frankiezfriendz
so....it's been a while... a long while since my last post
Mar 29, 2012
Hello all! If your reading this you've been "sucked" back into old habits like I have been :O(
It's hard for me to be here! 1/2 the battle is admitting you are struggling and then reaching out to others! So- I'M STRUGGLING- HELP!
In Dec 2010 I found out I was HYPO-Glycemic - low blood sugar really? I was given a RX from the Dr and was told to always keep "something" with me in case my sugar dropped...candy. My family DR threw a fit when he saw me the end of May because I had put on 20 lbs since my yearly in October...the RX the
Then, I changed jobs to one I thought I'd love (and didn't) the man I'd been dating decided he didn't have time for God, work and me in his life so something had to give... that was me! I just wish he would have decided that BEFORE I was physically, mentally and emotionally involved with him... if he'd waited another day to break up with me than the anniversary of my father's passing it may have been better too! I mean he knew I was struggling that week and it just added to everything. NO excuse! I was depressed and was once again using the "food" salve to help with the pain. Since then I've put on even more weight!
In December of 2011 - a guy at church noticed me even though I'd put on weight. He was younger than myself and I told him we couldn't date because I was old enough to be his mother...that didn't change the way he looked at me and commented on my appearance... I started to revert to my old habits...if I put on weight he won't notice me, he'll leave me alone and I won't have to be self conscious.... it's working...I'm putting on weight and now I can hardly wear any of my clothes!! I have some really cute things but I have to dress in sweats and T-Shirts because I don't want to buy bigger jeans..
In Feb of this year I was fired from my job...at 41 I am looking for work while waiting on the state to decide whether or not I will get unemployment from them... eating JUNK has become my WEIGH of life... I need to break this cycle and I need some "butt kicking support" from my OH friends... I hope there is still someone out here to give me a reality check!!
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It's hard for me to be here! 1/2 the battle is admitting you are struggling and then reaching out to others! So- I'M STRUGGLING- HELP!
In Dec 2010 I found out I was HYPO-Glycemic - low blood sugar really? I was given a RX from the Dr and was told to always keep "something" with me in case my sugar dropped...candy. My family DR threw a fit when he saw me the end of May because I had put on 20 lbs since my yearly in October...the RX the
Then, I changed jobs to one I thought I'd love (and didn't) the man I'd been dating decided he didn't have time for God, work and me in his life so something had to give... that was me! I just wish he would have decided that BEFORE I was physically, mentally and emotionally involved with him... if he'd waited another day to break up with me than the anniversary of my father's passing it may have been better too! I mean he knew I was struggling that week and it just added to everything. NO excuse! I was depressed and was once again using the "food" salve to help with the pain. Since then I've put on even more weight!
In December of 2011 - a guy at church noticed me even though I'd put on weight. He was younger than myself and I told him we couldn't date because I was old enough to be his mother...that didn't change the way he looked at me and commented on my appearance... I started to revert to my old habits...if I put on weight he won't notice me, he'll leave me alone and I won't have to be self conscious.... it's working...I'm putting on weight and now I can hardly wear any of my clothes!! I have some really cute things but I have to dress in sweats and T-Shirts because I don't want to buy bigger jeans..
In Feb of this year I was fired from my job...at 41 I am looking for work while waiting on the state to decide whether or not I will get unemployment from them... eating JUNK has become my WEIGH of life... I need to break this cycle and I need some "butt kicking support" from my OH friends... I hope there is still someone out here to give me a reality check!!
Had an ephiphany!
Jun 06, 2009
The end of last week I woke up and the sun was shining and I finally realized what a gift Tony has given me. Him having the courage to leave me when he did was the best thing he could have done for me. I had no clue how miserable I've been in the last few years until the fog lifted last week. When I see him next I think I'll give him a big old hug and tell him how grateful I am and I hope he's as happy as I am.
Today's a good day!
Feb 12, 2009
My secret pal from work was very generous with her gift of a massage. Can't beat that! 
I've unlocked my profile again. Hope I won't regret it... but the good news it I can alway lock it back if I need to. I just hate to do that. People will read my blogs and decide whether they want to be my friend or not and I shouldn't have to lock out EVERYONE for ONE person.
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I've unlocked my profile again. Hope I won't regret it... but the good news it I can alway lock it back if I need to. I just hate to do that. People will read my blogs and decide whether they want to be my friend or not and I shouldn't have to lock out EVERYONE for ONE person.
It's a girl thing!
Feb 07, 2009
I had a girlfriend date today with Amber! We went for a massage and to dinner. It's so nice to go out with a friend who is easy going and undemanding. You know - NO DRAMA! There's a place in Muncie the 'Northern Lights School of Massage' that uses students in their last hours of training to do a ONE hour massage for $25. I never thought I'd EVER say this outloud but DARA ROCKS! I wanted to put her in my purse and bring here home with me! LOL Who'd of thought you could fall in love with a woman in under an hour!?! LOL
Anyway, back to Amber - she's the best. I've known her for less than a year and she's been one of my biggest cheerleaders. I was whining yesterday afternoon I was hungry... I was going to the vending machine for some of those veggie wheat thins...but I wanted a candy bar and I said so. She came around the corner of my cube and told me I was NOT hungry I just ate lunch! LOL She's right of course...but at certain times of the month I WANT chocolate AND munchies! LOL It's a girl thing! She is a TRUE friend or she would have held her tongue while I hit that machine for whatever I could find. Thank God for girlfriends!
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Anyway, back to Amber - she's the best. I've known her for less than a year and she's been one of my biggest cheerleaders. I was whining yesterday afternoon I was hungry... I was going to the vending machine for some of those veggie wheat thins...but I wanted a candy bar and I said so. She came around the corner of my cube and told me I was NOT hungry I just ate lunch! LOL She's right of course...but at certain times of the month I WANT chocolate AND munchies! LOL It's a girl thing! She is a TRUE friend or she would have held her tongue while I hit that machine for whatever I could find. Thank God for girlfriends!
I'm sooo frustrated!
Jan 25, 2009
I have been so frustrated this weekend it's pathetic! Thursday I spent the day with Tony my husband, soon to be ex. We had some business to take care on in Indy and some stuff to do in Anderson so we both took the day off. We spent a couple hours with our bankruptcy attorney. We have to give them more information in order to complete the filing process. Then we find out we can't file for divorce BEFORE the bankruptcy case is decided by the trustee or we'll have to pay for 2 seperate filing fees, one for him and one for me. All in all we decided we'd hold off on the divorce until we've got the bankruptcy taken care of.
Came back to Anderson to the license branch to take his name off the title of the car I'm driving, change his address on the driver's license, stopped to seperate our car insurance so I'd be paying for my car and he'd be paying for his.
Here's the frustating part: He plays keyboards in a country/western band. He was supposed to play in Noblesville on Saturday. When I asked him if I could go with him he told me he was going on a business trip to New Jersey and was leaving Friday. I was told I could go without him and listen to the guys if I wanted to. So Friday and work my girlfriend Amber and I decided we were going to drive to Noblesville and watch the guys plan. Friday night my cell phone rings and it's one of the band wives. She preceeds to tell me Tony's an "F'n" liar. Guess there was a full page add in the MUNCIE newspaper which states Tony is playing this weekend at a bar called the Rooster tail. So I told her when I talked to him earlier on Friday he told me he was on his way to the airport. When I hung up I called him and left him a message to call me. When he called back I told him the Muncie paper is showing he's playing at the Rooster tail and the band he's playing with is mad because they don't think he's in New Jersey at all. He says Andy, tell my wife where we are...Andy gets on the phone and says NJ. Friday night one of my girlfriends called asking me to go dancing with her and I was in my Jammies already so I said no. SATURDAY morning she calls and was MAD at ME because I didn't go dancing with her since my HUSBAND WAS THERE PLAYING! OK! Deep breathe! He's been out of my home for a month now. I haven't been keeping tabs on him and to be honest I'm glad he left me. I'm learning a lot about myself. BUT ~ I'm having a real hard time understanding why he felt the need to LIE to me... We are getting a divorce and he had to know it would back fire at some point. I am SOOOO frustrated with him because now I wonder what else he's lied to me about... I keep telling myself to let it go but then my dang mind kicks on and I'm mad all over again......
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Came back to Anderson to the license branch to take his name off the title of the car I'm driving, change his address on the driver's license, stopped to seperate our car insurance so I'd be paying for my car and he'd be paying for his.
Here's the frustating part: He plays keyboards in a country/western band. He was supposed to play in Noblesville on Saturday. When I asked him if I could go with him he told me he was going on a business trip to New Jersey and was leaving Friday. I was told I could go without him and listen to the guys if I wanted to. So Friday and work my girlfriend Amber and I decided we were going to drive to Noblesville and watch the guys plan. Friday night my cell phone rings and it's one of the band wives. She preceeds to tell me Tony's an "F'n" liar. Guess there was a full page add in the MUNCIE newspaper which states Tony is playing this weekend at a bar called the Rooster tail. So I told her when I talked to him earlier on Friday he told me he was on his way to the airport. When I hung up I called him and left him a message to call me. When he called back I told him the Muncie paper is showing he's playing at the Rooster tail and the band he's playing with is mad because they don't think he's in New Jersey at all. He says Andy, tell my wife where we are...Andy gets on the phone and says NJ. Friday night one of my girlfriends called asking me to go dancing with her and I was in my Jammies already so I said no. SATURDAY morning she calls and was MAD at ME because I didn't go dancing with her since my HUSBAND WAS THERE PLAYING! OK! Deep breathe! He's been out of my home for a month now. I haven't been keeping tabs on him and to be honest I'm glad he left me. I'm learning a lot about myself. BUT ~ I'm having a real hard time understanding why he felt the need to LIE to me... We are getting a divorce and he had to know it would back fire at some point. I am SOOOO frustrated with him because now I wonder what else he's lied to me about... I keep telling myself to let it go but then my dang mind kicks on and I'm mad all over again......
I am so Blessed!
Jan 13, 2009
Today has been a good day! I am just beginning to see the lighthouse though the fog. I've come to realize how blessed I really am!
My family has been holding my hand, my coworkers/friends have been holding my head, my OH family has been holding onto my body, and God is holding all of our "weight" in the palm of his hand.
I have a warm place to sleep, food in my belly (even if it's only 4 oz), my alarm is set for 5 am because I have a job to go to which means I can pay my bills. I have people I love and respect and they feel the same way about me.
My husband and I have been able to talk, as friends, without issues, we... well I've realized I'm ok by myself. I can get on with my life as a single woman and not feel like a failure. I am so grateful for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement have been very uplifting for me! Thank you all!
Hugs,
Frankie
Changed my mind
Dec 29, 2008
I had a knee-jerk reaction last night and set all my blog pages on private after my husband told me his friends were checking out my posts. When I post I vent, my life is so uncertain at this point and to be honest I'm scared. I've gotten so good at hiding my feelings and blending into a crowd now that I've started loosing weight people are noticing me. Blending in isn't so easy anymore.
I may have vented some stuff that I shouldn't have trying to work through my upcoming Divorce. It was never intended to hurt anyone especially my husband. I want nothing more than to get past all this confusion, hurt, despair that I feel for myself and my situation and get on with my life. I miss the man whose been my friend for 15 years... I don't miss my husband just the friend he was to me. It's ackward to be around him now and I can't wait until that goes away. I know its a process I have to work through on a daily basis. But what do you do when you see him and you want nothing more than to hug him and tell him you've missed him? Obviously, I can't do that...
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I may have vented some stuff that I shouldn't have trying to work through my upcoming Divorce. It was never intended to hurt anyone especially my husband. I want nothing more than to get past all this confusion, hurt, despair that I feel for myself and my situation and get on with my life. I miss the man whose been my friend for 15 years... I don't miss my husband just the friend he was to me. It's ackward to be around him now and I can't wait until that goes away. I know its a process I have to work through on a daily basis. But what do you do when you see him and you want nothing more than to hug him and tell him you've missed him? Obviously, I can't do that...
Rainy days and Mondays...always
Dec 29, 2008
Get me down! Monday's are even harder when you've been off for 5 days and 1/2 your coworkers are out for the week 
this was me today!
I locked down my OH web blog tonight, my facebook page and my myspace.com page. My husband called me this morning after being told my either friends or family I'd been blogging about our marriage. When I'd actually been blogging about the divorce. Well now that everything is locked down I can't hurt anyone's feelings... I HOPE!
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this was me today!I locked down my OH web blog tonight, my facebook page and my myspace.com page. My husband called me this morning after being told my either friends or family I'd been blogging about our marriage. When I'd actually been blogging about the divorce. Well now that everything is locked down I can't hurt anyone's feelings... I HOPE!
God is good!
Dec 27, 2008
You know I've been told more than once in my lifetime God will never give you more than you can handle. Now, there've been time I've questioned exactly how wide my shoulders appear looking down from heaven at me. Lord knows, my back side used to need the wide load sign but not so much anymore. LOL!
My husband Tony started moving his stuff on Saturday of last week. I actually felt bad for my BIL Rob who came over to help him move...under the impression T had actually packed stuff up! LOL Rob should have known T never does anything to preplan for anything I was always the person who did this. I figured since T wanted to move out I'd let him pack his stuff...only he didn't do it. Poor Rob kept saying "The description was misleading" as he sat in the middle of my husbands music room picking up his trash so they could carry stuff out the door. LOL! I admit there are 2 rooms in my house I don't touch and both of them are his because when we were dating I put something where it didn't belong...and well I won the argument and never cleaned those rooms again.
Sunday was the last day I saw Tony. It was bittersweet when he told me he'd be staying at his new place and not coming home to sleep. Several things happened on Sunday night. I froze my butt off since my "heater" wasn't in bed next to me. I got ALL the bedding out to put on my bed. I slept in the middle of it and NO ONE stole my covers...did I mention I lost 240 lbs overnight? LOL
Monday was eye opening! I had a flat tire when I went out to go to work. I was further irritated because I not only could NOT get the cap off, it was freezing and I couldn't get the lugnuts loose to change my tire. Oh, did I mention I needed to be at work at 6am. Thank God for my Mom! She let me take her van to work. I ended up getting new front tires, I didn't plan on getting and an oil change because of course the low oil light came on while I was hobbling with my car to Wally world! Merry Christmas to me I know you're thinking "how much more?"
Tuesday right before lunch my Mom called me at work. The ice is falling and the roads are getting bad in Anderson already. She'd gone to the doctor, stopped by the house for a minute, went back outside her van started but EVERY time she puts it in drive it dies. She called our Ford dealer McCrocklins, they came and got the van, my Mom who's 5 ft 3 managed to get herself into the tow truck. McCrocklin's lets you drive their loaner cars when you buy a vehicle from them. What a blessing.
Wed - we got the dreaded phone call from the dealer, transmission, power steering rack, brakes and something else are all bad on the van. $5000 just for parts. Mom bought a new van instead of paying to have this one fixed. Merry Christmas to her!
Christmas day - Dinner at my Aunt and Grandma's with Mom, myself and my husband. He didn't have anywhere to go for Christmas dinner and my family loves him...so he came with us to dinner. It was a little ackward for him because he told me later it may be his last Christmas with us. My Aunt, Gma, Mom and I don't feel that way and don't want T to feel thatt way either. Grandma had a stomach virus and it caused her to throw up at dinner. Come on - we've all been here - only she didn't have surgery.
Listening to the radio (KLOVE) on Christmas day I heard this song by Mandisa. It talked about Christmas and it makes her cry. Remembering loves ones who passed, soldiers who give their lives for our freedom, God who gave his son. I realized this is SOOO much bigger than I am.
I checked it with family and friends on Christmas and I have 2 female cousins with kids that are going through divorces right now. Both are younger than I am AND they have kids. I'm grateful now that I don't because it will be less complicated.
Friday I bought Mandisa CD at the Family Christian store and a movie called "Facing the Giants". Oh my! Both are fabulous! I also ran into the drummer and his wife at Sears. They were asking if I'd be at the gig and I told them no. I told them about the divorce and asked them to pray for T and myself. They both told me I shouldn't have to be married and live in a different city than my husband and I deserved better than the way I've been treated. I agree!
My husband called me today - he's had the virus my Grandma had with vomiting and diarrhea. He said he misses me. I know it's because he's sick. I told him about the drummer and his wife. Guess T was too sick to go to the gig last night so he didn't get to tell anyone else. He did tell me he's told the guitar player about the split up and he's decided Tony is a dumb a$$ and has been treating him like he's attending a funeral... I can't help it all the band and the wives love me...well everyone but the one who should.
Watched "Facing the Giants" today. It's a football based movie about a coach whose on a loosing streak and overhears a meeting of the parents who want him booted. It's brought to the coaches attention he's got a mission he needs to complete for God and he needs to be a spiritual leader to the players and give the glory from the wins and the misery from the losses to God. Basically, praise him whether they win OR loose. The boys start to believe in themselves, trust each other and worship as one unit. They started winning and as they won the boys told others about God. You HAVE to see this movie! I'm going for another copy tomorrow my nephews need to see this.
I guess I've blogged my way to sleepiness so off to bed I go in my nice warm fleece jammies my Mom bought me for Christmas! I couldn't ask for a better gift from God than to have given me her. She's been a rock for me, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with and now she's providing me with warm jammies to sleep in. God is good!
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My husband Tony started moving his stuff on Saturday of last week. I actually felt bad for my BIL Rob who came over to help him move...under the impression T had actually packed stuff up! LOL Rob should have known T never does anything to preplan for anything I was always the person who did this. I figured since T wanted to move out I'd let him pack his stuff...only he didn't do it. Poor Rob kept saying "The description was misleading" as he sat in the middle of my husbands music room picking up his trash so they could carry stuff out the door. LOL! I admit there are 2 rooms in my house I don't touch and both of them are his because when we were dating I put something where it didn't belong...and well I won the argument and never cleaned those rooms again.
Sunday was the last day I saw Tony. It was bittersweet when he told me he'd be staying at his new place and not coming home to sleep. Several things happened on Sunday night. I froze my butt off since my "heater" wasn't in bed next to me. I got ALL the bedding out to put on my bed. I slept in the middle of it and NO ONE stole my covers...did I mention I lost 240 lbs overnight? LOL
Monday was eye opening! I had a flat tire when I went out to go to work. I was further irritated because I not only could NOT get the cap off, it was freezing and I couldn't get the lugnuts loose to change my tire. Oh, did I mention I needed to be at work at 6am. Thank God for my Mom! She let me take her van to work. I ended up getting new front tires, I didn't plan on getting and an oil change because of course the low oil light came on while I was hobbling with my car to Wally world! Merry Christmas to me I know you're thinking "how much more?"
Tuesday right before lunch my Mom called me at work. The ice is falling and the roads are getting bad in Anderson already. She'd gone to the doctor, stopped by the house for a minute, went back outside her van started but EVERY time she puts it in drive it dies. She called our Ford dealer McCrocklins, they came and got the van, my Mom who's 5 ft 3 managed to get herself into the tow truck. McCrocklin's lets you drive their loaner cars when you buy a vehicle from them. What a blessing.
Wed - we got the dreaded phone call from the dealer, transmission, power steering rack, brakes and something else are all bad on the van. $5000 just for parts. Mom bought a new van instead of paying to have this one fixed. Merry Christmas to her!
Christmas day - Dinner at my Aunt and Grandma's with Mom, myself and my husband. He didn't have anywhere to go for Christmas dinner and my family loves him...so he came with us to dinner. It was a little ackward for him because he told me later it may be his last Christmas with us. My Aunt, Gma, Mom and I don't feel that way and don't want T to feel thatt way either. Grandma had a stomach virus and it caused her to throw up at dinner. Come on - we've all been here - only she didn't have surgery.
Listening to the radio (KLOVE) on Christmas day I heard this song by Mandisa. It talked about Christmas and it makes her cry. Remembering loves ones who passed, soldiers who give their lives for our freedom, God who gave his son. I realized this is SOOO much bigger than I am.
I checked it with family and friends on Christmas and I have 2 female cousins with kids that are going through divorces right now. Both are younger than I am AND they have kids. I'm grateful now that I don't because it will be less complicated.
Friday I bought Mandisa CD at the Family Christian store and a movie called "Facing the Giants". Oh my! Both are fabulous! I also ran into the drummer and his wife at Sears. They were asking if I'd be at the gig and I told them no. I told them about the divorce and asked them to pray for T and myself. They both told me I shouldn't have to be married and live in a different city than my husband and I deserved better than the way I've been treated. I agree!
My husband called me today - he's had the virus my Grandma had with vomiting and diarrhea. He said he misses me. I know it's because he's sick. I told him about the drummer and his wife. Guess T was too sick to go to the gig last night so he didn't get to tell anyone else. He did tell me he's told the guitar player about the split up and he's decided Tony is a dumb a$$ and has been treating him like he's attending a funeral... I can't help it all the band and the wives love me...well everyone but the one who should.
Watched "Facing the Giants" today. It's a football based movie about a coach whose on a loosing streak and overhears a meeting of the parents who want him booted. It's brought to the coaches attention he's got a mission he needs to complete for God and he needs to be a spiritual leader to the players and give the glory from the wins and the misery from the losses to God. Basically, praise him whether they win OR loose. The boys start to believe in themselves, trust each other and worship as one unit. They started winning and as they won the boys told others about God. You HAVE to see this movie! I'm going for another copy tomorrow my nephews need to see this.
I guess I've blogged my way to sleepiness so off to bed I go in my nice warm fleece jammies my Mom bought me for Christmas! I couldn't ask for a better gift from God than to have given me her. She's been a rock for me, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with and now she's providing me with warm jammies to sleep in. God is good!
It's update time!
Dec 17, 2008
Today is Wednesday the 17th, less than 1 week before Christmas and my life is falling apart before my eyes. The day before Thanksgiving I was told by my husband of 13 years of marriage and 2 years of dating he "loves me but I can't live with you anymore". The same weekend he signed a lease on a rental home - farther away from work.
Last weekend he informed me since I don't want to live in 2 separate homes that he's found a place online where he'll be filing for divorce pretty soon. NOW, he's rented a truck for this weekend and it moving out. So basically, Merry Christmas to me!
I really am ok with everything but I just wish it wasn't happening. I feel like he's quitting on me, our marriage, and himself because he refuses marriage counseling. He won't even discuss the counseling. You know I realize it may not keep up together but at least we would have tried to save the marriage and not just quit.
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Last weekend he informed me since I don't want to live in 2 separate homes that he's found a place online where he'll be filing for divorce pretty soon. NOW, he's rented a truck for this weekend and it moving out. So basically, Merry Christmas to me!
I really am ok with everything but I just wish it wasn't happening. I feel like he's quitting on me, our marriage, and himself because he refuses marriage counseling. He won't even discuss the counseling. You know I realize it may not keep up together but at least we would have tried to save the marriage and not just quit.
About Me
Anderson, IN
Location
28.3
BMI
Surgery
08/08/2008
Surgery Date
Aug 17, 2008
Member Since
