My Pre-Op Health

Jan 13, 2010

Watching Biggest Loser last night really struck a cord with me as they spoke to each person about their co-morbidities & how they had been denying their poor health for so many years & abusing their bodies.   I watched as they gave a demonstration and they straped 303# pounds of weights on to Bob's body (one of the trainers) so he could experience what it felt like to carry that much fat around with you.  Bob could hardly stand up!  He said his back ached and his knee's were killing him!  I sat here and the tears streamed down my face.  10 years ago I weighed 350#  &  I know all too well what it felt like to carry all that fat around with me.  I will never, ever forget it and that's what still motivates me today.  

My highest BMI was 60 and I was taking 16 medications.  I was 47 years old and doctors told me I had the body of a 70 yr old.
These were my co-morbidities: HBP, severe sleep apnea, migraine headaches, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, bowed legs, osteopenia, gastric reflux disease, panic attacks, chronic fatigue, severe depression, diverticulitis,IBS, chest pain, ligament damage in both feet, heel spurs, plantar facsitis, edema in lower legs, & prior colostomy. 

I was now walking with a cane because of the excessive pain in both knee's.  I was seeing a chronic pain Dr & spent much of time going from one doctor's office to another.  I sat down to take a shower on a convalescent chair.  I had someone clean my house, mow my lawn, & shovel snow.  I had a grabber to pick things up with.  I couldn't tie my shoes & had to sit on the bed to put on my socks & pants.  I was always hot, sweaty, & flushed.  I had fans on me all the time.  I couldn't climb stairs and was easily out of breath.

I tried to go back to college and was so humiliated because I could barely  fit in the school desks.  I was too fat.  I had to squeeze into it.  I would wait until everyone else left before I attempted to get up and leave.  Walking from the parking lot to the building was pure hell.  Carrying all my books plus my weight was like walking up a steep mountain to me!  I'd have to rest to catch my breath & once inside, take the elevator to class.  Needless to say, I dropped out not because of poor grades but depression & embarressment.  

I hadn't seen the inside of a mall for several years.  I took a plane trip to Colorado & had to switch planes in St. Louis.  I'd thought I'd die trying to walk to my next gate.  I was so sweaty and I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest it was pounding so hard.  They had extra seats on the plane and changed my seat.  They stuck me back in the back of the plane all by myself.  I know that wasn't a coincidence!  It was because I was so fat.  I was totally embarressed.  The seatbelt wouldn't go all the way around me and I pretended that it did!  Well, we all know the stewardess is smarter than that and she brought me an extension.  Another embarressment. 

But in the privacy of my home, food was my best friend.  It didn't embarress me or humiliate me.  It didn't put me down or talk back to me.  And it made me feel good when nothing else in my life could.  After 48 years I finally figured out how WRONG that reasoning was!!!!  We reap what we sow.  I couldn't continue gambling with my health & expect no consequences.  I spent too many years focusing on the negative and all the things I "couldn't" do.  Those were just excuses because if I really "wanted" to do something, I did it!! 

Lets face it.  If I wanted to eat myself into oblivion, I did it!  If I wanted to get up out of bed early to go get half a dozen fresh doughnuts before they sold out & eat them all myself, I did it!  If I wanted a whole pizza delivered to my door with breadsticks, I did it!  Drive up windows with super Value Meals of burgers, fries, & don't forget the Ice Cream, I did It!!   So all the things I couldn't do was because of MY bad choices that I chose to do!   Now it was time to focus on the positive and the things I could do differently.  On September 18, 2000 it was the beginning.  It opens doors for me I never could have dreamed or imagined.

Now its10 years later and I'm still down over 200#.  More later.

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