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Its been along year, mentally but I have to say I have achieved several goals. I reached my 100lb mark with an extra 13lbs to spare. I will be ordained a Elder in June of 2012 God willing, and I will get my AA in Psychology March 2012. Wow, so much has changed over the year. I am not all that I want to be but I have done more then I every believed possible at one time in my life. I am fighting other demons now. The ones outside of the new me who spent a lot of time making the old me feel like crap. I will continue to press toward the mark that God has set for me and I will be all that He has purposed me to be! And so will you friend don't give up, trust me when you really sit back and look at it. It will all be worth it. Stay Positive and Stay Focused.

Luv Ya
Jean

Hello All,

Wow I don't know where to begin? First I will start by saying that this has been quite a journey so far.  My life has changed so very much.  Some for the better, other things not so good.  A lot of people places and things have changed in my life.  I see life in a different way.  You know the old saying," if I knew then what I know now".  Well I feel like I have been given the opportunity to have back my youth and know what I wish I knew then.  I don't take things for granted the way I use too. 

I am grateful for me. I appreciate me. Shhhh don't tell anybody because God knows the haters are every place. I have lost all of the friends that I thought I had. All of the people who I thought would be there for a life time are gone.  I mean I still see them but they don't want any part of me. I can't understand it I thought they would be happy for me, but it appears that they enjoyed the sad pitiful me more.  I check myself to make sure that I don't get to carried away.  I try to stay focused and positive although it can be very lonely at times. It is worth it, I would not go back for anything.

My husband is hot and to me he will always be, I love him soo much. I think that he is the sexiest man alive.  He on the other hand thinks that I am going to leave him because I am ten years younger and look like a brick house now. He worries himself and thinks things that are not there are happening.  It really hurts at times because I refuse to be forced not to enjoy being happy.

It has been a long two years I started out at 283lb size 22.  I am 195 size 14 and still losing every month. I don't go to the gym like I should but I am going to start LOL!  My mind set has changed about food, I don't need it like I use to. I long for me more then I long for food.  I can still get emotional but thank God for this Lap-band it will not allow me to go overboard.  I am free from food. I don't let it control me, I would eat like I had no choice but to eat it.  Now my new way of thinking has changed. I love this thing.

Well thank you for celebrating with me I am going to try and write, but I am in school full time and working full time and church full time and family full time and everything else full time. LOL!!!

Hello Everyone,

It has been a while. I have been doing the usual,but I've gotten off track.  Had to have the band drained and gain back 15lbs just getting back up to 41/2 cc and need to get back to the 6 that had me losing 5-7lb per week.  I am trying to maintain but I can feel the difference and I am getting discouraged because I don't want to go back to the old me.  I need to get back on track, no bread, no sweets, no junk.  Going to the gym and working out.  Summer is near and I can not cover up the small things. I need to tighten up my arms and inner thighs.  My legs are small as I don't know what.  Keep me in your positive thoughts I will do the same for you. 

Hello Everyone,

It has been a while. I have been doing the usual,but I've gotten off track.  Had to have the band drained and gain back 15lbs just getting back up to 41/2 cc and need to get back to the 6 that had me losing 5-7lb per week.  I am trying to maintain but I can feel the difference and I am getting discouraged because I don't want to go back to the old me.  I need to get back on track, no bread, no sweets, no junk.  Going to the gym and working out.  Summer is near and I can not cover up the small things. I need to tighten up my arms and inner thighs.  My legs are small as I don't know what.  Keep me in your positive thoughts I will do the same for you. 

Hello Everyone,

Wow I can't begin to tell you all the things that have happen over the past moth.  My body is changing and so am I.  I am starting to learn how to love life and live it like God intended me to.  I need to get some pictures on here the ones I have on the profile are old I look like another person now.  I have about 8 more pounds beforI reach my yearly goal can you believe it?!  My husband is doing better not as bad as he was with the "your going to get skinny and leave me thing"  I do love him sooo much!  I just wish he could know that and be happy that I am happy with me for the first time in my life.  When I was smaller before gaining the weight from having my boys.  I did not appreciate me and how beautiful I was.  I let people make me feel insecure.  But you know the old saying if I knew then what I know now.  I feel like I have the oppertunity to go back and do it again this time the right way. 

Now for the bad news I went to get a fill this week; I got a half a cc I was up to 6.5 and I had to go back 4 days later and get it taken out. I could not hold down anything and when I drink water it would come back up all foamie.  My doctor said this was not good and when he went to pull the fluid out  there was a small amount of blood in it so he had to pull out more then intended.  I want to go back in a couple of weeks and put some back in because I feel like I am eating too much.  I don't want to go backwards now that I am go close to my goal. 

Well I it was good talking to you.  Stay strong and focused.  I luv you but God loves you more.

Hey everyone,

Its been a while and I am doing alright.  I reached the point were everyone notices that I have lost the wieght.  I am 61 lbs lighter.  I still have 75 lbs to go to reach my goal of 140lb.  I use to think that was impossible but know I know that I can.  Everyone keeps telling me I am getting too small.  Its funny because when I was at this size before I crashed they called me big.  Now I am too small?  I don't get it.  I have lost alot of friends, and my husband and I have been going through.  I love him with all my heart.  He is so hot and sexy!! I really don't know what is wrong, sex is not the first thing on my mind.  It is the very first thing on his.  He can not get enough of me!   I just want him to love me though if that makes scense.  Women who use to smile and talk to me with pitty now don't speak at all.  They try to make me believe that I made a mistake having the surgery.  I just say I am alright and I am happy.  I catch them looking at me like they want to spit in my eye. No worries though I have learned alot over the years.  I know the difference now and I am not going back to the way that made them feel better about themselves.  I am trying to get my head in a new place.  I think that I am going to be okay it just everyone else.

Hello Everyone,

Today is my six month anniversary!!

Celebrate with me today, have a bag of lite popcorn if you can.  I am going to the gym three times a week and I love it.  I have lost a total of (drum roll please!!!!) 48 pounds.  Two pounds from my goal but it will be alright!  I am trying to get use to my new body, have to find a new style and look.  My old cloths look frumpy, not ready for a shopping spree but I know that I have to do something. I cut my hair it helped a little.  My husband really can't keep has hands off me.  It is strange at times, but I think I like the attention?  Women who use to speak don't anymore I am not welcome by friends I use to have lunch with because they don't want to see me cut back on my food.  I thought I would remember what it was like to be small and just handle it.  But being big and knowing the difference in how people treat you gives me a different out look on things.  I want to get to a place where I am satisfied with life! 

Pray for Guys and I will do the same for you!

I go back to the Dr. for my 4th fill on May 8th,  This third fill was helpful.  I can feel a change in the way my cloths fit me.  Everyone notices the change.  But it is not a big enough change to have their jaws drop.  The gym is getting easier, it is easier to walk up and down stairs.  My shoes don't hur as bad so I am able to wear alot of my heals.  I can tell there is a difference. 

I go in tomorrow for my 3rd fill.  I think that am getting to a place that will keep me under control.  My doctor says it usually talkes three or four fills.  I have so many things that I need to do.  I have not been going to the gym on a regular bases.  I seem to get distracted.  I am three months in to the lapband surgery and I have lost 34lbs.  I know I could have lost so much more.  I have let go of alot of things but I know I can let go of more.  I don't want to set down a year from know and say I went through the surgery for nothing.  My family has been very supportive.  My husband is great, I love him so much but wanting to be small he does not understand sometimes.  He is always saying that I want to get skinny to leave.  I know that is not the case.  I want to be skinney because I know that this is what is best fo me and my health.  My mom died at age 42 of breast cancer. She was overwieght with 10 childern.  Yes I said ten!  Her body had been worn out.  I only have five, (I bet some people are thinking only!)  and I am tired.  I want to have a normal life, with friends and loves ones around me loving me for me. 

I have been a little moody, not sure why I don't want to be nasty but it seems to just happen.  Send me some happy thoughts. 

People are starting to notice the change.  Although a small change they just think that I am fasting or that I had a girl surgery.  Don't get me wrong, I don't care if people know that I had the lapband.  I get some strange looks.  I just want to keep moving forward.