Alyson T.

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Well, it appears that I am at the sweet spot!!!

How happy am I??? Hunger is a thing of the past for the most part.

I am content on about 1000 calories....no issue!

So....my scale really started to drop like thunder this week and then it went....urch!

The 250's are a special place for me. Probably because I have spent 90% of my adult life in the 260's.

See, 260 for me is not like 260 for 95% of the female population. Why? At 260 I....

-can wear a size 16 sometimes
-can wear a mens Medium
-can ski, jump, walk, swim without embarrasment
-can shop in the regular section of the store.

See....a pretty comfortable weight for me.

I know that getting into the 250's represents a freedom for me. I know that once I am firmly there (and all you bandsters know what I mean by firmly) I will KNOW that the rest of the weight is going...and probably this year! 

So, I am hoping by tomorrow to be in the 250's.....I will let you all know because I stepped on the scale 5 times today....here were the readings: 

261, 261.5, 260,259,260

So....really I am soooo close. :)

Ok....here is the scoop.

I went to Mexicali to get a leak test etc. It was discovered that I don't have a leak and I have NOTHING wrong.

I had an upper GI done..you know the one where you stand on the little platform? Everything was going great .... he extracted ALL the fluid....Hmmmm I had .5 cc's LESS than my nurse said I had...in other words, she missed with the saline once!

After my Dr. put in the dye....oh my.......don't know why but I started getting hot and cold....blood drained from my face.....wow...JUST about passed out....NOT a nice feeling.

So, he took out the extra fluid and then put back saline...3.1cc's....well, actually he put in 3.2 cc's but that was too much according to the fluro so....he took out a tad and VOILA, restriction.

So....I made a mistake....I was flying through 'middle of nowhere' California when I got really hungry and couldn't get my hands on soup or a protein shake so....I ate some ice cream!!!! MISTAKE!!!!

I was in total pain within 3 hours or so....never again! It must be what dumping feels like.

So here I am in Vegas....went to a buffet today.had.....soup!

Had mashed potatoes for supper.....

Tomorrow....I am hoping for something a little more substantial.

So I am recommitting here.......40 lbs by summer...July 1, 2008.

That is approx. 7 lbs/month. Slow but doable!!!!

I am so close to the 250's....really close. So, 40 more lbs puts me at 220 and I will reassess there....I haven't been 220 since my late teens.

So....that is my post prior to the New Year......Happy NEW YEAR!

First let me say that I really enjoy the support and frienship I get from OH>

I have hit the wall.

I am eating crap. I am still maintaining and losing ... very little though.

My last filll hurt so bad I am regretting the band. No kidding!!!!

Now it appears that they might have pierced the tubing because restriction seems so far away.

I feel let down. I feel let down by the band. I honestly thought this would be easier...but it is really high maintenance. Given that I am Canadian and self pay, I have to spend a day and a night just for a fill...a painful one at that. I have to board a plane to Mexicali if I want to get any medical help at all.

I feel nervous.

Here I have a medical device implanted in my body and I have no medical support at home. That has hit me in the last few days.  Maybe I should have gotten the sleeve. WAY less maintenance ...however, yes I know it has issues.

Yes, I am in the 260's and staying there. Yay! I thought I would be in the 250's by now...but I am happy for the loss so far.

I am hungry all the time.

Please don't take this post as a whine....I am not whining....venting? yes.  Concerned about my band, the scar tissue and the possible port puncture? yes?

No humor today? No humor.  It is a rare event to find me posting without humor actually.

Here we are at Christmas and I had hoped to be at my sweet spot. Now it looks like I spent $ to wreck my band.

I appreciate comments....just please don't feel sorry for me. I am ok. If you knew me you would know that. If ANYONE can figure this out it is me. I will figure this out.

MERRY CHRISTMAS OH!

OK. I am in binge mode.

I am not going to say I can't help it because I can....guess it is a won't.

Ha.

Lost 2.5 lbs on my business trip which is awesome because generally I gain.

Had my first Puke....not nice.

Starting to become less interested in food.

Love my life AND found a new starbucks drink. A London fog!

Yummy and not as many calories as other drinks.

That's all I got today.......Merry beginning of Christmas.

Ok, I am NOT a yo yo dieter anymore because the scale is going down....BUT ...jeez...here is the pattern:

LOSE 6
gain 3
lose 3
gain 3
lost 3
gain 3
lose 6
gain 3
lose 3
gain 1
lose 6
UGGGGGGGGGGG

Instead of getting frustrated, I am seeing this as the way it is....I am losing at a time of year when I generally gain...so that is a bonus.

AS well, the slower off, the less worries....

So I have been at 264 for 2 weeks.....I am ready to go into the 250s

I am going for it!

I am pmsing AND it is full moon AND I have insomnia. When I can't sleep I CRAVE carbs......so...........

I will keep doing protein....keep the calories low.........and voila.....should be in the 250's by next week...think I will post about it......


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If I eat 3 meals a day, about 4 hours apart, I am great.  I know what to eat as well. Eggs, meat, cheese, seafood.

It is when I DON'T plan, wing it...that is when the difficulties arise. When I eat properly, cravings don't appear. When I don't plan, I get cravings and I want slider foods.

So, what to do?

I must plan, plan and plan. Protein protein and more protein.

I am going to say it again....read this if you are either pre surgery or a few months post.

PLAN AHEAD FOR YOUR MEALS AND ENSURE THERE IS PLENTY OF DENSE PROTEIN.

What is dense protein:

-chicken, turkey, tuna, shrimp, crab, salmon, halibut, eggs, cheese....

Non dense protein:

-yogurt, protein shake, peanut butter, soup

I find that if I eat 4 crackers (small) with a tsp of tuna/mayo salad on it, I am FULL!!!!

I will eat Peanut butter on crackers in a pinch.

I have had terrible food in my fridge for days. Cake, etc....so, I garburated it this morning. Down the tube!  I love it too much!

This is probably my most detailed post on bandster issues but equally important!!!!

If I can get my stomach out of the way....the head issues seem to resolve!

My weightloss journey over the past few months has been concurrent with an overall 'journey" ... one of spiritual enlightenment .... one of being 'aware'.

I also have felt alone in this journey. I am ok with alone....BUT I think that might be when I eat. I am alone for the most part in my marriage. My DH has his share of crap to deal with and he is occupied trying to find himself too.

I think the real transformations come at a soul/spirit level. The outer transformation is but a reflection of less baggage! ?

I am who I am....fat, skinny, bitchy or nice. I realize that the essence of me is immutable.

Let me be the voice in the wilderness crying for you to be YOURSELF. Let your essence shine! In that way, it becomes about YOU and not your weight!!!!

What the heck is wrong with me?

Last night? Had to have brownies. ?????????????

I made a pan of fudgy buttery delight. I ate one. with a small glass of skim milk. Here are some observations:

1. When I am conscious of my eating, it is not as fun.
2. When I eat slow, it doesn't feed my emotions.
3. I CAN stop at one.
4. I felt physically ill after ONE!

See....One Brownie for me generally means 3 . Now, it really means one!

To me that is growth.

Here is something else I have noticed---

As a dieter, I should have failed by now OR reached some imaginary "good enought weight" and fallen off the wagon.

I should be hating myself by now. I should be gaining back by now.

BUT I'M NOT.

There seems to a LINEAR approach that a lot of people take with losing weight and I am here to propose that perhaps it is a zig zag, up and down and round and round approach that is needed.

That was the old way...the toxic way....the let down way.

This is the new WEIGH. The exciting, graceful and life filled way.

This is the way that is holistic and able to explore who we are and our relationship with food.

Let's embrace the NEW WEIGH.  The dance. I will even embrace the brownies  for that is who I am .... brownies and all.

Alright bandsters....I am there....in bandster heaven!!!!!!!!! You will know when you get there. I eat about 700-1000 calories /day.  Here is how it went today.

Morning: coffee

Brunch:  3 triscuits (lite) with a tsp +1/2 of tuna with mayo on them.

STUFFED

Lunch: a chai latte non fat at starbucks

supper:  1/4 c. chicken caesar salad
1/4 c. macaroni (which tasted GROSS)

Let's talk about being stuck. You know how they say on the board you will know when you are stuck.....

YOU WILL F *^(*^%EN KNOW WHEN YOU ARE STUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't post about 'am I or am I not?????"

If you are stuck, you won't be able to POST!!!!!

If you are stuck, the world stops spinning!!!!!!!!

If you are stuck.....your cheeks ache, you get flushed, you get spit, you feel anxiety and .... you just want it to end.

I have had PAIN before....maybe a second or two of being stuck but.....OMG>>>>>

Let's talk about the cinnamon bun. First let me say....when you have GREAT restriction, indeed bread is OUT!  SO OUT!

Ok, here is what happened. I had a couple of GF's visit me from Alberta this weekend. We stopped at an amazing market called, Goats on the Roof. They have great cin. buns. I bought some for us to eat with our lattes.  I figured I would eat one strip...right? So, I downed one strip....no problemo! Then I got my latte, had some of it....then had another strip....no problems again....and then it happened.....uh...excuse me....WTF is going on????

I was driving on the highway....and I felt like the weight of the world was on my chest....ow ow ow. Then, I couldn't swallow my spit, my cheeks were on FIRE........

My GF's were chatting mindlessly.....I couldn't even tell them what was happening as I COULDN'T TALK!

Finally they figured it out.....I was frantically trying to decide what to do...so I just put my arm up and STRETCHED.....and jiggled....then stretched again.....FINALLY after 10 minutes or so.......it passed.......horrifying. (All the while I am still driving at 100km/hour down the highway!!!)

I am going to be developing some MAJOR behavior modifcation towards certain foods with that kind of thing going on!

For the rest of the day, I just had liquids and EASY food.

BTW:  I am down to 264 !!!!!!!!!!! I know I will be down tomorrow too!

So.....to all of those people in Bandster hell.....I urge you to just get your fills!!!!!!

I had 3 fills in 4 weeks. :):) Look at me now....out of bandster hell.

That is what I did today. I ran down to the USA....literally and had a fill....I still made my ferry to the island on time and ....yeeeshhh I feel restricted. I love that feeling!!!

My problem was this:

I know what good restriction feels like....I had it for 2 weeks following my surgery....I wanted it BACK!!! So, I am hoping this is it...sweet spot.

Here is my fill history:

4 cc band
primed with 1.2 cc's in surgery
5 weeks post op .8 cc's added
6.5 weeks post op . 6 cc's added
8 weeks post op .6 cc's added

So today I have 3.2 cc's in a 4 cc band. I am hoping this is it! I really tried to resist the whole 'bandster hell' thing but...indeed, it happened to me!

Here is a recap of my goals:

255 by Nov 22, 2008.

currently I am 267-270lbs...it swings madly!

In essence, I want to lose 12-14 lbs in less than a month. Ambitious!

I would be happy being in the 250's.

I want to be 250 by Dec 15th. So, that is 20 lbs in 45 days.

Of course, it all depends on this fill...although, I will go to the US again if need be...I am longing for my sweet spot!!!

So...that is it....I can't wait for the scale to moooooove!