justaboutkrazy

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WOW!  Im really bad at keeping up this profile page huh?  Well I am almost 8 months post op and Ive lost 126lbs.  I feel alot better and my sleep apnea is gone!!  They took the cpap and oxygen machine back last week.  I have alot more energy.  Now if my back would just quit hurting id be good.  I am having loose skin issues.  Yuck!  I may have to have my ovaries out and my gyn said if so they could remove the tummy flab at the same time and mediciad would cover it.  Im probably stuck with the flabby thighs, arms and boobs tho.
My weight loss is slowing down alot now.  Im only losing about 4-6 lbs a month.  that sucks, bigtime!!!!  At that rate it will take me forever to get to goal.  I still need to lose 100 more lbs.
I hope yall are doing well.  I'll try to update more often.  im just a bad procrastinator.  Peace!!

WOW! Do I have some updating to do!! First of all...I am now officially POST-OP!!! YAY!!! I had my RNY Jan. 11 in Mexico with Dr. Alajandro Aquirre. I have a friend who had hers done there 3 yrs ago and she told me about him. At first I was hesitant to go to Mexico. Plus, like I told her, I just cant afford to self pay. She emailed the doc anyway and told him about me. She told him I was wanting to have surgery in Jan. I figured it was a waste of her time. There was no way I could get the money to pay for it. She insisted somehow we would get it. I told all my family of my plans and even asked them to donate to my account if they could help out. My family is no better off than I am tho, so this too I figured was a waste of time. Then one day my brother came to me and asked me about the surgery. He asked if I was sure its what I wanted to do. Of course I told him it was. Then he told me he and his wife had talked about it and they would loan me the money. He told me to keep it to myself and if anyone asked how I got the money just say someone that loves me helped me out. Needless to say I was shocked!! Shocked and eternally grateful. My friend was gonna go with me, since she'd been there and done that, but at the last minute she got real sick. The night before I was to leave her husband called me and said there is no way Trisha can go. I freaked. I didnt know what to do. I already had our tickets and everything. Luckily, I had a friend that was gonna stay at my house with my 5yr old daughter while I was gone and when she heard this she said call your sister and see if she can watch Dreama and I'll go with you. Long story short, she did. The airlines wuldnt let her use the ticket I had purchased for Trisha, so I lost it and had to buy her one which cost my brother an additional $1, 223.00 It made me sick. he was so good about it tho. We arrived in San Diego and was picked up by the doctors driver and taken to Ensenada, Mexico. The next day I had surgery. I was soooo scared of this, but came through with flying colors. @days later I left the hospital. We stayed in Mexico for another 7 days so I could have my G tube and staples removed. Everything was good until the tube came out. We went walking, looking for souveniers, and about an hour later my clothes were soaked and my skin was on fire. I called the doc and he said lay down and it should stop. The next day we left for home. The only pain I really felt was from the leakage burning my skin. It was horrible. The day after I got home I couldnt take it anymore so I went to the ER. They did a CT zscan and admitted me. The surgeon there said it was a common thing and they put a temporary colostomy bag on to catch the fluid. It stayed on a couple of weeks and then I was able to take it off and its been fine since. Completely healed now. I havent had any problems and can tolerate pretty much anything I eat, which sometimes worries me. And sometimes I feel Im able to eat too much, but my surgeon says everyone is differant and I shouldnt worry. It been 7 weeks now and Ive lost 49 lbs. Im off my diabetes meds, my blood pressure meds, and my bloodthinners. My sleep apnea has already improved. The swelling in my legs and belly is so much better. I cant wait till a year from now. I want this to work so bad. If anyone has to self pay I would definantly reccommend Dr. Aquirre. Mexico was beautiful and the doctor and staff couldnt have been nicer. I will be forever grateful to them. Well, Im gonna try to be more diligent in updating this thing!! LOL But for now Im outta here!!

Ok Im not sure im doing this right.  I havent updated my profile since the system has changed and this is all new to me.  Im not really computer saavy anyway,  but I'll give it a shot.  If im in the wrong place and someone sees this, let me know.  I wasnt sure if I post here or under "my story".  Shoot I just figured out I had comments on my page.  Some are really old too.  I feel bad that I didnt know they were there before.  I would have replied.  Anyway,  as of Jan. 11 I will be on the "losers" bench.  I am terrified.  I have never even flown, now here I am flying to Mexico to be operated on by a man Ive never met.  I must be crazy...or desperate.  Of course I hear Dr. Aquirre is an excellant surgeon and I have faith in God and I know he's gonna bring me home to my children.  But still I have a million thoughts running through my head.  I still havent quit smoking and Im real dissapointed in myself.  Like with eating, I have no self discipline.  But Im gonna smoke my last one at midnight tomorrow night as a farewell.  Farewell my friend farewell.  I know..my stinky, expensive, abusive friend,  but....  Ok so I guess I'll see if this posts and maybe I lucked up and got it right.  Peace to you all.  Pray for me.

Well, Im back. Havent posted in awhile because my plans for surgery fell though and I'd all but given up hope. I did go to Ft Lauderdale, did all the pre-op testing, even pd $250 for a psych eval, and even got approved by medicaid, only to have the surgeons office tell me later that the hospital is refusing to take medicaid for wls now. Probably more to the story than Im getting but....Anyway since then Ive been searching for another surgeon. Ive often wondered if Im having so much trouble because someone up there is telling me not to do this. But I really dont have much of a choice. If Im ever gonna lose the weight this is the Only way. I have found another surgeon now. He is Dr. Urizar and he's in Miami. A LONG way for me to go. Im worried about how Im gonna afford the trip. The gas to get there plus hotel fee is gonna be steep. Im also concerned because there is NO way I can go back there once a month post op for check ups. Hopefully he'll accept the tests Ive already had done so I dont have to re-do them all again. Since my last post Ive also had a heart cath (they said my heart is great) and my lung doctor says my pft's are normal and my lungs should be able to handle surgery. Im still trying to get used to the cpap. Ive tried all kinds of masks but I still pull them off in my sleep. And IM still smoking. I am gonna quit but Ive been so depressed about not being able to have the surgery I had figured whats the point. Plus its a hard habit toi break. OH well, I'll keep yall posted on whats going on and i plan to be posting alot of questions to the q&a board and the message boards. So if anybody wants to give mne a shout, please do so. I need all the advice/support I can get!!

Wow..has it really been a year since I updated this thing? Well up until a few days ago I had no new news...but...I HAVE FOUND A SURGEON!!!! Dr Samuel Cox in Ft Lauderdale. Thats about 650 miles from my home but he is the closest one I can find that will take medicaid. I called his office and Im waiting for the orientation package to come in the mail. Then I have to have blood work done here and call and set up and appt for a information seminar/support group meeting on Sept.22. in Ft lauderdale at which time I can also have the cardio/pulmonary tests and psych. evaluation done. Then its just a matter of medicaid approving it and the surgeon setting a date. WOW...after over 2 years of trying I was about to think it was just an unattainable dream. Im so excited. I cant imagine what it will be like to be a normal weight. thats something Ive never been. I cant wait to sleep in a bed again!!!! Ive been in a recliner for over 5 years. I hope and pray the swelling will go away and the sleep apnea most of all. And I hope all the years of being like this hasnt done any permanent damage. Altho Im excited, Im also really really scared. I still cant tolerate the cpap, and I smoke (Iknow I know, Im trying to quit!!!) So im so afraid I'll have breathing complications. Im willing to go through whatever it takes as long as the good lord sees me through it and lets me live. I have to be here for my kids. They are my everything. The thought of leaving them terrifies me and I cant even think about it without crying. I will have to leave my 4 year old with a friend for 3 long weeks while I have this surgery and when I tell her i will be back for her I want it to be true. I could never rest knowing she thiought I lied to her. I think Im probably more scared than your average person, and I hope thats not an omen of some kind. I keep telling myself that they do this surgery evryday on people that not only weigh more than me, but are also in worse health, and they do great. There is no reason I wont do as well. And a 1% mortality rate isnt high...unless your in that 1% !!~!!But I do know that I cant keep going like this. I hurt everyday. My chest hurts, my back hurts, I cant breathe, I have NO energy, I can hardly walk...I want this surgery to LIVE. To enjoy life with my family. I know Im doing it for all the right reasons. Well, I guess I'll go for now. I wont take as long to update from now on, now that I have some progress to tell yall about. Keep me in your prayers please and if you have any words of advice, please email me!! Thanks

Wow!! Has it been over a year since I posted here? Well... not alot is new. I still havent had surgery. Since my last post my pulmonologist decided he thought it would be too risky due to my sleep apnea and being unable to wear the cpap. I tried to get treatment for the lymphedema, but that hasnt panned out either. One therapist I went to only did the therapy 3 days a week and I learned online it should have been done 5 days a week and she should have done the manual lymph drain massage aas well which she never did. So...I found a new theraoist who does do all that BUT then she decided she was afraid to do it because I sleep in a recliner with my legs down and she said it may move the fluid too fast and over load my heart. I asked my pulmonologist about that yesterday and he seemed to think Id be ok and said he'd check into it for me. I was recently in the hospital with a lung infection and while I was there they had these leg pumps on me called subsequential compression devices. In 5 days I lost 35lbs. My legs looked normal again and my belly was far less swollen. But within two weeks of being home they were swollen back up again. I asked my Dr about a pair of those for home but medicaid wont cover it and I sure cant afford a pair on my own. At this point I dont know what to do. I AM scared to go against my docs advice and have the surgery anyway because I do kow people who have died from it. But I feel like Im getting worse instead of better and I dont think after trying for almost 2 years now I will ever get used to that cpap. I figured Id post here as a way to vent cause sometimes I just wanna scream. If anyone reading this can relate or has any advice Please email me. BTW...they say my heart is fine except it is enlarged and thickening...now that doesnt sound fine to me but the docs say thats common in obese people and the heart and lung function is normal. I asked the4m to run tests because all they have done is an ekg and en echo and chest xrays. I have chest pains alot but my doc bruches it off and says alot of things can cause chest pains. AUGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

July 16, 2003 Well, its 3:46am and here I am again. Ive been up all night reading profiles and everything else I can find on wls. Ive finally learned how to maneuver my way around this site a little better, and I checked out the library and the Q and A board. I even posted a question and got alot of responses from some really nice people. Most of which helped to ease my mind. I also went to the memorials page. Shouldnt have done that. I cried for a long time.I felt so sad for them and so scared for me. I came real close to backing out, but like alot of the people who wrote me said....if I dont do something it's not gonna get any better. Sleep apnea is a silent killer. it hasnt got me yet and Ive had it many years now. I gotta be here for a reason. Maybe Ive had to go through all this so someday I can help other obese people. I know now that the complications I worried about are rare and no different than the worries of anyone else having this surgery, so im not going crazy after all (LOL)Now that the daily affirmations are done I guess I'll try and get some sleep. Well maybe just a few more before and after pics.... Oh! I also found another website for people over 400lbs. Its called wls400plus.com and there are alot of nice people there. Anyway, goodnight all! Love and Peace

I feel I have to have this surgery or Im going to die. I have alot of health problems caused by my weight and I have 2 kids I want to see grow up. My problem is I have no insurance. I am on medically needy, which is a form of medicaid. I dont qualify for health insurance even if I could afford it. Any suggestions? June 25, 2003 Well, thanks to my new friend debby, I've finally figured out how to update this profile. I've been wanting to for awhile in hopes that someone will email me because I have alot of questions that only someone whos walked a mile in my shoes can answer. I, like alot of others, have been overwieght all my life. I remember being mortified in 5th grade because back then they weighed you in class in front of everyone and I weighed over 170 lbs! Then in my early 20's I weighed 220lbs and thought that was huge. I swore I'd never let myself get any bigger. But...here I am now at 37 years old and about 407lbs. I didnt know how much I weighed until a few weeks ago when I went to the ER thinking I was dying. Turns out I was having an anxiety attack. On the up note, they did all kinds of tests and said my heart was great and everything looked good. So other than severe sleep apnea and Lymphedema (swelling in my feet legs and tummy) I'm in ok health, I guess.I've been researching WLS for awhile and my doc has sent in all the info to medicaid. Now we are just waiting the long dreaded wait. I have to admit Im TERRIFIED! I think I can handle the pain and Im ready for the lifestyle change...I'm just afraid something will go wrong and I wont come out of it. I have a 13yr old son and a 2yr old daughter that Im raising on my own.I just keep telling myself God wouldnt send me my wonderful kids if I was gonna die and leave them for someone else to raise. I am so blessed in so many ways, but I feel like at this size I'm depriving my kids of alot of things simply because I cant physically keep up. My son does more than his share of the housework and helping with the baby. Thank God for him cause I dont know how I'd make it with out him. But it's not fair to him. I wanna run and play with them, take them to the water and amusement parks. As it is now I cant even walk aroud wal-mart. I have to use a scooter. Totally humiliating! I lookat the before and after pics and they inspire me. But most of the people arent built like me or as heavy as I am. Im all BELLY! No butt, no hips, it's all up front and hangs almost to my knees. this causes severe rashes and sores. I dont know if anyone else has this problem or if I'm just a freak.Now that the swelling has moved up to my belly it's even worse. Somedays I can barely move. I'm supposed to sleep with a cpap connected to oxygen at night, but Im claustrophobic and Im having a hell of a time getting used to it.I've really been trying but if i do manage to fall asleep with it on it's only a few hours before I wake up and have to snatch it off. Well. I realize this is getting long so I'll go for now. But if anybody can relate PLEASE email me. I could use all the encouragement/support/input I can get. Thanks!