discordya
Not there yet..
Nov 04, 2010
I feel kind of out of place here. I know it's a place I can belong, but I'm not "there" yet. I don't even have insurance yet. I just sent in my application for Medicaid yesterday morning to even have it let alone for what I want it for. I don't know what is going to happen. I talk to all these happy people on the forums and in chat, and it's nice to hear their stories and get excited, but the truth is I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to be struggling at 370 lbs for the rest of my life, or if there is going to be light at the end of this tunnel.I just want it to go fast. Not like I want it to all happen in one month, I know it won't. But it already will take a while so I just want to know if Medicaid will help me. And start the whole process of getting to where I wish to be.
I envision so many things, like what it would be like to be held as a skinny person, or skinniER person. Both, actually. What it would be like to wear those clothes I see in stores that I long to be able to fit in to. I feel like even though I dress fairly fashionably for my weight that I'm not really me. I'm a ROCK chick. I want to wear my rockin clothes! But that's just it, I don't have any because those kinds of stores don't sell my size. I feel like I've been living a life that isn't me. To be able to wear SHOES that actually FIT me. I wear a size 9 but I have to wear 10s because of my fat feet. It would be nice to walk around the Flea Market in town without wanting to sit down so bad after 15 minutes of walking!
I just want my time to shine. I can be more than who I am now. I can be so much more, I just need this little push...
