Day 6 and 7 went off without a hitch

Sep 14, 2012

 it has been a good couple of days but today I found myself eating a small snack I thought was sugar free jello, and turned out to be full strength sugar. When I realized what I was doing the cup was empty. Well I don't think it will baloon my liver up but we learn from our mistakes and mine was small but I promise not to make it again. I have been losing a pound a day and I don't think a cup of Jello will stop that. I am still light headed and zoning out on most things but I am getting a lot of work done so that I can just rest and concentrate on the recovery.

My life is very busy and often consumed with the thought that if I don't do it then who will. That is a ode of thinking that I need to get out of. I often write but mostly about things that don't pertain to me. this is the hardest blog I have ever had to write. Mostly because the fact that I don't know what to expect. I don't really have a clue what I am in for. Yes they educate you on all of the ins and out's of surgery but there is no way to know what one person will experience. Everyone is different in what they go through after this operation. I have asked people in support group about what they experienced but all of them differed from one another.

It is like life all of us has the same life but different experiences only to see our end is the same as our beginning. What makes the difference is the inbetween or the distance from here to there. I have often asked is this all there is to be born go to school get a job, get married have kids, and dream what might have been and then we grow old and die. Only when we die we hope we have time to look back on our lives and truly see that we were loved by all.

Well I don't mean to get too phylisophical with you just write what I feel and tonight I am in retrospect of the feelings I have toward how I got here. You see I didn't marry until I was forty years old and now I am forty eight. I lived a life of drug adictions and selfish living with no regard for others. however I did carry something with me my experience in passion. You see whatever I did in life no matter how severe or life threatening it was I did with passion. Now I know that comes through with the surgery I am about to go through.

I am passionate about this and no one can change my mind. One because I have never had to go without even when I had barely anything and two because I have lived longer than all but two of my best high school buddies. This to me is not just to lose weight but it is go on living a quality life with no regrets. My father died of a stroke three days before he was due to have open heart surgery. I intend to break that cycle and live a healthful life with no regrets and no shame. I have heard it all before and the thing that truly upsets me is that most people say the same thing, "Why don't you just push yourself away from the dinner table." That sounds like the easy solution but I have never heard anyone with compassion tell a heroin addict, "Why don't you just push yourself away from the kneedle." It is a long hard road and it takes courage and I am very proud to be here on obesity help with such courageous people who are fighting to make their lives better. every one here is so supportive and helpful. Your experiences are all differnt but our results will be the same... don't let anyone tell you this is a mistake you are on the brink of a life few of us have ever experienced...

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