Time Is Slowly Moving Toward Concerns...

Apr 14, 2010

So I have exactly 40 days until I go and see the surgeon!! I'm so excited. The days are slowly moving faster. It feels like just yesterday it was 54 days. I'm starting to worry about surgery though. Every once in awhile I have a bad thought like what if I don't make it through? Thats really scary to me. Surgeries have always been really scary to me! The last hospital I was in and they took me to the operating room to debride my leg they had this clear cloud covers over the lights I told the nurse "Um this kinda reminds me of dying?" She agreed and she said she told them that "some poor old lady would probably wake up and think she was going to heaven." I'm getting really scared. Just thinking about it.

I've been reading up on different posts. Reading about the KFC sandwich that some people think is horrible and other think is great. It looks good I have to say. Although the fat is probably really high. To me if you're going to eat out your not eating healthy. I don't go to mcdonalds and order salad. If I wanted salad I would eat at home.Just  my opinion though. They have cookbooks for WLS patients. I was really tempted to get one. And websites galore. I think the two hardest things for me will be taking the meds everyday (I'm horrible with that) and two eating healthier (ie. cottage cheese, yogurt gross!) Its a change though I'm willing to do so that I can live longer. As well as actually live not stay in my house hiding from the world. I hope everyone is doing well by the way! I will keep you posted!



Apr 07, 2010

Okay so, I've started today exercising. I'm doing the biggest loser workout. I started out with 10 minutes because I'm really out of shape. Tomorrow maybe I'll do 11. I know that this will help me out in the long run. Its not that I hate to exercise I really didn't mind it but its just that its hard at this weight to do a lot of exercise. I'm home now though and I really need to work my muscles. I didn't do some of the more strenuous parts I just reverted back to two moves he shows you in the beginning. I was sweating and huffing and puffing let me tell you! I'm thinking that I may have to lose some weight before surgery. So I want to have that mind set before I go in. Then I can easily lose that weight. I haven't changed my eating habits right yet, but I have started the exercises. I think rather than cutting back drastically just cut back slowly. Like tonight rather than eat a "meal" as a snack, I could just have a piece of fruit and maybe some milk. Or just some milk. I'm a night eater. I can do FABULOUS through out the day then bang at night its over. All over. When I lost 76lbs previously some nights I would just go to bed at like 8pm to keep myself from eating. I had previously gotten down to 376lbs. Now I don't know what I weigh in Jan it was 463lbs. I've changed already though I try to remain positive about everything! I used to be soooooo extremely negative. Positivity has a lot of power. I used to take a lot of anti depressants anti aniexty  meds I don't take any of those now, my moods have been completely level. I want to live. At one point I had become comfortable in this body and the fact that I may only live until I was 30. Then I realized that, this wasn't normal thinking and all the things I would miss out on. And my husband who said "I want you to bury me, not me bury you." That really got to me. I'm scared about the surgery. I'm trying to think on the positive though.  Hopefully, I can keep this positivity going. :0)

So Its Done!

Mar 19, 2010

So its done! I have gone to the Seminar at WVU. I think it was a great seminar I was really impressed compared to the Seminar at Winchester Medical. This guy really seemed up to date on the conditions and I feel that he is more knowledgeable than Winchester. I'm feeling really optomistic about it. I think that this could be the begining of my new life. I'm excited. I have my new patient visit with Dr. Akkary on May 26th 2010. And this should get the ball rolling for my surgery. Now only which one to do, The bypass the Sleeve or the band?

This Thursday!

Mar 14, 2010

This Thursday its going to be a LONG day! Thats the day we go to Morgantown,WV to the seminar for WLS. Its a 3 Hour drive one way. I hope its worth it. I can't believe its almost here. I'm just so hopeful that we will be able to do this. Its going to be a long ride and we won't get back until like midnight that night. the seminar is 6pm-8pm. Plus 3 hours back. Oh well I know it will be worth it in the end!

They need to wire her mouth shut!

Mar 07, 2010

I hate hate hate the fact that my grandmother is sooo unsupportive and makes all these snide rude remarks. I was talking to family members about the possibility of surgery. She chimes in and says very loud and embarassing like: "They Need To Wire Her Mouth Shut!" I was so hurt. I'm like why do you have to do this to me countless times. Last time it was a birthday party. I asked my husband to get me something when he went to subway. I got a 6inch chicken terriyaki. And she started on that, about how I just ate..blah blah blah and before he could come back they were cutting pieces of chocolate cake and ice cream. Whats the difference? Irritating. Thats all I'm saying.

People Are Amusing!

Mar 05, 2010

I really am excited about the possibility of having surgery. I need it and I think that at this point its necessary. But you always have that  one party-pooper who goes "Oh you shouldn't!" I was first told to get the gastric bypass 5 years ago, I didn't listen. Over that 5 years I've gained about 140lbs. So obviously something needs to change. And I have insulin resistance (opposite of diabetes, my body makes too much insulin) and PCOS. So I think that this could be a really good change. And to me they are saying "oh diet and exercise, it works for every one!" Really? Then why aren't you skinny? or not over weight? Because ding ding ding! What do we have for her Johnny?! Not everyone can do it the old fashioned way! If I went out and walked too much I'd pop a lung. My back, and feet kills me. Everyone in my life is supportive of this "informed" decision. I just hate the fact that no matter what there is someone who just has to say something negative. Oh well I'm done ranting.. :0)

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Charles Town, WV
Mar 02, 2010
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