FireFightersWife
Like most of you, I struggled, I suffer every day.. tear up when least expect it. I silently cry alone, wondering what did I do to deserve this agoney. Well HELLO, WAKE UP, I do not deserve it, nobody does. I kept doing the diet fabs, I tried ALLI, ATKINS, ACI BERRY, OTC PILLs, starvation, low fat, under 1000 calories a day..are you kidding me! yes I did it.. I also at one point ( before got to physically ill) was an exercise holic.. yes.. every day.. I was trying to loose weight when a teenager.. aerobics was my thing and walking.. I went to the gym too and weight lifted.. lost 60 lbs.. got a scare of being anorexic since I wasnt eating either.. Dr said NOmore.. I was getting sick..
SO then became a mom, packed on the weight.. -diet fads.. and here I am.. long story summed up! I am not living a prisoner in my body no more!.. I chose to have WLS.. I started to want lap band.. then after doing a few more years of research I opted for RNY to be best for me. Right now, I am doing the 6 month weight in as required.. I am on month 5 right now.. and currently, I walk with a cane, can not lift my legg to shave or paint my toes..thats where my DH comes in, he is awsome!
I suffer with back injury: scoliosis, sciatica nerve damage-bilateral, herniated disk, bilateral bersitis of hips, arthritis, spasms, etc, I have fibro myalgia, carpal tunnel, extreme sensitivity to weather changes, immunity problems, fatty liver, polycysticovarian disease, endometriosis, water on joints-nees.., edema, rosaca, asthmatic, morbid obesity, theres more just cant remember..but I am sure you get the part of I am in pain all the time..
I last rode a roller coaster summer 2008, and I just barely squeezed for my kids and was last time I could ride.. now I cant wait until I am physically able to walk the park and ride with my children.
(Below is how I felt when first coming to this site in summer of 2010 preop)
**I feel like life is living and I am just siting in the out box.. watching everyone like a stiff model in a department store..not able to do anything.. even as I type this, my back is killing me.. feels like its breaking.. I sit and look at my pictures from 10 years ago.. even pregnant, I was not this heavy.. I am the heaviest of my life.. I never ever thought I would reach this.. I know I am not as big as others, but this tops it for me.. I am willing to have the excess skinn and marks so I can live longer, and feel better.. I dream one day... I will be able to wear those high heels in my closet and not hurt just from trying them on, and one day I will ride a roller coaster again with my kids.. **
============( BELOW IS UPDATE )=================
~NOW after surgery, I have made the best decision I could have for me and my family. I am seeing the difference from before as I read my blogs and how I felt emotionally prior to having this life change. Now I am counting down to when, not IF but WHEN I will be riding that roller coaster with my children and function more as a active mother than one who is looking in from the outside, I am enjoying being part of and involved more than I thought I ever could ever be.. I was a prisoner in my own body.. NOT any more..and thanks to this decision and surgery, that release me from my own prison. ~
btw, I am 35 a mother of 6, Navy Wife (Retired) and FireFighters wife.. we live a christian life, we believe in the power of prayer, and miricles. We also look at positives and find laughter in most things, it helps relieve stress too :)
My education is a trained Cosmetologist, nail techn, Paralegal, Nursing Education, life coach, working with special needs children-have been a fill in TSS and continue my learning. I am also involved with school advocates and will be continuing my education as I go, also went to school for real estate LOL yeah.. never too many degrees or lessons to be learned...
My story is probably similar to many, or maybe there is one that can say, yeah thats me, she is living my life. I have said that same thing myself when reading others surviving obesity, thats right, survive!. This is not a joke or a lazy person, what person in their sane right mind wants to live life like this.. not me.
I want to encourage others out there to not give up, to live life to its fullest, and of course thank God everyday for allowing us this choice in life to survive in ways others can not even imagine. Good luck to you all and God Bless! 
