Anna D.

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I should have known something was up when I had my anxiety episode yesterday.  I swear I have a little bit of psychic power that I can never interpret until almost a day after it happens.

I got a call from my surgeon's office today while I was at work. Someone pulled out of their surgery date and I was given the option of taking it... SO I TOOK IT!

I will now be having surgery on WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, 2009 AT 7:30AM!

I start my liquid diet tomorrow morning and have my physical on Wednesday mid-morning. I'm freakin out but I'm super happy!  Ben and I went out and picked up some provisions so I have plenty of SF jello, pudding, and popcicles.  The popcicles will feel awesome on my slightly sore throat.  I already have a tub of vanilla shake flavored whey protein isolate so we picked up some regular soy milk for my shakes.  My dietitian said it's okay for me to do 3 shakes per day and have the jello or pudding as snacks and such.

Ugh. I ate too much for lunch and now I'm regretting it. My nose is all stuffed up again today and my throat hurts.

I heard from the grapevine and from a coworker that six to eight of my coworkers in our production area were laid off and Friday was their last day. I'm really worked up and anxious right now. I'm trying to remain calm by focusing on breathing but I'm getting real wound up real fast.

My surgery is one month away from today. That adds to my anxiety and I'm just a mess. I need to schedule some appointments with my therapist or I'm not going to make it with my sanity intact. I wish my anxiety didn't manifest itself in my stomach/intestines area. I hate my anxiety. My anxiety makes me feel depressed. My anxiety makes me want to .

I'm not happy today. Not at all.

I just had a thought.

Our wedding anniversary is June 11th which is just about in the middle of my 2 week liquid diet.  I think we'll go out these next few weeks to celebrate when we can go out and not worry about me not being able to eat/chew food.

Today my family is celebrating my grandparents' birthdays on my dad's side.  I'm kind of sad that we're not up there.  I feel like sometimes we miss all these family gatherings because we live down here.  My family likes to remind me that it was my decision to move down to Mankato and 4 1/2 hours away from them.  That's one thing that always pissed me off.  Only two of my sisters make an effort to come down and visit me.  If my brother is in the area he might stop by but my other 2 brothers and other sister?  Oh hell no. 

However, I guess the interesting positive side of this.. my family doesn't see me more than two times a year probably.  It should be interesting to see their reactions around Christmas time with my weight loss.  I love my family but there's a lot wrong with how they often treat one another.

I was researching last night about the liquid diet and after much consideration I decided I'm going to go with the pre-packaged plan.  It's $108 for about 75 items which comes down to $1.44 per item.  I tried to get information about all the things I could have if I decided to go about it by grocery shopping but it seems like it would be hard to get enough protein in that way.  I'm one of those people that follows rules very well if I can't make changes or substitutions to the program.  I think this will reduce my stress and anxiety on the road to surgery.

On another note I'm finally feeling better!  I slept without any meds last night and wearing my CPAP.  Best night of sleep in a few days!  Yay!  Unforunately my husband didn't sleep that well.  Ooops!

I have had this cold since Wednesday and I cannot seem to shake it.  I can't sleep with my cpap because I can't breathe through my nose very well if at all right now.  I spent most of yesterday lying on the couch in a drugged stupor.  I called in sick around 8am and went to bed and fell asleep until 1pm.  I fell asleep on the couch in the livingroom again for about an hour in the afternoon.  I went to bed around 10am but, as usualy, I'm awake at 4am because the cold medicine wore off.  My sinuses/nasal cavities are playing games of one-side-clear, one-side-plugged adn then switching.  I think I need lots of sleep, liquids, and restfulness.

I emailed my supervisor and told her I wouldn[t be in today.  I tried calling to leave a message but the phone just rang and rang.  

In other news I guess, I tried the vanilla flavoried whey isolate I bought a few days ago.  It's not too bad.  I can definitely tell it's a protein shake type thing but it's okay with milk.  I don't think I could ever have it mixed with water tho.  I'm sure I'll get some unflavored stuff eventually.  

It took me a half hour to write all of this so I think I may crawl back itno bed and see if I can sleep more.

Well, here's my time line so far.

The week of May 27th
Call Gyno and get scheduled to have IUD placed (yes, I talked with my gyno and decided to go with Mirena)

Wednesday, June 3rd
Start Liquid Diet yay

Thursday, June 4th
9:15am - Physical with PCP
5:30-8:30pm - PreOp class at Abbott

Tuesday, June 16th
Take the glorious Magnesium Citrate

Wednesday, June 17th
Arrive at Abbott at 11am
SURGERY AT 1PM!!!

I just had to come home and share this!!! I called insurance this morning and they said I had been approved.  I called the surgeon's office but the girl that usually does the scheduling doesn't work Thursdays.  I left her a VM to call me ASAP on Friday.

I got a call 45 minutes later from another girl that apparently does scheduling and I have my date!!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 1pm at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in St. Paul!

Happy Cinco de Mayo and all that jazz.

I called insurance today but their automated system was down and no one could help me.  I called my surgeon's office and she said they hadn't seen anything yet but that my insurance (Medica) is usually pretty quick and that most times they can turn around an approval in 2 weeks.  They have had my information since Monday, 4/27 so we'll see.  Hopefully I get an answer this week.

In other news I have an appointment to talk with my gynocologist about the option of having an IUD placed. I was, for a while, pretty against IUD but, after some research and talking to a few people, I decided that it may be my best option after gastric bypass.

I feel much more patient this week than I did last week.  MUCH more.  I even cleaned the hell out of my house (well, part of it) this weekend.

Holy crap there's something wrong with me. I have been going nonstop this weekend. Let us recap!

Saturday...

-I did all of the dishes in the kitchen
-I swept the kitchen then scrubbed it on hands-and-knees (good 'ol mom style!)
-I cleared all the crap off of the kitchen and dining room tables
-I cleaned the ceiling fan in the kitchen - oh that was just gross
-I wiped down all of the kitchen chairs and the kitchen table
-I cleaned my CPAP mask
-I re-organized the bookshelf in the sunroom and dusted everything in there
-Dusted the bedroom
-Helped Ben put some extra chairs in the basement

...Then there's today...

-I started laundry and hung some outside
-Put things back where they need to be in the basement from the water heater fiasco
-Pulled dandelions from the front and backyard
-Raked up the old leaves in the backyard
-Went to Kwik Trip and got some motor oil for the lawn mower
-Mowed the lawn
-Watered the lawn and flowers
-Transplanted the Aloe Vera from one pot to 4 pots
-Sent out invitations on Facebook for my Scrapbooking party next Saturday
-Talked to our neighbor Margaret
-Went geocaching for about 2 hours with Ben - did multi-caches only!
-Ate at Blue Bricks (restaurant) - mmmmmm.  I totally earned the beer I had.
Now we're home and relaxing. My legs are all scratched up but I don't really care. I had a lot of fun this weekend and I feel good because I accomplished something. I'm glad I was able to focus my impatient energy on something instead of going stir crazy. It really turned out to be an absolutely beautiful day!

I didn't call insurance today.  I can wait until Monday.

I need to do some serious cleaning this weekend because next weekend is my scrapbooking party!  I'm excited for it and it should be fun.

I plan on mowing the lawn this weekend as well.  I am SO freakin excited to mow the lawn you really have no idea.

I think I'm having a slight last-supper syndrome.   I've been drinking coffee with non-sugar sweetener and creamer.  I've had doughnuts (I know, bad!) and been snacky.  I need a reality check to get back in line.  I need to get more active; I shouldn't let "it's raining" be an excuse any longer.  I have the Walk Away the Pounds DVDs.

Things have been weird in our house for the last 5 months it seems.  It all seems a little unsettling.  At least I'm not having anxiety attacks all of the time like I was having previously.  I know a lot of it is linked to the lack of sex in our relationship lately.  I just have no sex drive lately and it seems purely hormonal.  *sigh*  I just wish it wasn't such an important part of a marriage.  We get along so much better when we're having sex regularly (2-4 times a week) instead of once a week.  I've been missing out on a lot of family gatherings back home because we can't afford to spend $100 and use the PTO to take a weekend off to drive up there.  I'd complain but I'm constantly reminded "you decided to move there".

During my lunch break today I spent 20 (yes 20) minutes on the phone with my insurance to make sure it had all been submitted. After being transferred twice, I finally got to someone that could point me in the right direction. I was given the phone number and the area to call. The woman I talked to on the phone was very helpful and told me that my information was "being reviewed".  I was advised to wait a few days and call back.  It's SO hard to not want to call them every 5 minutes.

I feel like throwing myself to the floor and rolling around and having a tantrum.  It's stupidly annoying.  Let's add to this that last week I had my period.. and now this week I have it again.  Stupid diet messing with my period.  I was VERY confused last week when I was still taking my active pills and it showed up.  I suspected it might start back up the week I was taking the placebos. 

I'll try again Friday.  I've been failing with drinking enough water and eating "well" lately.  By now I've probably gained back 5 of the 10 pounds I initially lost.  I'm in on a Activity challenge at work where we're in different groups and adding up exercise times and the team with the most wins lunch at Subway.  We're doing it for 4 weeks.  So far.. I've exercised once or twice.  I cannot seem to get myself to do it... and to drink the water except when I'm almost ready for bed. UGH.