finaly4me79

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M-make short term goals
O-out with the negative thoughts
T-think of why you want it
I-imagine how you will feel
V-visualize the future, you!
A-acknowledge your successes
T-treat yourself with respect
I-investigate new ideas and foods
O-observe your healthy lifestyle
N-never give up and never give in

Ok so I woke up at 2 am freezing cold. I turned up the heat and it didn't work. I woke up my BF and he tried to fix it but still nothing. Our house is freezing and the landlord is traveling the world right now and cant get ahold of him errrggg. Kids woke up in bad moods today and are driving me crazy. I hope they will be respectful after my surgery not to fight as much and stress me out. I really wish I could turn back times and make them into baby's again. I really am not liking 3 teens in the house. On a good note my little sister delivered a healthy baby boy this morning at 3 am. Yippy I am an Auntie.

Well I am just under a month away from my surgery and I really thought that it would fly by.

The past few days have been so slow. I hope that having the kids home for march brake will keep me busy so time will seem to fly by. lol or it could go really slow. Well at least day light savings is coming up. That will take an hour off my days.

I hate all this waiting when I am so close.

Well I weighed myself today and I lost another 2 pounds. Wow cutting down my calorie intake for sure has made a difference. I am now sitting at 213lbs. My son comes home for summer he is 13 and lives 10 hours away from me. I cant wait to see his face when he gets here. Last he seen me I was at my highest 239lbs. I have my Surgery April 4th so that will give me 3 months after to lose I am hopping around 60lbs from now. Witch from way I have read on here wont be to hard to do. March is almost here and I start my Optifast in 2 weeks I think the next month is going to fly by I am so scared but yet excited for my new life to start and for the old me to be seen again.

 Well I am coming up on a month left before I start my optifast. I have been trying to keep my calorie intake down as much as I can. I read on here that a few people ate as much as they could or didn't stop coffee,sugar's and red meats up till the night before optifast. They did not have very good things to say on how hungry they were or that taking out caffeine gave them the shakes. Even though I didn't drink much caffeinated drinks in the first place I cut pop and other sugar foods out about 2 months ago. I try to do a 30 min work out 3 to 4 times a week but I feel tired all the time since I cut back on my calories. I have also read a few peoples stuff on here about eating your last meal lol. I have my moments now where I crave things and wonder should I eat a few of my favorites' before the big day comes so I get it out of my system since it will be at least 6 months before I can eat anything like it again. I was warned by my dietician not to gain any weight before surgery or they may not do it. I am however 5 pounds down from my last appointment. I think I may have to once a week spoil myself. nothing to crazy I do enjoy healthy foods. The thing I crave most all the time witch everyone may laugh is brussel sprouts I can eat them all day long. BF and kids hate the smell of them though.   

I am now 6 weeks to my surgery day. I am excited to start my new life. I have been trying to eat my food slow and chew very well, I don't have much problems with that I find sipping my water to be very hard. retraining your body is harder then I thought it would be. I decided that for the first few weeks I am going to live in the nanny suit I love my family but cant be around the food. I may change my mind :•} anyhow talk to ya all soon.

I was always a thin girl and had a lot of attention from the boys, I was vain and only thought of myself. Then life hit me and I changed into a large woman a understanding strong woman who was a better person. I have had my ups and downs with my weight all through my adult life. after my children I became single and since I was a teen mom I never had the chance to party so that is what I did. I lost a lot of weight and became that stuck up vain person again. It has now been 11 years since I have partied and also been over weight again. I started out slowly and then by 28 I quite smoking and bam the weight piled on. I am 34 219 lbs as of today and I am less then 2 months away from my surgery date. I have been waiting for this day to come for a very long time. Doing the research and talking to others that have had success I know everything there is to know about what to expect. However I am so scared right now, I do not want to go back to that vain person I do not want my weight loss to change who I am anymore. I am scared of looking different so fast to my spouse and kids, They have always seen me large and it will be a big change for them. My spouse met me large and fell in love with the large, Even though he was with small woman before me. I fear he may not be attracted to me any more when I am thin. My boys say they cant picture me thin even thought I have a lot of pictures from before, .they say they cant wait for me to be able to play basketball with them. (I use to play in high school) They cant wait to see me ride a bike since I never have in their life time. But I am scared they wont know me or that my emotions will get the best of me. I read things all the time about people who after surgery are depressed and hate them self even more then before. I am scared of loss skin that is my biggest fear. I mean I know we all will get it in some way or another but I am large everywhere and I had 3 C-sections. As it is now my tummy sits low I don't want the skin to hang low too. Ok so yes I just laid out all my fears about having the surgery and I think it is normal for me to  feel this way. I am still very excited about my surgery and my fears will not stand in my way of a healthier life for me and my family. I want to be strong like I am in everything else in my life but this time it is a little hard and I need as much support as I can get the next few months. My family and friends are great but since they have no clue on what I am feeling or what I am going through I would love some feed back from you guys out here on how you felt before surgery and how worth it it is in the end. I know we all write that in our journey but reading it is less personal to me then you replying to my blog. Thanks everyone for reading hope to hear from you soon...