dorky_kelly
MY FAT LIFE
I was always an overweight child. One of my earliest memories is being in pre-school and one of my classmates telling me I was "too big to play" with her. When I was seven, my father passed away, and both my mother and I sought food to comfort ourselves. I also remember shopping with my mom and asking her what size I was. Her response was to look for tags that said 16. Size 16 as a child!
I have always been a fairly confident obese person. I have not known a different lifestyle. I have never shopped in the misses department or crossed my legs in a skirt. Until college, I asked a guy for every date I'd ever been on.
In high school, I played volleyball. I remember weighing 264 lbs and being a size 22/24. I swore that if I ever ballooned up to 300 lbs I would kill myself. Well, after college, I hit the 300 lb mark. I moved away from home, got comfortable in a romantic relationship, got cheated on, and ate myself up to 375 lbs in June of 2012.
Admitting defeat, I moved from Green Bay, WI, back to my hometown to live with my mother. I was hired for a life-changing job at the local university, where I received kick-ass benefits, like awesome health insurance, gym membership, free exercise classes, and free tuition. I am so grateful for my job--I can't even express my gratitude. It changed everything.
I used to be completely against WLS, particularly RNY, because of the lifelong malabsorbtion of vitamins. It was too drastic to even think of. But as my weight grew at such a young age, I knew I was headed for a terrible life. Something had to be done.
PRE-OP
I began my journey in July of 2012. I visited my PCP and told her I need to change my life. I asked her about surgery, and she said she wanted me to explore non-surgical options first. She referred me to the Bariatric and Metabolic Institute (BMI... ironically) at Marquette General Hospital, where I met with Dr. Erica Griffin, who specializes in non-surgical obesity treatment. We had a little chat and talked about my options. Then she said, "You are a perfect candidate for weight-loss surgery. Why don't you want to do it?"
I said I didn't know if I could give up the food. Food drove every aspect of my life. But I was open to it. She said that statistically, only 5% of people who lose the amount of weight that I need to lose do it and keep it off without surgery. With surgery, their results have been 85% maintenance. I was impressed. It gave me a lot to think about.
The first thing I started to do that changed my relationship with food was to log everything I put in my mouth, no matter what. I was going to own my 3,000-5,000 calorie intake everyday. I also started swimming at the university pool a couple times a week. I went back to my PCP and said that I wanted to have weight-loss surgery. She agreed and then referred me back to the BMI, this time to see Dr. English, a surgeon.
I met with Dr. English's physician's assistant, Alicia, whom I absolutely adore. She ordered my labs, and we soon discovered that I was actually malnourished, despite the fact that I ate so much everyday. This was a real eye-opener. Here I was, saying I didn't want surgery because I didn't want to be lacking vitamins, and I was anyway with the way I was eating.
I then met with one of the BMI's nutritionists, Kelly. She is amazing. I am so grateful that MGH has such amazing people. I have read some horror stories about NUTs on this site. Kelly immediately put me on a 2,000-calorie, 100g protein diet. I also gave up pop (Diet Coke addiction!) immediately. This was by far the hardest transition. I had sugar headaches and caffeine withdrawl. But once I made it through and followed this lifestyle plan, I dropped 25 lbs. The compliance I had before surgery has been the #1 contributing factor to my success after surgery. I proved to myself that I can say no to food. I exercised that "saying no muscle" a lot before surgery, which helped me use it after surgery.
Two weeks before surgery I was placed on a 1200-calorie, 100g protein diet. This was pretty easy to follow. Then, 5 days before surgery, I was put on a liquid-only diet. I did have one last dinner with solid foods on Day 2 of my liquid diet. I am by no means perfect... haha.
I had my psych evaluation done with Dr. Jones of Premier Psychological Services. He was a wonderful man and I enjoyed every session I had with him. I have depression that developed in college after a rough semester where 7 people I knew passed away--mostly unexpectedly. I have always had an issue with death. It wasn't an "I want to kill myself" depression, more of a "I can't go to class because I am crying uncontrollably in the bathroom" depression. Thanks to my friends Prozac and Zoloft, it's been pretty under control. I passed the evaluation. I asked if I was a good candidate for surgery because even though I had tried many different diets before, I had never had more than a 10 lb. loss. Dr. Jones said that he thought that was an indication that I would be even more successful on my WLS journey. Very encouraging!
I also had a sleep study done. I did have mild sleep apnea. I used a mask for about a month and a half before my surgery. It did start to help a little bit. The only other co-morbidity I had (besides depression) was swollen ankles, which was news to me--I just thought I had fat ankles! However, with a Super-Obese BMI I easily qualified for surgery through my insurance company, Blue Cross Blue Shield. All I had to pay were my co-pays and then a $80 registration fee for nutritionist appointments before surgery, then a $400 fee for the actual surgery. Did I mention I have kick-ass insurance?!
I also chose to have an IUD (Mirena) implanted for birth control. I did not want to get pregnant after surgery. I definitely don't trust the pill after reading some stories on here. I also had two friends who got pregnant while on the Depo shot. Getting Mirena was the single most painful thing I have experienced. WLS was a breeze compared to the pain level I had. Apparently, if you touch my cervix, I will pass out. And I have never, ever passed out in my life before. I would do it all over again though, because my periods and its symptoms are slowly disappearing and I don't have to worry about a pill everyday.
I chose RNY because of its high success rate. I also liked that the procedure could be reversed and that if I had some kind of intestinal trouble in the future, my innards were still inside and they could take from my old stomach/intestines if they need to. I did not reach this decision lightly. If you had told me a year prior that I would choose to give up my fast food addiction and never drink pop again, I wouldn't have believed it. But my journey opened my eyes. If giving those things up was the price to pay for a healthier, longer life, then damn straight I was going to choose it.
SURGERY - 12/11/12
I had never been in the hospital for anything before. I had never been put under before. I was so nervous. I brought an extra set of clothes to the hospital and my cell phone. I also brought four pairs of underwear, because I am really afraid of running out of clean underwear. But I basically never wore it until I went home.
I was the first one scheduled for surgery that day. My mom, aunt, and I went to the hospital for 5 a.m. They weighed me, took some blood, and I changed into my fashionable gown. We sat around for about an hour and then I was wheeled into the pre-op room. After separating from my mother, I cried the entire time until I was put under. All of the nurses were incredibly nice. My anesthesiologist said that it's perfectly okay to be scared. I told him I was scared, but mostly I was just ANGRY! I was so mad at myself for letting it come to this. Having major surgery because I couldn't control what I put in my mouth. I was ashamed.
Then my surgeon, Dr. English came in. I only met him twice, but I was so comfortable with him. He has an excellent bedside manner. He asked me what surgery I was having a wrote with a marker on my belly, which is standard practice at MGH. I remember being wheeled into the surgery room, and then I woke up in recovery.
I vaguely remember the catheter. That was something I really worried about. All I remember is a weird feeling when the nurse pulled it out. I was not in pain, I just felt kind of different. I have never been on any pain medication before (besides Advil) and I just remember not feeling like normal, but no biggie. I was wheeled back to my room and my mom was there and it was over. For the first however many hours, I could only have ice chips. I wasn't very thirsty, and I remembered to bring chapstick, so my lips weren't dry. The inside of my mouth was VERY dry, and I used those little swabs all the time to wet it.
The first night went pretty well. I had morphine every 2-3 hours and never was in pain. My incisions were glued together and then stapled. I had to call the nurse to help me up out of bed, but then I could walk to the bathroom and go on my own. I did many, many laps around the floor of the hospital and was cheered on by everyone--not just the bariatric staff. The only drawback was that the bed had to be angled at 65 degrees per doctor's orders and could not be changed. This put all my weight on my tailbone and it hurt so bad. I would wake up with it being in pain and a numb backside. It was more annoying than anything. I sat on pillows, but even that didn't help much. However, this encouraged me to walk, walk, walk!
The next morning I was able to have water. For lunch I had clear liquids, including sugar free jello. The container was marked that it was sugar free. After lunch, I had to have a suppository put in. Apparently, EVERYONE has to get one. That is something I wish I had known before to prepare myself for. I asked if I had to have a BM before they would let me go home, and the nurse said no. They just did to move things along. My nurse had drawn the curtain for privacy, and then just as she put in the suppository, another nurse flips open the curtain to ask her a question, thus getting a nice view of my backside. Seriously, the curtain was closed for a reason! My nurse was so mad at her, which I appreciated. I had already been peeing throughout the night and had passed gas, so it looked like my insides were working well.
Next it was time to shower! Best shower of my life! I washed my hair and changed into a clean gown. Afterwards, I even had a BM... lol. Everyone was pleased. My surgeon said that I was doing so well that I could be discharged that evening. I was so excited! I had no desire to remain in the hospital, and I felt really good.
Then came time for dinner. I had an elderly woman next to me, and the people bringing in the trays assumed that she got the liquid dinner. I was asleep at the time and alerted the nurse to correct the mistake. So the old lady ate my dinner, and then she ate her own. Meanwhile, the nurse called downstairs for a new tray. They brought up a new tray with mashed potatoes and gravy and jello. I noticed that this jello did not have the sugar free sticker on it, so before I ate a thing, I questioned the nurse about it. She called down to dining, and they then delivered another tray, this time with cream of chicken soup and jello with a sugar free sticker. It is a good thing that I was paying attention, because the nurse who I had at that time was NOT. By this time, I was super-ready to go home.
Before being discharged, another nurse came in to give me the third degree about following all the discharge instructions. He totally made me cry (plus, I'm emotional anyway). He felt really bad about it, but I knew he meant well. You can't go home and just pick up your normal life again.
I was wheeled to the car. I brought a pillow from home to hold against my abdomen. This made all the difference in the world. On the way home we stopped at Walgreens to pick up my pain meds (basically Tylenol with codeine). Then when I got home I settled myself and my aching tailbone into my comfy recliner and slept upright.
LIQUID STAGE: 2 WEEKS POST-OP
I followed my surgeon's plan TO THE LETTER for 2 weeks, which I am kind of proud of myself for. I wrote everything down in a notebook and used a timer to make sure I didn't forget anything. I met my protein goals and my fluid goals. I also kept track of my BM's. I took 2 multivitamins and 3 doses of powdered calcium citrate daily. I also was able to swallow my Zoloft, antacid, and Vitamin D pills. I was taking a stool softener everyday, but I had diarrhea, so I stopped.
I HATED protein shakes. I often did the Fruit Punch Protein Shots that I found at Wal-Mart because they had just as much protein with less to drink. They were expensive, but worth it.
PUREED/SOFT FOOD STAGE: 4 WEEKS POST-OP
I bought an off-brand blender that was like a Magic Bullet from Kohl's. So nice! I had some Kohl's cash and got it for only $15. On Christmas Day I had pureed ham and pea soup and it was amazing. I also pretty much ate mashed potatoes for dinner every night. I recorded everything in my little notebook. I was REALLY sick of protein shakes. By this time, the only way I could tolerate them was by mixing them with my coffee. And yes, I did drink a cup of coffee almost every morning. My NUT was fine with that. One of my favorite meals at this time was cottage cheese with marinara sauce and parmesan cheese. I call it "Inside-Out Lasagna" and I still eat it for lunch on a regular basis.
I returned to work after 3 weeks of being off. I was ready. I pretty much just sit at a desk so it's not very taxing. I have a wonderful group of supporters who I work with. One of my boss's husbands had the sleeve, and another one of my boss's fathers was a bariatric surgeon. Everyone is also a health nut. Nobody drinks pop and everybody works out consistently. Their lifestyle has really rubbed off on me!
LIMITED FOODS STAGE: 8 WEEKS POST-OP
Once my NUT cleared me for real food, I said goodbye to those protein shakes and immediately began getting all of my protein from food. I did not hesitate, I did not surrender. I was also allowed to have crackers and tortillas. I made mini pizzas and burritos and I was SO HAPPY. I started feeling like a real person again.
However, then I started eating crackers in front of the TV every night. I only ate a serving size, and at about a month and a half out I had a stall. Stalls happen, but I knew this cracker-eating business was no good. Instead of eating my BBQ Lays, I was eating Dill Triscuits. Same behavior, healthier choice, but still not good. Once I recognized this behavior, I stopped. I still eat crackers, I just don't eat them everyday.
The only thing that made me sick is when I had gravy and mashed potatoes from Culver's. I think the gravy was just too greasy. It made me sick to my stomach for about 8 hours but then I was fine. The only vomiting episode I had was when I forgot to chew a piece of burnt, leftover beef roast. I got the foamies and had extreme pain in my esophagus. I knew that I had to get it out. I didn't even have to stick my finger down my throat. It just came up. The people in my support group say that it happens to everyone once.
I was also able to introduce soft fruits (no skins, membranes, or seeds) back into my diet. I love me some bananas! I also would have cooked vegetables.
At eight weeks I was cleared to lift more than 10 lbs. I returned to my kickboxing classes and playing volleyball. I also started training for a 5k by walking 3 miles at a time.
I also experienced constipation (for the first time in my life!) and I started taking a stool softener everyday. This helped immensely!
ALL FOODS - 3 MONTHS POST-OP
I was now able to have bread, pasta, and rice, as well as all fruits and vegetables. However, I have still chosen to not eat bread or pasta. I have had a rice a handful of times and it went well. I know that my carb craving was ridiculous when I started this journey. I don't want to be back at that point again. I still eat potatoes probably twice a week.
I do not eat anything that reads more than 10g of sugar on the label. I eat a lot of meat and dairy, and only occasionally supplement my diet with a protein shake or bar when I need it. I drink a cup of coffee every morning. I still chew all of my food to the consistency of applesauce. I drink through a straw--it doesn't bother me. I am also able to chug water, thank goodness! When I work hard, I chug hard. I can't turn it off. I also drink alcohol on occasion. Usually I will order a vodka and water and then use some Mio to flavor it. I have also had Moscato wine (my favorite!) which hasn't been a problem. I had beer--which I didn't realize was carbonated (what a dummy!)--and had no problems. I eat fast food probably once a week, but I make smart choices. Chili from Wendy's, a breakfast burrito from McD's, or a quesadilla from Taco Bell. My addiction to fast food had a great hold over me when I was alone, and I never want to be like that again. A year ago I would eat it for lunch and dinner in the same day. Terrible!
My NUT said not to worry about counting calories, but I do anyway because I use MyFitnessPal. I always try to stay under 1200. Some days I feel like I could eat more, some days less. I'm not sure that I experience hunger, but I do experience feeling "empty." I know that I need to eat.
I used to be an all-or-nothing girl. Now I believe that everything should be in moderation. I need to give myself tough love, but also give myself forgiveness.
