhappy about the loss. I am unhappy with the lack of guidance! I start the nutrition class July 6th. I know a little late! But I will get by. I will lose this weight. I will get on whatever track I have to in order to make this happen. It just plain annoyed me.
I have been feeling pretty good. I am tired sometimes but for the most part have energy to do things. I have been doing a 20 min walk every day this week. I will increase it next week and try to get out another 10 minutes so I will have 30 minutes of walking. I still cannot get out of bed by myself. I hate that. I have to wake up husband a few times to go to bathroom and get up in the AM. I am bathing myself. I could not stand him helping me so I found a way to do it with out much pain to me. Incision is doing real well. Surgeon said I will see you in 6 mos. on December 14, 2004. Not bad huh. I met a few more people that had surgery in the office today waiting. Very nice women and were very helpful. Things will improve it will take time.
Tuesday 6 July 2004
Went to the nutrition class today. It was only me for one hour. PA Hospital just started these classes so I am hoping to get an education from them. Today I was told that my liquid phase of the diet is going well. I have been able to do more than 60 grams of protein and keep up with 64 oz. + of water a day. She was quite happy with my diary and my progress. I have been promoted to the pureed foods. We discuss what types and how the food has to be for the next 3-6 weeks. I will start out slow and try only one of the pureed foods to see how it sets with me. I could not tolerate milk or lactaid in my full liquid phase. I did not get sick just felt really full. I hope I do well and have no dumping episodes! I really don't want to feel that bad. The full liquids consisted of egg custard, sf yogurt, sf smoothies, isopure orange,banana, pineapple protein drink (25 grams of protein every 6 oz., water and tried puddings and protein drinks with milk. I think I have done well. Calories are between 500 and 600 amazing! And I thought I was eating too much. The diary has been a big help to me. Well I am hoping the leg cramps will go away soon. Not sure what I am lacking but I better get it fixed soon.
19 July 2004 THE PUREED PHASE
Well here I am again....I am down 28 lbs. Walking about 1/2 hour a day if the weather is good. Otherwise I do what I can. We will be joining the YMCA in August. I wanted to wait unti incision was healed well before I ventured onto other forms of excerise. I made it through the clear liquid and full liquid phases alive. Although milk was a killer. I don't do it at all. NOW we are in pureed foods. Some foods that I have been eating are cottage cheese with fruit, fruit smoothie, mashed potatoes (instant)made with soy milk and cheese (Hmmm this is my favorite), Cream of Chicken Soup, Refried beans, Yogurts with fruit, cream of wheat with a touch of margarine, peanut butter mixed in with cream of wheat (weird but good), and one time venture to the Deviled Ham. Deviled Ham and I did not get along. I felt ill after eating it so I have not ventured back to meats at all. So far everything is going down good. I have been taking all my vitamins, calcuim, and stomach pill with the addition of my blood pressure meds. My pressure at the Dr. today was 130/80. I see that as an improvement of the 160/100 that I had a week ago from not taking any meds. I got a terrible rash on Friday. It was under the arm area of the torso, lower stomach where the skin hangs over and the vulva area. WOW did it itch. Dr. gave me cream today to put on it. Said it was a yeast infection and they are common in people my size in the summer. I want to get pics but I am embrassed to show it off. I know I will need documentation for PS but I will probably have this again so I will wait. Dr. Jacobson saw it and hopefully put it in his notes. I go back to work in another week or so. Then hopefully at that time I start soft foods. Now we are talking. I have noticed that I have not been able to eat as much as I could a week ago. I guess the pouch is healing and sealing! I have been faithful to support meetings. I learn a lot there. I have another nutrition class coming up Aug 2nd. Ready get set soft foods here I come.
31 July 04 Still Pureed Phase
I am not minding the pureed foods. I have been venturing for new tastes. I made my protein shakes with fruit. I wish I knew what a 1/3 cup of strawberries was really. I have been using about 3-4 strawberries and assuming its a 1/3 cup. I just love my cheddar instant mashed potatoes. Yummy.... I know after awhile I will have to cut them back to once or twice a week. Too many cal/carbs for me. I do love yogurts and cottage cheese. Its been too hot for soup but I like them too! Cream of Chicken is my favorite. I also love Cream of Mushroom. I have been staying away from Brocoli for gas reasons. Today I tried Chicken salad with FF Mayo, and FF Ranch Dressing....not bad and it even stayed down. I was very surprised. I heard so many things about people have problems eating meat. I was glad I waited this long to try them. Perhaps that was a good thing to do. The pouch is a little more mature. I am not a big fish fan but I might try tuna. Not sure about that yet. I am so looking forward to eating out again. I miss hot sauce and chicken in the worse way. I also want to try hummos now that someone told me what it is....I think I can eat it! I will be venturing to the market. I would like to do shrimp salad for the week. I found a recipe on boards that does not use mayo. Save me from all unnecessary calories. Although my caloric intake does not go above 500 some days. I am only able to get 4 meals in but I did get one day with 5 meals. It is so tough to do. Well for this month's support group I lost 40 lbs. I have been there a few days. Not complaining. 6 weeks and 40 lbs is not bad. I would not do this on Optifast or WW! I start the Y next week. I am looking forward to the yoga classes. I start back to work on Monday. Not ready to go back there. I have liked hanging at home. Its been real relaxing.
Soft foods Phase 9 August 2004
Well its been five days on soft foods and so far I have done really well with foods. I don't go too far with trying new things only because I fear that I will get sick and need to go back to the hospital. I don't want that. I have tried chicken, with and without hot sauce, mashed potatoes with cheese, homemade turkey chili, turkey meatballs with cheese, hamburg with provolone cheese on it (partial one), cereal by Kashi, lunchmeats, and Krusteanz Brownie (3 bites). All have gone done okay for me which I am happy about. I still eat cottage cheese. I love it. It has helped me keep the my protein counts up to the min that we need. I hope this continues for me. I am down to 357 lbs. Not bad huh! Exercise needs to improve but I have been so tired. I have been back to work one week and I am pooped. Speaking of poop...my poop has been this weird shade of green. Did I turn into an alien with this operation? I assume its from the protein shake. It is blue in color. Well I am getting tired and need to go to bed. Take care all and hope to hit 100 lbs soon!
Aug 20, 2004 Soft Foods Phase - 2 month anniversary
Tomorrow is two months since I had the surgery. Eating is getting better but I have become sloppy with my diary. Too much to do during the day and I forget to write things up. Not good. I eyeball time I eat so that I don't mess up the 1 hour wait period. I have been eating many of the foods I ate before with some exceptions. I am joining Y tomorrow. I am ready for real execerise. Its been so humid I have not walked. That is the hard part. I am still not hungry. Which is great for me. I have been consitipated alot lately. I have to take stool softeners to make me go. I need more help than that. I hope this goes away soon.
Monday - 20 September 2004
Well I have had a problem with chest pain and today I am off to get an endoscope done per Dr. orders. They want to be sure there are no leaks into the pouch. Procedure went well except for the twlight sleep meds. I got sick of course. I was really tired so sleeped some of the meds off there and came home to sleep it off again. Throat is sore. They say that will go away. Dr. said everything looked good and is healing. I need to go back in two weeks for another appointment to discuss options for me. Although if it looks good my problem must be with foods.
Weight....well the honeymoon must be over. Weight is taking a lot of effort to get it off with the little I eat. Its weird. In the beginning a little bit of walking got some pounds off... now I have to walk a whole lot and still maybe a pound or two might come off. I want to go to the gym but work has had me too busy to get there. I need to be more assertive and go!!!
Weight is holding at 330 lbs. I hope to break it soon. I have been good otherwise. I have gotten away from my diary the last few days. I really must get back into it. I need to track me.
October 13, 2004
We are approaching the 4 month mark.....Things with eating seem to be out of control for me. I am so afraid I am screwing things up. I am reading alot of posts lately where this is happening to people. I don't want to be one of those statistics....My diary is really bad. I am wondering could it be work. I forget to bring book with me.... we eat out for lunch everyday. Although I do limit it most of the time to just protein and veggies. I feel like I can it alot more these days and it scares me. I still seem to be able to wear alot of my old clothes. They are getting baggy but not falling off. What is wrong with me?? Why am I grazing? I have to remove the food from my desk. I had grapes on my desk the last few days and I find myself eating them when I should not be eating them. Is it the sugar doing this to me? I am hoping this is just PMS and will pass. Its been a bad week for me. Scale has not been my friend. I lose a few pounds but very few. I thought I had 18 mos. What is going on?
HAPPY HALLOWEEN October 31, 2004
Well I am 99 lbs down....stuck around this hurdle for awhile now. Not upset with it yet. I have had diarrhea for 5 days now. Its been weird. All day when I am eating I am fine. Night when I am sleeping I get the urge 3-4AM to go. Then it goes for the AM. What is going on with my body? I thought I was eating foods that triggered it but I have not been able to isolate yet. I am so afriad of dehydrating. I am hoping weight will come off with or without the bowel problem. Went to the gym yesterday to swim with niece. It was fun. I have a machine orientation class this afternoon before the trick or treaters come knocking. We were smart this year. NO CANDY. Pretzels and Rice Krispies are my hand outs. I need to keep temptation at the store right now with the bowel problem I have. I hope it improves soon.
4 November CENTURY CLUB MARK
Yes I made it....finally 100 lbs! It seems to take forever these days to see the scale move. I have been exercising more these days. I am surprised that I like to go. Weird huh. Bowel problem seem to clear up. I think it was a virus. I have been eating more these days. Not sure I like it. I hope it does not become a problem for me. Everyone has been really supportive. People are starting to notice that the weight is coming off. Its nice to hear the word skinny. I think the support groups help alot. I really enjoy going and hearing everyone. Its a good feeling to know you are not alone in your venture. Everyone has different ideas how to do things. I am not an experimenter so I need help in that area! Well take care and my next milestone is to get out of the 3's hmmmmmm a 2 would be nice right now!
November 15, 2004 (THE 2's)
Well I have finally made it to the twos..... And I feel great. Do the gym at least 3 times a week. I enjoy going. Lucky that they stay open late so I can get a workout in. I have been eating a lot more lately and it is easier. Not saying it is a bad thing since I am still losing weight but I should be careful of what I do right now so that it does not cause problems later on for me with a yoyo effect right. We started Christmas shopping and this was the first time I tried clothes on without sweating and out of breathe....it was so nice. Another good thing was seeing the sizes of the pants go down. I was able to get in 22 (tight), 24's and a few 26's but they all had zippers. Something I haven't had in a few years. What a good feeling that is! At one of the support meetings we attend (hubby is my main supporter) I recieved some size 24 clothes and it was great they fit too! I truly like shopping in alot of stores again....finally in a size that everyone carries! I hope I can get some bargains! I would hate to have to get rid of the pants before I had a chance to wear them. I feel confident and do like the new me. I am happier if that is possible. I have another week before my 5 months anniversary! I hope I can take a few more pounds off by then. The recipes on this site have been great. I wish I was a good cook and I could make up a recipe to return to everyone! Thanks a bunch for being so kind and posting! Take care!
15 December 2004 (DAY AFTER 6 Mos Check Up)
What a great surgeon I have...such a sense of humor! My visit was great! All except the B12 readings which he asked what I was doing to have 1234 reading of B12! I of course am so afraid of missing pills that I have been taking a sublingal tablet every day! I feel great! He told me to knock it down to every other day. The reading would not hurt me but to be safe cut it back. So this week I will try and start knocking it back. We talked about goals and seeing where I could end up and if it was possible to get to a healthy weight of 150! He said anything is possible but to remember with our altered anatomy we require less calories than a normal person to maintain our weight. He says if he goes over 2000 calories he gains...for me it would be 1600 calories! 400 calorie difference! WOW what I could eat with 400 calories!!! Life is good. No major problems with health from the surgery. I go back to see him in June 2005. Still don't have a period. I am not unhappy about that at all! Last time I had a period I was in such pain. Work is driving me nuts. I want a layoff just so I can get out of that unhealthy environment! Its not good for me to be in that situation and I have began a job search. I see it could hurt me in the long term. I see I want to eat when I am there. I am not eating because I am hungry its the stress! Wish me luck on a new job! With the weight loss it should be easier to find something maybe?
Happy Holidays everyone!
3 January 2005
Well the week away did wonders for my weight loss. I am down 10 lbs. I thought that was unbelievable. I did alot of exercising and walking...I love to shop so that is what I did for a week. Didn't buy much but browsing boutiques are so much fun! I got around so well and walked for so long. I amazed myself! Life has been good. Things are going well although the last few days I have not felt like eating or drinking. Not sure why that is and hope that I am not getting sick or something. The holidays were good. Nothing too stressful because I avoided alot of things. I worked late tonight so I am hoping tomorrow is a gym night...lets not lose the momentum! I am doing all my pills and trying to keep a schedule which is so tough for me to do. My boss praised me last week for doing such a good job. I have worked for him for about 8 years now and that is the first time he ever did that. It was a good feeling and I really appreciated his words. Well here is to a good week for everyone! Take care
Friday, 14 January 2004
Today I gave my notice at work. I felt so bad but I had to do it....I feel that the surgery changed me...Opened my eyes to things I did not really recognize were happening to me. I am so brutually honest and I just told them it wasn't money it was the frustration of the place and not being able to complete something with a good satisfaction that we won something or what we do was good. They always said thanks and such but I would think winning something would say more. The new job starts end of February although my boss is trying to get me to stay into March...not sure why? I will miss him. We have always had a very good relationship (Boss and CoWorker that is) and well as bad as they are I really like the family. They are different....kind individuals I just wish they had more business skills. Well hopefully I like the new job. I have started the process of getting someone for my job. What fun that will be. So I thought it would be stress free...NOT! Weight loss is slow but I am happy. I can't wait to start the new job.
Friday Jan 28, 2005
I have to get my stuff on exercise again. With the stress of trying to get things done at work to move to someone else there has been no time for the gym. Its been cold too and well I think that deters me as well. PLEASE BRING BACK SPRING! Eating is getting easier and well I really don't like it. I do have to start that blasted diary again to try and kick start the pounds. I need to monitor me closer. I want to make sure that the weight I want off comes off within the 18 mos of opportunity. I know it will be hard but I got to get more focused on me. My husband says I want to save the world! I think he is right sometimes....I should try and focus on me but its easier to focus on something else. Does anyone else feel better about focusing on something else other than yourself. I guess its from years of neglect or are we taught that we should not be selfish and now when we need to focus on ourselves its too hard. Goals for Feb...more exercise, get that blasted diary going again, and focus on ME TIME! I hope everyone is doing great! I know I feel great and more positive with the weight I have dropped. I get the skinny comments although I am far from skinny. Talk to you again soon.
19 Feb 2005 (Is it Spring Yet)
I sit here and I think what a wonderful journey...so much to learn and so many wonderful people willing to share. My husband came with me to the support meeting yesterday. I think he comes because he feels he has to....I want to mingle but I know he wants to go. Its nice to have him there but sometimes I think I would much rather go alone and chat, take my time and hear other people's experiences. Its a good feeling when I make a meeting. Makes me feel more positive about things. My journey has been a good one so far. No problems except this blasted cold. But even this cold has been short lived. I have never bounced back from broncitis so quickly. It is truly amazing. I was told at the support meeting that I need a new pic. I really don't see where I have changed that much. I know clothes are starting to fall off but I think the face looks the same. I am going to do pics today....Then hopefully have them posted to this site. Weight loss has been slower than in the beginning. But it has not deterred me. I start my new job on 14 March. I cannot wait...but I am feeling stressed about leaving the old job. Its hard to leave someone you have worked with well for 8 years. I want to continue working there PT. I think he needs the support although I don't know if they will let me do that. So many things have changed for me in the last few months. I am truly happy. I hope that everyone else journey goes as well. If it does not just look at it as a bump in the road and as a bump it too will pass. Have a good day until the next time....
28 Feb 05
There is only 9 days until I leave the for the new job. Its really stressful and I find I want to eat more than I should....although the pouch stops me from over over eating. I have been working to get the journal going again. I can do it for part of the day...then I go out and well forget it! Is it the stress that is causing me not to do it.....I got to the gym on Saturday and Sunday....today is Monday and it is snowing hard so no gym tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I really enjoy the gym. Its alot of fun. I don't think I ever said that before. Weight loss is slow.....I hope I can jump start it soon. I know cut some of the carbs and it will work. I don't eat a lot of them but more than I should. Bananas are my fav fruit these days. I have been doing raisins too! HELP I am a carb addict! Another thing I have to work on. Its a lot of work and well its hard to do alone. I am very grateful to have a support system. I love the support groups. They help alot as well as having the hubby around helping too!
8 March 2005 MOVEMENT
Finally the scale moved in a nice way.....8 lbs! It seems like forever but at least it is still moving. Sometimes I get discouraged because it is not coming off as quickly as it did my first six months. But I am okay with it now....But when the weight loss comes like this I get on the happy dance! Life is still very stressful for me right now. I do have a replacment in the office...its less than 4 days for me.....Then new stresses from new job come in...will I survive? I am trying to get back into exercising more...Spring is coming it will get easier then. New job should give me more of a routine too! I hope all works out for me. I went to a support meeting last night and we talked about behavior thinking....I posted that my positive behavior becomes a negative event for me...still can't get 6 meals a day and I really think 2 a day would be good....I wanted to get feedback so hopefully people will give me ideas how to change this thinking that I have and get with the 6 meal a day program. Other than that things are well. I enjoy life more...I hope this continues!
12 March 2005 Saturday UPSET
I know this has nothing to do with my WLS journey but its bothering me so much. I gave my notice to my boss over 6 weeks ago. He knew I was leaving and told me about two weeks prior to my departure date to come up with a dinner plan for me...I did this and he changed his mind and wanted to do something in the end of April. I am leaving on the 11th of March is he nuts? I heard that he did not get to sign my going away card until the last day....How can people be so bad. I worked for this man 8 years and he could not be nice at the end. It was a bitter time for me and I hope to never repeat such behaviors. I am looking forward to a change. I hope it is a change. Wish me luck as my journey to the new job starts on Monday. I really hope I like it and they like me.
April 13th
Well I don't think I really like the new job. I am over whelmed and don't know how to make it better. Maybe its just me stressing right now. I really haven't been sleeping well and I know the sleep apnea will not improve if I don't start doing some z's. Weight loss is almost none...that is hard to deal with since I have so much more to lose. My goal is 150....I don't think I will make it but I am going to push to try and get there. I do alot of wondering...can I get there even after the 18 mos window. I am not sure I want plastics although I am sure I need them. I hate pain. Now if I can just figure out what I want to do with my work life. I joined the Secret Pal group in PA and let me tell ya I really enjoy doing little things for someone else. Its a good feeling. Well my eyes are closing... Good night all and see you in another five pounds off time frame...okay it might be longer than a week! Until then! Night Night Sleep tight.....
April 30, 2005
Here we are about a month or more into new job. Not sure why I don't like it but I don't. I don't want to go back to old job either...maybe its time for a complete new change. With all the changes going on in life these days its hard to tell what it is I want to do. I feel happier about me I just have to find a balance for work life as well. Things are moving slowly in the weight loss department. I knew it would happen but was hoping it would take a little longer! I do want to get to 150 lbs. I have 92 lbs to get there. I guess its better than 292 huh! Eating is easier and yes you do have to watch what you eat now. Its easy to put the wrong thing in your mouth. I find I can eat anything which is a problem. I still have not tried sugar and I do try and watch the fat grams....It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The hanging skin bothers me. I hate that but I don't think the insurance is going to pay for it so I may be stuck with it. The gym is a great place for me to go after work. Keeps me from sitting and eating all night like I use to do! It is so nice to be down from 425 to 242 today! I hope the loss continues to 18 mos....and I can say I am that much closer to 150 lbs goal! I hope to have my ten month photo listed soon. I can't figure out the picture thing! I tried and it didn't work. I had to reach out to the professionals! Thanks to OH volunteers they are the greatest!
May 14, 2005 (almost 11 mos.)
Well things have changed for me in lots of ways. The big loss which has changed my physical appearance as well as my mental! I think about food in a different way....actually I think about it instead of just seeing and inhaling. I know I am a stress and bored eater. I see that in the new job. I am so hungry there...why because I feel stressed and bored. Its so hard to find the perfect balance with everything. I have not had a period since September 2004 and I am not complaining. I am probably not ready for menopause but gosh I wish I would get it over with and do it soon. I have been in such a good mood without my period. I don't snap at people these days. Its a good thing. I am sure my gyn won't think so but hey I don't listen to him much! I don't have much faith in those guys anymore. I don't think they truly understand a woman's feelings and body! Sure you can study the books but theory is not real!!! I do like to go to the gym although lately I have found other things to do...especially now with the garden. I love to go there and tinker. I chop, dig and pick weeds for a couple hours...not the gym but I look at it as exercise. I have been thinking about getting my bike down from the rafters and riding it now. It needs a tune up but hey that is what happens when you don't use it.....right? I finally posted latest pic of me. Its weird to look at...I know its me but then I look at it and pick at me more. I am still too fat in my opinion. I want to get to 150 pounds. I don't think it will happen after listening to others at support group. It sounds like the loss goes away after that 18 month period. Not good. I have so much more to lose! Right now I am hovering at 238....That would mean I have 88 lbs to go to get to goal. That is an awful lot to lose in less than 6 months. I need to figure out a way to get those big losses back so I can get there. Its funny I think people like me now. I am the same person but I think the fatter version must have turned people off big time. I don't know why....are we all afraid that being fat is contagious?
New job is not what I want...but what is what I want? I need to get a warm and fuzzy of what I can do. I myself need to understand what my likes and dislikes are....what it is I really like to do and then just do it! People there are a bit paranoid and stepford wives like. I know that there is an undercurrent of uglieness but I don't want to know about it yet. That always brings me down. But you can feel it there. I don't think that is good. The job is not as challenging as I would like. Although I am not sure what I want so how can I say its not what I want?
There was a post this week from Spyder that kinda hit home for me about being alone.....We are alone with alot of things we do. We support one another but our journey is so unique there aren't any two that are alike. So in a sense we are alone. But I think with support that feeling of alone can be lessened. I go to my support meetings because I want to be in control and with a group of people who understand all the feelings that I have gone through...their experiences may not be the same but sometimes just talking helps.
Well I believe I have beaten you with enough words right now and I will end today's entry. I wish all of you reading these words good luck and good fortune on your quest for the gold! One day things will all synch up and you and I will understand. I hope we are not too old to enjoy it by then! Happy Day!
May 30, 2005
Well its been a few weeks and I have been battling the ups and downs of scale. Mainly ups! As of today I am two pound heavier! This is crazy. I know it happens but I don't want it to! Taking a week off of exercise to see if that will help. I have been eating alot of raisins and sunflowers so I have stopped those as well. Its so hard these days. I hope this is not the end of my weight loss. I think exercising 3 times a week was enough maybe it isn't? I see where people go every day. There are days I am too tired to go anywhere and do anything. I hope I don't have a deficiency and its just the blahs from weight gain. One thing I do like...before when I would get into a funk like this I would go to the frig and eat everything. Now I try to work it out in my head. I eat at my scheduled times...although this weekend I cut out a few meals hoping it would help the weight. I still think 6 meals is way too much!
June 1, 2005
Well it will be a year since surgey. I have come a long way. I have even come out of the cocoon that I was in. Sometimes I think that is good and other times I think it is bad. I am tired of people walking on me and now I feel I fight back to an extent. When I don't I feel bad. I feel like I am slipping back to the old me and just trying to please everyone but me. I am still very uncomfortable with the new job. Its boring and I find myself eating alot more these days. Its a mind thing not a body thing! My calories have crept up to almost 2000 calories which is way above what Dr wanted me at. I wish I kept the journal all the time and I would have noticed this before. Yes I have gone back to journal and after the first day I was so depressed. How could I have thought I was eating good all along? We fool ourselves with lots of things. I always believed in the past so perhaps this is a breakthrough for me and I have to work through it. I have too many things going on in life right now and its hard to make it all work. On the bright side since the journal my weight gain has stopped. YEAH! Now to get back on the weight loss bus! That's another challenge. I have to tweak something just not sure what it is. Oh well a milestone I won't reach by June 21st is to be under 200 pounds. I so hope I can get there. I really want to be 150 pounds but it seems so far away. To everyone just starting out the beginning is gravy! The dealing with loss stopping is hard. Keep your goals simple. I think I reached for the stars. I need to scale back and tell myself its alright but you made it this far. I am going to do my first exercise class today. Most of the time I do the equipment only. I guess its another good thing that is happening. I don't mind group activity! Wish me a better week next week!
June 10, 2005 BAD EXPERIENCE
I wanted to document the BOO BOO I did with trying to Dr myself. Let me tell you its not recommended! I had cramps knew I could not take Ibropen or Anaprox because of new pouch and decided well I have some of my old Tylenol #3 with codiene in cabinet in case of emergency.....Well let me tell you I took one at 11:20 and about an hour later I thought some was ripping a knife into my gut....so now I have this god alwful pain in the pouch as well as cramps. I started to lay there for a hour to hope it passed. Of course it didn't right away....I got to the point I felt like I was going to throw up...ran to toilet only to have the salty salvia come out of my mouth. It was crappy so I called surgeon's line to see what I could do to get the pill to move from pouch. They couldn't help and wanted me to come into ER. Its 1:40AM no way am I going to PA Hosp at that time....I was doubled over and my husband who is like my angel gave me water and insisted I drink it all 16 oz and thought it would flush pill out of pouch. It helped but it took a long while. Okay lesson learned here is don't do pills you haven't done in a long time. Be skeptical of all drugs. I do not ever want to feel like that again. Well with little sleep I have to go into work. OH well its the end of the week and I can sleep in Sat right. Thanks for reading. Debbie when you are looking back on this remember you know your body....don't let anyone else tell you what works for you.
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY (JUNE 21, 2005
Yes its official I am one year out! Doing great feeling great....life is a bowl of cherries! I really am starting to like myself. I enjoy exercising, talking to people and just being active. It is so different then before. I am not losing right now but hope to change that soon. I think its harder now to lose....I exercise but I guess I need to do more. I do need to keep my journal. I have not been faithful there. I start out good then it goes downhill by the end of the day. I have enjoyed this journey and hope I will keep the weight off. Its my responsiblity to do this! I have to keep myself in check. Its way too easy to fall off the wagon even with this surgery. I need to be more focused and committed. Well thats it for tonight. I am tired.... But we will post again!
July 4th, 2005 (Going Down again!)
Well all I have to say is its been a good month. Things on the scale are starting to move again. I went shopping for bathsuit yesterday and found I could wear a 18! I of course bought it! So I have made it to the teens officially! I could tell the 20's were fitting not so good but I am not ready to buy new clothes under fall season....summer stuff is going to have to survive the little me! That is what they make clothes safety pins for right!
I am doing a testomonial for my Support group this month.....My story goes...skinny chick turns fat then goes and makes more mess....She is saved by hottie surgeon and starts her journey back to Skinnyville. I know that probably sounds like most of us here huh. Okay maybe not all of us has a hottie surgeon!
I get to see my therapist again...July 12th which is around the corner. Things just seem better to me mentally and physically. No one ever talks about the mental impact that weight has on us. But it does.....What a negative impact too! I try to keep myself focused on positive things....Sometimes that is hard to do but it helps so much with everything in our lives. Our journey is not just one that requires us to limit what we put in our mouths but also what we put in our minds. We must limit the negativity! I think so much these days. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I want to succeed. And that is the positive thought that I keep in my head all the time. I know I will have good times and bad but I am hoping the good will outweigh the bad.
Today is a BBQ at a friends house. I am comfortable there and they support my eating habits. Not all of my friends and family do this for me but I have learned to accept that is the way it is. Sometimes that is all we can do is accept things for the way they are. I hope your journey is as fun and exciting as mine....Until the next update of babble!
July 8, 2005
I have been a good girl...stayed off the scale this week. Although I am miserable. Lots of problems with things this week....stressed to the max! Not dealing with things as nicely as I would have liked. Not dealing well with people either. Can you say BAD? I hope this bad streak goes away soon.
July 9, 2005 ITS ABOUT ME!
Okay I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. I hate to write a lot about me……I have been maintaining a journal on OH regarding my journey. I thought it was a good thing to share my experiences with others so maybe what I have experienced would help someone else. I do try and write something at least once a month.
Relationships through this journey have been good for the most part. I have some very supportive friends that keep things flowing for me. Sometimes friends cannot always help me. My husband who is my bestest friend tries to help me with everything.
I have always appreciated my friends and husband for being there for me. I don’t always open up to people about things that bother me. I guess it was my upbringing. You never discussed problems in my family. I don’t remember ever talking about bad things….yes they happened but they were not discussed.
You had to work out the problems or bad stuff yourself. No one but you can do it. The last few months I have been bothered by so much. What do I think relationships are for…..What is my passion in life? How do I love everything I do? Should I love everything I do? As you can tell I cannot answer these items alone but can I answer them with help? Should I reach out for help on them or will they all fall into place for me? I have always been a very independent woman. I know we can’t do things alone all the time…but I always try…I guess its easier than admitting you can’t do it alone.
Perhaps that is my biggest problem. I cannot ask for help. I hate to admit I failed. I hate to admit I made a mistake. I AM PERFECT….NOT! I WANT TO BE PERFECT…now that sounds more like me. I cannot talk about the bad things..they scare me. I don’t know how to fix them and by the time I open up its way too late and hard as hell to fix. Like my weight issue. I let myself get to that 425 lb. Mark why? Because it was a place I could go and no one would say it was wrong…because we don’t talk about the bad stuff. When we would talk about the bad stuff it was brushed over. It gave me the okay to do the negative stuff I did in life…like get as big as a house!
July 22, 2005 (FOLLOW UP ON HEALTH)
One thing I did this month was change my Dr's. I needed to find a PCP that was WLS friendly. I did thanks to my buddy GIGI. She has me doing some tests..blood and dexa scan...The dexa scan came back I am at the lowest end of normal. She said my hips looked okay but the spine is the area they are really concerned with. I will be checked out on this in another couple years....in the meantime I have to find a way to bump up my calcuim needs...I guess its a call to my nut and see if he can help me with this issue. I am not a happy person these days. I do know things are happening in my life that I don't like....current full time work sucks, I am trying to leave old job and stresses there behind and move on, I don't feel like I am putting in enough time for me....I am miserable because of it. That is my problem this month....I think I understand now....Even though I am doing things for me I don't feel its enough...the perfect syndrome is still going on! How can I get off the perfect bus? Why do I have to be my own worst enemy? I guess this is a problem I have to work on....How can I change this self talk? I do put time in for myself....that should be good enough. But I want more. Can you say GREEDY! I made it to gym once this week, biked twice and this is time for me in seven days I don't think that is very good. Then I had all kinds of stressors yesterday my current boss is changing software we use from MS to Sun...well in the marketplace for me Sun does nothing. As a matter of fact its a step backwards. Its a step I cannot take. I got a call yesterday from a headhunter for a contract job in NJ. I am calling about the particulars. I never thought I would want to take a contracting position but this position is pushing my buttons too much and I am freaking out. As far as the old job one more week....I am so out of there. I can't do them anymore. I have new people in there that think I know everything when everything I know is at thier figure tips they have to look for the answer sorta like I always did. Yes its work but I never minded work. The place is a hard place to work in and well I am sick and tired of them. I left full time position for a reason. Don't they get it? I only stayed on to finish this job up. I really didn't want to do this. Once again...I am doing something for someone else not because I want to do it. THIS HAS TO STOP. I can help out but they have to be my terms. I feel like I have been stressing so much I have not done my diary...if I had I would find I am eating way too much. TODAY I focus on changing this. One step...back to diary! Step two Forget both jobs! Step three Get to the gym this weekend...make it there at least 3x's....anything outside with bikes is extra! I can't wait to be happy again....
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About Me
North Wilmington, DE
Location
36.3
BMI
Surgery
06/21/2004
Surgery Date
May 05, 2004
Member Since
