Susan S.

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I just had my 4 year serology and all of my nutrient levels were very good.   In fact my blood work is that of a much younger healthy woman according to my doctor if one looks at inflammatory protein markers etc.     Several people requested my supplementation plan so I thought I'd just put it here.

B12 - 5000 mcg sublinqual
Calium Citrate + Vit D3  - 1000 mgs/800 IU
Calcium Gummies (tricalcium Phosphate) - 1000 Mgs, 500 mgs, 125 mgs phosphate)
Super C - 1000 mgs
Vit E - dry form - 400 iu
Valerian - 125 mgs
Biotin - 5 mg
Calcium/Mag/Zinc combo - 1000mg/400/115 - this is a carbonate form - take it for the bound magnesium and zinc
CoQ10 - 100 mgs
Alpha Lipoic Acid - 100 mgs
Michael Murray - Woman's Multistart plus (perimmenopausal)
Estronsense (phytoestrogens)
Evening Primrose OIl - 500 mgs
Vit D3 - dry form - 1000 iu
Glucosamine/Condroitin - 500/400 mgs
Complete Omega 3 complex

The alpha lipoic and evening primrose oil are believed to be beneficial for peripheral neuropathy - which I had preop - diabetes - and can develop postop due to depletion of fat soluable vitamins
I take Vit D in several forms because I always had trouble carrying adequate levels.....this seems to be working.
I also take calcium in several forms for the same reason and my numbers are holding well.

 

The thing is, we, as obese individuals, had a BROKEN hunger mechanism. If it worked right, we probably wouldn't have needed surgery. BEING broken, means that the surgery might be the ONLY chance you have to figure out how YOUR hunger mechanism is broken, and work to fix it.  SOME people ate whenever they felt hungry, even though in truth their body was telling them they were thirsty. SOME ate in response to emotional turmoil. SOME interpret the growling stomach as hunger (my stomach growled CONSTANTLY for three months postop).  One of the greatest strengths of this surgery is the ability to sit back and say "YOU AREN'T hunger" and try to pinpoint what it is that is making you hungry. Is it that you always ate at a particular part of the day? Or you ate when you watched a specific show on television? Is it thirst? Is it just habit? The more you are able to get a handle on the WHY of your hunger mechanism, the more power YOU have OVER the hunger, and the less power he hunger has to control you. DENY it power, GIVE yourself power. As you eat in response to the rules, because the rules are the most important in the beginning, just know that you have power. When your nerves start to function again (for me they began to really work at 6 months, and seemed fully functional by 9 months) it became clear to me that hunger was a sensation I'd never understood or known. The same can be said of "Full".... our sensation of FULL was something that was also broken, and learning what your NEW full signal is will help you to control overeating.  Having said all of that, I've known some folks who don't agree with my perspective. I certainly don't have all the answers. But I DO know that learning WHAT made me hungry..... what WASN'T a hunger signal but I thought it was, and learning what a true hunger signal was helped me to have confidence and peace in this process.
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 My surgeon asked me to participate in a promotional video for his web-site.  He answers a number of important questions and working with him was such a pleasure.    

http://www.northeasternplasticsurgery.com/video/player/125-welcome-to-northeastern-plastic-surgery

Seems like a good time to reflect on things.  I have a great deal to be grateful for - in spite of being stunned and heartbroken at the moment.   My health and weight are amazing. I am strong and fit and focused.   I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring and having that goal pushed me hard this morning at the gym (I was down one pound in spite of Thanksgiving yesterday!).   While my family is gone I am surrounded by loving friends and will get through the holidays intact I think.  Yesterday was the second anniversary of my mother's death.  It seems longer in some ways.  I so miss the daily morning phone calls.  Nobody cared as much about the events of my life as my mother.  Her unconditional love was a cherished gift.  I miss her.

Matthew (Georgia Boy) is a constant positive friend in my life.    I no longer think about a romantic future with him.   The distance proved to be too much to overcome.  I've had problems with an unbalanced young man from my gym - I've had to file a restraining order as he has threatened me.  Matthew has been attentive and supportive and willing to calm me at night when my fear overtakes.  I was so lucky to find him and am grateful that we remain friends.

My relationship with Sky is in flux - right now a very painful place.  His plans to come east are on hold - combination of the economy and business issues...and a realization that he no longer wants to continue this business anyway.   He announced all this last week to me and when I asked what it meant regarding us he became frustrated and has withdrawn as he needs time to think about his future.   I am broken right now over it.   His willingness to talk through any issue was something I valued so much (something my husband and I never managed to learn to do).   Now he is unwilling to talk and I'm feeling quite lost.  I know that I will eventually settle and accept this shift, but right now it is acute.  I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy - trying to sleep (sleep has never returned to normal since my WLS), eating well (I'm not eating enough) and training hard (I'm rehabbing a torn shoulder ligament so can't do everything I used to do in the gym).  I have control over very little in my life.....so I'm trying to let go of those things outside of my control.....and focus on those things I do have choice about.

At my worst moments I remember how far I've come.  How different my life is now.  That today I am healthy and have the tools to stay strong. I pray each day for focus...and guidance.....and peace with how things emerge.   

I just completed OH's support group leader training and the group I wanted to start has been launched. In addition to the obvious topics of nutrition and fitness (the former discussed liberally on the main boards, the latter less so), I want to really explore the emotional and spiritual aspects of wellness.  We focus so much on the number on the scale and the size of our clothes, but WLS has brought me so much more.   One of the thing that seems to derail many of us from making the best choices is the introduction of new stresses to our lives. Post after post will refer to some new stressful life event and how that has led to the resumption of old behaviors.  Because my own life became more stressful than at any other time in my life over the past year and a half - I understand well how easy it is to slip back into old patterns, but thankfully, I have a few new tools in my arsenal to confront the stress and anxiety of a life in constant flux.  Durable change is challenging and the process is never easy - but I do think it is pretty simple.   We choose.  We choose to do the best for ourselves be it make the best nutritional choices, choose to move our body, choose to initiate or end relationships as we need to, choose to live our truth and really face our pain and our fear.    I chose the woman warrior as my icon because the warrior shows courage.....courage in the face of great fear.  I think we  make the assumption that some of us are braver than others, or more disciplined, or move motivated.   The warrior finds discipine through pain, and courage through fear.  A warrior does it anyway.  Hard or not.  I spent much of my life avoiding hard things.  I avoided moving my body, or dealing with my feelings of grief or anger.  Those avoidances lead me on a path where my weight was literally killing me.  I was given the miracle of a second chance.    I buried my sister last year who is a constant reminder of the path I was on.  So now....I choose the warriors path.    Join me if you think you're truly ready to commit to your own well-being.

 Life is endlessly fascinating.   My eating and fitness are good - I have days when I don't eat enough and I have to concentrate of making sure my nutrition is intact but the physical training is great.   My long distance relationship is stuck - there simply isn't any way for us to spend enough time together to develop things further - so I did decide to begin to date again.   I met a really fascinating and challenging man - and am in the throws of that wonderful period where you talk into the wee hours every night and can't get enough of each other - ideas - dreams - fears - all of it.   He's currently living in Denver but is moving to this area later in the year - so I have at least a chance of seeing this develop.  I only know he's special and unlike anyone I've ever met.  I'm trying to keep myself open to the idea that my life could change dramatically - in ways I could never foresee at this point and that it will be good.  He is a master in several marshall arts - he's worked throughout the world and done more for humanity than most large organizations.  He is deeply spiritual and connected to his heritage (he's native american) is a poet and a philosopher - an artist.  So far the only thing he can't do is carry a tune or cook well.  He said he had a vision of me as a child (it's an indian thing).  I'm overwhelmed but so excited.   I'm taking it one day at a time - I continue to love Matthew and be the best I can be for him.   I say it over and over - I could never have anticipated how my life would emerge - and I have no idea what will happen next.  But God it's exciting and amazing to be alive and healthy with a life of possibilities before me.    

 I'm down for 24 hours - something I'm not good at!   I had a medial thigh lift last Thursday - just three weeks after brachioplasty and a boob-job (not planned initially to be so close but the brachio went so well and I had to time now - so I went for it.    The outcomes have been very well worth it - but healing takes time and patience and while I have the time - I lack the patience to sit still for long.   One of my leg drains started to pull blood again about an hour ago - I was on my way out the door for a few hours - and now am down for 24........the body needs rest.......my mind races.

I took my first shower in a week - and don't recognize the body - I've worked so hard in the gym and the excess (redundant) skin hid the results - now the results are apparent.   I look and think how amazing......and how grateful I am to be healthy and fit and thin.   I bought 6 bathing suits!!!!  I haven't had on a bathing suit in 25 years.   The scars will always be with me - they will remind me of this journey - they will put off some people I'm sure.........but for me.......while I'd love to have never needed to do any of this - the message in it isn't lost on me.....if you choose to - you can change anything about yourself.    Susan

I had my two year surgiversary last week and I've had to think long and hard about what to say.   Start with gratitude......for being alive - for WLS which saved my life......for changes I could not have ever anticipated.     My health is that of a 20 year old - I am fit and skinny and fighting to stay that way.   The nine prescriptions meds - the diabetes - the asthma - the joint pain - the hypertension - the fatty liver syndrome - the staph infections that plagued me month after month - all a distant memory (one I revisit every once in a while to remind myself).....My life is amazing - sometimes very lonely - sometimes very painful - and every minute precious.

My health is restored......and I don't take that for granted.  My marriage ended - and WLS had something to do with it - but certainly didn't cause it.    I've had to struggle in therapy - and on my knees in church - and on the bike clearing my head at dawn - and in the gym - all to deal with the anxiety and sadness and grief and fear of change - I use to medicate - now I sweat and cry and rant......but I don't eat those feelings.......that is a miracle.

I survived the loss of my beloved elderly very infirm mother - and the loss of my estranged only two years older morbidly obese diabetic sister - within two months of each other.   The anniversary of those events is swirling around me.    I still have a lot of grieving to do - but also have gratitude for the lessons learned - my sister's early death is a daily reminder (every time I do cardio and measure my heart rate I think of her (she had  a heart attack and lasted 11 weeks in the hospital awaiting a heart transplant)).....that I have a chance to be healthy and strong......and the that pushes me on the rare occasion I don't feel the motivation to move my body and nurture it.

I've learned that I am a great deal stronger than I ever thought I was.......there are days when I wish I didn't have to learn that.  I've learned that everyday I make a choice - to live for joy - or chose fear - to feed my body - and to nourish my soul - to push my body (I did 110 pushups, 110 rows and 330 squats on a circuit training workout yesterday!!!)....and my mind.  

I've learned that being thin and fit does not solve all my problems.  I struggle with intimacy - left a marriage with a tremendous void - and am now struggling with love for a man who is too far away.    As long as I was fat and sick I could blame the things I was unhappy about on that.......and believe me they were effective distractions from confronting things in my life......I feel as though I am only now really being tested......and I tell myself that one step at a time - one choice at a time is the only way to proceed.    I am grateful.     Every day is a gift and I try to mindful of that above all else.   I could not have gone on this journey without OH - or I should at least say that I know I would not be as intact as I am without the loving support of the people here - the truthtellers - the supportive friends - the people who tell me I'm a bitch (I guess they're truthtellers of a sort!) - I learn from all of them.

Thank you God for saving me.....and let me use each day to it's fullest potential.    Life is precious.       Susan

 I was going along like gangbusters - had actually been cleared to go back to the gym for light treadmill work - which felt great - just smelling the gym made me happy!!!!!    I had a regularly scheduled reeval on Wednesday - I thought everything looked pretty good - well - it actually all looked pretty bad but the healing looked normal! LOL......I had been very wiped out the day before (Tuesday) with the worst energy crash since coming home from the hospital - but I had picked up a GI bug so I attributed it to that.......

Well - the surgeon looked at one spot along the suture line and said - dont like this - and pressed hard and I exploded - a seroma - pocket of fluid - was forming and this one was already on it's way to being infected......that didn't take long!   He had to open up the suture line - clean out the channel in both directions (damn near died!)....and then pack the wound - and now I'm unpacking and repacking it twice a day and on a walloping dose of antibiotics.  I had it checked yesterday - it was still pretty juicy and gooey - but it was only 36 hours into the antiobiotic - and when I unpacked it this morning - gritting my teeth like hell! - I can see that it's better.....slowly better.........so - I've been grounded.....and am sleeping a lot - and just trying to be good - actually the pain was bad enough that any thoughts of the gym were simply out.    THanks to everybody for the good wishes.....I'll post pictures next week when things are a little further along........Susan

 I managed to get my running shoes on today - after I cleaned the bathroom floor - the skin is no longer so tight I'm afraid I'll tear my sutures - so I went for a walk - to the golf course and back (2 miles total).....my back was shot by the time I got home - from keeping myself upright against my very tight abs - and I badly needed a painpill and to lay down - but it felt great to be up and out and moving!  Tomorrow I have my next dressing change (a whole week and a half with no shower!!!) and hopefully they will upll my last two drains - and I will be able to go home and shower.     If that doesn't do me in I've asked my neighbor to take me grocery shopping - but the dressing change alone may be enough to wear me out.   Hard to believe my surgery was just a week ago today.     I am feeling better with each day........appetite sucks so I'm forcing myself to eat and am drinking two shakes a day to keep the protein up for healing.  I got a beautiful lingerie catalog in the mail today and found a few things I'm going to order to show off my new tummy for Georgia Boy. : )