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Yep I made it to 5 - I am still maintaining my loss which is better than I expected.  My Dr did tell me that people start to add weight after 4 yrs because they just start to forget about things they had been doing such as exercise and eating right.  I try to keep to everyting but of course not as good as I was in the beginning.  Still sick with PHN.  I hate the pain more than anything.  I hope that it isn't related to vitamins I am taking or not taking. 

I am very happy with things so far....even with the pain.  I don't know where I would be if I didn't do the surgery when I did.

Happy Reading and enjoy life!  We only go around once.....do it right!

Yeppers its been awhile since I have been here.  I guess consumed with other health issues that I keep blaming this surgery on with the PHP - nerves have been very intense and I just feel depressed and unmotivated which is so unlike me.  I have thoughts that if I just stayed at the 425 lbs that life might not be happy but I would not be in this pain - I want to enjoy things again and often think when will that happen for me again.  Its just sad to think that I did the work of losing weight to be unhappy.  I have a hard time laughing and enjoying things.  How does one break out of this?  I wish there was some magic that could just zap this stuff from my body. 

Well I have to say drugs are the answer to weight loss.  My Dr was so proud I lost 25 lbs....in six months.  I wish I could say it was from doing the right things but I can't.  I have no appetite, I don't have energy to really do a good work out....I do a lot of walking and that is it.  I guess I must be doing more walking then I thought to be able to lose the weight.  I will say I am tired of being in pain.  I so want to be the normal person I was before last summer.  I miss me.  I even miss the fat me these days.  Its funny I still look at my clothing and say it looks too small for me.  Then I put it on and find its big or just fits.  I woudl ahve thought that the issues with clothing would be gone by now.  My surgeon says all is good.  I am not sure why I still go to him.  He only gives me the script for blood work and nothing more....The nutritionist is new and I really am not comfortable with her yet....they say you have done a wonderful job.  Well hello I still have alot of weight to loss so treat me as such...don't say I have done a great job....say this is want you can do to take more off.  I wonder sometimes if I went to someone else and didn't tell them about the surgery how would they treat me....like the obese person?  Yes I am still obese...200 lbs and holding this week.  That is still overweight....

Its been a bad year for me....I contracted shingles in August 2007 and have been dealing with the pain of the post herpatic aftermath since.  They have me on lots of pain meds with little relief - lots of crappy feelings and sorta depressed these days.  I hate pain and really don't know how to live with it.  Its been a very hard road.  I don't know how people do it.  

I believe I contracted the shingles because my white counts are extremely low and have been under a lot of stress - started new job and trying to figure things out.  

One good thing with being on pain meds I don't want to eat.  Weight is stable and I would like to lose more but I feel okay at 220 these days!  Its not a bad place to be - lot better than 425.

Hope everyone is well and please be sure that you keep up blood work and your vitamins.  Its very important to your health.

I think my B levels are off - B12 extremely high - can't check others.

Its funny I always thought this was my journey until recently.....I realized being sick this summer from shingles that I went back to my obese personality.  Very inward on myself and left the world of support just because I had to heal myself.  I don't think what I did was the right thing to do but it was the comfortable way.  Sorta like our food choices.  But with the help of my support group buddies, I have realized its not just about me.  They play a big part in my healing too!  We listen to each other and support each other.  We do not discriminate even if there is a pound or two going on the body.  We understand the battle that we all struggle to beat.  Its so nice to know there are people willing to stand next to me and help me.

I have found that out at work too!  Its nice to be part of a team and people appreciate what you do.  Its been a long recovery for me from the shingles episode this summer but knowing that others will help me along the way is just a good feeling.  I want to tell everyone that is reading these words...You are not alone and we are always here for you.  Just reach out and touch someone today/tomorrow or whenever you feel the need to be helped.

Yep....weight has gone up just a little...but I am so happy to be even where I am these days.  I have been ill but its not from the surgery.  That is a good thing huh.  Life is better at this weight so much easier to do things.  Its just nice to be recognized as a person, not the fat one walking down the hall.  I am not sure I would be able to do the current job I have at 425 lbs.  It requires a lot more walking then I have ever done.  Not complaining about it either.  What I cant seem to manage is stress from the job.  I would love to know how people don't get worked up on stuff like I do.  How to let it go.  I let go weight, why can't I let go things that are said or taken out of context of what I say....Its too hard to work here.  Maybe I should find something else.  Will I ever like what I do, how I look, let people help me?  There are lots of things that go with this obesity thing....we just bury it sometimes because we don't want to deal with it....its better to stuff it away.  Now I have to find a way of dealing.  Any body out there have any good ideas?

I am about two months to my final sessions for My Design program for healthier living.  I just don't feel like I have been healthy.  Old habits are so easy to slip into.  I am good until I hit a stress spot then bam!  It sucks.  I wish I could find a way to make stress go away.  I don't know how I survived that first year stress free.  I am working on taking control again.  Its hard work but I feel I can do it.  Support groups have not helped me much lately.  I feel like the problems I have are mine and only I can help with them.  So I guess I am heading back to isolationville.  I am gaining some weight and don't like it.  I know what I am doing wrong and I need to stop it.  I am on that trip again....lost a bunch of weight and don't know how to deal with it.  I have been down this road before and I did ask how to avoid this but never really got a good road map on avoiding it.  Now I am back there and I am asking the question.  I just wish someone had a good answer for me.  

Back to the gym at last.  I realized work had consumed a lot of me and I didn't like it.  I started to really not like the job because I let it get in front of me.   I need to be number 1.  I have to remember that always.  

So my therapist wants me to come up with a strategy for graduation from my program.  How do you graduate when you feel like a failure?

I had to try on clothing from my presurgery day and boy did it feel weird.  They still fit in my mind.  I wore shorts and a top to my surgery.  They both went on and although I looked like a bag woman, I still felt like they still fit me.  Weird huh.  I could see that the arm sleeves and body of the top looked big.  I could see that the shorts were baggy but they did not fall off of me.  Is that a good thing or bad?  Did I really lose alot or is that just something the scale says but not what the body really looks like.  I am not sure of things and perceptions are cloudy right now.  I want to believe things have changed for me but I am not sure.  I see my face has changed but has other things about me changed?  I do have a more positive attitude.  I just find myself getting lost in a lot of things and forgetting focuses are necessary for life.  So perhaps the clothes have changed but I have not?  I can't remember how I was then.  I feel like I lost that person....I tried so hard not to lose her because I needed to know I changed.  Now I am not sure.

Photos

425 lbs

260 lbs.

Jan 20, 2006 IMPORTANT INFO

I guess I didn't realize I left out some information on the profile that would be interesting to have on my journey.....My weight gain. So far its been at bay I am bouncing up and down the same 3-4 lbs. I don't ever let it get beyond that. My nutritionist said for my 18 mos check up that I should be at 1400 calories and about 98 grams of protein. 1400 WOW...No way have I been doing that. The malabsorption feature of this surgery seems to be not working well. I am definitely going towards normalcy with the bowel movements so my body has caught up! Not fair!!!! My eating habits are good except when I go to long without food. Man I want to eat everything then. I have improved my exercise this week I made it 4 times to the gym....That is EXCELLENT. I found that my mood is great after the gym and things don't bother me like they use to.....I guess its good for the body and the mind. My calorie intake has been up around 1800 and as high as 2200! And I want to know why I am gaining. I do drink a glass of wine from time to time but I don't go over board with that stuff. The pounds aren't worth the glass. People are still seeing a lose...Although the scale or the pants aren't saying that...Not sure what is happening with the body these days. I know soon it will be time to seek out the plastics doctor. I really would like my legs done. I would like to lose more before that happens...Will I make it to OneLand soon? I don't get rashes, nor have any problems with foods. I eat stuff in moderation and I am okay with everything then. I still do protein shakes and bars. I think I am addicted to them. LOL. I eat healthier I think. I am not a fast food person anymore. I still like my sugarfree chocolate...Its funny how some things just dont' go away. My exercising is about 1 1/2 hours....I do about 45 minutes cardio....Treadmill and bike and weights for legs one day and arms for the other day....alternating them. I need to change up the routine a bit. I guess it might be time for the personal trainer. I do want more muscle on the body for the plastics surgery so they want have to do too much.






February 7, 2006 THE FUNK PHASE

Yes that is where I am these days....I am in such a FUNK. The words DIET and NORMAL are pressing my buttons. I feel I shall never be normal or hit my goal of 150 lbs. I don't know if I chose an unrealistic number. My Dr was a smart man...he never gave me a goal so why did my brillant self do this to me????? I feel much like I did with the Optifast program I was on many moons ago. I did well. I had the momentum...then the program just kinda phased out. I never knew what to do for maintenance so I gained....I didn't get to goal then either. The feelings are the same. The frustration, the anger at myself for setting myself up for it! and of course I am scared. I don't want to fail. But how do you stop yourself from being a failure? I don't look at what I have done as being a failure....I want to be perfect. Things have to be just so for me. Its something I have never been able to deal with and now its affecting the journey. I don't know how to deal with it. I am so scared and afraid that the 425lbs me is just waiting to take over again. And the 150 lb will never exist. So does that mean I am in purgatory right now? I need to be okay with me. I need to know I look okay, feel okay and its okay to be the weight I am. I feel fat still and I don't like it. I look at others and see so many thin people and think I want to be that one day. And all I can think is I will never be that. I was thin when I was under 12 but after that never....so am I doomed to be fat for the rest of my life. I need to understand this better and deal with these feelings. I need to embrace me and tell myself its okay to have these feelings but they should not consume me or me consume them. I don't know why all of the sudden this came about...Could it be the gazelle I have been exercising with these last few weeks? I see her as a super fit person. I see me as the wanna be. Can I be? Tomorrow is a new day!

BREAK THROUGH STUFF.....

Here are a few exchanges I had tonight on the boards. Writing helps me so much. I can make more sense of things now....

I am in the land of Da Nile....I hate the words NORMAL and DIET. I know hate is a strong feeling but its as good as I can say it. I fear I won't be able to get to goal. I am frustrated with myself that I cannot maintain my food diary properly and as often as I should. I am not gaining these days but not losing like I would like. I know I am not right out of the gate and the loss does slow down but I am not ready for it to slow to nothing. I need more. I am such a perfectionist and want things just so. I want to be NORMAL but I don't see NORMAL in my horizon any time soon. So it scares me. I see the cycle happening to me again....I had something like this happen with the optifast program.....I lost 100 lbs then and well I could not cope with the new me. Needless to say I ate my way pass that 100 lbs...I am frustrated because I see this happening again in my life and well I didn't find the right tools to stop it the first time. What makes this time different? When I had this surgery I told myself....SELF this is it...no MORE DIETS. This is your life and you have to take hold of it. I have been holding on but I just feel that failure is due to happen soon. Not getting to goal, or perhaps making the goal unrealistic. How do I tell myself that it is okay to go to a point that is not goal. I find that hard. I am upset with myself because I did this to me. I have managed to put me in a position that makes my world less than perfect and its hard for me to say its okay! Its so nice to know there are others that are struggling but I am not sure that our demons are all the same.....

I will work through this.

Hugs and Fleece Blankets Cher

Debbie

RE: For those who are struggling with some weight gain.......
Response from Rob S at 10:25 PM EST on 02/07/2006
Wilmington, DE – RNY (10/06/2003)


Debbie,
I have no answers to provide, One thing I learned early is there are no experts on this WLS journey, but there are just a lot of opinions, both professional and otherwise. You have come so far, and you have always been an inspiration to so many of us with your honesty and vocalization. Don't worry about the journaling, you are great at laying out your feelings and demons for the rest of us. It could be that you just have to put your NORMAL on a sliding scale. Set your image of NORMAL and adjust it whenever you need a new challenge.

One question for you. You say failure is due to happen soon. Why? Isn't it just as likely that success could become your roadblock to failure.

Come to the meeting on Thursday night and let's see if we can get someone to boost away your demons.

Your friend,
Rob S.
DE Obesityhelp.com Leader
(Hope that all of you don't mind but certified ObesityHelp.com Leaders have been asked by Obesityhelp.com staff to sign our notes, to keep the program alive.)

RE: For those who are struggling with some weight gain.......
Response from Debbie Cox at 2:49 AM EST on 02/08/2006
North Wilmington, DE – RNY (06/21/2004) – Matt Kirkland, M.D.


Rob,

Good point...the sliding scale. Tim suggested this as well. See he thinks I don't listen to him... He is definitely cheap therapy! My thing is getting my head to accept a slide. He told me one pound at a time. It is a more doable thing I am sure its just that you really can't have that many milestones to a goal can you? See now I am analyzing milestones in the journey!

You also hit on something for me...success. Maybe what is bothering me is I am succeeding in overcoming some of these demons that the mental roadblock is up now to try and convert back to the old ways of life. I guess in my mind its easier being heavy then where I am at. So I guess maybe my real demon is success. I make my goals in life unattainable in a period of time that my head thinks it should be done in. Failing is easier to accept than succeeding. I have failed at a lot more than I have succeeded. The comfort zone! (Twilight Zone Music now)

Monday's meeting was very good for me....Margaret has a way of making me think more about what is going on. The thinking has helped bring this issue up high enough in my vision to be able to journal it out. I think in many ways I needed this funk! It definitely has a silver lining to it.

I will be there Thursday. The peanut brittle snack has me excited! LOL

Thanks for the words they have helped alot!

PS. The DE Obesityhelp.com Leader title is cool! It would be a neat thing if OH could make it part of your name with your pic! You group leaders would stand out more! OH food for thought here!!!!

Of course lots of Hugs and Fleece Blankets
Debbie






April 7, 2006 (Weekend before Taxes)

Well here I go...I have done a small weight gain...3 lbs again. Does someone other than me see the 3 lbs? Probably not but I know they are there. I have been under alot of stress with work this past month and well I am sure its part of the reason the gain is there. I find myself eating mindlessly at times. This week was the first time I had gotten sick from eating. I won't do that again. The elephant on my chest feeling is definitely one you can keep. I did have a little foaming experience not much. And puking up one piece of chicken not chewed well. Okay for all you newbies...chewing is essential at all stages of this surgery. The mindless stuff has to go away too. Although it was a comfort to know I can't just stuff myself anymore! Spring is here and so are the weeds. I will be backyarding it over the weekend. Perhaps on Sunday since it looks rainy today. Its nice to say these things. I would know I would have to do the yard but I would have to be in mood to clean and spruce it up. The work I do in a day in it now is so much better than before. Its a nice size yard so it takes a while to clean it up but now I see progress after one day of raking and such vs waiting a few days to see what I was breaking my back on look good. Its these little things in life that make all of this stuff worth while. I am very happy with my progress so far. I am concerned about weight gain now being 22 months out now is the time. We have to be more persistant with ourselves that this procedure is our last stop and hope to keep us healthy. I don't ever think well I will just get a revision. Let me tell you once was enough for me. Not saying it was a bad experience but if it does not work once what makes you think the second time will?

Hope you a have a good weekend.







May 3, 2006 VACATION AND OTHER ADVENTURES

Yes we did vacation last month.....just a week ago! It was wonderful. We did some ocean kayaking. I of course did it first. My husband was so proud of me jumping in the boat and going. I would never have done that at 400+ lbs ever. I don't think I could get down that low and get up without losing my breath. We did a few trails out there too! What a beautiful place Vancouver Island is. It was just nice and peaceful. I of course gained my normal 3 lb thing so I am back to 212. I will get them off again. I see I play a game with 3 lbs regularly now. Its so easy to put it on. Its harder to take it off. But I do and I guess that's a good thing. I try and stay on top of things instead of letting it snowball to a point I can't handle. I hope I can keep doing this. I don't know why I didn't do it before.

I earned the STAR award from one of the support groups I attend. It was such an honor and I so appreciated being recognized. It made me feel good. I am a good person I just don't spend much time thinking of me. ME is something we just breeze over. Why is it that we don't think we are worth our time but we can give others our time? I can't wait to pass the award along. I have someone in mind but I would love to give it to my husband. He has always been there for me. He eats the stuff I eat and its neat to see how he interacts with other post ops. Funny thing is my PA Hospital group Director asked I not bring him to next meeting because they have so many others signing up for the support group and they are limited on space. I was not happy about it. I guess she should have known that when she sent the message. I don't want to go to a group that is only post ops...I feel like a freak now being part of a group like that would only make me feel worse. So I stated she was making a mistake and the message she sent to me was support from family members are not as important. My husband said if I wanted to go he would go and stand in the room and not take a chair. I told him I don't want to go there anymore. That is not my cup of tea. I have several other groups we attend and it would be one less. All the other groups love him. So guess PA Hospital will be one less in thier group! Or should I say two?

Work sucks and Granny is not doing well. I feel like the funk is coming back into my life. Its hard dealing with all this stuff. But I am dealing. Thats what's important...I AM DEALING!








June Something...2006 Vacation Recap from May

Yes with all that is going on in my life right now I was able to squeeze a few minutes to share pics from our vacation....Kayaking is so much fun. I can't wait to do it again! Its quiet time and peaceful out on the water. I was a little afraid my first ride because of if I got too far who was going to get me back? But I did okay and you can rest and start paddling when ever you want when you go alone. It was a very nice vacation on Vancouver Island. What a pretty country side! I was glad to go there and really can't wait to go back again! The spa was fun too!

Weight is still standing. I am wondering if its time for plastics to help kick in gear with the rest of the weight. Somewhere I read we don't lose when we have so much hanging....I wonder now if there is truth to that statement.

Well here are the pics! Enjoy!



Kayaking on LAND? (Camera not Zoom Ready)

a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank">

Back from the day of paddling



Feeding Time of Course!



Milner Gardens....What a Beautiful Place!!!






June 22, 2006 HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

Can you believe its been two years since the day of my surgery.....I remember that day so well. I didn't eat all day I guess that is what sticks out so clearly in my mind. I wish it was a happier time for me. Its not. My Grandmother was diagnosed this year with colon cancer. They operated on her and thought they had it all but didn't it mastized to the liver. She is with me now on hospice. Its good that I have her with me but its sad that I know she won't be with me long. Its so stressing. I have put on a few pounds since her arrival. I don't get to the gym these days to burn off the calories so this is what happens. To all you newbies who think you don't need to exercise....think again! I would love to find a way to do it again. I need to think of options. Its just really hard right now. I feel very runned down. I don't want her or my husband to know this because they would be hurt....I am hurting. I feel I am letting them down if I don't continue to help her with this portion of life. I wish she wasn't dying. I guess that is what is hurting me. I have gone up five pounds and well I know its going to be hard to get them back off again. It always is. This is the largest gain I have had in two years. I guess I should be grateful. There are others I hear with larger gains. I see that life is full of all kinds of things and we do have to learn to deal with them. I am stressing over so much this month. Can I control them no and should I no. I just need to work with them that is all. We can't have things our way forever. That first year after surgery was really all about me. I made sure I did the right things. I want to get back into that mode but perhaps its just as bad. We need to balance with things it can't be all or nothing. I am hoping with this writing that I can find a balance and learn from this mistake and see how to do it right. I attended support group the other night and it felt so good to know you have a group of people supporting you for you. I wish they could take some of this pain away and make it right but alas that is not how we are designed. I will get there. I am promising myself that. I will get these pounds off too. Some how I will get 16 lbs off so I can say I made it to onederland! I won't be goal but it will be closer. I want to be healthier I want to live right. I have to do this for me.




2 Year Visit Results with Hottie Surgeon

Well he still looks as good as ever...hottie surgeon that is! I saw a little gray on the side so he is aging just like me. LOL. Well the visit went well. Not lost or gain according to him but he would like to see me down to 185 lbs. He thought that plastic surgery would be in my future in another 6 months. He would like to see me lose another 20 first. I think he is right....Another 20 and maybe things will be good. Problem is if nothing is coming off how do I get the 20 off. Interesting dilemna now isn't it. Things with my personal life are escalating and the stress is much. So how do I make the right choices and deal with stress? I believe that large amounts of stress have always been my down fall and now I am being tested big time. I can't get to exercise, or support groups with all that is going on in my life. I know change is always going to happen in our lives but its hard. I guess I don't like change much. Perhaps it has always been me. But how do I make myself like change. How do I get things in a normal perspective. There is that word again...NORMAL. I am going to hopefully do a chat for PA Hosp regarding my post op experience with them. I hope some of the stuff that has happened to me will help pre ops or newly post ops. I met two women yesterday in the office. One just had surgery and sounded like she was doing wonderfully. The other is going in next week. I wished them luck on their journey. Yes its still a journey and we have choices. I need to make sure that the choices I make are good ones. Until the next update.....Keep well and keep trying!!!



August 12, 2006

The scale moved lower....How friggin amazing is that? Four pounds gone! I don't know what I am doing but I will keep doing it! LOL. Still on hospice care with Gram I guess that is what is doing it. I got a new job offer with Boeing. I am waiting to see if I pass their screening. They say about two weeks. I hope its sooner. I really am happy about this change. I know I know I was happy about the last one....but this is different. Its a large Co and if I don't like what I do there I can go somewhere else....Posting and keeping years with the same place....nice! Now about the Weight loss. I have been doing a lot less eating these days. Its been hot and I haven't felt like eating. We haven't eaten out in a long while too! That has probably helped me alot! Hubby is in onderland now....He jumped on the scale to find he is 199...he hasn't weighed that in a long long time. Well I have 6 more pounds before I get to onderland. Can I do it? I really need to lose 15 more pounds per Dr. Then I am off for plastics. After I get settled in the new job that is.....I feel soo good! I can't wait to give my notice.....




September 6, 2006 ON THE ROAD AGAIN TO NORMAL

Life does throw zingers at you but you have to be able to deal with them...life after surgery is different in so many ways. I feel I deal with things better than I did before. I go up and down on the scale but stay very close to my current weight and that is because I make myself accountable to me. I can't blame others for what I put in my mouth. Gram's passing has been hard on me. Dealing with old issues of life and her passing has showed me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. What a good feeling that is....being in control and knowing it. Sorry food but I can't let you take over my life. Normal does seem close. I just find that its something I will strive for and perhaps it may take me a lifetime to get there but I will get there. Remember to eat right even now that is harder for me. Stay with the staples and you can't go too wrong. When you introduce new stuff watch and see how you react to it...if its a trigger food stay away!

I am a year older now.....And I feel good. New job is Friday. I liked the guy in the interview....lets see if he is still good when I get to the job. Its hard to see the real person in a interview. Wish me luck!










Oct 2, 2006

I am back to exercising again...finally. And let me tell you it feels good. I started to do things I don't normally do at the gym....I did a step and ab class which was killer. I even started to run tonight. It was hard but I did it. I hope by winter to be able to do a mile in 10 minutes....That would be so sweet for me. The new job...its GREAT! I love the bosses! Its just a very supportive atmosphere there and lots to learn..and I just love to learn. Weight has gone up a few pounds but that seems to be my norm up a few then back down. I think I have been toying with 3 lbs forever. But you know what....I am happy and healthy and if I have to play with these pounds forever so be it. I can't believe I am saying that! I wish I could have gone to Lexington....maybe next year! I need to get focused on cutting some food down. I need to get back to the diary. I find that the hardest thing to do these days. I have an excuse not to do it alot. So now I have to find a way of talking to myself and getting a buy in from me to do it. Wish me luck!






Oct 24, 2006

I have been doing a writing for health class which seems to give me lots of ideas of how to channel my writing. There are three sessions and I am really glad I got to do them. We don't always look at our writing as a tool to help us in our weight struggle. Sometimes you find things out after writing it down. Especially things that eat at you which causes you to eat. I have been struggling with the weight gain like everyone at this time period. Its hard to keep it off. I guess the stress of new job, grammy's passing has really affected me more than I would like to believe. I hope that when things do heal that I can get my weight back going down instead of this upward spiral that I seem to be doing right now. I won't complain...its not a big gain but it is a gain. We try so hard to keep it off or keep it coming off that sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for the gain. I need to learn to love myself despite the up in the scale. But I must remember that we have to check and be responsible for ourselves so I don't go back to the 425 non breathing working gal I once was. That frightens me.....its so easy to do. I did it once what says it won't happen again. I need to say that! As a matter of fact I will do that now....I WILL MAINTAIN SOME CONTROL OVER ME AND NOT LET ME GO BACK TO 425. WHEN THE GAINS HAPPEN LOOK AT WHAT I AM DOING AND CORRECT THE BEHAVIOUR. I wish there was a better check on me....there isn't so I have to build a better relationship with me. Someone has to be in charge right?





December 27

Getting ready to get back to basics. The fun time is over.....Eating and drinking stuff that is not good for the body the last few months. Its been a stressful transition for the new job. And of course I find all the evil ways to torture me.....Pants are tight and I need them to loosen up again! So guess what is happening Jan 1......2007 is my year for control! Yes I am taking control of the situation at work....I am not going to allow others to control the way I look. I am going to go back to the nutritionist for visit and get back to the program. I did this to be healthy not for a short term fix. Life is complicated and we do have to learn to deal with things. Its always been so easy to not deal with things and eat them away. I want to be a success! So my New Years resolution is to work on me again....Yes I will get back to being me. I will also do 12 things I never did before......I really liked that idea that Willow put out. I got on the site she sent so I will document here and there. I do want to be a good support person for people that need help as well. I hope the road I travelled will help others. Well here is to a good and healthy 2007. May we all do well.