Dreamin192

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I was okay until about 5 or 6pm...then my stomach started doing flip flops and I am so nervous. I am kidding with my fiance and family that my stomach is just mad about what is going to happen in a few hours. However, I can't help being nervous. Everyone is telling me it will be okay and I am sure it will be but at the same time that doesn't stop me from being worried. I was reading through the boards today and someone said that general anesthesia is like you go to sleep and wake up in a blink of an eye. I have never had it, never had surgery at all actually, so I think that adds to my nerves, and I am looking forward to it being over. If something does happen my biggest fear is that my family and friends wont know how much I care about them and you all on OH wont know how much I have truly valued your support and encouragement. So here is my way of venting and getting it out there all at the same time, just in case. Thank you to everyone and tomorrow afternoon I should be on the losers bench!!

I just wanted to say a great big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to send me messages of support and well wishes. It means a lot to me and is helping somewhat to calm my nerves going into tomorrow. My surgery is at 7am, the first one of the day so I wont even be completely awake when they are putting me under. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited and I think that's the hardest question to answer. I am excited about the after but I am not excited about the actual surgery. I am so lucky that my mother is a nurse on the recovery floor for bypass and banding patients so everytime I have a question I can go to her.
I was at the store last night and for some reason decided to buy a copy of People magazine, weird because I never read it, I figured I would bring it to the hospital with me for some easy and entertaining reading. I was flipping through it when I got home and low and behold a two page article on Star Jones and how she has finally admitted to having gastric bypass. The article was not mentioned on the cover at all so I'm taking that as a sign that it's all going to be okay, I am superstitious like that.
I am going to start getting my things together and trying to relax. Thank you again to everyone and I will be on OH to update everyone as soon as I can.

I am having surgery 08/08! I am so excited but also terrified at the same time. I am not scared of the procedure, however I do think it will be weird to wake up with my insides rearranged, I am scared of anesthesia. Weird I know but it's true, I have this fear that I am like going to wake up in the middle of surgery and feel everything, although the rational part of me knows that that is most likely not going to happen.

 I also have this fear that I have gained weight since my surgeons appt. in June. I had to lose 10lbs before that meeting (a 6 month span) and I did, I lost more like 15lb but hours after that appt. I left for California for the summer. Now normally you would think California is a healthy state, lots of recreation, health minded people, etc. NO! Perhaps it would be except my fiance and I are out here staying with his dad, who happens to own a food stand which he takes from fair to fair so we live at the fair and work all day long. Sooo what is there to eat? FAIR FOOD! When is there time to exercise? Never. We work open to close and sleep when we're not working. I am going home a week before my surgery and am giong to have to work really hard and exercising and such to try and lose a few pounds. The good thing is my surgeon was aware of the situation so I am hoping if I have gained weight she will be understanding. I'm praying I don't go in for surgery and she sends me home because I have gained too much. So I am keeping my fingers crossed on that one. This is the last summer we are coming out here so it's not going to be a problem again. 

Well I guess that's it, I just wanted to update this since I haven't been on in forever. Best wishes to all.

I have just been so busy this past month and have not had any time to think about coming on the OH boards or site. I have been working on my diet diligently and had a stint with Meridia which didn't work out so well for me. I had a PT and Nutrition class this morning which I found really helpful. I have another Nutrition and Psych exam next month. I am really starting to get excited about this because it is finally seeming real. However, I got my first dose of "reality" yesterday...from my future father in-law. He informed me that if I just dieted and exercised I wouldn't have to have this surgery and that I was too young to get it done and that I should think about making some changes in my life before I do something so drastic. I told him I appreciated his concern and respected his opinion. I think I held my ground pretty well but when I got home I just started crying. I know that the general opinion of most people who don't know anything about being obese or weight loss surgery is to say if you diet and exercise you would lose weight. I have been trying to lose weight for so long and it hasn't worked, it's like gee diet and exericse OMG why didn't I ever think of that before, it all makes sense now! I know that I haven't always made the right choices, I mean I know how I got to weigh what I do today. But I am trying to change and I have been trying to diet and it frustrates me that he was treating me like a little kid who wanted a toy or something for Christmas and it needed to be explained to me why I couldn't have it. I have done the research, I know the risks and benefits, I know what I am getting myself into and I know this is just a tool and that I will need to modify my eating behavior and exercise as well to get good permanent results. It just made me so frustrated and reinforces me not wanting to tell that many people about my decision because I just can't deal with their negitivity right now. Alright, I just needed to vent. I'm done now. Hopefully I can get on OH more frequently.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your responses on the message boards and other forms of support. It means a lot to me. After attending last nights class and another support group I have made the decision to go forward with the RNY. Hopefully I will have my first dietician appointment in about 2 weeks. I am also meeting with my PCP next week to check my BP and start a supervised diet. My thinking is that way if CIGNA denies me at about the same time I will be finishing my 6 month supervised diet and can submit an appeal with the new info and the whole process wont be put off another 6 months or so. I am also going to try and start exercising, atleast 30min. on the treadmill a day. My weight loss program likes the patients to either maintain or lose weight in the months leading up to surgery so I am going to be working on that. I'm terrified of telling my friends about my decision and I am pretty sure I wont. My surgery will most likely occur over summer break (I am a full time student) so none of them will really know anyway, except when I start classes again in the fall. I guess I am mostly afraid of criticism because I know that is something I don't need right now. The majority of the girls I am friends with do not have weight issues and the one friend I told about possibly having banding wasn't too supportive. Besides the obvious struggles with WLS I think I am really going to struggle with not going to California this summer. I have gone for the past 3 years. I understand why I wouldn't be able to go, just being post op and all but it's still going to be rough especially since my boyfriend will be there. We haven't done the cross country thing since high school. His father lives there so we go and spend time with his family. Oh well, enough blabbing for today. The most important thing is that I have made my decision and I am excited about it.

Okay so where I live it's a 4-6 month process from the time of your first class to your surgery date...if everything goes well. I attended a Lap Band info class last Friday and then a support group for WLS. After hearing Dr. Toder talk about RNY v. Lap Band and her feelings about it, and hearing all the people at the support group talking about their experiences, I am leaning to RNY now. I am attending a class on RNY tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to that. I have been doing a ton of research as well and I have talked it over with my mom and boyfriend and they are both extremely supportive. The bad news is that I am on the hospitals insurance since my mom works there and they just switched from CBA to CIGNA. The Weight Loss Program just had their first CIGNA denial and now I am nervous. The program never used to require a supervised diet but now CIGNA does. I have been told they are trying to work it out but I am terrified I wont be approved. I have looked up CIGNA online to see the experiences others have had and it doesn't seem to be good.  I guess all I can do is cross my fingers and pray.