December 31, 2010

Dec 30, 2010

Here I sit on New Year's Eve, pondering the events of the past year, and how much my life has changed.  I remember at this time last year, I was still waiting on an answer from my IMR and was unsure if I was even going to be able to have my DS at all.  I, of course, won my IMR, and had my DS on February 23, 2010, in Grand Rapids, MI, with Dr. James Foote at Blodgett Hospital.  I almost feel like 2/23/10 was my "re-birthday."  My life has changed so dramatically in the last ten months that it almost feels unrecognizable to me - but in a totally good way.  I weigh 138 lbs., which puts me at 111 lbs. lost from my highest weight, and 95 lbs. lost from my surgery weight.  I have achieved 102% EWL!!  I reached my goal weight at 9 months out on Thanksgiving Day (how appropriate)!  I currently am wearing size 4 jeans (that just makes my jaw drop every time I say or think about it).  My BMI is 22, which is freakin' amazing!!  I sometimes think maybe I should pinch myself, to make sure that this isn't all a dream.

I'm not sure if anyone ever reads these things that I write here.  I guess it doesn't really matter - to me, it's kind of like a little journal to document how I'm feeling at the time or what I'm thinking about.  But if someone does read this, I hope it helps even a little bit.

I feel like my life is amazing now.  But I also look back, and realize that not a whole lot, in the grand scheme of things, has changed.  I still live in the same house with my son, I still work at the same job making the same money, I still have the same family and friends, I'm still single, etc. etc.  But all of my life (what I can really remember of it, at least), I have hated my weight, hated how I looked, felt like an outsider because of my size, dieted and struggled and been miserable.  I've always hoped and prayed for some miracle to help me lose the weight for good, to keep it off, to help me feel better about myself.  Well, my DS has been my miracle.   I don't remember ever weighing this little or wearing this small of clothing; I don't remember ever not obsessing about my weight or what I was eating (or couldn't eat because I was dieting).  For once in my life, I just feel normal and free.  I feel like a huge weight (literally and metaphorically) has been lifted off of my shoulders, my mind, and my heart. 

The DS has changed my life forever.  Things are different for me now, in ways that will never change.  It isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  I have to take A LOT of vitamins, about 30 a day.  I have to drink A LOT of protein drinks, three or four a day.  I have to watch what I eat, especially dairy products like milk and ice cream because I am lactose intolerant, although cheese and yogurt don't give me troubles.  Sometimes certain things will cause me to have pretty bad (painful) gastritis attacks, and sometimes I'm not really sure what in particular causes them, I just know that it hurts like hell and makes me miserable.  I now have normal blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, and triglyceride levels, for the first time in over five years.  I still suffer from GERD, which I was hoping would go away after losing all of this weight and discontinuing my Diet Coke habit, but it hasn't - oh well.  I've lost a lot of muscle mass along with my weight loss - I have mixed feelings about this - I was always almost "overly" muscular (for a girl), so losing some has been fine, but I've lost a lot of upper body strength and that kind of sucks.  I should do more to do something about it, like exercise, but I am inherently lazy, and the DS didn't change that about me.  I think I lucked out by getting the DS at a fairly young age, plus having "good genes" because I don't have a ton of loose, hangy skin.  My upper arms were bad for awhile, but actually look quite nice now, and I think that all of the lifting that I do at work has really helped.  I highly doubt that plastics are ever going to be in my future, unless I somehow end up making a lot of money or marrying a sugar daddy (LOL).  I'm okay with that - plastics kind of scare me, anyway.  Sure, there are quite a few things on my body that I would like to "fix," but I never went into this thinking that I was going to look perfect when all was said and done.  I think that has helped me, having realistic expectations - I've never been disappointed along the way.  I honestly had set my "size goal" at a size 9/10 (my weight goal was 140ish), and I hit my size goal in June, at 170 lbs.  I guess it really is true that every 10 lbs. lost makes you lose a size, too; although I think that is only applicable after you get under a certain weight, like maybe 180ish.  All those years that I weighed way over 200 lbs., losing 10 lbs. never made one bit of difference in what size I wore.  Losing all of this weight has made me spend A LOT of money on clothes this year, more than I've probably spent in the past five years total.  I feel like I wasted a ton of money because I changed sizes so much - I started out wearing 16/18s, now down to 4s...holy moley!!  I've kind of refused to buy any new work clothes for awhile, so all of my work pants are too big (7s or 8s), but I kind of wanted to wait and see how long I can wear them and how low my weight goes.  I haven't been actively trying to lose any weight in months, actually...back in September, I just decided that I was happy where I was at (around 150 at that point and wearing size 8s).  Losses have slowed wayyyyyyy down since then -  -3 in Sept, -4 in Oct, -3 in Nov, and -2 here in Dec.  That's fine with me.

I don't know what else to say, other than I really love my DS.  I am soooo happy that I chose this surgery - it is something that *I* can live with for the rest of my life.  I know the DS is not for everyone.  While I personally think it is the greatest surgery out there, I don't think that everyone can handle it - the hyper-vigilance with labs, supplementation, etc...it's hard work.  The eating part is easy, IMO.  I pretty much eat whatever I want, whenever I want...no guilt, no problems (for the most part).  That may be one of the most amazing parts of the DS for me...living guilt-free is awesome!!

I'm sooooo looking forward to 2011 and my continued "evolution."  I sometimes kind of feel like a butterfly, emerging from my coccoon, constantly changing.  It's been magical!!

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