heidiraels
4/3/06 Howdy! If you are reading this you know I am going to be having WLS soon. This is my story. OK, my apologies, this is going to start out long, once I get it written out, I will have to cut it back some. (1/23/07 well maybe...some day I will get to editing it).
I was born September 25, 1968, the 2nd of 2 children. As an infant I was very sick and officially was put in the "failure to thrive" category. Nothing seemed to be wrong, so at age 2 my parents took me to an allergist. Allergy studies and treatments were just beginning to emerge, but I was diagnosed with multiple "moderate" allergies. The beginning of the allergy shots at age 2, and temporary diet modification, brought health, and I began to thrive. By the time I was 8 years old, although I was an active child, I was overweight. By age 12 my Mom was telling me that if I could just stay where I was at I would be OK. Our family doctor tried scare tactics and told me that if I continued to gain weight I would be in a wheelchair by age 20. DR. Good's scare tactic did not work and actually drove me to discredit his concern completely. I did have a weight problem though. I knew it and though I hid my sadness and worry from others, I did want to be normal. I wanted to look Ok in gym class and not be self conscious and "slow". I wanted people to pick me to be on their teams.... I wanted to be "pretty."
At age 15 I was 230 lbs. I joined Weight Watchers with my Mom and lost 25 lbs. It was the first diet I had ever done and it was a struggle. I did not like checking little boxes. But, just that little loss made a big difference to my self concept. Except for gym class, I was enjoying myself...and I could buy cute clothes, in my style, instead of ugly Fatty clothes. I maintained that weight loss for 3 years, but my senior year in High School, I started gaining again. The struggles continued in college, where I continued to gain, and by 1990 I weighed 305 pounds.
I was struggling..... in classes, with my self-esteem, with my allergies, and with my weight. Summer of 1990, I was at my wits end. I hated myself and my body. I talked to my parents, and they asked me to consider a program they had heard about at Olmsted Medical Group in Rochester, Minnesota. The program was called HMR, and it was a medically supervised Very Low Calorie Liquid Diet. I joined up and succeeded! In one year on the program, I lost 130 lbs. I will admit I was not perfect even on their program, but after struggling for a while, we added in fruits and vegetables and I did fine. Being in college I had an advantage over the Moms, wives, and working women at their support group meetings though. All I had to worry about was myself. I did not have to cook for anyone, I could exercise when I wanted to, I could binge and skip meals to make up on occasion.
In Dec 1991, at a wonderful 185 lbs., I graduated from college and began looking for work. I also applied to the US Peace Corps, and was accepted. I lost another 10 lbs and in the summer of 1992, at 175 lbs, I headed to Ecuador, South America as a volunteer in the livestock/animal husbandry program. In my two years in Ecuador I learned a lot about myself as well as the world, I met my husband, made a small difference in the war against poverty, and struggled with weight. Despite my well thought out plans to maintain my weight or even lose in Ecuador, I was not prepared for what I was getting myself into, and although I will never regret being a part of the Peace Corps, I did learn that in times of stress I turn to food and old unhealthy habits, such as isolating. By the end of my two years in Ecuador, I did lose all the weight gained. I also gained a husband.
The return to Minnesota with my new hubby went well, but after a year or two of marriage and dealing with the pressures of the working world, the emotional eating was becoming a struggle again. I was struggling with self esteem, jobs, eating, and marriage. These struggles continued for the next 4 years, but although I struggled with food, the weight gain was still "reasonable", and each time I would return to the basics, and drop some, if not all regained weight.
In 1998, a huge blow came. My husband had an affair. I had known that this was a possibility from the beginning, but I knew that he recognized the hurt his father had caused his beloved Mother, and I hoped he loved me enough to not cause me the same pain. I was wrong. He did not want to cause me harm, but when it came down to it, his own selfishness and lust won out. I was so disappointed, but I did love him, so I fought to get him back. I won that battle, but then fell into a deep depression. I stopped caring what I looked like, what anyone thought, how good it felt to be able to be active, I really did not care much what happened to me, so I ate, and in the course of 5 months, I gained 60 lbs. On top of the pre-affair gain, that put me within 15 lbs of my previous high.
My husband and I reconciled and moved on, I managed to lose a little weight, but I was nearing 30 and wanted to have children. He said he wanted a child too. I thought he really meant it when he said he would never hurt me again, so I put weight loss on hold and tried to get pregnant. In July of 2000, our first son was born. I managed to lose all the baby weight within the first two months of my son's birth plus 10 more lbs. Things were wonderful, we were happy we loved each other, and we loved our beautiful son. I wanted a sibling for our son, so after 6 months, I took steps to get pregnant again. Things were getting stressful at work however, and my husband was having issues again, I medicated myself by overeating and fooled myself into believing everything was fine, I gained back the last 15 lbs. But eventaully the efforts to become pregnant paid off and in Dec 2001 we learned that not only were we pregnant, but it was twins. That revelation was the beginning of the end however, for our marriage.
The second pregnancy was fairly uneventful considering the added difficulty of carrying twins, but I was left emotionally alone, at a time when I needed love and support more than ever. It is hard to be pregnant with twins. It is emotionally and physically draining. The loving nurturing man that my husband was during and after the first pregnancy disappeared, and in it's place was a harsh, critical, angry, bitter, cold man. I struggled alone to keep up with a full time job, the demands of motherhood, and taking care of myself and the 2 little ones inside me. On top of that the dream job had turned sour and things were quickly heading downhill.
The twins were born a little early, but healthy. They stayed in the hospital until they were strong enough to eat enough to gain weight. They were beautiful and healthy. We were blessed. I returned to work, and 1 month later was fired. I joined a Bible Study at my church, and MOPS. A year later I found a part-time evening position. I liked the job, but was quickly putting in nearly full-time hours. My husband did not like it, even though he wanted the money. In June of 2004, I learned that my husband was in another affair. My self-esteem had gotten to the point I allowed him to continue to endanger my health, even though I knew he was with someone else, as well as me, and this was a giant health risk. He promised to leave her, and having been reborn in Christ, I felt it was my duty to try to save our marriage, so I kept praying and kept struggling.
October 2004. I went on retreat with my church. The retreat was the beginning of a new life for me in Christ. I finally dealt with the pain of the affair, of the betrayal, I finally realized that I deserved more than affair after affair and put-downs and criticism. I finally realized that someone loved me more than any human ever could. I left the retreat confident enough to say no to further physical advances from my husband. I left the retreat confident enough to ask him to get counseling. I left the retreat knowing that nothing else mattered as long as Jesus was in my life. The marriage continued to deteriorate. My husband continued to be involved with his girlfriend, and continued to want a physical relationship with me as well. In November 2004, I asked him to show me a little respect and move out. In January 2005, I lost my job due to budget cuts. The next week my husband told me he had leased an apartment with his girlfriend and would be moving out in February. He had not been around much before anyway, sleeping at friend's houses most of the time.
In March of 2005 the Lord showed me that it was time to move on and leave the marriage. He loved me and wanted better for me than my husband could give me. I began to take steps toward divorce, but due to unemployment, I needed financial assistance, and was put on a waiting list for legal assistance.
On September 1st, 2005 I filed an Order For Protection against my husband. On September 2nd, 2005 my husband filed for divorce.
In December of 2004 I had gone to a seminar on WLS, I was considering the surgery, but did not feel ready for it. I scheduled the Psych Eval anyway, thinking that with my background of depression and emotional eating I would surely be ruled out and would not have to make a decision on the matter. I passed the Psych Eval in March 2005. For a short period of time I considered the surgery. I wondered if I could handle it when I couldn't even eat healthy. I decided to have the surgery, then had an immediate sense of foreboding, so I did a 360 and dropped the idea entirely. In September 2005 I threw out all the original paperwork, feeling pretty confident that I would never move forward on the WLS path, that I would not be successful in the long term and should not undertake the surgery without some chance of success.
On Thanksgiving Day of 2005 I was invited to a church friend's home for dinner. While visiting her, I learned that she had had weight loss surgery 3 years earlier. I had not known her then, and could not believe that she was not "normal." I watched what she ate, and was surprised at how normal her eating was. I began to reconsider WLS. I had to retake the info seminar, so I attended again in December 2005. I walked out of the seminar certain that this time I did want to do it, and that with God's help and WLS, I could be normal again. I saw the nutritionist the next week. While I felt certain pretty sure that WLS was the direction I wanted to go, I felt a little bit like I was giving up on God. I knew He could do miracles, and I was concerned that WLS was not in His will for me. During this time I did a lot of praying that if this was not His will, that he would close doors, have the insurance not go through, or in some other way he would let me know that WLS was not the path He wanted for me and I continued to pray this.
In January 2006 I sent the completed paperwork to my surgeon’s office. 2 weeks later I got the call that the insurance had approved me. My pre-surgery consult was scheduled for February. I continued to pray that God close doors or let me know in some way if this path of WLS was not of his will, but of mine. On the contrary, when I met resistance from my parents and was beginning to question my choice, he sent affirmation of the decision through several respected believers.
At my consult I was "qualified" by my surgeon, and my "date" was set for March 27th, if I could get a sleep study completed that same week.
February 28, 2005 - The sleep study was annoying. I was exhausted, but I was on edge all night. The monitors and wires did not bother me that much, I just kept thinking that any minute they are going to come in and put the CPAP mask on. I was exhausted, but sleepless for long periods of time. I finally settled down late in the morning. Turns out I have mild sleep apnea. In the range where it does not have to be treated but would be paid for by insurance. After much consideration, I opted for the treatment, then found out that if I had not, my surgery would have been canceled until I was treated for 30 days. I was so angry. Due to miscommunication between the surgeon's staff and the sleep doc, I almost made the wrong choice.
March 11th. Moving Day. Today we are moving from our house of 7 years to a townhouse in the next community. I am excited about the move, but nervous that the move to a much smaller place will be hard for the boys. I wanted to be sure they were settled in before the surgery though, so I scheduled the move early. My parents did not agree, but when I got home the day I told them, there was a message that our contingent sale had finally gone solid. Hurray!!!!
March 14th. Started Liquid Diet. Not staying completely on it, but with 2 weeks of it, I'm sure I have time to get it right!
The first 2 weeks of CPAP was uneventful, however during the 3rd week I started having trouble with the mask slipping and leaking part way through the night. When I went in to have my sleep card assessed, they were surprised at what a high pressure of CPAP I needed, considering my mild APNEA. Hmmm...
March 20th, my oldest son gets sick.March 21st, the oldest twin begins to get sick. March 23rd, the other twin is getting sick, but my oldest son seems to be feeling better. No signs that I am getting sick yet.March 24. I have a slight sore throat. Hope it passes quickly.March 25. I woke up sick. I am medicating and hoping it is a QUICK virus. We are moving the rest of the stuff out of the house today.
March 26th, 2006. I am sick. I called the surgeon and they called back and said no surgery tomorrow. My oldest son is feverish again. By late afternoon I don't want to wait another day to see the doctor. I go to Urgent Care and take my oldest with to be checked for strep. It is STREP. I am so glad we did not wait another day for the doctor. We went to the 24 hour pharmacy and started our medicine today.
March 27th. I am not too disappointed that I am not in surgery today. I am so tired. I set up an appointment for the twins and had their father take them, they have strep too. They did not seem that bad, if E and I had not had it, I don't think I would have had them checked, at least for a few days. I called the surgeons office and the earliest they have open is April 21st. Darn I was hoping for next week. Good news I don't have to keep doing the liquid diet.
March 28th. I am feeling much better. The boys too! They have SO MUCH Pep and Energy it is driving me crazy, but I am happy they feel better too! Their Daddy is watching them tonight so I can go to Renewal Support group in Mpls and meet some other WLS patients pre and post op.
March 30th. Surgeons office called they have an opening on the 18th, also the surgeon is going to be out of town on the 21st, so we would have had to change the date irregardless. I asked about the liquid diet. She said that since I have already done 2 weeks, I only need to do one more week. Went back to the house and finished cleaning out the basement. Dad had planned to get a group to do that on Saturday, but since I didn't have surgery and he wasn't working, we met today to get more done. We still have to clean out the garage on Saturday though.
March 31, 2006. I am bingeing so bad I think I might go back on Liquid diet early.
April 1, 2006 - Last of our stuff moved out of the house and most of the cleaning done.
April 2, 2006 - Still Binge-ing. I feel good though. I went back and cleaned the oven and the fridge. Everything is done at the house now. Yeah!!!! I would have liked to clean the carpet, but I am out of time and energy. I think the new owners are replacing the carpet anyway.
April 4, 2006 - My oldest would not go to sleep last night. I got him up to go on the bus to K-garden, but couldn't find his mittens. I got him to the bus stop, but he whined the whole way, and when I let down my guard, he ran back to the townhouse and locked the door behind him. He did not open the door for 20 minutes. I was so afraid I was going to have to call the cops to get the door open. Finally he opened the door. I was so frightened. I guess I need to find a place to hide a key. Once he finally let me in, I had a talk with him, then I went to the bathroom. When I came back he was on the couch fast asleep. I did not have the heart to wake him up, so I called school and said he would not be coming. I took the twins to daycare at noon and then Estefan and I went to Edina for the house closing. After we got our check, we cashed it and split it up. Then my soon-to-be-ex husband took the boys and I went to the Renewal Support Group in MPLS. It was nice to meet people. Since I am thinking of starting the liquid diet early, I decided to splurge on dinner out after the group. I had a great time.
April 5th - Paying off debts and paying bills. And unpacking still. I also began my online class. I am beginning a Masters program in Human Services. I want to open a non-profit Christ centered organization that will help immigrants in difficult or confusing situations find resources to meet their unique needs. Eventually I will turn over the reins of the agency and settle into a different role as a bilingual counselor. I feel very much that this is what God wants for my life. I hope that I can serve him well.
April 12th, 2006 - I said all last week that I was going to start the liquid diet early, but in the end I did not start it until yesterday. Then I had a huge binge in the evening. Oh well. I went off diet again today, but I did alot better. The boys are with their Dad tonight. It will be a nice break, and I will get to sleep in tomorrow. I have a ton to do tonight and tomorrow, so it won't be lazy time at all. I have gotten 2 e-mails in the last 2 days inquiring if I am still looking for work. I replied yes, but I am having surgery next week. I also saw yesterday that Dairy Queen is hiring summer help. That might be fun, but will it be too much torture to work there? I guess I should avoid working with food for a while. Either it will disgust me or tempt me and neither would be a good situation. I have been holding off on the job search due to surgery coming up so soon. I am looking forward to really getting involved in the search again after WLS. Maybe I will be able to get into to some of my bigger business clothes soon too!!! I am leaving those boxes to sort through after the surgery. I have nowhere to put them until I can throw some of my current clothes out! Yeah!!! My clothes are starting to get worn out, I need to start replacing them. I have been holding off on that too, not wanting to spend money on clothes I will barely use. I hope that I will have enough leftovers to get by for a while.
April 14, 2006 - Freddy, the boys' father, called to say they are getting sick. I set up an appointment at the pediatrician. Freddy said, the pediatrician said its the strep, and started them on new stronger antibiotics. But then he said that they would get the test results back tomorrow. I am little confused, so do they have strep and they are just running cultures to make sure it isn't resistant to the new medicine, or is the doctor just making an assumption that the overnight culture would show strep. The boys are back home, since their Dad works tomorrow. I so-o-o-o don't want to get sick again and have to postpone again. I thought that maybe I could minimize my contact with them once their Aunt came, but she hasn't shown up yet, guess she's got a date tonight. I also have to get my week 3 homework done for my class before my surgery on Tuesday, so tomorrow I will be spending the day on that (and avoiding my children). So far all I've had are mild allergies, Please Lord, keep me healthy! Please Lord forgive me for worrying about things that I shouldn't and trying to take care of my life on my own.
2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Lord take my weaknesses and use them for your glory. I want to be Your servant, and show Your Love. Fill me up with Your Spirit, and let Your Love overflow to those around me. In Jesus Name. Amen. The liquid diet is going well. I stayed on it yesterday (except for communion at Maudy Thursday service, but that does not count!), and so far have done fine today!!!! Hurray!!!!
April 18, 2006 - Surgery Day - Weight 342 lbs.
April 20, 2006 - 2 days Post-Op I am feeling so good. I do not know what struggles I will face in the future, but right now I have NO regrets. My surgery, laparoscopic RNY Gastric Bypass with Gall Bladder removal, went just fine. Nothing exciting. Only interesting thing that happened is my Gall Bladder decided to be a little stinker, and slipped out of the plastic pouch (that they put it in before removing it), and got stuck in the incision as they were taking it out. Not a big deal, they just pull it out, but there's just a slight increase in possibility of infection at that incision due to the contact. But that wound is looking really good, better than the other ones as a matter of fact, so I don't expect any problems. My hospital stay was uneventful, and except for the pain, learning what my threshold was and learning to sip, sip, sip and burp, burp, burp (to get the gas out), it was almost fun. I will have to admit that I hurt pretty good that first night and was uncomfortable, but I am already feeling so good (except when I get past 3 hours between doses of my pain meds), that I have no regrets. Beats my c-sections hands down. And I had the added bonus of getting to absorb all the compliments from the nurses and nurses assistants about what a "SuperStar" I was. I tried to be humble about it all, but they said I really was a wonderful patient and was doing very well. So I am glowing. But it really is not me, just the Blessing of God! I am blessed to have been given a body that rebounds rather quickly.
One interesting note. The physicians in the practice I selected reinforce the stoma (opening between the Small Intestine and Stomache) by wrapping it with additional tissue (which they sew in place) to make the Stoma stronger, so it won't stretch. In the past the surgeons in this practice have used tissue from the abdominal wall (open) or from the thigh (lap). My Surgeon, Dr. Schlosser, is now using donated tissue! It is exciting for me as I get the benefit of reinforcement, but do not have to deal with pain from a thigh incision or any other post surgery complications related to taking tissue from the thigh. Dr. S says they process and match the tissue in a way that there is NO Rejection either. How Cool. I wish I understood it all. Only draw back is that now I have a bit of a Dead Person in my body... if I think about it that way it is a bit creepy. But it really is kind of COOL, the person that died helped me out, and in a way I am helping their family know that some good came out of their loss. What a Blessing. God certainly does amazing things!
4/21/06 It's just after midnight, so I guess it is actually 4/22. I cannot believe how quick this recovery is going. I feel so different than just 2 days ago when I came home. I have so much of my energy back already. The swelling of my lap incisions is pretty much gone already and it doesn't look like it will be long before the wounds (on the outside at least) are healed. I am sure the inside will take a little longer. I have already lost some weight, I can feel it in my pants, but I do not know how much. I do not own a scale, and I cannot drive for a week (Dr's orders & also I am taking narcotic pain meds still). I still have pain if I get behind on my meds, but last night I slept through the night, did not need to take any meds midway through. I am wondering if I should try and switch over to just tylenol yet. I guess since the Dr. doesn't want me driving yet anyway, I might as well wait to switch over until the week is up. I have not had a problem getting in my liquids and my protein. I will have to keep my eye on it, now that my boys are back home. When the boys are here it is easy to get distracted and forget to take care of myself. My only complaint is taking medications. It is not easy anymore. I used to take all my prescription medications at bedtime. They were all once a day meds. Some of them cause sleepiness, and it was just the easiest time to remember. Now I find that by the time I cut them up and swallow them all one by one with a sip of water and a few minutes for them to go down, it is more than an hour later. I can't swallow them one after the other like I used to, because doing that makes my pouch feel very uncomfortable. I also have noticed that if it has been a while since I've eaten, I need to eat a little something with them or my pouch hurts. So I've moved my Allegra to mid-day, and today I tried moving my Trazadone to dinnertime (but it made me sleepy for a while), I think I will keep that at bed-time tomorrow, but try the Celexa earlier in the day. It will help once I am not taking the pain meds anymore. I have been taking 2 of them at bedtime, after cutting them that makes 8 little pieces, that takes at least 20 minutes for me to get down.
4/22/06 Well I had to get up last night to take pain medication. Other than that I slept well. But now I have gone 6 hours between pain meds. I'm not sure why except that I have been feeling bored and lack-a-daisical, which means I have been pretty low key, quiet, inactive all day. I have work to do on the computer, but my kids were hogging it, and I did not feel like being a meany. Now they are off though, went to the Park with Auntie, so I better get to work. The last 30 hours or so the Percocet has been causing more and more wooziness, so I think tomorrow morning I am going to switch over to just plain Tylenol. It seems such a waste to throw out all those pills, but once I know that the Tylenol is enough, I will. I can't believe how quickly my healing is recovering. I knew it would be faster than the cesareans, but I never expected to see changes overnight. Two of the seven incision sites were substantially larger and more bruised than the other five. I assume that is where the largest instruments and the most work happened, that the other sites were for the cameras, and other less invasive things, like pulling out my Gall Bladder. Yesterday the swelling around the incision sites basically disappeared. But those two incision sites were basically 4 inch dark purple circles. When I woke up they were basically yellow with a few red splotches, and a a blue quarter moon on one edge. Completely different overnight. Even my regular bruises don't change that quickly. I am sure it helps that I'm getting my protein and liquids in, but I'm still amazed. 7:40pm New development. My pudding went down OK, but 40 minutes later it is making me nauseous, and has been for about 15 minutes. I felt a little bit that way at lunch too. I am thinking it is the whey-based protein powder that I switched to at lunch time because I ran out of my soy favorite and will not have a chance to get more until a friend takes me to the store tomorrow. I guess I will do without protein powder tomorrow morning and see what develops as I learn my pouch.
4/24/2006 Developments, developments. I stopped Percocet on Sat 4/22. When I went to bed I took two Tylenol instead. I woke up a little sore in the morning, but not too bad. Sunday went poorly though. I felt pretty good yet in the morning, so I went to church with a friend, then we went to the grocery store to get some groceries. I wore myself out a bit at the grocery store, was looking forward to getting home, getting fluids, and eating a litttle, When I got home, I spent a bit of time with my boys, then was about to hand them of to my SIL when some friends of hers showed up. She promptly disappeared inside with them and was not seen or heard from again for 3 1/2 hours. I needed fluids, pain relief, rest, and maybe even some food! It was such a nice day out that I did not want to make the boys go inside, plus they were having so much fun playing with their new friend, our neighbor. Needless to say, by 4 pm I was exhausted, nauseous, etc. I finally handed off the boys and got some relief, food, meds, and fluids. Napped for about 4 hours. Then some time on-line, then to bed for sleep. I did not really feel very good for most of today either, but my Mom was back, Thank Goodness. I am feeling better tonight, but I did not get my protein today. I was nauseous all day. I guess once the Percocet wore off. I really started feeling what was going on with my body! Oh well, it is getting better. I can hardly believe I am comfortable on just Tylenol already. And in two more days I can drive again! That will be nice, even though I won't go far. Anyhow, I am very grateful for this surgery, and I know that the Lord has really blessed me. What a PRIVILEGE to know HIM!
4/26/05 8 days post-op. My kids have been keeping me very busy. By the time I get them down at night I am pooped. My Mom is here trying to help, but although she is helping a lot, my kids won't go to her when I am here. She feels really bad, and thinks I am doing too much, but really I feel like I could do lot's more, but I don't want to overdo. Today the twins and I walked over to a little neighborhood park near our house. It felt good to walk and it wasn't far. They had a nice bench I sat down and rested on a couple times too. I'm glad I went, but I freaked my poor Mom out. I have been struggling with protein ever since I went off the Percocet, but otherwise I feel pretty good. Some foods really made me nauseous when I first went off, but now things are settling down. I am still taking Tylenol, but only every 4-6 hours. No lifting yet and the kids don't like that at all, especially my almost 4 year old twins, but they get lot's of love. I can't wait until they go back to childcare and I go back to the job hunt though. They are very stubborn and demanding little boys. I love them though. Just would like a break now and then.
4/29/05 11 days Post-Op. Well life is picking up again. I woke up yesterday and by the time I got my son off to school, I realized that I did not feel too bad at all as fair as pain was concerned, so I decided to give it a try again with NO PAIN medicine, not even Tylenol. After two days Tylenol free, I am feeling pretty good. Yes I have some pain, but it's not bad, and I am not taking many pills anymore. That is a really good thing as all my pills except the chewables feel like a lump in my throat for quite a while. Worse than the pain is the itching at the incision sites. The pharmicist suggested "Sarna" cream, which seems to help. The name made me laugh though, because in Spanish, Sarna means Scab. Yesterday and Today I have been experimenting with food. I am supposed to be on full liquids for a few more days, but I am tired of it and experimenting. If I was making all wise choices and sticking with soft foods, that might be OK, but I'm not. The good news is that even when I crave, I can't eat all that much of the junk anymore, the bad news is that those are "wasted" ounces, as then I can't get anything nutritious in. This afternoon I overfilled my pouch. I don't feel like it stretched, but with food suddenly sitting in my Esophagus, I did NOT feel good. I wish I could have puked, but the docs said no puking for 2 weeks, if possible, to let things get healed well. I felt like I was going to end up puking, and I did wretch a little, but not much came up. Fortunately things settled and the whole episode was over in about half an hour. It is now 9 hours later though and I still do not feel hungry. All that to try a meatball, that I did not really like. I should have thrown it out instead of continuing to eat it. Old habits die hard! UGH I had my first night out last night. Some friends invited me to watch a Movie with them. It was a nice relaxing evening without kids. This morning was celebration day for my Bible Study Group. I went and ate a little quiche. It was good and I had fun. This afternoon I wasted a bunch of time online, ordering my starter kit for Home Interiors. I thought I would try it and see how I like direct sales. Especially since I love decorating and accessorizing my home. At minimum I hope to have a little fun with it. Hopefully it won't be too fustrating! Monday I unofficially start looking for a job too. I would like to have something lined up before my "leave" (from job search for public assistance) is done. I am tired of Job Search and I am even more tired of documenting the Job Search for the county. I just want to have a PT Job that will earn enough money for me to raise the family and allow enough free time and flexibility for me to be there when my kids need me. That doesn't seem too much to ask, but unfortunately, The rules and my experience are quite divergent. Guidelines are I must be working 35 hours per week. Reality, to be a good Mom and take care of myself, I can't work much more than 25 hours a week. At least not right now. Maybe though, as I am losing weight, some of the self needs will be reduced??? Can't count on it, but one of the major stressors, divorce, and all things related, is almost done...and the "big" house and all the responsibilty of caring for it is gone, so things are simpler, but I added a master's degree program back into the picture and I am seriously thinking it is not time yet. I have had some time to work on it, but not enough, and half the time that I do have time, I "waste" it on myself. It's not a waste, I do need to have ME time, so I guess the class should wait, but........I'm already 3+ weeks into and I won't get any money back from it if I withdraw now. I don't know what to do.... Try again tomorrow I guess.
May 1, 2006 - 14 days post-op - Recovery continues. I feel good enough now to start some job search, but I have to get caught up on my class first. I lost some points last week, but I hope that I can do this weeks work, and then go back to last weeks without losing too much context. The boys will be with their Daddy tomorrow night and Wednesday. I hope to get alot done on Wednesday. Tomorrow is already pretty much full. I am planning on going by the doctor's office to weigh myself tomorrow. I am excited to see how much I have lost so far. I can't believe that only 2 weeks ago I was spending alot of time on the toilet getting my system cleaned out and pulling together all the last minute details before surgery in the morning. Wow. I cannot believe how little I can eat now and not be hungry. I keep filling my plate, then putting some back, then putting some more back. Then I eat some of that and throw some away. I keep trying to eat on the run. It is impossible. I try to eat to fast and overeat my pouch. I bought some low carb protein bars. At most I can eat half, that is if my tummy is full. Today I ate a half bar, but it was a bite at a time. I need to start tracking my protein. I am certain I am not getting enough, but I have no idea how much I am actually getting in. I am supposed to be on pureed foods through tomorrow, but I actually started soft foods yesterday. I just couldn't stand any pureed/liquids except Applesauce anymore. So rather than "cheating", I switched over a couple days early. But I am doing a few solids, just trying to remember to chew, chew, chew. The Lord has certainly been good to me. I feel so blessed to have this new lease on my life. It is not easy. The head messages and the stomach messages don't match any more, and I am never quite sure what the stomach messages mean, but it will start to make more and more sense. And I am comforted that the Lord will be with me on this journey as well.
5/4/06 2 weeks and 2 days post op. I am finally starting to make sense of all my body has been telling me. First I was eating too much for my pouch and that is one of the reasons every time I ate I felt so much pressure in my Esophagus. I was filling up my pouch + some of my esophagus. Not too comfortable. I also figured out that some of the reason that was happening was I have been eating way, way to fast! Today went much, much better. I have had almost no discomfort, and a ton less than yesterday and the day before. I figured out that for breakfastI can eat almost all a boiled egg. Minus about two bites. Since I really like boiled eggs, I think I will boil up a bunch. We will all have eggs that day, then I will put some in the fridge for the next couple mornings. Otherwise I want to have cereal, and if I do that I am not getting any protein at breakfast, and I can see getting my protein in will be the biggest challenge for me, at least in the next couple of weeks. I am feeling pretty good that I am finally getting the portion sizes figured out. My incisions are healing well. One of them still "smarts" alot, but it was the biggest, and sits right above my belly button where waistbands tend to fall on me, so it gets alot of pressure and rubbing. It is looking good, no sign of infection at all, so I am not too concerned about it. I am sure my Dr. will say that it looks great when I go in next week. I can't wait to see what I really weigh now. I tried going to my regular doctor Tuesday to weigh myself on their scale. It kept bouncing around, so I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think it was 312 to 315, which would be a 27 to 30 pound loss since surgery. I would not be at all sad to find out I read it wrong. I am just excited that the weight is coming off. I am also excited that I am beginning to feel "normal" again and starting to get better about knowing my new body and following pouch rules. Progress is good! God Bless You All! God is Good!
