heathera36

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I got a heart shaped box of hershey's candies at Valentine's Day.  I was allowing myself 1 or 2 pieces a day after dinner.  CRAZY.  It's like telling an alcoholic they can have 1 or 2 shots of tequilla after dinner.  

After trying on that 18/20 sweater and having it fit yesterday, I decided to THROW the rest out.  I'm not giving myself permission for any more junk like that.  I'm just telling myself after I get to goal, one day a month on my surgery anniversary I can eat anything I want and maybe even a chocolate covered cherry on Sundays!

I'm hoping by then I won't have a taste for any of that junk, but the point is -- as long as I don't say -- YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THAT AGAIN -- it won't have a hold over me.  If I tell myself I'll never have that again it will just make me insane, this way I can just say, not right now...but later if you still want it you can have it, I promise, now be a good girl and eat a sugar-free popsicle!

I had my monthly dinner club with the girls last night and wanted to get a new sweater to go with the gorgeous amethyst pendant my husband gave me for valentines day. So I went to Fashion Bug to see what they had in shades of purple. When I started this process at 316 pounds I was wearing a 30/32 so I grabbed some 28/26, a 22/24 and on a wing and a prayer I took an 18/20 in
the fitting room because it was my favorite sweater and it was the only size they had. I thought I'd see just how far I had to go before I could wear it.

You probably know where this is going.the 18/20 FIT ME!!!!!! I glanced up at my face and my look was comical..I'm not sure I've ever looked so surprised in my life! I just stood there in shock!! Then I looked down at the jeans I wore in the store thinking that they were looking good and they were like clown pants! I didn't buy pants because I knew I had smaller jeans at home. I went home and changed!

I'm weighing right around 220 these days (surgery on 11/5) and I've been thinking how is that people who weigh around what I weigh say they are in 18s and 16s.they must carry their weight differently because I'm still in 3x and 26/28!! How odd that I was in denial about being a SMALLER size.

I was getting a bit too cocky because nothing was making me sick -- I ate the top off pizza, chocolate, cookies, cheeseburgers (homemade so not too bad), etc...  Well the other night I had a couple of bites of my step-daughter's nachos from Taco Bell.  Man oh man, did I pay the price!  I was in the bathroom most of the day yesterday!  I went to bed early and crashed hard.  Lesson learned.  

I'm feeling much better today, still a litlte crampy, but nothing like yesterday!  I wasn't able to eat much at all yesterday though, cause I just didn't feel like it, so I woke up this morning weight 220.8.  I'm not logging it on my chart below though, cause I don't know if it's "real" yet -- we'll see what happens after I eat regular food today.

Looks like I'm heading in the right direction again.

Good grief. I feel like crying!!  I'm still STUCK!! If anything I've been eating better than ever this week, plus I started walking a mile EVERY day.  Oh wait, I'm not stuck, I'm down .6 of a pound.  Sheeeeeesh!!  It's so frustrating, especially after the pounds were just dropping off left and right.  I know, I know, this happens to everyone, and it will pick back up again, but I'm not having any fun!!   

Plus Dave told me he has something special for me when I hit "Onederland."  I'm sure it's a fun piece of jewelry!!! I can't wait! 

Ok...I'm off to do my mile walk.  Hopefully the next time I update I'll be saying the pounds are dropping again!!

Well it's been almsost a week at the same weight. Argh!!  I know "stalls" are normal and to be expected...but they are still NO fun!!  Especially when you're used to losing 2-4 pounds per week.  I did go a little nuts this weekend and ate stuff I don't normally eat, so that probably has something to do with it.  I'm back to my normal routine now and I kicked up the exercise too, so I'm hoping this stall won't last long.  I'm pretty amazed that I'm at 225.  Can't remember the last time I was under 240.  

It's weird though...when it used to take me a year to loose 50 pounds and I'd get down to 240 I'd feel like I'd lost soooooooooo much weight.  Well at 225 I still feet as fat as I ever was.  Everyone is telling me what huge difference there is though, so I know it's noticeable to everyone else.  

Anyway, I can't believe that I'm only 26 pounds from Onederland!  26 pounds!!  Unfreaking believable!

I've noticed for the last week or so that my hair is coming out by the handful.  I was hoping it was my imagination...but no, it's definitely coming out.  Not in "clumps" but definitely enough for me to notice.  I've got a lot of hair, so I hope it won't become obvious.  For some reason I thought I might be one of those people who didn't get the hair loss.  I can eat anything I want, just smaller portions, so I was hoping I was getting enough nutrition to avoid it.  But I guess it's not just about nutrition.  

I also do not dump--I've eaten sugar in moderation and been fine.  I haven't had anything overly fatty and I doubt I will anytime soon, but so far no dumping. 

3 months ago today I had my surgery.  These 3 months have gone by so fast.  I've lost 62 pounds too.  Pre-surgery that would take me a year, at least.  And I'm confident that I'm still loosing...I'd be at a standstill for sure, pre-surgery.  I can not believe I'm just 30 pounds from "onederland!!!"  I have been there since my early 20s.

Everyone is telling me how amazing I look and it really, REALLY makes me uncomfortable!!  I have to steal myself to walk into church on Sunday mornings these days cause I know I'll have to get through the gauntlet of ladies telling me "you look amazing, I'm proud of you, wow, you look great!" I guess there's no pleasing me.  I don't know what I'm complaining about really.  I suppose if no one said anything I'd be whining about that too.  I guess I'd really appreciate a happy medium--like, "you're looking great" and leave it that.  After awhile I just don't know what to say any more.  This morning after the third person come up to me to say how "amazing" I looked, when the fourth one came up before he got a chance to open his mouth I said, "I'm amazing aren't I?"  Ha ha!  One said how proud she was of me -- and I'm thinking -- "proud?"  The weight isn't falling off because of anything I did (or didn't do) -- it's the surgery that's making it come off.  One woman said, "whatever you're doing, keep doing it."  And I said, "I had surgery."  Ohhhhh wow...that starts it up again about how brave....  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Enough already.  Sheeeesh.  It almost wants me to move away where no one knows me.  I know it will all die down soon enough though, and I try to be gracious and smile and say, "Thanks, I feel great too!"  I was asked the "how much have you lost so far?" question today, which makes me REALLY uncomfortable and I responded with my new answer -- "I'm not really keeping track of the numbers, trying not to to obsess about it."  Everyone in the circle around me agreed that that was sensible.  Anyway, it's a weird adjustment.  I don't know why I'm even complaining about it.  I just need to get over myself.  I'm an odd person and I'm just not comfortable being very emotive. 

So now for something completely different....

I've been closet shopping...I think I mentioned I cleaned out my closets a couple weeks ago and I found a lot of clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a while so I know I've been going down at least a size.  I'm still wearing a lot of the same pants...they must have been really tight fitting, or they look like clown pants now and I don't realize it.   I have had to "retire" 2 pairs of jeans that are just way too big.  

My sister and I (and a couple) friends are going to a spa next month and I knew I didn't want to run around in one of their robes.  I may have lost some weight, but NOT that much.  I went and bought what we used to call a "jogging suit" back in the day.  It's just a soft jersey material...a pair of pants and a jacket.  I was able to buy them in a smaller size.  The pants are a 26/28 -- I was in a 30/32 in most pants before surgery.  The jacket is a 22/24 which I haven't been able to wear in quite awhile, so that was kind of fun.  

Can you believe I can be happy about weighing 239 pounds?  The thing is I can't remember the last time I was in the 230s.  I feel like this one is might really work, this time it's different.  So my highest all time recording weight was 316 pounds, so I'm down 77 pounds from that!  I was at 293 the morning I went in for surgery, so I'm down 54 pounds in 11 weeks.

Overall things are going well.  I feel good.  I eat a wide variety of foods.  I don't want to test the limits.  I did have a bite of cake the other day and was happy to stop at that.  Wow, satisfied with one bite of cake.