Dysmorphia and my first real WOW!

Oct 26, 2009

I have sort of a reverse problem.  I never liked being in pictures much at my heaviest, and - as a result - never really acquired a good sense of what I really looked like.  I always thought of myself as smaller than I was.  Self-protective, perhaps.  But unrealistic, nevertheless.  Now, I've lost 102 pounds - yay! - and I am still not happy with my body's shape, but I am getting glimpses of the girl I once was.  Yesterday, I was trying on clothes - my once-a-week closet cleaning routine, where I fold up the 'too big', and move the 'now it fits' into the closet - and I tried on a dress that was very similar in shape and color to one of my favorite dresses in high school.  I turned my back to the mirror, and looked over my shoulder - and got a little shock.  There was something of the girl I remember in the mirror.  So fricking cool.

All of that aside - the other cool thing is that I was able to put three pair of size twelve slacks into the 'now it fits' side of the closet.  I know all about vanity sizing- that a 12 today is nothing like a 12 years ago, but the mental lift it gave me was wonderful.  It was a real WOW moment.  I mean, I wore a 12 when I was a junior in high school, and weighed 132 pounds - so it makes me wonder what I'll wear, should I reach my goal.  This weekend was very good for my much-battered ego.

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