Anna D.

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I decided to check out my insurance claims to see if I could get an idea of the cost of my surgery.

Roughly, with the surgery and anesthesia, the cost came out to $46,000.  This does not include the doctor visits prior to surgery which probably comes out to close to $1,000 (blood labs, xrays, etc).

I am responsible for meeting my Max Out-of-Pocket which, right now, is about $1,800.

I have four words for this:  THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE!!!

Not that I'm expecting it to just drop off of me but my weight hasn't changed much since probably Friday of last week and I know why.  I haven't been getting enough protein in.  Today I nibbled on a meatball and that felt fine.  I grilled a piece of chicken and cut it up and mixed it with some low-sugar bbq sauce (Stubbs Original is the bomb) for dinner.  It tasted so good and so far so good.

I had some peanut butter this afternoon but I don't think my body appreciated the fat that's in peanut butter because I felt "heavy" and almost constipated after eating it.  I think i'll stay away from that for a while.  For what it's worth it was actually "natural" peanut butter so the only ingredients were Peanuts and Salt.  I really want some ff refried beans so I think I'll run up to the store tomorrow or Friday.  I love how money is super tight but it's okay for my husband to order pizza.  *sigh*  We need more eggs anyway and american cheese.

I have been exercising by going for walks every day and that helps some of the boredom and stress.  Plus it's nice to get the hell out of the house!

My original surgery date was supposed to be a week from today on June 17th.  Instead, now I'll be 3 weeks out from surgery.  I can now eat soft foods and it took me this long (2 weeks) to finish one container of cottage cheese.  I'm late taking my vitamins and head meds today and I feel shame about it.

I ate a scrambled egg!!! Yaaaay!!  And I'm not puking or anything and it's been over an hour.  I wish we would have bought a can of FF refried beans when we went shopping earlier in the week.  Ben's grilling a steak right now and is making potatoes lyonaise.  *drool*  I hate him so much right now.

And now I'm bored.  I loaded up Netflix and so far today I've watched Maid of Honor and now I'm watching She's All That.  Yes, it's an old movie but I'm feeling like watching indugently immature teen romances.  I'm having a really hard time filling the hours with stuff to do.

I took a shower yesterday and my surgical tape was really coming off so I coaxed it off the rest of the way.  I had to snip off some excess "thread" that was poking out a little bit but otherwise we're looking good!

Some of the worst parts of all of this so far...

1.  I'm SO bored with food.  If I didn't HAVE to eat I don't think I would.  It's almost depressing.
2.  Watching TV is annoying because of all of the food commercials.  Thank God for Tivo!
3.  Grocery shopping is the most boring thing in the world.  My husband likes to cook and will be cooking for himself.  But watching him cook and then not being able to eat any of the food he makes (which aren't that bad for me) makes me sort of sad.  I don't even have to pay attention to grocery shopping unless it's to get me some Sugar Free stuff.
4.  I'm tired of drinking.  I really am.
5.  I miss chewing food and feeling it in my mouth.  I want to drive over to Burger King and take a bite and just let it sit in my mouth for a while and chew it up.  I miss savory and salty foods the most.  I'm sick of the bland sugar free flavored things.

But I must be doing something right because this morning the scale measured 245 pounds.  *sigh*  Can I have eggs now please?!

I gotta knock this off.  Last night I ate a small piece of Dominoes pizza.  It took me about a half hour to eat the dang thing but I took my time.

So I thought I'd eat another one today.  I don't think I ate as slowly or chewed as good because I'm feeling the dumping coming on.  Feeling really sluggish, tired, and blah in general.  The heart palpitations are there as well.  I really want to drink a bunch of water but I don't know if that's a good idea.  I think I'm just being impatient and frustrated with my restrictions lately.  I want something other than cream soup, pureed foods, and protein shakes.  Blah.

Ben and I went for a nice walk around the swimming pond this afternoon.  There were a lot of people there swimming.  On the walk we came to a small thrift store.  I looked around the XL/L rack at all the really nice shirts and pants and dresses that someday within the next 3 months I might be able to wear.  I am SO excited about this!

For now I'm gonna go watch some Avatar: The Last Airbender (book 1) and lie down on the couch. Oof.

Whew, yeah.  Last night was quite an experience.  I posted about it on my WLS community on livejournal (aptly named 'WLS') and I was told repeatedly that "Yay, you're a dumper!".  To some people that seems like a stupid thing to celebrate but at least now I know.  I laid down for 20 minutes and breathed calmly and the sensation and palpitations disappeared rather quickly.

I went up to work today to talk to my HR person.  My surgeon missed a few spots on my FMLA paperwork (basically the important parts that say how long I have to be out of work).  She said to take it back to them to get it fixed but have it back to her by Monday June 8th.  Take it back?  I don't want to drive all the way up to Minneapolis and back (about 170 mile round trip)!!  I figure I'll fill it out myself since now I know what they need then bring it in either Friday or Monday.  It's not lying but I do have to decide if I want to say I can't work until June 11th or June 15th.  I'm really wanting to say June 15th which is almost 3 weeks off.

I stopped and visited my coworkers and they were very happy to see me.  I love hearing that I've been missed in our call center.  I feel great knowing that I'm an integral part of our office :)  About 20 people were in a sales meeting so I popped in there and people were also really excited to see me.  I felt so happy having people glad to see me.  It felt nice to get out of the house and DRIVE.  It's been over a week since I last drove and it was quite nice.  I re-adjusted my seat, steering wheel, and mirrors to my liking since my husband is 14 inches taller than me.

Right now my losing is centered mostly on my face/neck and then on my abdomen.  My "pooch" below my belly button has gotten smaller as have my sides.  Ben's a good gage for that because he can feel the difference the most when he hugs me.  I can tell a difference when I go to the bathroom because there's less body in the way.  I'm used to settling my hands on my 'pooch' and I've really noticed it shrinking.  I think you can tell in pre vs post op pic I did of my side view.

Anyway, it's time to rest up and veg at some tv for a while.  I'm really tired.

I just had some thinned instant mashed potatoes with a slice of american cheese melted into it.  It was DELICIOUS but now I have a weird slightly dizzy and nauseous feeling to me.  Then again, I don't know if I'm tired from the walk Ben and I just went on or what.  I can hear/feel my heart thump thump thumping and it sucks.  Won't be doing that again!  Ugh, I'm gonna go lay down and hope this passes.

Like I said, recovery is boring.

Tonight, I did something I was scared to do:  I ate tuna!!!

For dinner I pureed 1/3 can of tuna, a small plop of miracle whip, a squirt of regular mustard, and some cottage cheese.  When it was done it seriously looked like cat food but it tasted pretty good!  The cottage cheese gave it a slightly creamy texture.  Usually I drain all of the water from the tuna and give it to our 2 cats but I was quite selfish this time and kept most of it to myself.

I went for a 10 minute walk today.  It was nice out and a little breezy but it was nice.  I put on my shorts and tank top (the same from the pics I just posted) and walked 3 blocks down to the park by us.  I sat at a picnic table for about 10 minutes until a wasp got too close to me.  It was a very leisurely pace and I had to keep telling myself to slow down.  I am really looking forward to going again tomorrow. It's nice when it's just me, my mp3 player, and nature.  When I got home, though, I was kinda beat.

I have had a hard time sleeping lately.  Last night I didn't go to bed until 5:30am and I had to sleep in the guest room because I felt really antsy and wiggly.  Ben woke me up at 8:30am but I fell asleep again at 9am and slept until 11am.  So, roughly about 5 hours of sleep.  I feel fine now but I'm finding I don't want to go to bed. I don't feel like I'm going to miss anything but I get bored in bed.

Ben and I drove around for about an hour this evening because we didn't know what else to do.  We went and found where the new elementary school is being built and looked at some of the really expensive houses in the area.  We also drove through one of the cemetaries.  I find cemetaries beautiful places.  There were so many tombstones I wanted to do rubbings on because they were so eroded.

I'm rambling.  I need to try some new things tomorrow like some pineapple or frozen strawberries though I hear I should stay away from strawberries due to the seeds.

Yesterday we went out to the camp ground my in-laws are staying at.  It's about a 25-30 minute drive from us.  We got there and pretty much sat in the shade and talked.  They were so surprised to see me given that I just had surgery Wednesday.  Anyway, on the way home we stopped at Cub Foods so my husband could pick up some provisions so he could make his Tortellini Soup.  When we got home I was totally wiped out.  I took my bra off (evil, evil thing) and took a percoset and sat in the chair in the livingroom pretty much for the rest of the evening.  My husband made me laugh really hard when we were folding clothes before bed.  It felt great to laugh but, on the other hand, didn't feel that great on my tummy.

I realized how much my husband's parents/family talks about food.  They talked about food SO much while we were there and I've slowly noticed it over the last few months.  My in-laws are not obese but they are overweight.  My MIL's parents are quite obese but my FIL's parents are rather rail thin.  My family is almost all obese but we don't talk about food NEARLY as much as my in-laws do.  I think a lot of it has to do with that they really enjoy cooking more than the eating (oh, they still like to eat though!!).  Right now my husband is in the kitchen chopping up stuff for his soup.

I had a few moments of complete boredom for a while which really frustrated me.  So much TV is focused on food and then it's focused on weight loss.  "Miracle Pills" and cures and what have you.  It's incredibly depressing and frustrating.  We saw an ad on Food Network earlier (we were watching an episode of Good Eats) about burgers and they showed one that was LITERALLY the size of a large pizza in diameter and at least 6" tall.  Well it's no damn wonder we're an unhealthy nation!!  I've cut down my portion sizes since January so even if I had wanted to "pig out" for my last supper(s) I wouldn't have been able to eat more than a respectable amount of whatever.  We had pizza the night before my LD started and I couldn't really eat that much.

I find myself these past few days bored and wishing I could eat stuff.  I used food as an entertainment and something that satiated my 'moods'.  I would LOVE to have a burger right now or even the sandwich I had at TGIFridays a month or two ago.  I want flavor and texture.  I want to CHEW something!!  Ugh.  Someone please make these next two weeks go by REALLY fast!!

Three days out from surgery and I realize that I eat when I'm bored.  I eat when I'm frustrated.  I eat when I'm angry.

I'm bored outta my damn mind right now.  I can't take a bath.  I could take a shower.  I could clean.  I'm really tired today after being up since 6:30am and going out to the campsite to visit the in-laws.  I wish we could go out and geocache or something but I'm in no shape, energy-wise, to go do that.  Ugh.  Recovery sucks in that way.