jamie2377
Here at the hospital...
May 31, 2010
We're here at the hospital, getting all the pre-op stuff done. Another family we met at the pre-op class is here in the waiting room with us, and they just informed us that the person scheduled for the first sugery didn't show up. Their daughter is in surgery now, so that means I'm next. I really thought I would be a lot more nervous than this, but I'm covered in prayer so I'm sure that's helping A LOT. I just have to keep in mind that the only thing I have to do is go to sleep. Sounds easy, right? I hope it is. I've talked to some people about their surgeries, and they say that they didn't feel any pain afterwards; just some minor discomfort. So, that's definitely a plus. I just need to look at it as a long nap, and when I wake up, I'll be a changed person!
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Tomorrow tomorrow, my surgery's tomorrow! We're only a day away
May 31, 2010
Wow! I can't believe I've made it. My surgery is in the morning, and I'm so excited. The past few months have been absolutely crazy, like the largest emotional roller coaster in the world. And last night was no exception. I kept thinking, "I'm not ready for this. There's no way I can do this". But I woke up this morning knowing I can do this. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to be happy. I'm ready to start living my life.
I'm so excited about getting to spend some time with my mom. I'll be in the hospital for about 3 days, and I'm glad to know she's going to be there, too. She, along with everyone else in my family, has been so supportive and encouraging. But you know how it is when you're sick or hurt and the only person in the world you want is your mom. I know I'll be just fine with her there.
It's been such a long journey getting to this point, but in reality, the journey has only begun. I can't wait to get this over with and start living my new life. I'm so excited! Here we go!
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I'm so excited about getting to spend some time with my mom. I'll be in the hospital for about 3 days, and I'm glad to know she's going to be there, too. She, along with everyone else in my family, has been so supportive and encouraging. But you know how it is when you're sick or hurt and the only person in the world you want is your mom. I know I'll be just fine with her there.
It's been such a long journey getting to this point, but in reality, the journey has only begun. I can't wait to get this over with and start living my new life. I'm so excited! Here we go!
Pre-op Appointment (May 18, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Yesterday, I attended my pre-op appointment. It wasn't exactly like I thought it would be, but it was still a pretty great experience. Mom and I started out the day in the pre-op "class". I had no idea it was going to be an actual class. I thought I was going to meet with the doctor, get weighed, talk to him one-on-one about the actual surgery, and be done with it. But the class turned out to be even better than that. I got the chance to meet other people who were about to go through the same thing I'm going to go through. A couple of them are even having their surgery on the same day as me. I'm hoping we can somehow keep in touch throughout this process since we're all starting our journey together.
We got the chance to talk to one of the nurses for Dr. Houston (pronounced House-ton, like my favorite TV doctor, lol) who not only conducted the pre-op class, but had also had the surgery about 7 years ago. She lost over 100 lbs. and looked great. She was so informative and very funny. It was great to hear about her experiences and her outlook on the whole process. There were a few parts that made me a little nervous, but I got over that as soon as I got home. The nutritionist was also very informative. The whole pre-op class was really great.
I was fully expecting to be weighed and either praised or scolded for my weight-loss attempt. However, Dr. Houston was out of the office this week so I didn't get to see him or be weighed. I did, however, have my first EKG. That was pretty interesting. I thought all I was going to do was have some blood taken, but as soon as I went into the lab, the nurse started placing those little round, sticky things on my skin. I had no idea what was going on. Then she explained what she was doing. I know she thought I was crazy because I asked her if it was going to shock me or anything. I guess that's what I get for watching House. =)
So, my surgery is 2 weeks from today. It's amazing to think about. Sometimes, I can't wait for it to come. Other times, I really dread it. I keep asking myself, "Am I ready for such a drastic change?", "Can I do this?", "Will I be okay?". I'm sure everyone who has gone through this same situation has asked themselves those same questions. But I'm just going to have to "put on my big girl panties" and do this. There's no other way. I've come too far to turn back now. I know I'll be okay. I know I can do this. And I know I'm ready for a change. It's like my pastor has said for years..."If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had." I'm ready to have something different than what I've had for the past 20 years. I'm ready to have a long, healthy, happy life.
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We got the chance to talk to one of the nurses for Dr. Houston (pronounced House-ton, like my favorite TV doctor, lol) who not only conducted the pre-op class, but had also had the surgery about 7 years ago. She lost over 100 lbs. and looked great. She was so informative and very funny. It was great to hear about her experiences and her outlook on the whole process. There were a few parts that made me a little nervous, but I got over that as soon as I got home. The nutritionist was also very informative. The whole pre-op class was really great.
I was fully expecting to be weighed and either praised or scolded for my weight-loss attempt. However, Dr. Houston was out of the office this week so I didn't get to see him or be weighed. I did, however, have my first EKG. That was pretty interesting. I thought all I was going to do was have some blood taken, but as soon as I went into the lab, the nurse started placing those little round, sticky things on my skin. I had no idea what was going on. Then she explained what she was doing. I know she thought I was crazy because I asked her if it was going to shock me or anything. I guess that's what I get for watching House. =)
So, my surgery is 2 weeks from today. It's amazing to think about. Sometimes, I can't wait for it to come. Other times, I really dread it. I keep asking myself, "Am I ready for such a drastic change?", "Can I do this?", "Will I be okay?". I'm sure everyone who has gone through this same situation has asked themselves those same questions. But I'm just going to have to "put on my big girl panties" and do this. There's no other way. I've come too far to turn back now. I know I'll be okay. I know I can do this. And I know I'm ready for a change. It's like my pastor has said for years..."If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had." I'm ready to have something different than what I've had for the past 20 years. I'm ready to have a long, healthy, happy life.
Who I am...(May 5, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Throughout this process, there have been many different responses to my surgery. Most people are very supportive of my decision and wish me nothing but the best. Others, however, are a little less encouraging. I know they mean well and are only concerned about me, but I felt like I needed to address this and explain how I feel about it.
Some people are concerned about me having this surgery at such a young age. Even my doctor was a little wary of the fact that I'm only 20 years old. But I fully understand the decision I've made and any rewards or consequences that may follow because of it. I wouldn't have let myself get this far into the surgery process if I didn't have peace about the whole thing. I've prayed about this for a long, long time, but even after I made my decision to go through with the surgery, I still had my doubts. So, what I've been doing every single morning is waking up and repeating these scriptures to myself...Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." and 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind." I've had to remind myself that I have no reason to fear anything about this process...the surgery, the pain, the outcome. God has truly given me peace about this. The closer I get to the date, the more excited and the less fearful I become. I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing this so I can better serve God and carry out His plan for my life.
Some people have also worried that I will "lose" myself after going through all of these changes. A lot of people have told me throughout the years that I should "love myself for who I am". It's taken me a long time to finally like myself, and I honestly think that's why I'm doing this. If I didn't love myself, I would allow myself to live like this for the rest of my life. I wouldn't care what others thought of me. I wouldn't care how I felt. I wouldn't care if I was healthy. But I do care. It's taken me this long to finally decide to like myself and care enough about myself to do something about that. This surgery is going to allow me to start over and begin taking care of myself. I know who I am. I'm Jamie Jeffers, child of the Most High God, and that's something that will never, ever change. I know He has a plan for my life, and I'm going to better myself so I can see His plan through.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
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Some people are concerned about me having this surgery at such a young age. Even my doctor was a little wary of the fact that I'm only 20 years old. But I fully understand the decision I've made and any rewards or consequences that may follow because of it. I wouldn't have let myself get this far into the surgery process if I didn't have peace about the whole thing. I've prayed about this for a long, long time, but even after I made my decision to go through with the surgery, I still had my doubts. So, what I've been doing every single morning is waking up and repeating these scriptures to myself...Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." and 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind." I've had to remind myself that I have no reason to fear anything about this process...the surgery, the pain, the outcome. God has truly given me peace about this. The closer I get to the date, the more excited and the less fearful I become. I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing this so I can better serve God and carry out His plan for my life.
Some people have also worried that I will "lose" myself after going through all of these changes. A lot of people have told me throughout the years that I should "love myself for who I am". It's taken me a long time to finally like myself, and I honestly think that's why I'm doing this. If I didn't love myself, I would allow myself to live like this for the rest of my life. I wouldn't care what others thought of me. I wouldn't care how I felt. I wouldn't care if I was healthy. But I do care. It's taken me this long to finally decide to like myself and care enough about myself to do something about that. This surgery is going to allow me to start over and begin taking care of myself. I know who I am. I'm Jamie Jeffers, child of the Most High God, and that's something that will never, ever change. I know He has a plan for my life, and I'm going to better myself so I can see His plan through.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
Less than a month left! (May 3, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Wow! I can't believe my surgery is in less than a month! The month of May is already promising to be a very exciting and busy one. I graduate college on May 8th with an Associates Degree in Teaching. Pretty exciting, I must say. Right now, I'm scheduled to have my braces taken off on May 19th. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am about that! My pre-op appointment is May 17th, followed soon after by my surgery on June 1st. Goodness, time flies by so fast! I'm about to turn in to a completely different person, and I am so excited about it!
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The best years of your life, aren't...(April 30, 2010)
May 28, 2010
My brother and his girlfriend just left to go to a school dance. He looked very sharp, and she looked absolutely beautiful. It's also prom week here, so that's what everyone has been talking about. The past few weeks have been filled with preparation for all of these dances, and the whole thing has really made me think about all of the things I missed out on growing up because of my weight. I never went to a school dance, not even my senior prom. I was never asked to go, and I really didn't want to go by myself just to sit there by myself the whole night. I didn't go to a lot of school functions. I hardly ever went to ballgames. I was pretty much a loner.
I missed out on so many things that other teens get to experience. I want to know what it's like to wear a beautiful dress, get my hair done, get my pictures made, and go to prom with someone that really cares about me. But it's too late for that now. People say that your time in high school is supposed to be the best years of your life. That may be true for others, but not for me. I know there's a lot that I didn't get to experience because of my weight, but I hope there's a lot I can experience in the future after my surgery. Sorry this is kind of a negative post. Hopefully, I'll be having some better days soon.
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I missed out on so many things that other teens get to experience. I want to know what it's like to wear a beautiful dress, get my hair done, get my pictures made, and go to prom with someone that really cares about me. But it's too late for that now. People say that your time in high school is supposed to be the best years of your life. That may be true for others, but not for me. I know there's a lot that I didn't get to experience because of my weight, but I hope there's a lot I can experience in the future after my surgery. Sorry this is kind of a negative post. Hopefully, I'll be having some better days soon.
Odd girl out (April 26, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Friends...people say they are angels without wings, and I totally agree. I have great friends. We hang out, cut up, laugh together, cry together, confide in one another...everything friends are supposed to do. But a lot of times, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. Even my friends. Normally, I'll walk into church or school and really go out of my way to be friendly and nice to others, only to be shot down and ignored. That's been a problem for me ever since I can remember. You really start second-guessing yourself, and for someone who's overweight, you second-guess yourself from the outside-in. "Do they just not like me because of the way I look? Is it because I'm fat, or is there a problem with my personality, my thoughts, my outlook, my opinion...is there a problem with me?"
I'm hoping after this surgery, people will be more accepting of me. Don't get me wrong. I love my circle of friends, but I would love to be friends with everyone, not just my little circle. I've always thought of myself as someone who has an infinite amount of love to give to others. I long to care for people and be needed. But some people don't want me to care for them. Some people don't want me to love them. Some people don't want to be friends with me. And I'm not sure if it's because of the weight or if I'm really just not good enough. I guess this is one mystery that will be solved soon.
You'd like to think we didn't live in such a shallow world, where friendships are based solely on what you look like, how much money you have, how famous you are, who you know, or what you can do for your so-called "friends". But the sad truth is, we do live in that world. Sometimes I wonder if, once I lose the weight, people will still push me away. But no matter what happens, I need to remember that God is going to take care of this. He has a perfect will and knows right where I fit in. And even if the whole world turns against me, He will always be my very best friend.
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I'm hoping after this surgery, people will be more accepting of me. Don't get me wrong. I love my circle of friends, but I would love to be friends with everyone, not just my little circle. I've always thought of myself as someone who has an infinite amount of love to give to others. I long to care for people and be needed. But some people don't want me to care for them. Some people don't want me to love them. Some people don't want to be friends with me. And I'm not sure if it's because of the weight or if I'm really just not good enough. I guess this is one mystery that will be solved soon.
You'd like to think we didn't live in such a shallow world, where friendships are based solely on what you look like, how much money you have, how famous you are, who you know, or what you can do for your so-called "friends". But the sad truth is, we do live in that world. Sometimes I wonder if, once I lose the weight, people will still push me away. But no matter what happens, I need to remember that God is going to take care of this. He has a perfect will and knows right where I fit in. And even if the whole world turns against me, He will always be my very best friend.
Perspective is a lovely hand to hold (April 22, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Anyone that knows me very well or has ever discussed music with me knows that my favorite band of all time is Relient K. Their tunes are catchy, and their lyrics are random and off the wall but still beautiful. I was listening to one of their songs on the way to class the other day and heard a lyric that really describes what I'm facing right now..."If a nightmare ever does unfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold."
The past few nights when I close my eyes to go to sleep, the only thing I can see is myself, lying on the operating table, nurses and doctors all around me waiting to operate. It's truly a nightmare. My surgery is one of the first things I think about when I wake up, and one of the last things I think about before I go to bed. It's always on my mind. Some days, I wake up and think, "Wow, I can't wait until I have my surgery." But there are also days when I wake up and think, "Oh my goodness, what have I gotten myself into?!?!"
I know, in the end, I'm going to be fine. God wouldn't have placed this dream and desire in me if He wasn't going to bring me through. But, I just have to keep perspective. I have to keep my eye on the prize, the final result, God's ultimate plan for me. It gets really hard sometimes, but no one ever said it was going to be easy. But one thing is for sure. God is for me, so nothing can be against me.
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The past few nights when I close my eyes to go to sleep, the only thing I can see is myself, lying on the operating table, nurses and doctors all around me waiting to operate. It's truly a nightmare. My surgery is one of the first things I think about when I wake up, and one of the last things I think about before I go to bed. It's always on my mind. Some days, I wake up and think, "Wow, I can't wait until I have my surgery." But there are also days when I wake up and think, "Oh my goodness, what have I gotten myself into?!?!"
I know, in the end, I'm going to be fine. God wouldn't have placed this dream and desire in me if He wasn't going to bring me through. But, I just have to keep perspective. I have to keep my eye on the prize, the final result, God's ultimate plan for me. It gets really hard sometimes, but no one ever said it was going to be easy. But one thing is for sure. God is for me, so nothing can be against me.
Hello, my name is Jamie, and I am overweight (April 14, 2010)
May 28, 2010
I was watching The Biggest Loser last night, all the while wishing I had Jillian and Bob yelling at me to run 35 more 1-minute sprints on a treadmill. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. It's pretty amazing to watch that show from beginning to end. It's not your typical reality show. This is a show that changes not only people's lives, but their lifestyles forever. I wish I could lose weight the way they are...exercise, diet, blood, sweat, and tears. But I'm just not one of those people.
I've been really hesitant to tell people about my upcoming surgery. You don't just go up to someone and say, "Hello, I'm Jamie and I'm having gastric bypass". You can't even really insert it into typical, every day conversation with friends without feeling like the eyes of the world are staring you down. People don't understand that this isn't a "quick fix" or a "cop out". This is just one tool you have to use in order to lose weight. And just like any other kind of tool, it will only work if you put it to work for yourself. It's like putting gas in a vehicle. You can't put gas in a car and just expect it to run and take you wherever you tell it to go. You have to get behind the wheel and drive. Having gastric bypass is my way of getting behind the wheel and taking control of my life.
I'm hoping that by writing this blog, anyone who reads it and has any preconceived ideas about the surgery will quickly change their mind. And I hope somewhere along the way, I can help someone else and encourage them to embark on their own journey to a better them. If not, then it will still be worth it. For the first time, I'm being honest with myself. And I must say, it feels wonderful.
0 comments
I've been really hesitant to tell people about my upcoming surgery. You don't just go up to someone and say, "Hello, I'm Jamie and I'm having gastric bypass". You can't even really insert it into typical, every day conversation with friends without feeling like the eyes of the world are staring you down. People don't understand that this isn't a "quick fix" or a "cop out". This is just one tool you have to use in order to lose weight. And just like any other kind of tool, it will only work if you put it to work for yourself. It's like putting gas in a vehicle. You can't put gas in a car and just expect it to run and take you wherever you tell it to go. You have to get behind the wheel and drive. Having gastric bypass is my way of getting behind the wheel and taking control of my life.
I'm hoping that by writing this blog, anyone who reads it and has any preconceived ideas about the surgery will quickly change their mind. And I hope somewhere along the way, I can help someone else and encourage them to embark on their own journey to a better them. If not, then it will still be worth it. For the first time, I'm being honest with myself. And I must say, it feels wonderful.
Where to begin...(April 9, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Well, I guess the best place to begin would be to tell you the reason I am beginning this blog. On June 1st at 7 a.m. I am going to walk into Centennial Medical Center in Nashville, TN, to prepare for a life-changing surgery. I am going to have gastric bypass. Since meeting with the surgeon 2 weeks ago, I've experienced so many emotions. It's been really hard to sort them out. So, my family suggested I start a blog and chronicle my entire journey. I don't know if anyone will read this, and I'm not expecting anyone to. I guess it's just more of an encouraging thing for myself. It's a way I can express my feelings and sort through them. If anyone does happen to read this, I hope you find it interesting and encouraging.
So, let's start from the beginning. I'm 20 years old, and I have been overweight for the majority of my life. Even in Kindergarten, I could tell I was a little bigger than everyone else. I know that's kind of early in life to notice something like that, but in the society we live in today, it doesn't matter what age you are. People are going to point out your flaws to the rest of the world. When I was in 3rd grade, I joined my school's 3rd and 4th grade basketball team. It was something I enjoyed doing, and apparently people thought I was pretty good. I played for a couple years, and then at the age of 9 I started "that girl thing", as my mom called it. Yeah, I know. A 9-year-old starting her period. Pretty wild. But after that, things just started to go down hill. I quit the basketball team because I just didn't want to do anything anymore. I felt tired and sluggish all the time, and that's when the weight started to pile on. I was very fortunate to have great friends throughout elementary school and high school that loved me for me and not what I looked like, so being overweight never really bothered me much. But right before I started high school, I suffered from a deep depression. It was mostly because I felt like I had no one to care about me, and I knew it was directly associated with my weight. Throughout my teen years, my periods were very heavy and uncomfortable. This also made me withdraw from activities I once loved. Because of this, my doctor put me on birth-control pills. These helped a little, but the weight still kept piling on.
In order to stay on the birth-control pills, I had to schedule regular blood work every few months or so to make sure all my blood levels were good. One day my mother, grandmother, and I went to get the results of my blood work at the hospital. Everything was normal. All of my levels were in a good range. While standing in the hallway looking at the results, they told me about talking with one of my mom's friends who worked at the hospital. They talked about how great she looked and how much weight she had lost since the last time they had seen her. This led to all of us talking at one of the support group meetings. It was very informative, and we were all really excited about it. We started looking into the surgery, and here we are. In 7 weeks, I'll be having gastric bypass surgery and my life will officially begin again.
I must say, I get so excited when I think about the aftermath of the surgery. Shopping for pretty clothes, hanging out with my friends more, dancing at church without losing my breath, and finally being confident in myself. I'll look good, but most of all I'll feel good too. I don't want to be skinny or stick thin. I just want to be healthy. I know this is going to be a great thing. Whatever fears I have about this, I know God is more than enough. He hasn't given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. I can do all things through Him, and I know He is in this. I'm excited about what the future holds, and I hope you will go on this journey with me.
0 comments
So, let's start from the beginning. I'm 20 years old, and I have been overweight for the majority of my life. Even in Kindergarten, I could tell I was a little bigger than everyone else. I know that's kind of early in life to notice something like that, but in the society we live in today, it doesn't matter what age you are. People are going to point out your flaws to the rest of the world. When I was in 3rd grade, I joined my school's 3rd and 4th grade basketball team. It was something I enjoyed doing, and apparently people thought I was pretty good. I played for a couple years, and then at the age of 9 I started "that girl thing", as my mom called it. Yeah, I know. A 9-year-old starting her period. Pretty wild. But after that, things just started to go down hill. I quit the basketball team because I just didn't want to do anything anymore. I felt tired and sluggish all the time, and that's when the weight started to pile on. I was very fortunate to have great friends throughout elementary school and high school that loved me for me and not what I looked like, so being overweight never really bothered me much. But right before I started high school, I suffered from a deep depression. It was mostly because I felt like I had no one to care about me, and I knew it was directly associated with my weight. Throughout my teen years, my periods were very heavy and uncomfortable. This also made me withdraw from activities I once loved. Because of this, my doctor put me on birth-control pills. These helped a little, but the weight still kept piling on.
In order to stay on the birth-control pills, I had to schedule regular blood work every few months or so to make sure all my blood levels were good. One day my mother, grandmother, and I went to get the results of my blood work at the hospital. Everything was normal. All of my levels were in a good range. While standing in the hallway looking at the results, they told me about talking with one of my mom's friends who worked at the hospital. They talked about how great she looked and how much weight she had lost since the last time they had seen her. This led to all of us talking at one of the support group meetings. It was very informative, and we were all really excited about it. We started looking into the surgery, and here we are. In 7 weeks, I'll be having gastric bypass surgery and my life will officially begin again.
I must say, I get so excited when I think about the aftermath of the surgery. Shopping for pretty clothes, hanging out with my friends more, dancing at church without losing my breath, and finally being confident in myself. I'll look good, but most of all I'll feel good too. I don't want to be skinny or stick thin. I just want to be healthy. I know this is going to be a great thing. Whatever fears I have about this, I know God is more than enough. He hasn't given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. I can do all things through Him, and I know He is in this. I'm excited about what the future holds, and I hope you will go on this journey with me.
