Alyson T.
When I look back on it now....
I am a little astounded at what was 'overweight' to me 25 years ago and what is now 'goal'!
I am another one of those that has always struggled. I was on my first diet at about 9 year old. Diet center. OMG. I will never forget how deprived and 'different' I felt. Meanwhile, if my parents would have read up on 'growth spurts' they would have recognized that I was gaining so that I could grow 12 inches in one year!!! 5'11 at the age of 11. Once I was through the spurt, I looked great....for some reason, many felt they needed to 'contain' me...in fact, my family felt the need to contain me...I was TOO much...too curvy, too funny, too smart, too sexy.....
Thus began the love/hate I had with food, and my family.
I still carry that around today. I haven't even told my parent about the WLS because this time IT"S MINE....not for them to control, to take credit for....to hold over me. It's for me.
The little girl inside of me has come back and says...."LOOK AT ME". I dare you.
I am amazed that I had the courage to up and go to Mexicali and get the surgery. Let's face it.....a riskier move. Most who know me would say, they are not surprised.
Funny thing is....I haven't really felt FAT until this year. Yes, I have felt 'bigger' at different moments in my life but fat? Not until this year when I had a picture taken of me in shorts...wow...the most columnar, fat, white legs ever. I really saw it....felt it....hated it.
I am a card carrying member of each and every weight loss program, gym, cleanse etc going. I have spent thousands trying to 'cure' me. There is no cure because I am not sick, I am not broken....just a little tired of fighting. I mean really, have you every REALLY enjoyed a piece of chocolate cake and milk? Or a big ice cream sundae? Yes....but then again...no. I am the result, the sum total of all bites of the cake, the pizza, the ice cream, chocolate bars, steak, chips, fries, burgers and so on....
To enjoy would really mean be willing to live with the consequences. I am living the consequence. I did it...because I wanted to feel like I was ENOUGH. I always felt less than....except in body. I could win on that level every day.
Today, September 1, 2008 I am enough. I am enough of a woman, mother, wife, entreprenuer. I am enough to forge my journey through --- with the band....I will triumph over the 'excess tissue'. I will triumph over the percieved demons because lets face it, we create those demons...I have decided to create angels and lovers and all the things I need to prevail.
That is my story and it is enough.
