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I keep thinking to myself this is just too good to be true. Everything and I mean everything has just fallen right into place. Im self pay. We found the money. And we wont have monthly bills for wls. Only Heavenly Father's hand is in that. 
I have lost 12 pounds! Im getting use to the protein drinks. I am still eating real food but at the same time whiching my intake. Im working on water. Thats been the hardest thing for me. Getting 8 full glasses down. Dr. Pepper has been my friend and I miss him already! 
I have been thinking about dreaming of myself healthy and thin. BOY do I look good! lol Im not sure what Im going to do with a smaller body. I really have never had one. Not since about 11. And even then I was a size 12 or so. Less then 3 weeks in counting! Im still pretty calm.

I have not always been fat. As a younger child I was a lean healthy kid.  Active and loved playing sports. Slowly my life changed. My parents where toxic, apart and together. My father sexually abused me starting at age 10. My mother seemed to have a grip on it and moved him out but by age 11 he was back in the home and by 12 he was abusing me. He began raping me at age 13. It was the summer going into high school. I was a size 12  at 12 and my body looked like a young woman. I had breast by 3rd grade and my cycle by 4th.  I looked much older then I was. To me even now I then looked my best.  At 13 my life changed and everything I knew became unclear.  My father slowly started raping me at 1st then with time it became a daily battle. By 14 I was in a size 14 ,then 16 then 18, then a size 20. Now in my late 20's I'm a 22 24. At 18 I went to court and was able to have his sentenced for 8 years. I felt free. Alive. I felt in CONTROL for the 1st time in my life. However I was imprisoned myself. My weight was and continues to be OUT OF CONTROL. I have tired everything. I dont eat a lot of bad things that I shouldnt. The weight just wont come off. I tried playing softball and my joints hurt. I was out of air and I felt lost. Im  young and yet standing there in the field I felt like a fat old woman.
I went to have the by pass about 4 years earlier but my insur. comp. kept giving me the run around and I chickened out to contenue. My husband and I fostered a little girl and I changed jobs to be at home more. Im now at home with two wonderful little girls. And now its time for me my health and welbeing.  We have a new insur. comp. but our plan doesnt cover it. So we will be paying for this ourselves. I have put my past where it belongs, in the past. I have come to terms that either of my parents will ever be who I wish they could be. I have forgiven both of them for their wrong against me.  Just a few short days ago I had the chance to email with my father. I felt so so sad remembering the past. He doesnt seem to be a changed person. I do still very much love the man. Heavenly Father has changed me.  His words would have hurt 15 years ago. I would have ran to a tub of ice cream. All I could do is sit looking at his hateful  words. I for the 1st time gave my troubles with my father to our Lord completely with no holding back..  In return ice cream wasnt needed, just thought and a lot of it. At a young age the only control I had was what I put in my mouth.  Today I have control over much of my life. I need to be healther. I need not to hurt after eating. My acid reflex has become an everyday thing. I am truly sick of feeling sick after eating, the burning in my tummy in chest at times is unbearable.  Heavenly Father has blessed me with a family that I could have only dream of having. Sometimes I have to pinch myself just to make sure this is my life.  My oldest daughter is a gift sent from heaven. She has shown me a totally different person within myself. I was once afraid to be a mother. There are times I swear its easy.  I have to laugh I use to think I got out easy! I mean I didnt have to give birth! lol Within the 1st year we had her she informed us she wanted a little sister. After two month of trying Emily was conceived. 9 months later I gave birth by c section. I didnt even have time to be afraid. Everything was done within a hour after the doctor told me I could no longer give birth normal.  Nikki is a angel. I know it in my heart. I can feel it in my soul. She helps me be the mother I want to be. She is sooooo good with Emily. I just smile and know I am blessed to have the family I have. I want to run with my 6 year old, Play with my baby. I want to see my grandchildren. I want to grow old with my best friend.  My husband is so wonderful. He is everything my dreams where made of when I was younger. My tall dark handsome man. He is 100% supporting me with this and I love him more then I ever thought a person could love. He has given me a life that when I was younger seemed so out of reach. We just today have been married 6 wonderful years. There are times that I think he could do better. Then I remember why and how we fell in love. He is my everything. I would be lost without him.  I wonder what he'll do with a healthier, lighter wife? I have so much support to do do this. My grandparents even say it's a good thing to do. I am  very blessed!