Set backs - down but not out!

Mar 23, 2015

On Thanksgiving Day, I ran my fifth 5K, hitting my best time. I was feeling great, returning to work after an awesome holiday and preparing for my next 5K that upcoming weekend.  I had also started training for a 10K.  It had been a pretty epic year thus far.  I had surgery, lost over 110 pounds - my health was at it's best, my professional life was booming and, in general, I was happier than I'd ever been.

Then, the Monday morning after Thanksgiving, I was headed into work when a 15 passenger van lost control and caused a major accident - from which I was seriously injured, though thankfully not permanently. (And thank goodness no one else was injured or worse!)  The accident completely wrecked my vehicle and caused some significant injuries.  I had several fractures of my spine - compression and chip fractures - as well as herniated discs in my lower back.  I was hospitalized for a week, unable to walk for that week.  They finally fitted my for a back brace which I had to wear for over two months.  Needless to say my exercise and running regimen came to a screeching halt.  It took a few weeks for me to be able to even wash myself.  It was a sudden, terrifying, demoralizing experience and I fell into a pretty rough depression.  

I am thankful that given everything I am able to heal and that the doctors were always positive. Losing all that weight - having my blood pressure normalize, no longer being a diabetic - all of that saved my life, without a doubt.  Being fit and healthy ensured that I will be able to heal and come back to 100%.  I was rocked pretty hard for those 3 months and am struggling now to get back on track.  I gained nearly 20 pounds back, my body fat % went up a little.  I lost all muscle definition and core strength.  Physical therapy is both great and at the same time depressing because it's a pretty epic struggle with back pain and wanting so badly to get back to where I was.  They've finaly cleared me to return to the gym, though completely no-impact only.  I started swimming, which has been amazing.

All in all, I'm still struggling and I'm trying not to beat myself up about the weight gain.  I vacillate between angry, sad, determined... Angry at the young kid in the van, angry at myself for letting my old demons come back to haunt me... 

I guess I'm just using this space to vent and to try to get myself back on track... Back to MyFitnessPal for tracking, back to using my FitBit.  Getting my diet back on track - protein, protein, protein.

I did this already with success.  I'm still 90+ pounds down from my highest.  I can do this again.  I will do this again.

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