Glassartist

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I have not lost any weight in 6 months.  I have not dieted in 6 months. I exercise enough to stay stable, not to lose.
I feel pretty good, physically. I have rapelled off a 14 story building, I've ziplined across the Ozarks, and I can fly without a seatbelt extension and without touching the person in the seat next to me. Am I done? Am I satisfied? Are those the same question?
I don't think so. Am I done with dieting? Maybe. Am I done with living a healthy lifestyle? NO! But I feel those old habits creeping back. The "who cares what I eat?" and the "I'll exercise tomorrow" voices that lead me down the wrong road.  I CARE WHAT I EAT!!! I CARE that I exercise each day.  I do not want to go back to that sad, unhealthy person. I love my new found freedom and I do not want to lose it.
I have a lot of support and I intend to use it. The change to 2012 may be a cliche time to make resolutions and start new habits, but it's where I am right now, so cliches be damned.  I am not going to give up. I am not going to quit. I am not going to go back. I've worked too hard, I've spent too much money and I matter too much to just go back.
I am not satisfied with my current weight and I can do something about it. Food does not control me. I control what I put in my mouth and I control when and how I move my body.
So there.

Well, I finally made it to onderland, and it is indeed onderful. I don't really feel that different physically, but mentally it was certainly a roadblock in my path to health. I was stuck at 200 for so long, I began to revert back to those old thoughts - "I guess I'm just this size", "I knew I couldn't do it", "What's the use?"
The difference is this time I didn't give up. This time I kept on. This time I did what I knew to do and kept doing it until, by golly, it worked! When I hit 199, I was so happy. Then I got stuck there for a month, but today, the scale moved...195! I am on the way again, and I am remotivated to keep up this healthy life style. Why in the world would I choose candy when I could choose health? Why would I choose carbs when I could choose activity? Why would I choose to go back to a size 24 when I can move toward a 10? I won't! I choose health, activity and cute clothes!

At the end of March I weighed 200 pounds. Today I weigh 200 pounds. I have not been able to enter "onederland" and it is driving me crazy. I know plataeus happen, I know I've been working out and muscle weighs more than fat, I know this is not a race. But I want my 100 pound weight loss and I have 45 more to go.
I feel so much better, I look better and I am more healthy. I am able to exercise to exhaustion, rather than to shortness of breath. I am able to fit in airplan seats. I can play with my nieces and nephews, I am happy to have my picture taken, I am able to fit in cute clothes.  But I want a one in front of my weight.
I will not give up, I am not sorry I had the surgery, I just need to vent.
It's all good, it could just be better.

It's new year's eve and I am truly starting on a new year. It's been 5 weeks since my surgery and I'm down to 225. Had a couple of tough weeks fighting a bacteria and then the nausea caused by the meds, but everything is back on track now. I'm having a hard time getting all the fluids in, and the protein shakes are so tiring, but I really want to do everything as I should to get the most benefit, so will continue to push on.
The most exciting changes are happening in my relationship with food. (I will never use that phrase again, really, can you call it a relationship? It's fuel, not a living being. There is no need to have a relationship with a tool!) Anyway, I find that while I still have "mind" cravings, one smell, or one taste satisfies it. I don't need to eat whole baskets of food - which is good because I'm not able to! Eating slowly is still a struggle, but when I don't, I pay for it with gas pains and heart burn, so I'm learning.
All in all, it's a positive change and I am glad to have the opportunity to have this new start.
New year, new start, new me.

I am feeling so good. I got the staples out on Thursday, the 2nd, and that helped a lot. There is some itching, but all in all, things are looking up. I joined a gym and go every day but Sunday. On Mon, Wed, and Fri I do a half hour stretching class and 20 minutes on a bike. On Tuesday, Thurs and Sat, I do 20 cardio (bike) and then a weight machine circuit.  Every once in a while I get a little twinge of pain in the left incision site, but it passes.  I really want to minimize the amount of muscle I lose and try to keep my skin as tight as I can. 
My doctor called me "petite" at my last visit and made me laugh out loud. No one has ever called me that. He explained that compared to some of his patients, those who start out weighing 400 - 500 pounds, I was petite.  Even in that setting, I'll take the compliment!
This is my last week on liquids only, I get to add soft foods like cream of wheat, eggs, and blended soups on Thursday. I am so looking forward to that egg. Then each week, I get to add different foods. By my birthday in February I should be well on my way to eating as I will for the rest of my life.  I'm so thankful for this opportunity to jump start my life.  2011 will truly be a new year for me.

I had my bypass on Wednesday, the 24th. That day was pretty bad, pain-wise, but every hour was better than the one before, and every day has been better. I got out on Friday and spent the weekend with a friend.  Everything went just as I was told it would. I had no complications at all. The pain level was managable, in fact I take nothing for pain now.  I had no problem with nausea, no bleeding, no infections, nothing! Thank you God for a wonderful surgeon and great nurses.  I am having no problem getting my liquids. The mass amount of vitamins and suppliments is a little confusing, but I made a schedule for myself and have been able to make sure I get everything.  After going through surgery, there is no way I'm not going to follow the directions.  I want to have the most successful experience I can have! I will see my surgeon on Friday to get my staples removed. Then I should be able to start drinking the shakes again.
So, surgery over, and I'm on my way to my new healthy life!

I am scheduled for surgery on Wednesday - yes, the day before Thanksgiving- and I am pretty sure I will actually have it.  I have had some trouble with high blood pressure, but was able to get on meds yesterday (Saturday) and last night and this morning my BP is normal, so feeling pretty good about everything. I see my PCP tomorrow to get a "real" read (not a home one) and hopefully everything will be fine.  I am so ready to make this change in my life. I'm a little scared of the operation, but not of the life-long implications.  I am ready to live a different, active and fuller life. No limitations due to my weight.
In on Wednesday, out on Friday, miss the food holiday all together.  I call that good planning.
Today really is the first day of the res of my NEW life.
Thank God.

Ok, I think I am having surgery on Monday, November 22. I think it because the scheduling nurse told me there were openings that day but she would have to get the surgical nurse to sign off on it. The sugical nurse told me she signed off but the surgeon may want to review. I am going to the pre-op class tomorrow, Friday. Hopefully I will find out then if I am indeed doing this on Monday. I feel out of the loop. I wish they would call and tell me what is happening. Have been on clear liquids for the past 2 weeks in anticipation of getting a 11/22 surgical date. Hope it all pans out.  Those who believe, all prayers are needed and welcome!

I got my approval to have the surgery on Thursday (November 11) and now am waiting for my surgeon to get the letter "in hand" so I can schedule the date.  Having waiting and thinking so long; and talking to everyone about this, I am SO ready to have this done. It's been almost a year since I first contemplated the idea. Having gone through major surgery in the past, I was not excited to have any more surgery, ever. But I am so desperate to have my life back. Before the previous surgery, I was doing fine being overweight. I was strong, I was able to do what I wanted. But since 2001, I have been weak and sick and had roadblocks at every turn. With the help of this RNY, I will have the opportunity to reclaim my life, to build my strength and to live with no physical restricitions on my activities. No longer will my size be a consideration.
I should hear this week about a surgery date. An-ti-ci-paaaa-tion (singing in my head)!

Went for my consult on October 15th and assume the insurance approval was submitted then. I've decided to check on that, and am waiting for a call-back.
With a 3 week approval average, and 2 weeks of liquid diet prior to surgery, I am hoping to have my surgery done on Nov. 22. I am so ready to have this behind me. I've been reading other blogs to see what people have to say about their experience. I also have a couple of friends who've done this. I've come to the conclusion that everyone is different, and I should probably stop reading.  My experience will be what it will be.
I've never been a good waiter...I'm still not.