The good, the so-so, and the I don't know what...

Feb 17, 2011

The Good:
My daughter and I went in for weight checks yesterday.  She is down to 405, which is exactly 200 pounds lost since her highest recorded weight a few years back and down 70 since her RNY on November 22.  She is doing great!  She had a rough surgery experience, but is doing soooo well now.  I am so thrilled and so proud of her. 

My niece had her lapband last week and seems to be doing really well.  She had surgery on Friday and was back at work on Monday.  I am impressed!

The So-so:
My weight was 385, which I think is down one pound since I was there in January, and still 35 pounds over the magic number I am supposed to reach to be eligible for revision.  I have been struggling a lot lately with what I eat, falling back into some bad habits, not nearly as bad as I have at times (which is why I did lose a smidge, rather than gain) but I'm just not doing well with it.

The I Don't Know What:
When I was at the surgeon's office, they informed me that there are concerns about my medical coverage covering the revision. 

I have Medicare and Medicaid.  (I am only 50, but am disabled.)  When I started the revision journey about a year ago, I had only Medicaid, but was told that it would cover it, but I had to be under 350.  (I was thrilled, because in the past Texas Medicaid had not covered any WLS at all.) 

When I turned 50, I became eligible to receive Widow's disability benefits, in addition to SSI, so I began receiving Medicare too. 

When I told the surgeon's office about the Medicare, they said that Medicare wouldn't cover a revision.  Medicaid would cover it though, so I wasn't worried.  Now they are telling me that likely neither is going to want to cover a revision.  I don't know what to think at this point.  I am supposed to call and talk more with their insurance guy.  My plan is to proceed as if I will get coverage and work to somehow make it happen.  As my daughter reminded me on the way home, "If God wants you to have it, He will provide the way for it."  I do believe that, I really do.  He did on my original surgery; I have no doubt that it was His plan for me.  He provided for my daughter's surgery too.

I just feel so... I don't know what.  Not really discouraged... unsettled, maybe?

I really hoped that when I had my RNY it would change my life forever; and in many ways it did.  If gave me much of my life back.  Before I began that journey, I was 658 pounds and bedridden.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  The hope of having the RNY helped me to reach a point where I could safely have it, then the surgery helped me further, to regain mobility, to be able to finish my bachelors and masters degrees, to do so much that I never could have otherwise.  The medical opinion is that if I had continued where I was in 2005, I would not be alive today.

On the other hand, I am still disabled, with significant mobility impairment.  While I am so much better than at my worst, I am not doing nearly as well as I was at "my best," in about 2007/2008.  While I was mobility impaired then, things were progressing towards the better, but now my physical trajectory is more to the downhill, rather than towards improvement. 

I am not able to work.  I have this pretty masters degree, that I can't use.  That is frustrating.  I worked so friggin hard to get it, with the thought that, I was getting better physically and would be able to use it.  Not the case.

Then revision came available like a(nother) light at the end of the (blankity-blank) tunnel and I thought, just maybe...

I don't know what to think right now and I don't really know how to get where I want to go... 

0 Comments