J_Bro07
Well, where do I start. I was always the skinny kid as a child. My mom used to have to take me to the doctor on a weekly basis because I was so underweight. They would push food in me constantly. So, i'm not sure if this is where it started or not. But, by the age of 8, my little body started to become a little chunky, and it continued from there.
I don't ever remember shopping in regular size clothing. It seems like i've always had to shop in a plus size department store. I was made fun of all the time in school. It was terrible! I had my group of friends that saw me for who I was...but deep down inside I was longing to be skinny like them. Dating was terrible. I was so embarassed to even have a guy pay attention to me. How could somebody see past the weight?
I finally met my husband who I believe saw me for who I was. He would get so mad at me if I ever said a fat joke. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am. I still dont believe it.....I want to feel beautiful. Somehow during all this attention, the weight just kept on soaring. It was almost as if I didn't care anymore. Somebody saw me as beautiful....and I wasn't happy dieting. My husband is into traveling alot...me on the other hand loves to travel, but I can't fit in an airplane seat. The armrest has to come up and then the embarassment of asking for a seatbelt extender. It's freakin terrilbe.
We decided to start a family shortly after our marriage in '02. However I found out at this time that not only was I at my heaviest weight but I was also dealing with PCOS and insulin resistance. It made it impossible for us to become pregnant. We attempted many fertility treatment options and finally in late '04, we found out we were pregnant with twins! I was on cloud nine! At twelve weeks, our dreams were shattered when I found out that I had lost one of the babies. I went into a depression phase. I didn't want to leave the house. I just laid around and ate...the weight still soaring. My pregnancy continued with the other twin. Around 25 weeks, I found out that something was now wrong with this baby. I was admitted to the hospital for 2 1/2 months and was told it would take a miracle to save my baby. Our son, Landyn, was born with a severe birth defect that left him unable to urinate. His kidneys had almost completely shut down. He lived for 7 days. After he died, I once again went into seclusion. My arms were empty, my heart aching.
After about 2 months, I decided that I had to get my body in shape. I wanted another baby. I went to physical therapy to regain my strength. I was so weak after spending all that time in the hospital. I was working out twice a week and eating sensibly. I started on the WLS journey. After my consultation, I found out I was pregnant......naturally!! Of course I had to throw the WLS idea out the door....I was having a baby!! 9 months later, Wesley arrived, 100% healthy! The absolute joy of my life.
So, here I am now, starting my journey all over again. I was denied in '07, stating that it was not "medically necessary" for me to have WLS. Ok, my BMI is over 50...give me a break. I waited until the new year, got new insurance, a new doc, and a new outlook. I was approved for surgery in June of this year ('08). I am scared, i'm excited, i'm thrilled, i'm everything. Who wouldn't be?? I'm 30 years old and wan't my life back, for me, for my son, for my family! I wan't it all! So, here we go...........
