On "Personal Responsibility"

Nov 23, 2009

I take the personal responsibility gig further than many, I know, but these are my beliefs and what I do/did about them:

1) If I am about to undergo a risky surgical procedure to assist my fight against obesity, then I am going to do my research and find the best goddamn surgeon I can find. This eliminates the 'My surgeon is a dipshit" excuse.

2) If my excellent surgeon suggests I lose pre-operative weight to minimize risk and make his job easier, I am going to do it. Why make *his* work harder just because I am a food addicted obstinant jackass? What kind of self centered nuggetard jumps up on a table and yells, "I screwed up, now YOU-- fix it!"I dropped almost 70 pounds in the 4 months between my first meeting and surgery day for that reason.

3) If the surgery I choose leaves it hard for me to discern fullness and satiety, I am not going to trust those "cues." I measure and count all my intake, every day. You don't have time to plan it? Don't eat it. Plan what you eat and eat what you've planned.

4) If I want to be able to continue to occasional enjoy treats, sweets, and non -nutritious snacks on occasion, I am going to make a way to fit them into my life safely. I'm going to develop a relationship of enjoyment and respect and not abuse: I will not eat out of fear or sadness, boredom-- but for pleasure. I'm not going to practice denial or overindulgence-- I am going to find a form of moderation I can live with. I'm going to watch the data to see whether this is affecting me adversely, and adjust the moment I see any untoward change.

5) If I really did this for my health, then weight loss is not enough. I'd be thin without exercise, but I wouldn't be fit. Strong. Healthy. So if you said you did this for your health but you aren't being active-- I am calling you out. Bullshit! And the "no time" is crap.  Ditto for supplements-- you made yourself a promise and got a second shot that some do not have. Respect that and take your goddamn vitamins!

6) If my surgeon or nutritionist drop the ball or aren't meeting my needs, I will seek the answers I need elsewhere. Should they be great at aftercare, and have answer to things? Sure. But if they don't, it's on YOU to find those. Understand your body. Watch your personal data. Ask the people who came before you what worked and what didn't.

Significant regain, barring a surgical failure, is avoidable, but requires vigilance. I live in fear of it every day (since it seems to happen a lot -- all around me now, as I approach 29 months out-- my peers are dropping off the face of OH and slowly regaining), but the fear is tempered by the belief that if I keep my head in the game, I have what it takes to handle it.

I lived my entire life as a morbidly obese woman-- and like the rest of my ilk, I endured ridicule and oppression, and pain and illness. I wore stupid assed Catherine's clothing and suffered the insult of a million animal prints and scottie-dog appliques on shapeless, formless shifts. I lost 220 pounds through blood, toil, tears and sweat and looked my demons right in their ugly faces, and never blinked. So I know I can do hard things. And that knowledge, God willing, may be my greatest shot at maintaining my weight and health-- knowing what needs to be done, and doing it-- not Monday morning, not "after this crisis ends", not after the holidays, but NOW, today.

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