jnadreau

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So - the nausea & fatigue I mentioned in my last post were caused by drinking carbonated beverages. Who knew? I thought you were supposed to avoid them during the first year of surgery only. Now, I open up the containers and leave them in the fridge overnight before drinking. Works like a charm!

I had 2 cortisone shots in my lower back to try to minimize the pain. They worked, but not long-term. And the co-pay was hella expensive. I also went to physical therapy and learned some exercises & stretches to improve my core strength. I do them twice a day. They really do help. I take Tramadol 3-4 times a day, and use a heating pad on my back throughout the day. It seems to relieve the constant pain. Another thing I found that works is meditating and visualizing or imagining my back being pain-free. It works! When I don't do it, I'm in more pain the following day.

A couple of days ago, I was spelunking through my "Closet of Nevermore" and found a size 10 skirt I'd bought 6 years ago that I've never worn. It still had the price tag on it! I bought it on sale for $9.99. I tried the skirt on, and lo & behold - it fits! I'm now a size 10! I never thought I'd ever get back to that size. The clothes I bought last fall are all too big. I also tried on a pair of Levis from my thin days, and they fit too! The size 12 Levis I mentioned in my previous post are a little loose. I'm not sure what size the smaller pair of Levis are, probably also a 10.

Love my RNY, love being thin, love being sober!

Guess I haven't posted anything in a while.  Life kinda gets in the way.

So far I've lost 80% of my excess body weight.  I haven't weighed below 150 in I don't know how long!  I just spent about $600 on a new wardrobe in the last month or two.  Just call me Gastric Bypass Barbie!  I really needed new clothes.  I gave away almost all of my smaller sizes, thinking that I'd never be able to fit into them again.

About a month or two ago I bought some size 14 jeans.  I was able to wear them for like 20 minutes until they started to bag & sag.  Now I can pull them up & down without unfastening them!  Never thought I'd be able to do that with a size 14.  I have a pair of size 12 Levis in my "No Way in Hell" closet from my thin days - they fit!  Snug, but wearable.

I'm really enjoying wearing my new fashionable clothes.  And I need to wear the hell out of them, because by spring they'll probably be too big!

Lately, I've been struggling with lower back pain and nausea.  The nausea has come on slowly over the past 6-8 weeks.  It almost feels like I'm dumping every time I eat or drink anything.  The nausea hits, then I'm sleepy.  So I started being really careful about what I put in my mouth, and am trying diligently not to drink liquids within 30 minutes of eating.  I've noticed that the nausea is worse after eating or drinking, especially foods that are high in protein.  I get terrible gas.  The nausea is right below my breastbone.  Sometimes it feels like pressure, or acid reflux.  I also am getting pain in my shoulder area, but I've been attributing that to tension and working a desk job.

I went to my surgeon yesterday.  He said it could be a medication interaction, or perhaps gallbladder.  I left with more questions than answers.  Today I called my primary care doc and made an appointment for Tuesday.  He's the prescribing Dr. on all my meds, so I will leave it to him to determine what (if any) of them are interacting.  If it's not that, I will insist on further testing.

My lower back has been bothering me for 2-1/2 to 3 years now.  It's due to an annular tear in my L5 lumbar area.  I tried physical therapy, that didn't help.  Chiropractors just want to take your money.  Right now I'm taking Tramadol for it, but I really need for it to go away.  I've been missing lots of work due to my back pain and nausea issues, and the powers that be aren't real happy about that.  I'm also cancelling out on non-work stuff too, because I just feel like shit all the time.  When it gets to the point where it's interfering in your life, it's time to do something about it.

Tomorrow I'm going to an orthopedic surgeon to find out what they can do about my back.  I'd like to have some sort of minimally invasive sort of procedure, but at this time I'm willing to do pretty much anything it takes to just be "normal" again.  I'd done some research on a treatment called "Intra-Diskal Electrotherapy Treatment (IDET for short).  However, none of the orthopedic surgeons covered by my insurance have even heard of it.  It's a relatively new treatment where a heated catheter is inserted into the affected area to "melt" the tissues together so they'll heal.  My insurance doesn't cover it, because it's still in its experimental phase.  There really haven't been many studies done on it, so they don't know what the long-range ramifications are.

So tomorrow I will hopefully have some answers and maybe a way out of the pain I've suffered for the last 2-3 years.

11/26/08:

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I have so many things to be thankful for:

* My sobriety
* My health and the health of my family
* My WLS
* My continuing journey of recovery
* My job, which I love - I love the people i work with, my boss is awesome, and the pay and bennies are excellent
* My support system - OH, AA, my therapist, my friends
* And last but not least - my kitty Sasha

I've been struggling with recurring dreams about my ex-boyfriend for the past 23 years.  I keep dreaming that I'm moving back in with him.  I know at the time it's a big mistake, but it's like I've made the decision in the dream and am going forward with it.  In the dream, he forces me to do things I don't want to do, trashes my stuff, and basically discounts me and everything having to do with me.  In other words, I keep reliving the hell of my abusive relationship with him - 23 years after the fact!

My therapist and I have worked on this issue by doing lifespan intregration.  I put together a timeline of the events in the relationship, my therapist regresses me back via hypnosis, and we go through the timeline again and again and again until I'm desensitized.  We went through this several months ago, and I thought it "clicked", but obviously it didn't work on some deep level.  I think I know what causes it.  Whenever I read a story or see something on TV about a controlling, dominating, abusive man, it triggers the dreams again.  Small wonder I've never been married and haven't had a boyfriend for 10 years.  I don't like men much, but I do have men friends and my therapist is a very gentle, sweet, caring man.

Next Wednesday, I have another session with my therapist and we will focus on this issue.  It's all about getting better and better!

I'm really loving my RNY surgery.  I've lost 59 pounds so far.  I've gone from a 26-28 to a 14-16.  I'm able to wear short skirts again, and I have a waist!  It's fun to buy new, cute clothes and feel all girly again.  My self-confidence and self-esteem keep getting stronger and stronger.  I eat a fraction of what I used to eat and am satisfied.  My surgeon says I've lost 47% of my excess body weight in 5 months, and that my blood work is "impeccable"!  So I must be doing something right!

I'm looking forward to eating a couple ounces of turkey and some salad tomorrow.  I really don't miss eating until I'm nearly comatose, yet I did that almost every day before WLS.  For me, it was an addiction; an escape.  I'm so glad I don't have to live that way today!

Today, I'm happy and healthy, and working on being the best person I can be.  It's a constant work in progress, but one that I embrace now instead of avoid.  I love my RNY!

(8/27/08):
I saw my surgeon 2 days ago for my 2-month post-op visit.  He said everything is going along just fine.  I don't have to see him for another two months.  He said that next month I need to get a blood draw and also see the nutritionist.  According to my post-op diet, I get to move on to the soft solid foods phase.  Yippee!  I am SOOOO sick of puree!

Tonight I made a quesadilla.  Took a low-carb whole wheat tortilla, layered some frozen grilled chicken strips on it, and layered some shredded LF cheddar on top of that.  I covered it with another tortilla and nuked it for 1.5 minutes.  Damn!  Tasty!  Went down fine and stayed down.  I couldn't finish the whole thing.  I'm so glad to not have to be a member of the Clean Plate Club anymore!

This journey so far has been amazing.  I'm getting my self-confidence back, and it feels so good!  I'm struttin' around in my size 18's and lookin' good!  I love being able to fit into clothes I haven't been able to wear in months.

I'm losing about a pound or two a week.  It's slow, but steady.  I'm hoping that my hair won't fall out and that the bagging & sagging will be minimized.  I'm sure the weight will come off quicker once I get back into a workout routine.  I had been walking (brisk pace) 30 minutes a day, but then my sciatica flared up and my hip has been giving me problems.  So I took a couple of weeks off from exercising.  This week I went back to the gym to work out on the recumbant exercise bike and do some core strengthening exercises.  I do 20 min on the bike and 3 sets of core exercises.  Next week I will go back to weight training.  My hope is that the core exercises will help with my back and hip pain.  It helped before surgery; I'm sure it will help now.  Besides, exercising just feels so good!

The back/hip pain doesn't bother me much during the day, mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep.  I have spasms in my left hip that keep me awake.  The only thing that seems to help is if I fall asleep propped up on pillows with a heating pad under my arse.  After about 2 hours I wake up, remove the pillows and heating pad, and go back to sleep.  I figure I'm getting about 5 hours of sleep a night, which isn't too good.  I barely wake up on time the next morning, and go to work with wet hair and no makeup most days.

About a month ago, my beloved kitty friend Sam died.  He was 15 and in poor health.  He had Irritable Bowel Disease and arthritis in his hips.  One evening I came home from work and found that he'd been using the hall closet as a bathroom.  He was always fastidious about his litterbox before, never had a problem going outside the box.  So I figured that was his message to me that it was time for him to leave.  I had him put to sleep the next day.  I miss him so much.  We were the bestest buds.

I adopted a new kitty, Sasha.  She's a 2 year old Siamese mix.  She came from a chaotic family with kids and dogs, and is shy and skittish.  Most of the time she hides under the furniture.  It's been an adjustment for both of us.  I'm used to a cat that isn't afraid to be out in the open, sits on the furniture instead of under it, and follows me everywhere.  Sasha hides when I walk into the room, but will come out and sit on my lap if I sit long enough.  Right now she's reclining on the futon couch next to me while I type this.  I can almost always expect to find her cuddled up next to me on my bed when I wake up.  I guess it will take some time for her to get used to me so she won't go hide when I walk into the room.

Learning how to live life without the comfort of food has been a challenge.  I find myself getting really snappish with people sometimes.  Today a co-worker came up to me in my cube with some printouts and stood RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  This guy has some serious boundary issues, lacks social skills, and has a really weird body odor.  He doesn't smell bad, he just smells like medicine or chemicals or something.  Ew.  He creeps me out.  Anyway, this isn't the first time he's approached me and stood nearly on top of me.  Today I put my hand on his arm and said, "Excuse me, but you're standing much too close.  Sorry, I'm just having a bad day."  Yay me!  He took the hint and backed off.  Said what he needed to say, asked me for what he wanted, I asked when he needed it, and we were all good.  So I'm learning how to stand up for myself instead of holding it all in and then stuffing it down later on in front of the TV.  My therapist would be so proud!  It was a huge step for me - definitely a WOW moment!

7/16/08:
No, not stall as in horse barn or ladies room.  But it sure did stink like one for a while!  I finally got out of my weight loss stall and lost a few pounds.  Today I tried the Shrimp Salad Spread recipe out of Susan Maria Leach's "Before & After" book.  OMG, I thought I'd died & gone to heaven!  It was easy to make, and didn't require too much cleanup.  It was all I could do to not overeat and make myself sick.

A few days ago I got the not-so-brilliant idea to have some tortilla chips with my chili.  Before I knew it, I was eating chip after chip out of the bag like I used to do.  I felt sick to my stomach, my heart started pounding, and my belly hurt.  I got diarrhea and had to go lie down.  I guess that was "dumping"!  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  Hell, I've had hangovers worse than that when I was drinking!  Still, it wasn't a very pleasant experience, and one that I don't want to repeat any time soon.  I guess I've joined the "Dumper's Club"!

I've only lost 10 lbs since the surgery.  I seem to have stalled.  I've been hovering around 207-208 since last weekend.  God, it's frustrating!  When I don't eat or drink anything, I feel like crap, but at least I lose weight.  When I step up my protein and calorie intake (currently getting about 1000 calories a day), I feel good but I don't lose any weight.  I'm toying with the idea of going on a liquid diet this weekend to kick start myself into at least losing 2/10 of a pound.  I lost more weight on the low-carb diet prior to the surgery!  So I paid $19K to lose 10 lbs???  WTF?  Remind me again why I had this surgery?  Maybe all the yo-yo dieting I've done all my adult life has f'd up my metabolism and I'm one of those one in a gajillion freaks of nature that doesn't lose weight after WLS!

7/10/08:
After about two weeks of feeling exhausted and drained, I finally have my energy back!  The week I went back to work I missed 2 days.  When I was at work, I was only able to put in about 4-5 hours.  I was starting to wonder if it was all worth it!  Monday I called my surgeon's office and asked if it's normal to feel tired & drained all the time.  They told me to make sure I get all my protein and fluids.  Tuesday I made a concerted effort to get the required amount of protein in, and it really made a difference.  Wednesday (yesterday) I finally felt human for the first time since surgery.  I just made sure I doubled up on my protein drinks.  I added a scoop of Unjury unflavored protein powder to my Nectar Roadside Lemonade drink, and mixed an EAS AdvantEdge Strawberry shake to a Worldwide Protein Banana Creme shake.  Between meals, I try to sip water as much as possible.  It really takes an effort, but hopefully it will become habit before too long.  I find that tracking my fluid intake, protein and calories on Sparkpeople.com is really helpful.  I'm so glad I don't feel like crap all the time!  Next week I will try to get back to the gym and do some low-intensity workouts on the exercise bike.  Whoo-hoo!

6/28/08:
The surgery went very well.  The first night in the hospital I was thinking OMG, WTF have I done to myself?  I felt like a horse kicked me in the stomach.  It was pretty painful once the anesthesia wore off.  For some reason, I thought you were supposed to use your pain button like a pain pill, one every 4-6 hours.  I was white-knuckling it and pushing the button every 2 hours.  One of the night nurses came in and asked me to rate my pain.  I told her about an 8.  She asked if I was using my pain button, and I said, "yes, every 2 hours".  She yelled at me and told me I should be using it every 8 minutes.  So use it I did!  I finally got a little sleep after that.

The next day, Dr. Chebli came in to see me.  I told him I was very hungry, as I had nothing except ice chips, and even those hurt.  He said that it was good I was hungry, and that the kitchen would be sending something up soon.  He said that the surgery went well, and that I was his star patient!  I wasn't liking him very much at that point, because I was so uncomfortable, so he probably just said that so I wouldn't be too mad.  Anyway, I got some little 1-oz plastic containers of broth, juice, and Crystal Light with Unjury protein powder added.  The first few sips hurt a bit, but after that I wasn't hungry anymore.

The staff at Northwest Hospital is very good.  Generally, they are very attentive to your needs EXCEPT when they have the shift change at 7 AM and 7 PM.  Don't expect to be able to go to the bathroom or get anything out of them for 2 hours.  At one point, after waiting 45 minutes for someone to come help me to the bathroom, I got tired of waiting and managed to crawl out of bed and dragged my IV pole to the bathroom.  One of the nurses yelled at me, but I told her I'd been waiting 45 minutes and nobody answered my call.

Thursday 6/26 Dr. Chebli came in and removed my drain, which was an interesting experience.  Not painful, just - weird.  He told me I could go home after that.  The nurse wouldn't let me go home until I took a suppository and an enema.  I managed to void a little bit, which was a miracle in and of itself after not eating for 4 whole days.  After that, my parents came and picked me up for the ride home.  We filled some prescriptions on the way out of the hospital.  I went home with a ginormous 500 ml jug of liquid OxyCodone, which for someone like me is like giving a blowtorch and a hand grenade to an arsonist.  It's a good thing my sobriety is solid, because I used it as directed the first night home from the hospital, and I don't think I want to touch it anymore.  I have no cravings, and no inappropriate thoughts about it except "hmmm... I wonder how much this would sell for on the street?"  Which is just the addict part of my brain thinking.  I will probably flush the damn thing down the john in a couple of days.

Monday I have my first follow-up visit with Dr. Chebli.  He will remove the staples from my tummy and graduate me to the pureed phase of the diet.  Tuesday I'm scheduled to go back to work.  I'm feeling really tired still, but every day I feel stronger.  I was telling my friend Lisa that my abdomen is so full of holes you can play me like an ocarina.

I'm healing very nicely from the surgery.  Every day I am able to tolerate more liquids.  Yesterday I started my vitamins & supplements, had probably 32 oz of liquid and 75 gms of protein.  My goal is to take short walks around the parking lot of my condo complex 4 times a day.  Yesterday I was feeling hungry even after drinking my protein shake, so I had 2 oz of diet pudding and felt full for 4 hours!  I was really amazed at that.  I've lost 5 pounds since my surgery.  When I got home from the hospital, I stepped on the scale and was 1/2 pound heavier than the morning I went in.  Probably all the IV fluids.  Then the bowels started to move, and after that I started losing.

I am soooo glad I decided to do this for myself.  This is the best gift I could ever give myself.  I finally like me again, and this is a great way to give myself a great big hug and start nurturing myself again.  I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!

UPDATE:
I flushed the jug of Oxy.  I tripped over it one too many times. 

6/23/08:
Tomorrow is my Big Day!  As of this time tomorrow, I will be in my private hospital room, sleeping off the anesthesia.  I'm more excited than scared.  I know that God will be watching over me and everything will be okay.  This whole surgery has been a God-shot for me.  Everything just fell into place so easily.  When I'm not in alignment with God's plan, I meet with resistance.  When I'm following God's plan, everything just falls easily into place without a struggle.  

Yesterday I started my "Everything Must Go!!!" diet.  Fleet's Phospho-Soda tastes so vile.  They ought to package that flavor and sell it as an appetite suppressant.  I chugged down a South Beach Tide Me Over drink right after the Fleet's, and I think that was a mistake.  The drink contains milk products, and is probably not considered a "Clear Liquid".  I was miserable for about 4 hours.  Anyway, everything cleared out of me, and I'm not running to the toilet every 15 minutes.  I'm just trying to rehydrate myself the best I can.  I'm not really very hungry, because I'm drinking so many liquids.  Besides, I just think of how bad the Fleet's tastes, and it kills my appetite.

18 hours and counting!  Whoo Hoo!

6/16/08:
Last week I went in for my pre-op visit.  I managed to lose 2 pounds more than the required 5% weight loss!  I was stressed that I'd be a pound or two over, so I was really restricting my calories.  When I get obsessed by the number on the scale, I revert back to old (bad) habits I learned as a teenager/young adult.  Thank God that's over!  I got the green light to go ahead with my surgery, and all the financing paperwork has been signed and submitted.  I found out that I'll be getting a private room in the hospital!

This morning I weighed myself and have offically lost 17 pounds.  This low carb diet really works, but I can't see myself being on it indefinitely.  I need fruit and veggies, not meat and dairy and salads all the time!  I console myself with the fact that, in a couple of weeks, I can have pureed fruit and veggies.  Oh yeah, and yummy sugar-free chocolate pudding!  Yummm....