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Being overweight like this feels  like your constantly wearing clothes that are too tight. I get in my car and I feel so uncomfortable, it's not my clothes- it's me, it's my skin.

Ive never been so ready to shed this body weight as I am right now.

Im tired of feeling like I'm dying- it's time to start living.

Why can I not stop the eating at night???

I wake up every morning with full intentions of being good that night, but then sure enough come the evening I'm into the chips! 

I know I need to stop but just don't know how, working shift work doesn't make things any easier :(

So I've trying so hard to think at least one positive thought before my feet touch the floor in the mornings now, sadly it's fairly easy with all of the tragedies in this world going on.

I know I'm beautiful way down deep under this fat costume that's smothering me.I haven't felt beautiful,even pretty in so long that I crave it now, I need it now. Cannot believe that I thought for one second it was ok to be like this, to hold my family back, to hide from things I should be facing full roar.

Im getting better, I'm starting to see the light at the end of what I once thought was an endless tunnel.

Thankyou to my new friends and the random people that take time to comment on my posts.

Have a great day everyone, be safe

I'm an idiot, I have been grasping at straws again, being "in a womanly way" turns me into an irrational emotional bag! I feel a lot better today about thing's, I still wish I could have the surgery today but I am pretty sure that's normal for most..

I have met great people on here who are so kind, it amazes me how open and helpful everyone is, I can see why many stay in this forum years after they've had surgery for sure!

Thanks everyone and I will try to not be so crazy next month when I go through this again ;)

I know I've been pretty quiet at home which isn't like me, my son thinks I don't feel good- so I left it at that, but my husband knows I've got a lot on my mind. He says so much without even speaking to me..random kisses through your the day, grabbing me for a hug, telling me he loves me all day.

Ive spent a good part of the day looking at YouTube videos of others journeys, so very grateful they documented but don't think I could do the same. I'm still embarrassed that I am " resorting" to surgery.

Not sure if its my "time of month" or the fact that I know I weigh 263lb right now that has put me in this huge funk today....Very thankful that I made a friend on here today though.

Chin up, right?

Yesterday at work I weighed myself.. 263 lb, I wanted to cry, I wanted to go home and I wanted to eat.

Such a viscous circle I'm caught up in.

I have a great, amazing supportive husband and beautiful healthy kids, I feel like I've missed most of this life I've been given because of my constant battle with my weight. 

I can't go here because of my weight, don't want to go there because I have nothing to wear, I'll stay home because I feel embarrassed. I hate it.

I want to live, I want to change.. I need to change.

I can't do this on my own, I need help