surgery in the morning.

Feb 05, 2013

Talk about cutting it down to the wire.  Some of you may have seen my anxious post that the anesthesiologist had requested a cardiac clearance at the last minute, which required a mad scramble on my part to get that pulled together.  I am scheduled to be at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning, in Nashville, which is three hours away.  I just now got the call that they've gotten everything and that the surgery is on and we're good to go.  I have run the gamut of emotions today, back and forth from despair to relief.  I had just settled back into the idea that I didn't mind if they rescheduled my surgery because I would like to devour the entire contents of the nearest fast food restaurant right now.  My clear liquid only diet started yesterday, but because I had to do cardiac testing, I couldn't have anything but water until they'd done that, and as a result I only got one protein shake in yesterday.  It's hard to get ahead of that hunger on clear liquids and stave it off, but I'm trying as hard as I can not to think about it.   Now that it's set, and definitely happening, I am terrified all over again.  I tell you the truth, I am really mourning food.  I can't imagine life without the habits that I've formed around it.  That is the sign of a true addiction, and just another reason why I need this surgery.  I just wish it included removing the part of my brain that is behind it all.  I pray I won't feel like this for weeks or months after surgery.

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