Kim M.
Entry #22 - 08/15/2008
Aug 14, 2008
It's been awhile since I have blogged. Unfortunately, that isn't because I have been too busy doing FUN stuff. This past week has been far from fun. Husband, kids, work, drama ... this week has actually been quite krappy!
The truth is that I haven't blogged because I have been terribly moody, lazy, completely off track, and out of control. To me, publishing that on this blog is admitting to weakness. Admitting to weakness is something I have never been good at - it's a huge blow to my ego!
I am very disappointed with myself - the choices I have made, the lack of progress, the lack of perseverance, the lack of respect for myself ... all of it. I tried to employ the "fake it til ya make it" philosophy, but it hasn't worked so far. I'm tired, worn down, and defeated. Welcome to another of Kim's Pity Parties! UGH!
Anyway, I know that only I can draw out the strength to pick myself up and carry on. Doing just that is my quest for this weekend. TTFN!
The truth is that I haven't blogged because I have been terribly moody, lazy, completely off track, and out of control. To me, publishing that on this blog is admitting to weakness. Admitting to weakness is something I have never been good at - it's a huge blow to my ego!
I am very disappointed with myself - the choices I have made, the lack of progress, the lack of perseverance, the lack of respect for myself ... all of it. I tried to employ the "fake it til ya make it" philosophy, but it hasn't worked so far. I'm tired, worn down, and defeated. Welcome to another of Kim's Pity Parties! UGH!
Anyway, I know that only I can draw out the strength to pick myself up and carry on. Doing just that is my quest for this weekend. TTFN!
Entry #21 - 08/07/2008
Aug 07, 2008
Just like the butterfly,
I too will awaken in my own time.
Good morning, OH friends!
After a few days of feeling and acting like a bit of a nut job
,
I think I am back to stable today. Guess it's kind of early in the day to know that for sure! LOL!
Many thanks to those of you that took time from your busy lives to drop me notes of support yesterday! I cannot express how helpful they were to me and I appreciate all of you very much!
I haven't weighed myself, but I would not be surprised if I managed to gain back the 4 lbs I had lost since establishing my 15 lbs before DW goal. I'm holding off until Monday - my regular weigh in day.
In the meantime, I'm going to do the best I can to stay positive, and motivated, and on track!
That's all for now! TTFN!
I too will awaken in my own time.
Good morning, OH friends!
After a few days of feeling and acting like a bit of a nut job
, I think I am back to stable today. Guess it's kind of early in the day to know that for sure! LOL!
Many thanks to those of you that took time from your busy lives to drop me notes of support yesterday! I cannot express how helpful they were to me and I appreciate all of you very much! I haven't weighed myself, but I would not be surprised if I managed to gain back the 4 lbs I had lost since establishing my 15 lbs before DW goal. I'm holding off until Monday - my regular weigh in day.
In the meantime, I'm going to do the best I can to stay positive, and motivated, and on track!
That's all for now! TTFN!
Entry #20 - 08/06/2008
Aug 05, 2008
Every other week, I have 30 minutes of one-on-one time with my boss. We were scheduled to meet at her desk, which is an open cubicle, at 2:30 this afternoon. This morning, she changed it to 4:00 and in a conference room instead. This makes me extremely nervous. In a conference room and at the end of the work day?!? I know that I have missed far too much time from work in the last couple of months AND I feel that my productivity and effectiveness have been lacking for some time. I don't know why, but I can't seem to stay on task - focusing and following through have been a huge struggle for me. I am pretty sure that I am being placed on written warning. It just totally sucks that I have 8 hours until I find out - I just want to be able to go in, get it over with, and deal with whatever comes out of it. My heart is racing, there is mega tension in my neck, and I feel like I could cry at any moment.
Lord, please give me strength!
On top of that situation, I have done very poorly on my diet for the past several days. I have made bad food choices, drank little water, guzzled pop, and eaten high-sugar snacks. I feel like I am losing hope, and slipping back into a state of depression. I feel overwhelmed with my life and so anxious! I have so much to do before we go on the DW trip, and I am so worried about fitting into the plane seats, keeping up with everyone, dealing with the heat ... ARGH! I have to get myself out of this! But right now, I don't seem to know HOW!
I keep hearing a line from the movie 'Finding Nemo' in my head. Dorie, the fish that can't remember anything, says it when she is scared or anxious ...
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ..."
And right now, I think that is all I can do!
********UPDATE********
Good news - I didn't get fired!
I did, however, get written up for too much unscheduled time away from work. This means that until my anniversary in mid-November, I must submit requests for time away from work at least two days prior to it occurring and receive approval of my request from my boss prior to taking it. It's kinda nerve wracking - unexpected sicknesses of my kids or me would put me in a mess! - BUT it's a relief to know I'm not getting canned!!!
Lord, please give me strength!
On top of that situation, I have done very poorly on my diet for the past several days. I have made bad food choices, drank little water, guzzled pop, and eaten high-sugar snacks. I feel like I am losing hope, and slipping back into a state of depression. I feel overwhelmed with my life and so anxious! I have so much to do before we go on the DW trip, and I am so worried about fitting into the plane seats, keeping up with everyone, dealing with the heat ... ARGH! I have to get myself out of this! But right now, I don't seem to know HOW!
I keep hearing a line from the movie 'Finding Nemo' in my head. Dorie, the fish that can't remember anything, says it when she is scared or anxious ...
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming ..."
And right now, I think that is all I can do!
********UPDATE********
Good news - I didn't get fired!
I did, however, get written up for too much unscheduled time away from work. This means that until my anniversary in mid-November, I must submit requests for time away from work at least two days prior to it occurring and receive approval of my request from my boss prior to taking it. It's kinda nerve wracking - unexpected sicknesses of my kids or me would put me in a mess! - BUT it's a relief to know I'm not getting canned!!!
Entry #19 - 08/04/2008
Aug 03, 2008
"Oops, I did it again."
* Britney Spears *
It's just another manic Monday ...
But my weekend was good!
We had dinner at Godfathers on Friday night - my krew, my sister and her klan, my mom & stepdad, my Aunt Jo, and my second cousin, Kylie.
Pizza & Bud Light - oh, how I thee!
And then we went to a surprise 60th birthday party / picnic for my stepdad's older brother, Angel, on Saturday.
Pasta, Cake & Raspberry Smirnoff - oh, how Id thee too!
And then we had everyone out to our house for dinner yesterday.
Sandwiches, chips, dips, watermelon, ice cream, and cookies BUT no adult beverages cuz of work today - which, by the way ...
I
(meaning DON'T) love thee! LOL!
So, I have not made good food choices for the last several days, and the only exercise I have gotten has been shopping, and the scale was a hard slap back into that reality this morning ...
I only lost one pound this week, which means I have 25 days to lose 11 pounds to meet my 15 lbs down before DW goal.
Can I do it? Is it possible? Hell yes. And I know that I will.
I'm really not feeling well so far today. Nausea waves here and there, and so tired ... I'm not sure if it's a bug or work-itis, I've been drinking 7up and eating crackers in an attempt to ward it off. I cannot miss work - I not only have tons to do but I also only enough vacation time accrued to cover our DW vacation. After that, I won't be able to take time off until I have my surgery (fingers crossed). I'm salaried so if I come in and leave sick, I don't have to take vacation time or anything BUT I've had to come in late and leave early several times in the past couple of weeks so I really need to hang tight! UGH!
Anyway, that's about it for me today. No point in beating a dead horse - or whining about one!
I hope you all had a fantastic weekend and a fantabulous week!
TTFN!
* Britney Spears *
It's just another manic Monday ...
But my weekend was good!
We had dinner at Godfathers on Friday night - my krew, my sister and her klan, my mom & stepdad, my Aunt Jo, and my second cousin, Kylie.
Pizza & Bud Light - oh, how I
thee! And then we went to a surprise 60th birthday party / picnic for my stepdad's older brother, Angel, on Saturday.
Pasta, Cake & Raspberry Smirnoff - oh, how I
d thee too!And then we had everyone out to our house for dinner yesterday.
Sandwiches, chips, dips, watermelon, ice cream, and cookies BUT no adult beverages cuz of work today - which, by the way ...
I
(meaning DON'T) love thee! LOL!So, I have not made good food choices for the last several days, and the only exercise I have gotten has been shopping, and the scale was a hard slap back into that reality this morning ...
I only lost one pound this week, which means I have 25 days to lose 11 pounds to meet my 15 lbs down before DW goal.
Can I do it? Is it possible? Hell yes. And I know that I will.
I'm really not feeling well so far today. Nausea waves here and there, and so tired ... I'm not sure if it's a bug or work-itis, I've been drinking 7up and eating crackers in an attempt to ward it off. I cannot miss work - I not only have tons to do but I also only enough vacation time accrued to cover our DW vacation. After that, I won't be able to take time off until I have my surgery (fingers crossed). I'm salaried so if I come in and leave sick, I don't have to take vacation time or anything BUT I've had to come in late and leave early several times in the past couple of weeks so I really need to hang tight! UGH!
Anyway, that's about it for me today. No point in beating a dead horse - or whining about one!
I hope you all had a fantastic weekend and a fantabulous week!
TTFN!
Entry #18 - 08/01/2008
Jul 31, 2008
| Good morning OH friends! Instead of rambling about what I ate and such today, I decided to share a prayer that I came across on the Internet recently. I hope that you enjoy it and that all of you have a fantastic weekend! TTFN! Daily Acceptance Prayer (Author Unknown) I accept myself completely. I accept my strengths and my weaknesses, my gifts and my shortcomings, my good points and my faults. I accept myself completely as a human being. I accept that I am here to learn and grow, and I accept that I am learning and growing. I accept the personality I've developed, and I accept my power to heal and change. I accept myself without condition or reservation. I accept that the core of my being is goodness and that my essence is love, and I accept that I sometimes forget that. I accept myself completely, and in this acceptance I find an ever-deepening inner strength. From this place of strength, I accept my life fully and I open to the lessons it offers me today. I accept that within my mind are both fear and love, and I accept my power to choose which I will experience as real. I recognize that I experience only the results of my own choices. I accept the times that I choose fear as part of my learning and healing process, and I accept that I have the potential and power in any moment to choose love instead. I accept mistakes as a part of growth, so I am always willing to forgive myself and give myself another chance. I accept that my life is the expression of my thought, and I commit myself to aligning my thoughts more and more each day with the thought of love. I accept that I am an expression of this love - love's hands and voice and heart on earth. I accept my own life as a blessing and a gift. My heart is open to receive, and I am deeply grateful. May I always share the gifts that I receive fully, freely, and with joy. |
Entry #17 - 07/31/2008
Jul 31, 2008
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ~
FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY
I am totally, for sure, no doubt ready for FRIDAY!
I'm good, and all is well in my world, BUT I am really having a hard time with going to and being at work. There are times when I feel like I'm gonna bust out bawling or run out screaming! That can't be good!
But I can't entertain the thought of getting a new job - not right now. I really do have it good - flexibility, nobody constantly on my ass, good salary. But, the biggest reasons that I will not go look for a new job right now is that the DW vacation is in less than a month and I am in WLS limbo. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize either of those things. But I do need to think about what I would rather be doing and what it would take for me to do it. Life really is too short to spend five days a week in a 6x12 cubicle typing into a computer. UGH! I absolutely crave something KREATIVE! Does anyone have suggestions? Cuz I could use some!
Anyway, I did well on my diet plan yesterday. I was so hungry in the afternoon and then in the evening. I sucked down 12 of those light fla-vor-ice thingies before I went to bed. Good thing they are only 5 calories for two!
Well, I've gotta get back to the bump and grind. 4 hours to go today and then 5 tomorrow and then IT'S THE WEEKEND! Thank goodness!
TTFN!
~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ~
FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY
I am totally, for sure, no doubt ready for FRIDAY!
I'm good, and all is well in my world, BUT I am really having a hard time with going to and being at work. There are times when I feel like I'm gonna bust out bawling or run out screaming! That can't be good!
But I can't entertain the thought of getting a new job - not right now. I really do have it good - flexibility, nobody constantly on my ass, good salary. But, the biggest reasons that I will not go look for a new job right now is that the DW vacation is in less than a month and I am in WLS limbo. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize either of those things. But I do need to think about what I would rather be doing and what it would take for me to do it. Life really is too short to spend five days a week in a 6x12 cubicle typing into a computer. UGH! I absolutely crave something KREATIVE! Does anyone have suggestions? Cuz I could use some!
Anyway, I did well on my diet plan yesterday. I was so hungry in the afternoon and then in the evening. I sucked down 12 of those light fla-vor-ice thingies before I went to bed. Good thing they are only 5 calories for two!
Well, I've gotta get back to the bump and grind. 4 hours to go today and then 5 tomorrow and then IT'S THE WEEKEND! Thank goodness!
TTFN!
Entry #16 - 07/30/2008
Jul 30, 2008
"Ships in harbour are safe,
but that's not what ships are built for."
- John Shedd -
Hello OH Friends!
I am just about to run out to do some shopping over lunch, but I wanted to "check in" with a quick blog today.
I slipped a bit on the making of good choices last night - DAMN YOU MCDONALD'S AND YOUR MCFLURRIES - but I am on track today and feeling great.
I continue to struggle with feeling sleepy at work. I need to commit to getting my bedroom in order, setting up my CPAP machine, and getting back on the CPAP each night. Getting my bedroom in order is a daunting task and overwhelming. Too much STUFF! I'm gonna have to part with some things ... not easy for me as I am a pack rat! But that's what it is gonna take!
Well, I'm outta here. Hope all is well in your worlds! TTFN!
but that's not what ships are built for."
- John Shedd -
Hello OH Friends!
I am just about to run out to do some shopping over lunch, but I wanted to "check in" with a quick blog today.
I slipped a bit on the making of good choices last night - DAMN YOU MCDONALD'S AND YOUR MCFLURRIES - but I am on track today and feeling great.
I continue to struggle with feeling sleepy at work. I need to commit to getting my bedroom in order, setting up my CPAP machine, and getting back on the CPAP each night. Getting my bedroom in order is a daunting task and overwhelming. Too much STUFF! I'm gonna have to part with some things ... not easy for me as I am a pack rat! But that's what it is gonna take!
Well, I'm outta here. Hope all is well in your worlds! TTFN!
Entry #15 - 07/29/2008
Jul 29, 2008
"No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here."
I had a pretty good day yesterday ...
1493 Cal (Yay!) 81 Fat (Ugh!) 109 Carbs(Yay!)
18 Fiber (Ugh!) 80 Protein (Yay!)
I am finding that I do not get enough fiber but get too much fat when I focus on protein ... is that normal?
I began using a free website called The Daily Plate to record what I eat each day. It is MUCH easier than writing everything in a journal, and it keeps a running total of calories, fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, sugars, fiber, and protein. You can also record exercise and it will figure the calories you burned. It looks like it has a bunch of other good stuff too - I haven't had a chance to check it all out yet.
I've tried a couple of meal bars that I thought I would share about ...
The first was a Special K Protein Meal Bar in Chocolate Peanut Butter. 170 Cal, 6 Fat, 24 Carbs, 5 Fiber, and 10 Protein. I love, love, love peanut butter and found the bar quite yummy! I had it about 3:30 yesterday afternoon and it held me over until we had dinner around 7:00 last night. I will definitely buy some more of those!
The second was a South Beach Living Cinnamon Creme Crispy Meal Bar. 220 Cal, 7 Fat, 26 Carbs, 5 Fiber, and 19 Protein. I had it for breakfast this morning. I didn't enjoy it as much as the other one and it didn't fill me up as well, but I was really hungry this morning so I doubt even the other one would have filled me up. It was okay but I think I will just try another flavor of those bars.
Well, that's about all for today. Back to work!
TTFN!
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here."
I had a pretty good day yesterday ...
1493 Cal (Yay!) 81 Fat (Ugh!) 109 Carbs(Yay!)
18 Fiber (Ugh!) 80 Protein (Yay!)
I am finding that I do not get enough fiber but get too much fat when I focus on protein ... is that normal?
I began using a free website called The Daily Plate to record what I eat each day. It is MUCH easier than writing everything in a journal, and it keeps a running total of calories, fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, sugars, fiber, and protein. You can also record exercise and it will figure the calories you burned. It looks like it has a bunch of other good stuff too - I haven't had a chance to check it all out yet.
I've tried a couple of meal bars that I thought I would share about ...
The first was a Special K Protein Meal Bar in Chocolate Peanut Butter. 170 Cal, 6 Fat, 24 Carbs, 5 Fiber, and 10 Protein. I love, love, love peanut butter and found the bar quite yummy! I had it about 3:30 yesterday afternoon and it held me over until we had dinner around 7:00 last night. I will definitely buy some more of those!
The second was a South Beach Living Cinnamon Creme Crispy Meal Bar. 220 Cal, 7 Fat, 26 Carbs, 5 Fiber, and 19 Protein. I had it for breakfast this morning. I didn't enjoy it as much as the other one and it didn't fill me up as well, but I was really hungry this morning so I doubt even the other one would have filled me up. It was okay but I think I will just try another flavor of those bars.
Well, that's about all for today. Back to work!
TTFN!
Entry #14 - 07/28/2008
Jul 28, 2008
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."
- Anatole France -
Back to reality after a fun-filled weekend!
Why does my reality have to include WORK? Yuck! I'm tired, but feeling good. Just working for my next weekend - like the rest of America!
Well, I didn't track my food over the weekend ...
and yes, I did fall - no, JUMP - off the wagon a few times.
BUT, I am proud to say that I made many healthy choices when I could have reverted back to my "status quo", and I got my body moving a bit, and I drank more than 48 oz. of water each day!
PLUS I LOST 3.5 LBS!
I am over 1/5th of the way toward my DW goal (4 weeks, 3 days til take off!), I am back to tracking today, and I feel really good about what I have accomplished in the past week. And I am confident that this week will be even better!
I attended my second therapy session with Todd Jenkins today. He hopes to have my assessment over to Dr. Eibes' office by the end of this week, so I have completed everything on my checklist and I am hoping that my pre-approval packet will be headed to BCBS within the next few weeks!
All is well in my world! But I'd better get to work before all is not well in my work world!
Make an awesome day OH friends!
- Anatole France -
Back to reality after a fun-filled weekend!
Why does my reality have to include WORK? Yuck! I'm tired, but feeling good. Just working for my next weekend - like the rest of America!
Well, I didn't track my food over the weekend ...
and yes, I did fall - no, JUMP - off the wagon a few times.
BUT, I am proud to say that I made many healthy choices when I could have reverted back to my "status quo", and I got my body moving a bit, and I drank more than 48 oz. of water each day!
PLUS I LOST 3.5 LBS!
I am over 1/5th of the way toward my DW goal (4 weeks, 3 days til take off!), I am back to tracking today, and I feel really good about what I have accomplished in the past week. And I am confident that this week will be even better!
I attended my second therapy session with Todd Jenkins today. He hopes to have my assessment over to Dr. Eibes' office by the end of this week, so I have completed everything on my checklist and I am hoping that my pre-approval packet will be headed to BCBS within the next few weeks!
All is well in my world! But I'd better get to work before all is not well in my work world!
Make an awesome day OH friends!
Entry #13 - 07/25/2008
Jul 25, 2008
"What progress, you ask, have I made?
I have begun to be a friend to myself."
Hecato - Greek Philosopher
That quote really rings true for me. I feel like I am finally treating myself - physically and emotionally - in a way that is loving and respectful and, by golly, it feels totally
~*~GREAT!!!~*~
Yesterday's Totals:
Calories 1620 Fat 41 Carbs 245 Fiber 21 Protein 45
Diet MD / Pop 48 oz. Water 100 oz.
FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC!
Today will be a challenge as I am going out for lunch with my mom, aunt, sister, nieces, and daughters, then going SHOPPING, and then meeting up with the men folk for pizza and beer later this evening. I have to make SMART choices, but more importantly, I have to work very, very hard to STOP EATING WHEN I AM FULL. That is tough spot for me - especially with pizza and beer!
No big plans for the weekend - which is way groovy cuz I love it when I can let it be and do things spontaneously!
Have an awesome weekend OH friends!
TTFN!
About Me
IA
Location
40.4
BMI
Surgery
09/14/2009
Surgery Date
Jun 05, 2008
Member Since
