Building A Cocoon
Procedure:
1) Information Session (Completed)
2) Patient Exam & Acceptance (Completed) 10/2/07)
3) Psychological Evaluation (Completed 10/30/07)
4) 6 mo. Supervised Weight Management Program (6 Completed, as of 3/26/08)
5) Physiologist Consult (Completed)
6)Sleep Study(Completed 11/12/07) C-Pap Recommended
7)Pulmonary Follow-up (Complete 1/14/08)
8) Surgeon Interview (4/2/2008)
9) Submission & Letter of Authorization(No Calls and that's good!)
10) Second Surgeon Consultation and Pre-Admission Testing (April 23, 2008)
11) Surgery (April 28, 2008 Complete)
12) Aftercare (in progress)
First surgical follow up 5/21/08 Great condition!
GOAL BMI 23.5
I am starting my ticker at my max weight for my own tracking.
When I decided on surgery I was approximately 330lbs. I was 340 when I started the 6 month program.
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This is my first blog here. I feel like this is the first blog sight where I can be totally myself. I don't have to worry about who is seeing it and judging me because although everyone here has a different story we have an underlying oneness. I find comfort in that.
I am a single mother with two children. They are beautiful children but I know my lifestyle is effecting them. I see the impact of my immobility. I do go out and do things but they wonder why their mother isn't more active. They have become house plants because I am so less inclined to take them anywhere. They sate themselves with video games and television.
I have a basically positive attitude about myself. I feel beautiful yet trapped by this body of mine. My body... or perhaps my mind has betrayed me. I have betrayed myself and that's so very painful. I ask myself how could a woman who is smart and sensitive allow this to happen to herself. It happens... for whatever reason it happens across the board. Smart or not, beautiful or not.
I have accepted this truth and now I simply am ready to build a new truth for myself. I feel like the operation is part of the redefining of myself. I see the photos and I'm nearly addicted to looking at before and afters. "Is that my body type?" "Will I look that good when I'm done?" "Will my body sag beyond recognition?" I ask myself these questions and a hundred more. I have fantasies about what it will be like. The looks on peoples faces who counted me out as a human being because of my weight now wanting to soak up my vapors. The women who had never done one thing to improve themselves who felt like they were superior to me simply because of my size awed by the me that emerged.
Those are just fantasies. The truth is that after the surgery none of that will matter so much. It may be fun if some of those things happen but the important part is I'll be able to play with my children and feel happy in my skin. What other people think, how they feel has never been my primary motivation for anything. It won't be now.
I'm anxious. I will move toward this goal with steadfast focus without driving myself crazy. That's the hope anyway. I am sure I will "Spaz" as my friend LIv says. But even that will be as controlled as I can make it.
If you have read this thank you for taking the time I'm flattered. But my ramblings are more to keep track of this process and pace myself. Any comments are appreciated. I desire a hand of guidance and any constructive input.
That's all for now.
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My Posts
Surgery or Bus!
Hell No You Can't Have My Jello!
Life Begins At 40
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? She got a Date!
Wii Stand United
A Look Inside - Fatorexia?
From Russia With Love
Grey's Anatomy
Stupid Questions I Should be Afraid to Ask
A Look Inside: Can't I Just Be a Butterfly?
I'd Rather Go Blind
Insomniac's Prose
Self Centered
Which Grey's Anatomy Character are You Most Like??
Brangelina
Lift Them Up Scotty!
Door to Door Sales
My Road Trip Begins
A Look Inside - Addiction is Underrated
Plastic Explosives!
Darn! I Could Have Had a V8!
Vicariously Wowed
OT - Pointless Meaningless Post. Don't even bother to look.
She's Not THAT big!
Teaching Myself Humility - Judging Myself Before Others
A Look Inside - The Walls That Hold the Roof
Don't Be Afraid!
Celebrity Status
Dear Abby - Signed DH Disabled
A Looking Inside: Substitute Teacher
My Beautiful Body
Eat Off Your Loose Skin - No Surgery Needed?
OT- So OT
Befriended
A Look Inside - The Power of One!
The Big Fat Answer!
A Look Inside: Goodies in the Baggy
Back to the Future
OT- I'll Just Be Naked!
My Sister-Friend
A Look Inside - Peeling the Banana
Stop Me Before I Kill Again
Totally Wasted
A Look Inside - The Real You
The Surgery Mirror
A Look Inside - Personal Growth
Awww... She took her first steps!
Baby Steps
A Look Inside
Do you have regrets?
Pre-Surgical Cocoon
Bellamatrixx (Olivia)
