ElizaM

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Wow, it's gone by fast. I go back to work in 12 days. I thought I would miss being at work but I haven't. I'm lucky in that I really enjoy my job and my coworkers, but I've found that a) recovery keeps me busy and b) I keep myself busy! My walks have been a joy, although after a strenuous walk I always pay for it with an extra tired day. I've taken this opportunity to visit wildlife preserves and botanical gardens to get my walks in. It's been a joyful experience. 

I start soft foods today. I'm excited about cold cuts! I like no-fuss, convenient options. I also have a freezer full of food I prepared at the beginning of purees. It's not all pureed but even if it was, I wouldn't mind eating it. I haven't minded what I eat but I would love to get to a point where I didn't need two protein shakes a day to meet my protein goals. I could get there if I were allowed to eat food and not the shakes but they want us eating three meals a day...

Physically, I'm mostly doing well. I had some pain emerge last week, deep inside. Just a dull ache. I think it's just healing going on. Emotionally, it's been another story. Prior to surgery, my emotional eating episodes had been REAL but I had also gotten to a point where they were few and far between. When I think back to other times in my life, they were really rampant. Of course, once I discovered low carb diets, I also found that it's hard to distinguish carb addict cravings and true emotional eating. But since surgery, I have had a few bonafide emotional episodes that made me want to binge, and then felt frustrated because I couldn't. I had one yesterday and I just wound up wandering Target, frustrated and lonely and upset that I couldn't eat. I picked up some t-shirts (it also made me angry how pathetic their plus size selection is) and then put them back. And I went home to sulk a bit.

When I feel the urge to emotionally eat, it's like this gnawing, restless need for comfort. And I cast about now for something different, something to buy, but that's dangerous territory too. 

Anyway, I know this is temporary and I look forward to settling down and living with the sleeve.

The weeks are flying by. I have no trouble keeping my days full. Here's my schedule, roughly speaking:

7:30-8:30 am wake up, drink water, walk 30-35 minutes

9 am drink protein shake

10 am eat breakfast

10:30 am walk 10-20 minutes

11 am drink more water

12 eat lunch

1-2 pm work out at Y 

2-3 pm run errands

3 - 4 pm relax, walk, drink water

4 - 5 pm napping or preparing meals

5 pm dinner

5:30 pm walk

6 pm drink!

6-8 pm get in one more walk and relax.

9 pm sleeeep

I am finding purees add a lot of complexity to the routine. With protein shakes it was MUCH easier. There was no choice involved, no thinking about nutrition or calculating recipes in My Fitness Pal, no cooking. I didn't have to wait 30 minutes before and after to start drinking again. Today is the first day I have really struggled to get my water in, mostly because I have to be so much more aware of it during the windows when I am able to drink. 

So far, I've tried ricotta, eggs (well, one egg), chicken, and roast beef. Everything makes my tiny stomach gurgle and rumble, but nothing makes it protest violently. That's a relief. 

I use my little prep bowls as serving bowls and a toddler spoon. I eat verrrry slowly. I have to go for a walk immediately afterward because the gurgling, burbling gas is unpleasant. But thankfully it's not as bad as the pain I had when I started protein shakes. 

Physically, I'm feeling really good. I still have some tenderness around my stomach and GI distress (but frankly no more or less than pre-op, I have IBS). Fatigue levels fluctuate day by day.

I'm really looking to my two week post op visit (a few days late) on Monday. 

 

It's crazy how fast and slow the time goes. My life is being timestretched. I have also been really busy. Probably a little too busy. Today we have a cable guy coming. Yesterday we got a new washer dryer and I had an out of town friend visit briefly. All good things, but I went to bed at 8pm. I got in 8 hours, unfortunately that meant waking at 4. I am just out of whack. 

I think I might have a glimmer of hope on the whole eating front. Yesterday, I received a shipment of unflavored soy protein. I mixed it with water and some Mio and... it was FOUL. Absolutely disgusting in both flavor and texture. Ugh. Gritty, too. The good/bad news is that it also caused the same stomach upset I've been dealing with.

I was pretty discouraged. But then! My aunt had brought over unsweetened almond milk. So I gave that a shot for dinner, with a scoop of Isopure Cookies & Creme. Sure, there was some discomfort, but it was not nearly as bad as it had been. I had the same exact thing this morning. Again, not bad! Not 100% normal digestion, slight discomfort, but not the searing, stabbing gas pains.

Is it just that I hit on a combo that works for me? Is it the almond milk? Have I just healed sufficiently to tolerate this stuff? Who knows, but I know what I'm drinking for at least the next couple days.

I am also experiencing what kinda feels like hunger. A gnawing emptiness in my stomach. I don't really know what to do with it or how to cope. It's not really pleasant. Is it acid? Phantom stomach hunger? Dunno. I guess I'll wait and see how it goes.

Here's hoping for less hectic days.

Sometimes I can't believe I actually did it. The hospital stay already seems so far away. I remember holding my surgeon's hand while they tried to place the second IV after the first one was a bust. I remember weeping quietly in the OR room. I remember talking to the nurse in the recovery room about how much we wanted to have babies. I remember my nurse cheering me on after the awful swallow test. I remember almost everything except the name of the last nurse I saw. And that's slaying me because I would really like to write them all a card. 

I am not having good days and bad days as much as good hours and bad hours. I had a bunch of bad hours last night. Yesterday, I napped in the afternoon and couldn't fall asleep until 11, then I woke up at 2am. I eventually broke down and took half a dose of my pain meds, which both made me woozy and allowed me to sleep propped onto my side. I'd been trying to go without the pain meds on my surgeon's advice (he called the other day which was a total surprise, I figured an NP would call). We'll see how today goes.

I am walking quite a lot. Yesterday I got in 90 minutes of walking over 5 walks! I can't do more than 20 minutes at a go, but I am getting faster because I'm covering more ground. I also sometimes just walk around inside to burp after drinking my shakes.

I am already feeling a little exhausted from talking about the surgery and recovery, reading up on what to expect, researching what to eat at the next phase. I am looking forward to a time when this no longer takes center stage in my life. I suspect that will come with time. My head is buzzing right now, trying to absorb everything that happened.

So, aside from fatigue which comes and goes, if I didn't have to consume anything I would be a REALLY happy camper. Water, that's no problem. Protein shakes? That's another matter altogether.

I've been trying to narrow down what is causing the problem. Milk is definitely contributing, so milk is out. Also, I THOUGHT all of my protein powders were whey protein isolate but they're NOT! Syntrax Matrix Peanut Butter Cookie (my fave!) is not straight up whey protein isolate. There are other whey protein blends. Coincidentally or not, that's the one powder giving me the worst and most painful gas and bloating.

But really, they all give me some level of discomfort and I don't look forward to eating. It's just something I have to do right now. I hope that gets better because I would like to enjoy eating again.

Another thing I need to work on is managing my calories in a more sensible way. Partly because eating (drinking, really) has been so unpleasant, I charge through my shakes by about 2pm. But when my husband is home, making dinner, I get weird stomach pains (not really willing to call it hunger, but it does feel like that) and also really long to eat something. So I am going to try to space them out more and save a protein shake for dinner. I don't really seem to care about eating except at dinner time. Yesterday I wanted a bite of his dinner so bad. Ugh.

Anyway, I am really glad I had this surgery at a young age. I think my activity level and weight loss prior to surgery was also a huge asset. I can't believe I'm not even a week out.