Mary Jo P.

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went to my appt this morning. i posted last night that i was nervous about going. it seemed to be ok, but she told me that i am under where they want me to be. i don't understand. i am only 5'2'' and she said they would want me to be around 125. i weighed in there at 116, fully clothed. she told me that's too low. now she wants me to go see the nutritionist. she wants me to up my calories to 1200 ( i tend to get 700-800) and she said i am probably having dizzy spells due to not getting enough protein. she also wants me to come back in 3 months instead of next year for a weight check. i had my bloodwork done and she said she will let me know the results.

i just don't get it. i told her i will go to the nutritionist, but i do not want to gain any weight. she said that is fine, but i need to really try to maintain now. i just don't see how 125 is the lowest they want me when i am only 5'2''. oh well! i am happy with where i am at anyways!

i just can't believe that i have already reached the one year mark in this journey. i feel i have been successful thus far. as of today, i have lost 105 lbs since my surgery and 119 lbs since my highest weight. this morning i weigh 116 lbs. i have gotten so much more out of having this surgery, than i ever imagined possible. i am eager to see what the next year brings me and hope that i have the strength to continue being successful. maintaining will be the real challenge for me! i thank GOD for allowing me this life-changing experience and i am forever grateful!!!

good morning! i am pissed off, my weight yesterday and today has been 117. still a good weight for me i guess, but i had been holding strong at 115. maybe it is just water weight, it has been pretty hot here the past few days. i am trying to get in as many liquids as i can. it is only 2 lbs, got to keep telling myself that. i just don't want 2 lbs to turn into 5 and so on. i hope to get back where i was before my anniversary on thursday! wooohoooo, 1 year!

we are supposed to have a high of 93 degrees today. i am going to DIE!!! but i am going to try to get out and enjoy it! have a wonderful day!

Just a quick update. weighing in at 115lbs. i am very happy where i am at. lost 2 lbs this week. i keep asking myself if i should be making an effort to maintain, but i don't think i weight too little. just letting my body do it's thing. i guess i would like to stay where i am at right now, wearing size 4 and small tops. don't want to get smaller than a size 4 i don't think. i still look at people sometimes and think, "she is TOO skinny". i don't want to be one of those girls! my next appointment is june 13th at surgeon's office and hopefully they will be happy with where i am. the NP told me in december that if i got down to 120 i would look "sickly". i think i look fine, heck sometimes i still hate how i look in the mirror! but my head will catch up. i can already tell a difference, when i see my reflection in windows and doorways. sometimes i think, wow, is that really me? i would love to be able to complete this journey and have my plastics done, but i don't know if that will ever happen.

well, my appt was at 9:15. mammo was not bad at all!!! i guess cuz there's a bunch of skin now where the girls used to be! :lol: i had to wait while they went to show the pics to the doctor. took about 15-20 minutes, then the tech came back and said the spot where my lump is, was lighter on the films so they wanted to do ultrasound. waited about another 20 minutes for room to open up and then another 15 minutes for the doctor to view THOSE pics. well...

the the tech said the doc thinks it is just tissue. thank goodness! they do send them out to a lab, she said to "triple-check", but i assume everything is fine. i was getting nervous during all that waiting. started getting teary-eyed thinking, what if something is really wrong. so, i am very relieved, she said i will go for another mammo when i am 35. hooray!!!

on another note, i was back up to 118 this morning. WTF!!! i saw 116 for a couple days last week, then have been back to 117 since sunday and up this morning to 118. not sure why the scale is going up. i haven't been eating more or anything. pisses me off! so now i work back to getting it down, hopefully will end up around 112-115. dang goal keeps changing on me! LOL i really don't care, as long as i stay under 120.

I MADE IT! i reached my goal. today i weigh 119! OMG, 119??? i am so excited! i have to start behaving myself and not eat bad carbs. yesterday i ate 2 slices of white bread, just because. i wish bread bothered me. i also think i dumped last night. it was weird. i got a frozen custard, which i know i shouldn't have! but i ate almost the whole thing. then it wasn't til like an hour later, i started to feel nauseous, got light-headed and got the jitters. i had to go lay down. but i didn't think dumping would occur an hour later, i thought it would be right after. weird...

well, off to work. YUCK! just wanted to post that i MADE MY GOAL!!!!

well, i am getting pretty frustrated. my weight has been fluctuating for the past 2 weeks between 121-123. today i was back up to 123! it seems like no matter what i do, it just goes up and down. i have tried being very cautious about what i am eating. no need in dwelling on it, i guess. i just get nervous when i see the scale going in the wrong direction.

i don't know for sure, but i think i am getting fired from my job soon. i didn't make march's sales goals and they said if i missed the goals that it "will lead to termination". so today i called in sick. i figure i might as well use my sick week now, they won't pay me for it if they fire me! this seems so unreal to me. i have been at my job for 4 1/2 years and honestly thought i would stay there forever. there is lots of places to move onto within the company, but i just waited too long to try to make any changes. now i have to start all over again somewhere else. i just hope i can find something that will pay my bills.

i am going to try to start getting in more exercise, especially if i am going to be on unemployment. there are no excuses! although i am happy with my weight loss, i feel the need to reach my goal of 120 to be successful. sounds stupid, i know, but i set a goal for myself from the beginning. so i really want to make it.

OK OK OK!!! i am soooo excited today and really want to post about it on every message board, but i am going to wait at least another day. i weighed this morning and i am 121 lbs!!!!! that means i now have lost 100 lbs since the day i had surgery! i want to get my century club card, but the way i fluctuate a lb here and there, i want to wait another day or so. that also means i am just 1 lb away from my goal weight of 120!!! i am just awestruck today...

I am having a real crappy food day! i hate days like this, i just want to kick myself! i started off ok, i always have my ff/sf vanilla latte in the morning. i had a tangerine for a mid-morning snack. for lunch i had tuna on a bed of lettuce with jalepeno peppers and shredded cheddar cheese. THEN it was all downhill from there! i got a bag of bugles out of the vending machine and ate about 1/2 of those. then we went to a friends for dinner and she got pizza and wings. i ate a slice of white pizza with black olives and sausage and ate the whole slice, crust and all. i NEVER do that! plus i ate 2 chicken wings. and to top it all off, i ate a mollasses cookie. i don't know where my head is today. aunt flo is not due to arrive for another 10 days, so i don't think it is PMS. i did get in 85oz of water at work today and will have at least 20 more oz, if not 40 more. i just feel like i ate all freaking day! i don't even want to get on the scale in the morning...

i find myself getting more and more depressed with how i look. i want PS so bad and it eats away at me all the time. my PCP wouldn't even document my neck, shoulder and back pain today. the NP told me it won't help, that PS will be cosmetic and i wouldn't get approved. WTF??? just put it in my damn chart! the pain has to account for something. even if i didn't get approved, i have more of a chance with it than without it. i guess i just have to wait and see a PS to find out my chances...

otherwise, my weight is just steady. i saw 125 for about 2 days at the beginning of the month, then back up to 127, now holding at 126. i been 126 since february 19th! i really want to make my goal of 120. the scale just won't budge these days. i bought an exercise ball tonight and i am going to start doing what i can for this tummy and butt. not sure how much it will help, but i know for sure it can't hurt!

til next time...