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OK I know I haven't really written much on here since the hospital. my 2 weeks have been kinda tough. with having to deal with the discomfort, and taking care of McKenzie its just been a little bit hard. I walk my little sister to school everyday. and I go for walks alot thru out the day. Ive been pretty much just drinking water and G2. i had a couple of days where I would just cry and think to myself why did I do this to myself,  but now I'm  starting to see the light @ the end of the tunnel! My  Dr's apt today went well he said I can take whole pills now and I'm doing well.  I can now eat soft foods. Ya! SO  on the way home we stopped @ away and I got me some egg Slade! YUM-O! I could only take a few bites tho. LOL!  so my starting weight was 313. and today I am 279!!

all I wanna do is just to be home. Im sick of being here. I had troubble with drinking cause it hurt for it to do down.  but I feel like I would be okay if I just god home!! I have a headach and back ache from these beds. and chairs.  Im am walking the halls alot! I just wanna get out of here!

hey everyone yesterday was my VSG surgery. I was pretty scared in the pre-op room. then waited for them to take me back to OR. I remeber going in and he dr was explaining things. then I just rember the mask going on and i remeber kinda fighting it. the next thing I knew I was in recovery. I felt more dicomfort then pain.  I spent the day waking up now and then. that was pretty much my night. i mostly just feel gas pains. its moving cause it was under my shoulder, now under my ribs!

Ive been walking the halls alot. my last walk i did I ran into a dr and he said that depending how im feeling that i migh be going home!!!

So tomorrow is the day I get sleeved! LOL, So far I have lost 15lbs on the pre-op diet!  I am ok today. yesterday I woke up thinking OH SHIT! its almost tuesday!! and I just kept thinking I hope I am alive after the surgery! But than I just kept remebering what all the Dr's have been telling me, That I am healthy and I will do GREAT!  I also thought that DR Ing wouldnt do the surgery if he didnt think it was for me.

So today I woke up feeling happy and I cant wait to live the rest of my life as a happy and healthy mother/ daughter/ friend. I had a great dream last night. I dreampt that I was with my aunt ( who is a health NUT) we  were RUNNING for Miles!! and I was healthy and I wasnt tired I kept wanting to go!! So I know everything is going to be fine!

I dont have a will or a livingwill. I was thinking about writting something up about my daughter about her life and who I want to raise her. I was also going to write letters to everyone that matterd to me, JUST IN CASE! but I choose not too! because I REFUSE TO THINK THAT ANYTHING WOULD HAPPEN!! Yes, I do know that there is a 1 in 400 chance. but I refuse to be that 1!! I am a fighter and I always have been, I am not gonna stop now.

 well their is 4days left until my surgery. I am getting so hyped! but yet a little scared. kinda mix feelings. today the nurse called to confirm my time. I have to be @ the hospital @ 9:30am and my surgery is @ 10:00 am. WOW! I cant believe this is all happening. I know I am doing the right thing. I cant wait to do all the NORMAL things that Normal size people do. LOL. but what is really normal. I am ready to feel comfortable in my own skin. To be proud of myself and be the person I feel like I am on the inside. I hope Yvonne had a safe surgery today, I thought about her all day. nothing much to say just that I am ready for this! I know the day of surgery I am going to be scared shitless! Lol

so I went and got my ekg and blood work done. blood work is good. I got a call from  dr ings office and they  said I need to see a cardioloigst. saw h im today and he said that the way my ekg  looks like I had  a HEART ATTACK! Im like WHat?!?! Im thinking in my head is it normal to have a heart attack and not know it?? lol. but he checked me all out and said that  the EKG Machane mis-read it. and that  I am normal!! YAY! and that I should be fine and have a safe surgery! thank god.  now Im off to the  gym!

OK I think today I just had a mental breakdown.  I am such a baby today. all I feel like I can do is cry and cry and cry more because I am so pissed off, so angry. and I don't know why. everything is getting to me. I have been on my liquid diet since Monday. and Ive been loosing about a pound a day.  I do feel weak,  I have a head ache. and I just wanna be left alone in my room all day. but I cant do that. I am a mom. I have to be their for my girl. really doesn't help that she is teething right now again. today I kept asking myself is this the right time to have this surgery??  am I doing the right thing. but I know this is the only thing that will work for me. I do want this. I wanna be a better mom for McKenzie and I wanna be healthy and  enjoy life with her. she is my world!

Lately I have had McKenzie's dad  on my case, I have been with him for years but the past 1- 1 1/2yrs  we have not been together. we broke up when  while i was pregnant. and I have wanted us to be a family. but he kept telling me  i don't know and stuff. so I just woke up and realized that he is not what I want. so for the past month he has been pressuring me to be with him. and I just told him I need space. now he is free to see our daughter when ever he wants. but when he comes its back over to see her he is like  " baby I miss you and blah blah"! there is alot more to this story. but I don't understand why don't he get the fact I need space and I just wanna get this surgery done and over with and have no problems!

My diet so far is going good. I am stronger person then I thought I was. I am OK with the liquid diet until, my family comes home and makes dinner.  I just hope I can make it Thu another week!!!

today I had my pre-op apt. It went well.  Im just ready for the day to come! today tho was a bit of a run around! went to the out pt center. only to find that my dr is no longer there! so I had to call the hospital to see where they were. when I got there. they were nice enough to take me back right away. they gave me a big goody bag full of powder choc. and vanilla  shakes. I told the dr that I feel nervous. he told me that I should be excited and happy. I am but still scared! they really helped ease some of my fears!

This week is my last time I get to eat real food for a while. I dont know how I feel about it. I guess it really didnt hit me yet.  Im glad I have to full support of my friends and family. Im starting to tell my close co-works about it. and they also think its awesome.I started a vlog on you tube. so I can see the progress and for my family and friends to see how things are going. Im scared but not so scared yet. I feel ok with it. but Im just nervous about the surgery.  I went shopping with my sister who is a size 6-8.  we went to plato closet. and  she was trying on all these tiny dresses. I was just thinkning that I cant wait till I can shop here,.oh im gonna post more before pics!!

OK so my pre-op apt is next Friday!!! Ive been trying to as much weight now as possible but I'm guessing with the 2week liquid diet it sure till help lose more. Ive been doing OK with going to the gym its just been hard cause I take care of my daughter all day then Ive been picking up 3-11p shifts as much as possible. cause I don't think I get paid for my leave cause I am not full time. plus Ive just been under alot of stress right now. I just wanna get my new life started.

 well my personal life life has been a little crazy. McKenzie's dad and I have not been together in a  while. and I just got to the point where I opened my eyes and said enough is enough.  I just have this funny feeling that after my surgery and I start to loose the weight is he gonna wanna be in our lives again. and that something I don't want. some one who wants me for the way I look and not the real person I am inside. in the meanwhile, I have been talking to an old friend from school. and he is an amazing person.  I thought we where just being friends and hanging out and talking about our bullshit. but something weird happened last night  he  made it known that he really likes me.  and while we were hanging out he asked me what do I want. I was really honest and told him that I'm not sure what I went.  tho personally I really wasn't looking for someone till after my surgery and lost the weight. I did tell him about the surgery and he is supportive. but it is nice to know that he likes me for me. ( side note: Ive known this guy liked me for years,). so I'm just not sure on what to take of this. and what i should do. In my head I just wanna run cause Ive learned to become so guarded and I don't wanna be that cold hearted bitch tho.  i guess Ill have stick around and see where it goes from here.

So how are you guys doing?? I hope all is well!