graphicschick

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

That's right... you read the title. 

Here I am, 2 years  and 1 month out from Gastric Bypass and at age 35, I decided, "Hey, honey, wouldn't it be wonderful to have one more baby". 

So um, that's where we are. Due September 9, 2011. Baby #2 for us. Also my LAST pregnancy, I sware!!! This pregnancy after WLS thing is so much tougher than my first pregnancy - the super-obese 28 year old with preeclampsia pregnancy wasn't half as rough as this one is so far. Perhaps that is due to the rny, or perhaps it is due to my "age". Ugh, 35 isn't old, but I'm starting to feel a little bit different about that now.

I'm just so glad that we are having another lil bambino, but I'm super hormonal bitchy woman right now. Trust me, I am very glad to be pregnant and healthy - VERY GLAD that we are having another kiddo to join our crazy-fun household. I'm just feeling uber pregnant right now LOL.

It is a different experience, being a healthy weight and pregnant. I have all my extra skin, so I won't have a pretty, smooth looking bump, but I can feel the lil bump growing differently and I actually feel like there is something there at 8 weeks along, whereas, with my first pregnancy, I just felt well, hungrier and my "bump" was just a third roll added to my middle. 

So, here's to little Bru #2! We're excited. And the fun has just begun!

 Well, I haven't been on here in a while - its been up, down and all around with our lives in the past year and a half. We went through my job loss, foreclosure, bankruptcy, moving to a ghetto apartment and now renting a townhome way out in the country.

Through it all, I have kept touch with several of my OH friends on FB, Twitter and YouTube, but have been pretty absent on this site. I just have had way too much going on. Life after WLS is an interesting combination of health focus, reality's impact on this focus, and times when you just have to say "screw it all" and learn to quit worrying about being so "WLS PERFECT". 

The reality of it all is, when you don't have enough money to put that roof over your head, suddenly there are things that are way more important than your own health and nutrition - and those things are your family's well being and how you're going to pull them through the hard times. Its called life. I think that is the largest lesson I have learned. LIFE. LIVING.

Pre-Surgery, I was obsessed with food. I was obsessed with what junk foods I could eat and how much of it I could eat. What obsessive yummies could I sneak in that day without my family and friends noticing? Yes, I had a major eating disorder. Candy Bar Breakfasts with Starbucks syrupy drinks, followed by junk food and snacks until lunch time - which meant anything drive through and super sized with a diet soda and a milkshake! - then on the way home from work, it was time for a little tide me over meal and another milkshake.... half gallon of ice cream before the husband got home, then a full meal with the family and more crap until bedtime. EVERY DAY. This was NOT LIVING!!!

Post-Surgery, I was obsessed with food. What not to eat. What to eat. What I would "never" eat again. Where I would "never" eat again.  This, too was NOT LIVING!!!!

I simply replaced one disorder for another. Then, LIFE intervened - and I had to learn that my days of obsessing about food were over - it was time to concentrate on more important things - Living again and taking care of the important things. I think the fact that I had to "put myself second" helped to restore balance and sanity in my life - and rescued me from the trap of food obsession. 

Long story short, I'm healthy, I'm happy. I'm still bitchy sometimes (ok, more than sometimes, but whatever). I'm more gassy than I ever was before WLS, and I've made some fantastic lifelong friends throughout this whole process.

Some days, I just want my normal guts back and some days, I thank the heavens that I still have a small pouch, and therefore can fit into reasonable sized clothing and comfortable with my body image.

And, such is life after WLS. Most docs and medical professionals don't know how to help, how to answer questions, or even what "malabsorption" means... but thank goodness we all have each other to turn to - for better or worse, for bitchy or for fun, for advice or for laughter at ignorance - we're in this $hit together. 

And that, mah friendz is where I be 2 years out.....
LOVE TO MY HOMIES.
WORD

 Okie Dokie,
I'm turning 35 this week - and at 1 year and 4 months out from my RNY, I'm feeling great.
Sure, I still have problems with my low blood sugar, but I control it by eating more frequently. Well, for the most part, my days are full of chasing the kid around, cleaning, cooking and all of that fun stuff that a stay at home mom does.

I've done good maintaining my weight loss and am enjoying every experience life sends my way. I've been away from OH for a while, simply because I've been way super busy - Our house is going to be in foreclosure soon, so I was in charge of packing the house, finding us an apartment, moving everything and taking care of trying to short sale the house (with no luck). I've been out of work since September, but have been very unsuccessful at finding a new job that I am qualified for. Graphic Design jobs are few and far between during a rough economy (the first thing a business cuts is its advertising/marketing budget).

For now, my husband has agreed that financially it is best for me to be a stay at home mom for the summer so we don't have to put our daughter in daycare. I have decided that I will begin going to college at night in order to attain a criminal justice degree - to which I later hope to add a degree in psychology. 

So, I'm turning 35. Life has been upside down lately, but in reality, it's like life just beginning. I'm so thankful for the changes surgery has brought my way - and even though I have had a myriad of challenges to battle as well, I realize that it's true that what does not kill us makes us stronger.

Love to all my WLS peeps over here at OH. You've been a great support to me through my post surgery process and I appreciate your courage to share and care for each other.

 Yeah yall, that's right. The event was in my state this past weekend. Good ol' Georgia was full of WLS family and we had a grand ol time down here.

I've posted a review and photos etc. on my website, emilybrubaker.com

Here is a direct link to my review of the Atlanta Obesity Help Event : Click Here To Visit Emily Brubaker's OH Atlanta Event Review

I've been away from the OH site for a few weeks - been busy busy busy and just haven't had time to do a lot of the fun things in life. I've been through a lot of changes lately - I lost my job at IKEA and have spent a lot of time looking for another job. It is a very tough market out there!!

I have recently acquired a seasonal job at Target working on the sales floor for minimum wage. This is certainly not the type of job that I am accustomed to (as you know, I'm a graphic designer and marketing professional) so, this is out of my comfort zone and realm, but I am very thankful for any income at this point, so I'll take it.

To that end, I'm still looking for a permanent job and am starting to consider starting my own business as well... indeed, lots of things that I must consider.

My weight has been holding steady at 117 lbs. All of this time at home has lead me to a little more snacking than is needed and I realize this, so I'm keeping an eye on it. I recognize the patterns of turning to food in times of boredom and depression, and I try to just get out of the house and stay busy when those moments hit. I spend a lot of time at the library - free books, free central heat & air, free wifi and no pantry - I'll take it, thank you :)

Getting a grasp on the reality of my size/weight has been a continuing battle. I feel bloated and big as the side of a house when it's almost time for my period, but I'm still a size 2 and still holding firm at 117 lbs, so I know I am not as big as I feel, but dang. I never felt bloating physically before (I guess this is just a side effect of WLS or perhaps just how smaller bodies feel... both sensations are new to me!)

Oh well... I'm exhausted and need to get to bed so I can get up for the Atlanta Obesity Help Conference tomorrow morning. It was good to see some folks at the meet and greet this evening and I look forward to meeting more folks on Saturday. I realize that I have been absent from the boards lately, but now that things are more steady with work (at least for the Holiday season), I should be able to be around a little more often :)

Goodnight, Sleep Tight and have a great November! 

 Well, here I sit today - under my surgeon's goal (131 lbs was his goal). My personal goal was 120-125. Today I am at 120 lbs. It's certainly time to kick this maintenance phase into a higher gear. This is the scariest phase so far and it really intimidates me. I am still not "hungry" most of the time and don't enjoy eating, but I know that I have to do this to stay healthy. I can lose down to 115 and still be at a healthy BMI, but I'm starting to look a little skeletal and don't want to lose any more weight (did I just say that?). My mind still has not caught up with this weight loss and I still see myself as overweight (it's totally the skin making me see it this way). However, when I see photos of myself, I see a somewhat emaciated face looking back at me and I know that is neither attractive nor healthy.

I do not want to end up on the "other side" of unhealthy weight and I certainly don't want any of the physical issues that would go along with that. I have to accept that yes, I could gain some weight back, but is that a bad thing? No. I really don't think so. I mean, I could be 130 and still be healthy and attractive. Somehow, I've got to quit worrying about any regain. I'm only 8 months out and still malabsorbing, so kicking up the calories some can't be too bad. (Lord, I hope not!).

I am very fearful of regain, but this too, I hope, will pass. Now it's off to eat something!

 I've finally figured it out... I was using food and weight to cover up the real issues that were bugging me. (what? it took me this long to realize it?!?). I almost feel like I have been in denial of these feelings for such a long time. I was blocking the time I needed to spend working through my feelings about work, about life and about so many things. How did I block it? I focused on food - on taste - on flavors - on making myself large and *forgettable*. I was allowing myself to be more invisible to others by suffocating myself with an exterior that was not attractive and was easy to pass over.

No longer do I have that crutch. Now I must work through these emotions. I have to feel them through - see what the underlying truth is to these feelings and deal with the reality of them. It's quite freeing to make these realizations. 

My biggest eye-opener has been the realization that I was just "settling" in my job and it has been making me miserable. This has been a major obstacle for me and I just didn't realize it. I want more from my career - I always have, but I never had the confidence before to look this reality straight in the eye and focus on my talent, strengths and ability. With much clarity, I have been able to confront several of the issues that brought me to morbid obesity. 

I am glad that I had the courage to go through with surgery and truly change my life. Why didn't I do this sooner? I simply wasn't ready, or perhaps until December 22, 2008, the time was not right. The universe knew the right time for me and energetically delivered the momentum I needed at the right moment.

I am grateful. I am thankful. I am still learning - and this journey continues to amaze me each day.

 Today, I am happy to report that I have reached my personal goal. 5 pounds less than my surgeon's goal. I am at 125lbs - down from 245. 

I feel great, I am lovin' life now. There are now so many more elements to my life than just worrying about weight, feeling physically uncomfortable and letting food consume my life. 

I am very thankful for my surgery and my support (family, friends, oh board members, my facebook buds, twitter buds and all of the people who have just been there for me throughout this journey). Of course, this journey doesn't end here - I am now trying to figure out the maintenance thing, but I'll get there.

Gotta go - the kid is buggin' me, but I'll blog more later. Check out my site www.emilybrubaker.com for the latest news and what's goin on.

Word.
Em

 Well, I am officially at the surgeon's goal. Down 115 pounds. I now weigh 130 from a high of 245 prior to surgery. From a size 24 to a size 4 / size 2. Today is a day to celebrate. It's not a day to get complacent though - keeping my focus on healthy living, supplementing and maintaining my new lifestyle. 

My personal goal is only 5 pounds away - I think 125 ought to do it. 120 sounds very tempting, but it certainly won't break my heart not to get there. I'm losing at a rate of about 1 pound a week. Although some weeks I still lose about 3 pounds a week. 
Once I hit 125, I'll start looking for a maintenance point. That way, if I lose 5 more pounds while looking for that maintenance "sweet spot", I won't be too small or at an unhealthy weight.

I do want to be more consistent with my exercise - primarily walking. This is part of MY goal. It does feel good to reach the surgeon's goal, but I'll consider myself truly accomplished when I reach MY goals. 

Life. Is. Good. 

 Today I weigh 133 - that's only 3 pounds from my surgeon's goal and 8 pounds from my personal goal.
I've gone from a tight size 22 (well, ok, 24), to a size 4 in most things (2 in Tommy Hilfiger - thank you Tommy).
Amazing how fast this has happened. The mind is trying to catch up, but it is certainly no walk in the park and I sware, WLS is not the "easy way", but it is the only way that has worked for me and has allowed me to work on my mind, my habits and my life without constantly dieting and slipping back into junk food after 3 hours of "starting a diet"  and then turning around and mentally beating myself up for "failing" almost every day.

I have so much to be thankful for and I continue to focus on my protein first (honestly, protein never filled me up prior to surgery, but now - whoo! It really does fill me up and stays with me for a while). As long as I eat properly, I can say that I am full, not interested in picking up junk (1. because I don't want that stuff near my body again - 2. because it would make me feel like poo and 3. because, simply, it just won't friggin' fit after a meal!) I had this surgery as a "tough love" for myself and it has made me much stronger mentally in my fight against bingeing and food addiction. I have been given the chance to focus on nutrition, learn about it, and practice good nutrition without the damn hunger getting in the way of my learning and growing healthier. Now at 6 months, hunger is coming back, but as long as I eat protein heavy meals 3 times a day pretty well spaced and have planned out a couple of snacks spaced in there, the hunger is easily kept in check. HURRAH!

I'm still on this journey... more to lose, more to learn. This journey will never end, because, as far as I am concerned, I am always going to be a Recovering Obese (much like a recovering alcoholic). I may win the battle (get to goal weight), but I will always be focused on winning the war (staying healthy, staying at my goal weight and focusing on what is best for me nutritionally).

Word. So, that's my thought for the day. 133 lbs.... I imagined, but I never dreamed I could truly be this small or feel this good.