Nicole *.
The Lap-Band Years
I have decided to re-post my profile on here because I am getting tons of e-mails asking what I went through and I feel its important to share expirences bad and good. I had removed my profile for a few months because of some very hurtful things that where said about me on the Lap-Band board a few months ago. The things that helped me the most to get through everything I went through with the Lap-Band was this site and knowing that I wasn't alone and I want to give that back to others who need it. So here it is all the way back to the begining...enjoy
I am 25yrs and weight 320 lbs, I have been thinking about the surgery since July of 00. But just got up the nerve to booked an appointment with my family doctor for Dec 7th 00 he gave me a referral to Dr.Yau. And I have my first appointment with Dr.Yau on Feb 12th at 11:00 am.
FEB 14, 01
My appointment was Monday Feb 12 at 11:00. I saw Angie from St. Thomas there hers was at 11:30. Well we got to Toronto way to early cause we were worried of the weather and traffic but all went good. I got in the office at 10:20 and he was soooooo busy I didn't get to see him till 12:30. When I did finally get to see him he gave me what seemed like a rehearsed speech very rushed I didn't get a chance to ask him a single question. He pushed the LAP-BAND as everyone said he would but you know what, what he said made a lot of sense. That it's completely reversible and that if it doesn't work for me I could always try the RNY later. Of course everyone warned me that he pushes the LAP-BAND so I was almost on the defensive and said with complete sureness "I want the RNY." He looked so disappointed, and it almost made me feel bad. Anyway I got a date and did all the paper work, all the while having the big question in my head did I choose the right one, what he said made a lot of sense. Well on my long drive home I talked it over with my boyfriend cause I was so confused. We both agreed that I would switch to the LAP-BAND. So when I got home I called the office and asked if I could switch the surgeries and the secretary got all flustered and said " Oh well let me see I'll have to change all your papers and this and that" as if I completely put her out, I kinda felt bad but this is my life I feel I have a right to change my mind. Any way she booked me another appointment for Feb 19th to see him a second time so we'll see then. Well after that I E-mailed Angie and she E-mailed me back and told me that the LAP-BAND isn't covered under OHIP which I had no idea and Dr.Yau didn't once tell me, which kind of made me mad but my BF and I talked it over and we're sure the cost won't be a big deal we are doing well financially and I really think I would like to try this first
Feb 19, 01
I have a date for my surgery July 11th. I'm getting the Lap-Band. I chose it not cause Dr.Yau forced it but cause it seemed better suited for me. The fact that it is reversible is something I really like.
May 6th, 01
I got a call from Dr. Yau's office and my surgery has been moved up to July 4th yippee!!!! Less than 2 months away.
May 27th, 01
I just got the shock of my life. I have not told my family that I’m getting this operation yet I wanted to wait till a little closer to my date so they couldn't talk me out of it. Of course they are ALL skinny and have NEVER struggled with weight so I wasn't sure how they would take it. I received a call from my mother today asking " so what’s new " I said nothing she said not even on July 4th, I wanted to die. I had set up a profile on the E-group chat line to go along with my surgery not thinking, talking about this with people on-line and my boyfriend has become so natural cause I had been researching this for over a year I didn't even think that my parents would look for me there. I was stupid I know they know my pen name oh well. I was preparing to tell them all that next weekend cause I was going home to visit them. She demanded that I tell her everything over the phone, it went well though and my family approves and supports me.
June 24th, 01
Just a little follow up on how my pre-op testing went. The first day was a BIG waste of time I got a CEG or something were they measure your heart rate. Then I saw a doctor for a 10 min appointment and was on my way home 20 min after arriving in Toronto. We decided to go home and drive back cause it was cheaper in gas, then a hotel room. The next day I gave blood, got a chest x-ray, met with a nutritionist and met with the guy who put you to sleep, I don't know how to spell it. The nutritionist was great she gave me tips on vitamins and gave me an outline for my diet for the next 10 MONTHS!!!!! The first 1-3 days is clear liquids, the next 4-6 weeks is full liquids meaning milk, yogurt, and strained soup. The next 2-4 weeks is puree yum or the liquid goo phase as my boyfriend calls it. THEN I can eat real food I can't wait.
July 10th, 01
Well I made it I'm on the other side. It went pretty well I was up within 2 hrs of my surgery. They released me the next day. I didn't really need much pain medication. My only problem now is that I have very heavy big breasts and because I had it done Lap I have 2 incisions under one of my breasts. It really hurts cause I can't put a bra on to lift them up cause the incisions are too high. I'm finding these 2 are healing much slower cause it's warm and moist under there. Also the liquid diet is KILLING ME it's not that I'm hungry but I just want to chew. I have lost 6 lbs since the surgery, but I haven't started to exercise yet that should help move things along when I do.
Aug 21, 01
Hello everyone sorry I haven't written sooner but I was away for 5 weeks visiting my family. I am on REAL food it's great. I have lost 30lbs so far. I hit a plateau when I went from liquid to puree and again on real food which is were I am now. I exercise every day which is what I think is helping me get over the humps. I have already had to buy smaller clothes. I'm going in for my first post-op appointment and fill Thursday. I can't wait cause sure I get full quickly with 1/2 a cup of food but because the band is empty the food passes through quickly and I'm hungry within 2 hrs. I'll write back to let you all know how it goes.
Sept 1, 01
I'm weighing myself every Saturday and am staying at a weight loss of 6lbs a week I'm down to 278 lbs 42 lbs lost since July 4th.
Sept 8, 01
Well it's Saturday, I'm not as excited to update this week. I lost only 3lbs this week I was hoping for at least 5 or even 8lbs but no luck that puts me at 45lbs lost so far since July 4th, 01. My mom told me I'm one of those people who when I get nervous I gain weight or at the least stay the same, and that I'm doing really good considering it was my first week on collage after being out of school for 7 yrs. She made me feel better but next week watch out. I will reach 50lbs.
Another thing that has been really tough is, I've noticed when I go on my treadmill for more than 45 min it gets really warm and starts to smell like burned rubber. I guess the sales person over estimated on the weight restriction just to make a sale. So I have to start doing my work out in 30 min sections. That sucks.
Sept 15th, 01
I was hoping I'd be at 50 lbs lost by today. My body really felt like I lost a lot of weight but just like last week only 3lbs. That brings me to 272lbs with 48lbs lost since July 4th, 01.
October 6th, 01
I have reached the 50lbs mark!! Another 3 lbs this week that takes me up to 269 lbs. 269 lbs hurts less going down then up.
Oct 13,01
My update is not quite as exciting as last week but I did loss another 3 lbs. That puts me at 54 lbs lost. My body will NOT budge on the amount 3 no matter what I do. I know you are all thinking "but that's still really good" but its my greediness that wants MORE!!!! Slow and steady wins the race, right. I also feel my skin is not as loose as it probably would have been, had I lost 50 in 2 weeks like the people who get the other kind of operation. I have to admit I still think about the other operation (RNY) and ask myself if I choose the right one. With this one, it's still SO MUCH WORK. I get jealous of the people I talk to who had the other one and lost 100 lbs in 4 weeks. My theory is it's like winning the lottery vs. working for your money in a really good job. You'll reach the same ending eventually. I do notice regularly the change in my face when I look in the mirror. It surprises me almost every time and I catch myself staring at my reflection quite often. That's so corny. I got a call from Dr. Yau's office yesterday; they had to cancel my fill appointment for Oct 18th. I was devastated I made that appointment as soon as I got home from my last one. That was 2 months ago, I was really looking forward to it. Now I have to wait till Nov 8th. Another fill will help keep me feel fuller longer, which I find is a big problem with me especially at night.
Sunday Oct 21, 01
I've had a very bad week. I failed 2 tests and broke my treadmill. My treadmill is barely 1 yr old and the motor blew on it already. Luckily it's still covered under warranty. And to top off my week I only lost 1 pound. That makes 55 lbs
Altogether since July 4th, 01.
I just stumbled across the most inspirational quote I have ever read and wanted to share it with everyone.
"Chains of habit are to light to be felt, until they are too heavy to be broken."
October 28th
I weighed myself this Saturday and yes yet again 3 lbs, I can't budge on that except to do less. Never more. But I did get a membership at a gym till my treadmill gets fixed. I have gone 2 times so far this week. I kind of over did it to make up for the week I missed due to my treadmill. At the gym I went on the treadmill for 1 hr at a rate of 3.2 then I went on the bike for 30 min, I wanted to die when I got home. But that didn't stop me from going again tonight for another hour on the treadmill, but no bike this time. My home treadmill is pretty good but it doesn't let you put in your weight to calculate calories burned. I have been keeping a chart of my exercising with time, distance and calories burned. I didn't realize the treadmill thought I weighed only 150lbs, so it gave me a calorie burned count according to that. Well was I ever surprised when I got on one at the gym and was able to enter my weight? For 1 hour instead of burning only 200 calories, like MY treadmill told me. I was actually burning 373 calories. Can you believe the difference?
Jan 21, 02
Well the New Year is now upon us. Things have been going well for me as of today I am at 78 lbs lost which is 20 lbs less then I was when I first met my boyfriend. I have been having some problems for the past 2 months. I got my 2nd fill done around 2 months ago, which brought me from 1cc to 2cc. It was too big of a fill, but my doctor asked me if I wanted it, like I was going to refuse a big fill and say "oh no please give me less" I know of no one who is desperate to loose weight who would say that. So the first week had passed and I wasn't able to eat anything solid and this was really scaring me. So I called my Doctors office and Dr.Yau told me I was actually suppose to wait 2 weeks before eating solids. He also said that he assumed I knew this since I frequented the Yahoo e-groups and that he figured they would have told me. He was wrong. So I decided to wait and extra week to make sure my stomach was no longer irritated. So 3 weeks came and went and no change. I asked around on the canadianlapbanders e-group and many people told me that it would loosen up on it's own in around 4 to 5 weeks so I decided to tuff it out. Well 5 weeks came and no change but by this time we were smack dab into Christmas and I couldn't get an appointment. So I just decided to wait the 2 months. The worst part is every day is different one day I will be able to eat chicken then the next day the first bite will come right back up. And that happened with everything even soft stuff like oatmeal. I never know from day to day or even hour-to-hour, this even happens within the same day. The only way I know is to swallow one or two bites. Another very bad thing that has happened is; from the lack of calories I'm always very tired but even worst my body has gone into starvation mode. Which means I'm not loosing any weight, or barely any. In 4 weeks I only lost 5lbs compared to before the fill I was loosing at a rate of 3lbs a week. I remember when I used to read post that said "oh I'm too restricted, this is terrible" and think oh poor baby I wish I could have your problem. But know I can totally relate and I have major sympathy for them. I have an appointment this Thursday to get some saline removed, and hopefully that will help me get back on a normal eating schedule and not spend my days TRYING to eat.
Feb 25th, 01
Well I went and got my de-fill, I went from 2ccs to 1.50cc and it's still too tight. I'm only throwing up every other day but it's still too much. So I've made another appointment for March 7th to go back down to 1cc. I'm finding that since I can't eat the right things, the healthy things the things that are going down are very bad (chocolate) and because of this I'm on a major plateau. I'm stuck at 84lbs lost for almost 3 weeks now. So this should help. At least I will be able to eat the RIGHT things and hopefully I won't keep these nasty habits I have started since this whole fill fiasco started. I now have a sweet tooth, which I have never had. Hopefully since it's a very new habit it won't stick.
Surgery July 4th, 01
Lost as of Feb 25th, 01 84 lbs
Dr.Yau
I did finally reach 99 lbs lost which took me too 219 lbs. Unfortunately it didn't last long and the pictures of me with short hair and the stripped shirt where the only pictures I have at that weight before it started to creep back on. These pictures make me sad that I got there and couldn't maintain it.
Well everyone it is July 28 2005 yes almost 4 years since I had my surgery and I'm gonna have to be one of those failed cases. I did at one point last year reach as low as 219 I was ecstatic but not happy with the way I got there. I was throwing up 3-4 times a day every day, let me tell you that does work but you get very tired of it very quickly. So I decided to take a break and defill well I gained 20 lbs almost over night and panic set in. So I went for a refill. Well that’s where it all began to go wrong. The fill was way too tight and I live over 3 hours away, so I just thought if I stuck with it my stomach will calm down and de-swell and I'd be fine by the next day. Well 3 days later and even water wouldn't go down, I was hallucinating. So I went to my family doctor in hopes that he would be able to loosen but after poking me over 25 times he gave up and told me to get to Toronto. But it was way to late for that. So I went home and de-filled myself. I know you are probably all saying OMG I could never do that, but I was desperate and unfortunately realized how easy it was. So since then every time I try and get a fill I take it out within a day with the promise to myself that I'll put it back in after this meal, or after Mc Donalds one more time. I never do. To top it all off I have gained over 50 lbs back and am now at a whopping 285 LBS. I even rescheduled my wedding in the hopes that I will find an ounce of will power.
The thing that kills me with this surgery is how sensitive it is with your moods. I know that if I am even the slightest bit irritated nothing will go down. Like if the drive through person was slow or and idiot and mixed up my order, that alone is enough to tighten my stomach. Which means it won't go in. Or if your really hungry and irritated because your hungry, ironically food won't go down. And I am not alone in this, my best friend had the surgery done and she has the exact same problems as me. It’s pretty funny when we go to a restaurant and something goes wrong with the service etc... we end up being both screwed. A lot of the time we are fighting to see who is gonna stay at the table to watch our purses while the other goes to throw up. Most of the time the second person can't wait and takes both purses into the bathroom. It’s funny and sad at the same time. This surgery should not be this touchy to work with NO one can live like this for the rest of their lives.
THE REASON I DELETED MY PROFILE FOR WHILE:
I received the barrage of hateful posting on the Lap-Band board, which was started and encouraged by someone that I am not aloud to name, it hurt me so much that I just wanted to erase my profile completely. But I keep it in a word document.
They have since erased the thread off the Lap-Band board but it still stings. I have been getting lots of support telling me to forget about what they said but its really hard to do. I put my self out there and was completely honest thinking stupidly that this was a safe haven. I was completely honest hoping to help others who may have gone through the same thing not feel so alone. But instead I got totally made fun of and called everything from mentally unstable to a fraudian mistake. Someone actually said that I would fail with the RNY too cause I didn’t care enough. Its funny how on cyber space people forget that there really is a real person on the other end that they are mocking.
What made me the maddest I think was that these people where talking like they had never done anything wrong and that I was not normal for being out of control. But correct me if I am wrong but none of us would be here on this site if we where in perfect control all the time. I mean who hasn’t done some pretty scary dangerous things when they where post-op because they where addicted to food, we all have. I got support e-mails from lots of people saying, I have done way worst things then you to get skinny like my cocaine diet. And many applauded me for having the balls to post everything and being so honest.
I know what I did was crazy and dangerous and stupid, I’m not an idiot. But when you are addicted, like I was and you figure out just how easy it is to de-fill your band its like a drug that you can’t stop. You are torn, you want to make the band work and you want to be skinny but its just so easy to do and your old addiction habit begin to take back over. I wish I had never ever tried to do it in the first place but I did and once I realized just how easy it was to do that was then end. The people on the post where also saying it was because of my filling and de-filling that my stomach lining had thickened. That is totally not true, for one I didn’t do it that often maybe 5 times at the most and if they had looked at the dates there was almost 4 years between when I de-filled myself and my revision surgery. They also said that I was crazy because I was hallucinating when I was coming off the morphine in the hospital. I mean come on, lots of people have reactions when they come off morphine and they used that as a way of diagnosing that I must be mentally unstable.
I truly believe the band is useless and a cash cow for the doctors. I don’t agree with doctors even suggesting it or worst pushing it on people. In Ontario the RNY is covered under our health care system but you are put on a 5 year waiting list to get it, but if you are willing to pay 15,000.00 you can get the Lap-Band done next week. I think this is totally unfair cause most people will pay just so they can get it done right away, then end up with it failing.
I really wish they would have kept the thread up with my response which said this:
“I just don’t know what to say, I thought this was a site that was used for support not to be made fun of or called crazy. I’m glad you all got a good laugh at my expense. Just because you all haven’t heard of people that have filled and de-filled themselves doesn’t mean they are not out there. There are many people who do it and my doctor told me it has become a big problem among Lap-Banders. He has even done many revisions on his patients to move the port so that people couldn’t reach it on their own. I would have appreciated an e-mail directly as appose to a personal bashing on your board. This has seriously made me consider removing my profile, which I think I may tonight. You guys are very mean. Yes I admit that it was very stupid of me and I regret ever doing it in the first place because like the doctor posted earlier its like a drug, once you figure out how easy it is to do, and trust me its VERY easy to do and yes you can by long enough needles at a pharmacy, its really hard to stop. I guess none of you remember what it was like to be out of control when you where pre-op. Excuse me for not being as perfect as all of you. And no I don’t have any mental issues I have a addiction to food, which I figured pretty much everyone did on this site, but I guess I am the only one, my mistake.
I wrote my story to help people who may be having similar problems that I had, I never expected to be mad fun of. So thank you very much for opening my eyes to how cruel the world can really be, even on a site designed for support.”
That way everyone else could have seen just how mean whey where and they would have looked like the shmucks. But they didn’t and I unfortunately didn’t copy the responses either, I wish I had cause I would have posted some of the nastier ones on my profile with names to make sure people knew not to trust these people. I’m sorry I am just speaking out of hurt and now that I think about it that’s pretty childish but its hard to be the bigger person (no pun intended).
