jamie2377
Odd girl out (April 26, 2010)
May 28, 2010
Friends...people say they are angels without wings, and I totally agree. I have great friends. We hang out, cut up, laugh together, cry together, confide in one another...everything friends are supposed to do. But a lot of times, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. Even my friends. Normally, I'll walk into church or school and really go out of my way to be friendly and nice to others, only to be shot down and ignored. That's been a problem for me ever since I can remember. You really start second-guessing yourself, and for someone who's overweight, you second-guess yourself from the outside-in. "Do they just not like me because of the way I look? Is it because I'm fat, or is there a problem with my personality, my thoughts, my outlook, my opinion...is there a problem with me?"I'm hoping after this surgery, people will be more accepting of me. Don't get me wrong. I love my circle of friends, but I would love to be friends with everyone, not just my little circle. I've always thought of myself as someone who has an infinite amount of love to give to others. I long to care for people and be needed. But some people don't want me to care for them. Some people don't want me to love them. Some people don't want to be friends with me. And I'm not sure if it's because of the weight or if I'm really just not good enough. I guess this is one mystery that will be solved soon.
You'd like to think we didn't live in such a shallow world, where friendships are based solely on what you look like, how much money you have, how famous you are, who you know, or what you can do for your so-called "friends". But the sad truth is, we do live in that world. Sometimes I wonder if, once I lose the weight, people will still push me away. But no matter what happens, I need to remember that God is going to take care of this. He has a perfect will and knows right where I fit in. And even if the whole world turns against me, He will always be my very best friend.
