isaiah54mom
It is really gonna happen!
Jan 01, 2009
Well here I am exactly28 days away from my revision surgery. I can hardly believe it. I am so very grateful to My Father God who has extended mercy to me and allowed me to live this long. In 19 days I will have my pre op visit with the surgeon (Dr. Brent Stewart , Tallgrass surgical) and the hospital (St Francis, Topeka Ks). The same day President elect Obama will be sworn in as the first African American President. I never thought I would live long enough to experience either occurance. I am so ready to do this revision. I have those little nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. I am determined to ignore them. I realize this is a risky surgery. I realize I am 20 years older (53) and now I have all the obese baggage. (high blood pressure, edema,pre diabetic labs etc) But i know that God has not lead me this far to leave me now. I am so inspired by the people on this site. I know I can do this and be sucessful this time. I am ready to reclaim what has been robbed from me all my life. I feel like I have always had to apologize and explain my worth all of my life. If I inventory every bad relationship i stayed in too long I could keep Maury, Jerry, Montel,Oprah and Dr. Phil with topics for at least 8 weeks each. Judge Judy and Hatchett would be horrified at the lengths I went to in order to keep damaged people (men and woman) in my life because I thought I needed them. I wasn't ever good enough for them to stay just because of who I was. But the light has come on. I am ready to redeem my life and live the rest of it in the fullness that the LORD Jesus promised. He came that I have life and that more abundantly. For me that is not riches and stuff that is promoted in this warped american christian cult, but rather the peace and joy that only comes from above. I cannot love my neighbor when my actions attest to the fact that i do not love myself. I cannot love myself if i allow damaged people to further tear me down. Toxic relationships have robbed my peace, my bank account, my self esteem and any joy this life has brought me. I have had to rethink my relationships with my children who are now adults with way too many problems they always seem to need mommy to resolve. (usually that involves me sending my little bit of money) Any other time I am just tolerated. Enough of that also! I know under this 354 lbs there is a funny,caring, compassionate, intelligent woman that can be a wonderful friend and a gracious companion. I am determined that I will not waste this opportunity. To God be the glory. 28 more days!
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About Me
bartlesville, OK
Location
25.5
BMI
Surgery
01/29/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 05, 2008
Member Since
