IrishHurler

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5 strawberries, a cup of plain yogurt and a scoop of strawberry protein powder all blended together until smooth was breakfast today.  It was also lunch yesterday but wow, it's taking a long time to get it down.

I know, I know -- that's a good thing.

Yesterday when I had it I drank it too fast.  15 minutes later I felt like I had just had a huge meal and had the heavy sigh-like breathing that comes with overdoing it.  Today I took a half hour to drink the same shake and I'm getting the same sensation.  But that's ok -- I don't feel like I need to eat a whole bunch and that's a good thing.

I will say this though -- it's a huge difference.  I know I haven't even gotten my first fill yet, and I know that the swelling will go down so I can drink a shake without this feeling of being overly full, but for now I'm not complaining.  I imagine this is probably just about the same way I will feel after I have a fill.  I don't think I'm going to be one of those people who has to go in for 5 or 6 fills until they find my "sweet spot".

In fact, if I'm successful in losing weight, I will probably not want a fill unless I start putting it back on.  You see, I've been successful with diets in the past.  The problem isn't the diet.  The problem is what happens after I get off of the diet.  That's when the weight comes back on and sometimes with a vengence.

I've been very diligent about using a food journal these past 3 weeks and it really is helping.  When I log my meals I'm getting a sense for how I'm spacing my meals out as well as how many calories and protein grams I'm taking in.  I've used the food journal copies from bariatriceating.com and they're fantastic.  I just think that the one that I'm making for myself, while not as pretty, is probably more effective.  After all, I want to know how I'm doing on sugars as well as proteins and fats.  I believe we would all be better off with fewer sugars in our diets and I'm planning on keeping my sugars low for at least as long as it takes me to lose more than half of my excess weight.

It's been a couple of days since the surgery and realizing I hadn't shared one of the reasons I considered not going through with it.

I worry that I won't be as strong after the surgery as before it.

The day before surgery I did some heavy lifting.  I split a cord of wood and stacked it.  I moved another half cord of wood out of my back yard, down the driveway and stacked it in the road for someone to take away.  (Most of it was gone by the time I got home from the hospital.)  I did this, not only because it was work that needed to be done around the house, but because it was an opportunity for me to be physical in a way that I knew I would not be able to for a good long time.  I am hoping that in six weeks I will be back to being strong and pushing my limits.

I know that these are things that most men could not do -- at least with the amount of weight I was throwing around.  I don't want to lose that.  I don't want to be just like most men.

Recovery is slow and frustrating for me.  Yes, it's only day 3 post-op but I want to be normal again.  I want to be the same guy who can exceed limits that most would put on me.  I've never been the weak or blubbery fat guy who can't do things.  I've been the strong fat guy.  It's only within the last year that I've been the strong fat guy who gets tired faster and who isn't as mobile or flexible.

Now I hear that I need 10 calories for every pound of weight in order for my body not to turn to tendons and muscle as a fuel source while I'm healing.  That frustrates me.  I can barely get in 1000 with the soups I've been drinking.  My wife made me a beef broth.  I'm adding unflavored protein powder just to up the calories and the protein.  I think I might have gotten some bad information.  I'm going to call the doctors office tomorrow.  I will make this work.  

Failure is not an option.

----------------

I've started throwing my daily vitamins into a coffee grinder and adding them to the thin but tasty black bean soup I'm mostly surviving on.  I barely notice the taste and I'm getting what my body needs.  I feel good about this.  In fact, I think it's rather ingenious.  They sit on the bottom of the grinder when the blades first start spinning so I give it one little shake as its spinning and it breaks them up nicely.  I take a mens multivitamin, a vitamin D and coral calcium.  The calcium comes in capsules which I just open and dump into my soup.  it's working well.

I'm 8 hours post op.  It has been rough but it's already getting better.  I've gotten up and walked around the recovery area several times.  That seems to help.  The pain is intense but now not so bad that the pain killers have kicked in.  I won't make the mistake of asking the nurse for pain killers as long as I can hold off again.  What was I thinking?  They tell me this pain is from the gas that they used to blow me up for the laparoscopic surgery.  I wish I could just get rid of it.  I can't.  I can't burp and it's not coming out in other ways either.  I couldn't tolerate the jello but the vegetable broth was ok.  I just keep reminding myself that if I don't walk, and eat something, and get in some water, I'm not going to get better.  I'm highly motivated to get out of here but I've decided to stay the night.  Most people, they tell me, stay the night after lap band surgery.  I thought that most people went home.  Boy was I wrong.  I'm a lucky guy though.  My wife has stayed here with me and taken care of me.  She's gotten the nurse when I've needed her.  She's spoon fed me broth.  This summer it will be 20 years with her and I'm just one lucky dude.  She told me that when I had too much to drink back before we were married and she took care of me when I was puking, that I said, "hmmm... maybe she's a keeper".  I was right.  I wish everyone had this sort of support from home.  I've only felt good enough to blog for about the last 90 minutes and soon I'll go back to sleep.  I told the nurse I was in pain and she said, "well you did just have surgery you know".

Years of trying and failing at diets.  Years of being uncomfortable in my skin.  Years of flexibility and health challenges will change starting tomorrow.

I struggled with calling this "My journey starts tomorrow" but it really didn't.  Over 6 months ago I walked into Dr. Regan's office and told him I wanted the lap band.  My insurance made me jump through hoops but they approved it.  I've dealt with an incredibly hard diet for the last 2 weeks and come out successful.

People tell me I should be anxious.  I don't feel anxious.  People tell me I should be nervous.  I don't feel nervous.  If anything, I feel curious.  I wish I could watch my own surgery.  Hell, I wish I could perform my own.

But I'm also thinking about the things I can do and the improvements in my life that will all be possible after I lose around 50 more pounds.  I'm also appreciative of having the most supportive wife a guy could ask for. 

Yeah, it sucks when you want to have that slice of pizza with the rest of the family but really, why spend any time concerning yourself about it.

I've been taking a Zen approach.  There's nothing I can do about it if I want to achieve my goals, so why bother stressing.  Heck, I even made my son mac and cheese last night and no, I didn't even taste it.  He wanted it and he's thin anyway so I made it for him.

I hope he doesn't have problems with obesity as he gets older but for right now he's very active and he's one of those people who has a disconnect between being hungry and feeling discomfort.

As for me, I was hungry last night and some steamed broccoli did just fine to quell the screaming beast.  I finished the day at 1200 calories which was about 200 more than I've been eating lately, and that's just fine.  I think about how things were a hundred years ago and realize that at just 45 I would be considered an old man so any years beyond now are just gravy.... actually in my case they're chicken stock thickened by unflavored protein powder.

Life is good.  I've got a healthy son, a wife who loves me, and a comfortable home.  Losing a hundred pounds would be icing on the cake.  I don't need all that icing, but some sure would be nice.

I've found that protein bars are a life saver for my career of choice.  Running from appointment to appointment means I don't often have time for a meal.  A ran out to the car on Monday to get something for my customer and while I was out there, I took a bite of a Southbeach Peanut Butter bar.  My stomach stopped grumbling and I was in a better mood which ended up resulting in a sale.  I was especially proud of that since my competition was $3000 less than I was and they still wanted to go with me.

This can work.  I have considered continuing on this even post op for a month or so.  Short term sprints like that, to achieve my goals, are do-able.  I have to also think of the lap band not only as a weight loss tool, but a maintaining the weight loss tool.

Monday I go in.  I've done the nervousness.  I'm at peace with my decision.  This will be a good thing.

 

The first week came with many challenges but I am realizing that I can do this.  I can succeed.

My days are usually sub-1000 calories.  A few weeks ago I would have laughed at that.  But today I weighted myself (mid-afternoon after I was fully hydrated mind you) and I was 298.   A week earlier I stepped on that scale and I was 312.  That's 14 pounds in one week.  I'm still a week out from surgery and I hope to be 20 down.  More would be good.  My surgeon isn't requiring a number but many surgeons do require you to lose 20 pounds before surgery.  He's less interested in overall weight and more interested in me following this high protein, no fat diet.

I didn't really understand why he wanted me to do it.  Apparently there's an Australian study which says that people who do this diet pre-op have less band slippage and heal faster.  I'm all about the quick healing and can't even imagine having to deal with band slippage.

I have been diligent and have found humor in the damnedest things.  I did get permission from my dietitian to have a cup of steamed broccoli a day.  I usually have been having two.  That jacks my calorie count up from 30 to 60.  If the biggest thing I have to feel guilty about is doubling down on steamed broccoli, I think I'm ok.

Well I made it through day 4 of the pre-op diet and lived.

It wasn't so bad today.  Yes, still hungry but it didn't feel like there was a beast inside me roaring.  The thirst went away but I still got in my required water before the end of the day but not without incident.  I was out on an appointment and I felt some little twinges of chest pain.  I looked at my tongue in the mirror and it was coated in white stuff -- pretty gross.  It was then that I figured it out...I wasn't getting enough water.  Hydration is so important because your body is burning calories like crazy and it's got to have a way to get rid of them and if you aren't hydrated you won't be peeing out the poisons.

So I gave this some thought.  This diet is really like Atkins without the fat.  It's not easy.  In fact it's really, really difficult, but like Atkins, water is key.  Fortunately, it's not something that I have to deal with the rest of my life.

The pre-op dietary visit was today.  Yeah, I know it should have been scheduled before I started it.  It turns out I didn't have to put myself through such hell the first couple of days.  Protein bars are allowed.  I picked up a box of the south beach vanilla and almond bars and had two today.  They're really not bad.  Maybe a little sweet for my tastes but still, not bad at all.  I wish I would have had them on day 1 and day 2.  The problem is that you just have to remember that if you are looking at a 1200 calorie diet, each bar gives you 190 calories but only 10 grams of protein.  So if all you ate was the bars, you would only have 60 grams of protein in you which is insufficient to sustain your muscle unless you're a whispy little thing and chances are if you're a whispy little thing, you're not looking at having weight loss surgery.

The visit was a group event.  I was happy about that.  There were 5 of us there.  One other guy is having surgery the same day and he was having a tough go of the diet too.  We joked about our challenges --- he said he wanted to knaw on his arm.  I said I wanted to knaw on his arm too.

 

I've never been a big sweet guy.  I've always preferred most of my food to be savory -- specifically meat.  All of the protein powders out there seem to cater to sweet flavors like strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, fruit punch...   They do very little to nothing for me.

I found an alternative.  After three days of wanting something thick I finally discovered something that helps to alleviate the cravings for stuff I'm not allowed to have.

Fortunately I have been the beneficiary of having a friend who, due to his gastric bypass a few years ago, passed along some protein powder samples from his collection for me to try so I wouldn't go out and buy a whole bunch and then be stuck with powders that taste bad.  My friend Keith turned me on to Genisoy Unflavored Powder and wrote on the baggie he sent to me "good in soups".

Well if it's good in soups, it's good in chicken broth right?  Chicken broth is thin and almost negligible in calories.  So here's what I did -- carmelize some chicken broth in a pan and added a few shakes of Penzey Spices "Mural of Flavor" which doesn't contain any salt and doesn't add any calories.  After the color darkened a little, I let it cool down a bit and while it was still warm I added the protein powder.

Plan on using a few scoops of powder for about 3/4 of a cup of broth.  Put the broth on a plate and mix in the powder to get an understanding of what kind of amounts you have to use for what consistency.  Don't add the broth right out of the pan or the powder will gelitinize.

Basically, it has the consistency of a thin rue or gravy without that harsh protein powder that you're probably already accustomed to.   It's a good way to get in some more protein if you're struggling to get those 100 grams in.

If you're post op, this would be a good guilt free gravy to put on whatever you want.

Well I feel I'm well on my way.

I finished the day yesterday with about 980 calories.  Today it still sucks but I'm not climbing the walls.  Maybe it's the body's way of conserving.  Maybe I'm just getting used to it.  I don't know why.

Thinking of food when I'm hungry isn't constant if I can stay busy.

I had one scoop of the Body Fortress Strawberry at breakfast time.  Another two at lunch, and one more just a little while ago. That puts me at 480 calories for the day and 104gm of protein.  So I've had my protein for the day.

I talked to the nurse at the Bariatric Center.  She told me why they as us to do this liquid diet.  Apparently there was a study done in Australia that showed that patients who went through the two week liquid protein shake diet of 1200 calories a day ended up having fewer band slippages and better success.  

So, I'm sucking it up. 

Yesterday I did have 3oz of tilapia and 2 cups of steamed broccoli.  (woohoo... 200 calories -- fat farm here I come).  Now the dietician only cleared me for 1/2 cup of steamed broccoli.  And here I am feeling guilty for a cup and a half of steamed rabbit food.

Yeah, this makes a whole lot of sense.  When did the world get turned upside down?

So I'm driving home from an appointment and WHAM.  Cramps.  What the hell I thought to myself.  I haven't had anything real to eat today.  Is this my body rebelling and telling me that I'm an idiot for having 1/3 the calories I'm used to in a day?  Is it saying that I must be on drugs or something?

So I get into the bathroom and WHOOSH..... liquid poop city.  It wasn't a pretty sound, sight or smell.  But I felt fine after that.  So what was it, I'm asking myself.  Was it that I had some solid food?  Was it that about 80% of the volume in my stomach (broccoli and protein shakes) was made up of a vegetable?

One other thing that I'm confused about -- I'm thirsty.  Like all the time.  I woke up last night and I just wanted to pound 20 oz of water but knew if I did I would be up half the night peeing.

Right now I just want a steak.  Since I'm not going to eat one, I'm going to go get some gas for the chain saw.  Maybe cutting up wood senselessly will make me feel better.

Well yesterday sucked but today is starting out pretty good.   I haven't been hungry yet and it's 10:30 in the morning.  I usually get really hungry at night so if I'm only getting 1200 calories, I'm going to hold off on having my morning shake for a while.  Also, my mood isn't sour as it was yesterday for having put up with the shakes-only diet.  Truth be told, I did end up with about 1300 calories in my shaker.  Plenty of protein... more than enough really to meet my basic needs.   I'm going to try to take a zen approach to these next few days.  I've heard the first few days of the pre-op diet are harder so I will take an "it is what it is" approach.   Keeping busy appears to be the best way to handle this.  Distracting myself from food, which my body was telling me I needed, is a bit like using that funny high voice to get a puppy excited to play with you rather than chew on the leg to that new table.   I found a few protein powders that don't totally offend every cell in my body. Body Fortress makes a few that are pretty decent -- strawberry and a "cookies and cream" mix.  EAS has their vanilla which isn't bad but isn't good, but their chocolate is pretty much like chocolate milk.   My wife's boss had a RNY Gastric Bypass surgery so he's become quite the connoisseur of protein powders.  He describes most of them as tasting like a**.   I discovered I don't have any workout shorts that fit well and don't look tight on me.  I skipped the Y last night in part because I would look a little goofy in what I have and I don't like wearing sweat pants.  So it's time to head off to the big mans store and grab something.  I may check in later.