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Well, I woke up today down another two pounds. I am 206. I am thrilled!! Yesterday I went to go see Dr. Cirangle(He is just the BEST and I highly recommend him) and my husband embarassed me soo much!! I could have hid under a rock.

Dr. C asked if I had any questions and I told him that I was getting um..diarahea and my husband says the squirts!! OMG!! I looked at my husband and said that he didnt have to get that vivid with the description but whatever I guess. LMAO. I now can have some yogurt so thats nice. This Thurseday, soft foods here I come!! WOO HOO!! 

Dr. C thinks that I will be 170 by February. I am hoping that I will be able to do that because I have not seen that number forever. I'm pretty motivated. I have been exercising every day for thirty minutes. Walking until I can build myself up, but its a bit hard right now considering that my body is making a major adjustment. Hell, I used to feed my body thousands of calories and now its like wtf? LOL! 

Anywhoo, life is great so far so good.

Well, today was a very productive day! I woke up at 6 A.M, got my thirty minute walk out of the way, and was on top of the world! It really does make a difference in the way I feel. However, I do have to remind myself that I did have surgery a week ago, and I probably shouldn't be lifting and cleaning as much as I have. I keep thinking that there is no way that that weighs over 20 pounds. I'll die if I give myself a hernia when I just got rid of one!

I had no idea that I had a freakin hernia! It was small so thank god for that and then I was told that my bowels started to work. I didnt ask for any more details than that because god I would hate to think that I crapped on the operating table. Or if I did thank God, I dont know about it lmao!!

Okey dokey I got some of my santy clauses out and they are so pretty!! I love my christmas decorations and such! I took a lil nap and woke up grouchy. I hate that I have a hard time waking up in a good mood. Some people report waking up refreshed and such, bah, not me. 

My son is four years old, bless his heart, love him to death but somettimes he wears on my nerves. I find it a little odd truth be told to be writing about my day and my feelings because normally I would just stuff how I feel down in a bunch of crap. The sad part of it is that half the time the food didn't even taste good. It was just eating to eat. Okay enough of that.. I start making him a ham and grilled cheese sandwich, and then he starts yelling I dont want that. I want a brownie! Well, the boy isnt getting a brownie before his lunch. Doesnt work that way. 

I told him that he needs to start having better manners, and that if he doesnt want something he just says no thank you and not scream at the top of his lungs. He's gotten into this weird thing where he goes, I'm a big boy! I'm normal. Ai yi! KIDS!!

Not only that found out that preschools are a hell of alot more expensive here in Hawaii then on the mainland. It turns out I wont be able to go to work pretty much until my son starts kindergarten. Eh, its all good, though I was looking forward to going back to work to  join civilization. LMAO! Anywhoo weight today was good 209.5!! Not bad considering on the 27th of Novembeer I weighed in at 223!! Can I get a hell yeah!! LOL!!!

Well, I'm off to veg for a bit..

I LOVE MY VSG!! I love the fact that I do not feel hungry. I feel like there is hope again for me. Weight wise, I started at 223 and I weighed myself in the evening at 211.5. I'll take it. Some days have been hard for me because while I was in California I was staying with my grandparents and some of the smells killed me!! I cried a bit, but havent cried since. Maybe I  just had to let out all of my emotions that my life is different now, and there is no turning back. I have a new life now, one that does not revolve around food and such

Tick Tock, Tick tock... Time is just going by so fast. Honestly I am a little anxious but that's okay. I trust my dr. and all will be fine. Today I woke up and decided to have some tuna salad. I am reading the emotional first aid kit and have decided that I need to start learning new eating habits NOW so that way iti wont be so hard for me. I was very surprised that it tasted so goood. I am having a hell of a time getting rid of the caffeine so I woke up and am having light tea instead of my coffeee. What else.... Hmm...I am reading so much about everybodies experience and feel so blessed to have this site because I think I would be freaking out right now if I didnt lmao!

Well, alot has happened since my last journal entry. It turns out that my primary care giver wont reorder my tests because he said it wasnt kosher to do that since all my tests were good, and that they were expensive. So I called the Dr.s office and it was okay.It turns out that the only thing that didnt come out normal was my thryoid. Something dealing with my neck so I will be seeing an endocrologist in December. It confused my dr's considering that my calcium was within normal ranges. Eh who knows.

I also went to the psych from hell at tripler army base. She definately needs to choose a different field of work because people skills she doesnt possess. She told me that I should go to weight watchers, and that I should get a personal trainer. Also that I didnt have enough supervised weight loss. I'm sorry but I've been overweight since I was ten, dieting since I was 16. I am currently 29 and am ready for my battle to be over. I know she didnt recommend me for weight losss surgery because my bmi is 38 and that she feels that I am being impulsive. I say Fxxx HER!!!! Grrr....I thought that this would affect my surgery but thank god it wont. 

Anyways, I got a call from Nicole at Dr. Cirangles office, and I told her about what a horrible experience I had with the military Dr. and she told me the whole point of me going to a psych was to ensure that I was mentally prepared for life post-op, not if I could have the surgery. I sighed a huge sigh of relief. 

What else-I ordered protein bulllets, unflavored protein. I got my chrystal lite ready. Saturday I have to go get my lovanox(sp) to give myself a shot.

first week:

bottled/tap water
crystal light
sugar-free kool aid
herbal tea decaffeinated
decaffeinated coffee
unsweetened pulp-free fruit juice
broth ~ chicken, beef or vegetable
sugar-free jell-o
sugar-free popsicles


second week:

sugar-free carnation instant breakfast
nonfat or 1 percent milk
plain soy milk
nonfat dry milk
low fat cream soup (make sure to run through a blender or strain)
lactaid milk
reduced calorie smooth yogurt
plain yogurt
soy protein powder
sugar free pudding


then the next 4 weeks you can add:

low fat cottage cheese
low fat ricotta cheese
pureed oatmeal
pureed fruits and vegetables
pureed poultry
pureed fish
low fat mayonnaise
cream of rice
cream of wheat
unsweetened applesauce
infant puree fruits and vegetables
mashed potatoes
scrambled eggs

then in the 7th week and continuing on you can add one of these items/week to see how you tolerate them:

pork lean: canned, cured or broiled ham; canadian bacon; tenderloin (1/2 to 1 ounce)
veal chops or roast: all cuts should be lean except for veal cutlets which should be ground or cubed (1/2 to 1 ounce)
pountly skinless: chicken; turkey; cornish hen (1/2 to 1 ounce)
fish: fresh or frozen (1/2 to 1 ounce)
seafood: crab; lobsters; scallops; shrimp; clams; oysters (fresh or canned in water 6 medium)
canned fish: herring (uncreamed or smoked 1/2 to 1 ounce); tuna (packed in water) (1/4 cup)
wild game: venison; rabbit; squirrel; pheasant; duck; goose (1/2 to 1 ounce)
cheese: cottage cheese
hard cheese: grated parmesan (2 TBS)
diet cheese: less than 55 calories per ounce (1 slice)
processed meats: should be at least 95 percent fat free lunch/deli meats (1/2 to 1 ounce)
eggs: egg whites (3 whites)
egg substitutes: should be less than 5 calories per 1/4 cup
artichoke
asparagus
avocado (1/8 medium)
baked beans
beans (green, wax and french)
beets
broccoli
brussels sprouts
cabbage
carrots (cooked)
cauliflower
celery (removed stringy veins)
corn
corn on the cob
cucumber
eggplant
greens (collard, mustard, turnip)
green onions
kohlrabi
leeks
lentils (cooked)
lima beans
mushrooms (cooked)
okra
onions
peas, green (canned or frozen)

Okay.. It turns out that I got my blood taken too early, and I'm going to have to do it again. I'm really dreading it because last time I almost passed out, and that was a scary experience for me. But I guess what has to be done, has to be done. I also have my upper GI scheduled for Friday. Everything seems to be falling in place. 

Yesterday I slipped off the wagon and ate some lasagna. Ugh! Sometimes I get negative thoughts and think that if I cant stick to a diet how in the world can I stick to it once I get the surgery. These negative thoughts must be gone!! I know that I can lose a good five pounds before surgery. 

Let's see.. Surgery is scheduled for the 28th of November, and I running around trying to get a whole bunch of tests done. I got my papsmear done. UGH!! My blood pressure was through the roof because I was so nervous about that. Then blood work-the vampires took 8 vials of blood from me! After the fourth one, I had to lay down because I had been fasting the night before. That was definately a new experience for me. After that I went and had a chest x-ray..I still have the head doctor to go see, and then get an upper gi done. 

I'm also trying to lose ten pounds before surgery. I woke up this morning at 219.4 lbs. I proceeded to make something lowcarb and lowfat. I even went so far as to exercise for thirty minutes. I want to follow doctors order's to the T. Thats all for now..

Let's see.. I called my family and told them that I would have be getting bariatric surgery, and their response was, "why?" Then I got "You would'nt need surgery, if you just quit eating so much." At that moment I felt like throwing the phone out the window!!Why couldn't they be supportive of my decision. They have seen how years and years, I have struggled with my weight. I am ready for this battle to be over.

There is a part of me I know that is going to be scared to let go of the "fat-me".Thats all I've ever been my entire life. I dont know what it feels like to be thin and healthy. It will be a new experience for me...

I called my grandmother today, and she seems to be onboard with my decision. She told me that she had talked to her doctor about the surgery and that he said that that surgery is the best route for obese patients. Well, I guess that would be me huh? Anyways, I find it difficult every day to not see myself as a child in my families eyes. Despite the fact that I am 29 years old, I feel sometimes that I am being judged for the choices that I make in my life.

I have told my family that I am tired of struggling. I am tired of feeling miserable. I am tired of feeling that I have no control of my life. I was only given one life and I want to make it the best that I can..