KikiRox85

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Week 19
Weight: 236

So I'm 4 pounds down from my last update. I was going BESERK for a couple of days there. Mentally as well. lol The culprit was my "lady time" once I started the weight just came right off. One set back about being a girl.

Today I went in and applied for a cashier position. I hope I get it. I'll take anything right now. I'm still stressing about being unemployed and I know it has alot to do with stress eating. The past couple of days I've done WAY better but I need to really focus on protein first. I do great all day but at night is when the munchies hit full force.

I may now be losing a CRAZY amount on the scale but all my 18's fit loose and my face is looking slimmer. YAY!!! So I measured and I'm losing alot on the inches. I'm really happy though. With the way I'm eating and handling the stress.

I've been wrighting a musical with my sisters. Its AWESOME. I can combine both my love of writing, the supernatural and music, all rolled into an awesome Vampire Rock Musical.

I'm getting alot of support from my dad and his roomates. My mom and sisters too, but still my grandparents are still giving me crap. They look at me like I already failed becuase I didn't lose as fast as my cousins. All I can do is what I'm doing and give it my all.

Thats about it. I made a month 4 weigh in vlog on youtube but I don't think I'll stick it up till my 5th month. Maybe roll the two together. Who knows? lol

Every one take Care

Kristen

I'm up two pounds and going  .

So for the past 4 days I went back up to 240!!!! My lowest was 238. I'm doing EVERYTHING right. I'm plugging in ALL my foods and barely getting in 1000 cals. My nutritionist says I need 1200 but I can't get it in unless I eat something unhealthy. Every morning I've been jogging in my hilly nieghborhood, I upped my protien to 100 grams and my fiber too. So I give up. I've never had a stall last this long. I'm just going to NOT weigh myself for a while, maybe a week.

When I say I'm giving up, its on the stress of it all. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Just going to do my thing and eventually the weight will come off. I'm very tempted to get in eat under 800 cals. When I do that I do LOSE weight BUT I barely get in maybe 30 grams of protein. :::sigh::: I don't want to do that to my body. My hair is falling out too much already.

I'm just frustrated. Still stressing over work. I've been on craigslist looking for a job. Hopefully I get something.

Everyone Take Care and Keep fighting the good fight.
Kristen

Like titled... STALLS BLOW!!!!!

I've been teetering from 239-238 for 12 days now. Its VERY frustrating.

I tried upping my protien and cals... nothing.
Reducing my calories... nothing.
Exercising twice a day... nothing.
Upping my water... nothing.
And finally, adding MORE fiber... nothing.

So frustrated but I just have to ride it out. I measured myself and I AM losing inches but I just want the scale to move. I hate being all into the scale number but I AM.

I guess I'm bumming because my cousin has already reached goal and looks great. She was sleeved 5 weeks before me. Everyone compares me to her and make me feel like somethings wrong with me. Why aren't you losing weight as fast as she did? You're cheating? You're not following plan? It drives me insane. I know I'm doing great. I follow all the rules so... SCREW 'EM!

This is MY journey. No one elses. I'm fighting a LIFE of eating a certain way and an eating disorder, so SCREW 'EM. 

Everyone Take Care
And sorry for the rant.

So I weigh 238, I'm 64 pounds down and next week is my 4 months Post Op. I can't believe its been 4 months since my surgery. I'm happy that I'm at my high school weight and that I'm fitting into 18-16's.

Since my 10th week I have been struggling with head hunger and food in general. Emotional eating IS the hardest part of this journey. I know I'm not going to change over night. I've always been eating like this and its not just going to go away. I WISH IT DID... but its not. So now I'm just dealing with my head hunger and mind cravings. So some days I overcome them other days they win. But I don't beat myself up anymore. I learn from those experiences and jump back on track.

The job hunt is till on full force and on monday I'm heading to a Staffing Agency so I can start working again. Its been difficult looking for a J.O. B. Very frustrating so now I'm going to the agency and hopefully they can find me something for now.

Big shout out to SleeveGenie and Jennchap who just got her tummy tuck. Woo Hoo!!!!

Want to write more but I'm distracted. lol
Take Care
Kristen

I'm actually going to get to my goal. Before surgery I would say it and 90% believe it. There was always that nagging 10% of doubt. But now I feel like I can do this. I can get to my goal and not only that I can maintain my weightloss. Its strange because before I would just want to lose the weight now I can see myself getting there and maintaining.

I'm very proud of myself and my weight loss. I've been losing this weight while fighting my bad food habits. I'm learning how to deal with them and cope in a different way. I'm using this time to deal and learn so I can keep this weight off for life. I'm not going to lie, I have some good days and I have some bad days BUT I keep on. I dust myself off and learn from my slip ups.

I'm down 58 pounds, I'm so close to 60. Its just crazy how this weight has been coming off. I notice I'm losing about 12 pounds a month. I'll take it. All those 12 pounds add up. I'm fitting into 18's and some 16's which is AWESOME. I have tons of energy and I feel really good about myself.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Sleeve. Its the best decision I've EVER made in my whole life. Seriously.

Now I'm eating the way I always wanted too. I'm not a machine gobbling away mindlessly any more. I take my time, make a pretty plate of food and enjoy it. Its even better now that I can eat salads. Oh yeah.

Everyone Take Care

I have been CRAVING salads since surgery but have been freaked out on eating them. So today I got brave and got a Wendy's Apple Pecan Chicken salad and OH DAMN! It was the best thing I've eaten so far since surgery. It has roasted walnuts, crumbled blue cheese, apples, chicken, iceberg lettuce and greens, AND pomegranate vinergarrette. I truly had a "mouth-gasm" today. I ordered the half salad, it makes me laugh because Preop I used to order the full one, a chili and a spicy chicken sandwhich. I only ate like a 3rd of it...  A 3rd!!!! lol

I LOVE MY SLEEVE.

I'm starting to enjoy healthy food again. I guess its because of the SoCal weather. Its hot and all I want is something cool for dinner. I've been eating fruits lately, like watermelon and cherries. But now that the salad goes down fine, I'll jump back into my salads.

I should have taken a picture for the food porn addicts. lol

Everyone Take Care and Happy 4th of July
Kristen

lol
I've been away from OH for a bit and guess what? I got off track. So I have to admit it, I need my OH support. I posted my 3 month vlog yesterday, if you all want to know whats up with me. Lots of "coming clean" lol. I've always been forward and honest, even to a fault but you have to account for EVERYTHING.

Just wanted to post something and say hi to everyone. Its been a bit rough but the past 4 days I've gotten back into the groove of things.

I had a huge NSV today, went to the swapmeet and was wearing size 16 skinny jeans... AWESOME!!! Feel really good. I'm slimming down little by little. Wish I'd hit the gym more, going to make that my main priority starting tomorrow. Today I'm pooped from the swapmeet and sun stroked.

Everyone Take Care. I'm rooting for all of you guys.

Made my first mini goal this morning of getting under 250 pounds, 249.  I'm in the 240's!!!! Haven't seen these numbers in 7 years. Its nice to be here and to be heading towards "onederland." Its so crazy how this weight is coming off and how I'm in such a good place with food.

By the way, did I mention todays my week 12 weigh in. 52.2 pounds lost. Yay!

Everyone take care

This morning I woke up and weighed in at 251.6, so that means I've lost 50.4 pounds. WOO HOO!!!!! I'm also just less than 2 pounds from my first mini goal: 249. I'm going to hit the 240's this week, I know it. I can feel it and I'm so DAMN excited. Last time I was in the 240's I was 19 yrs old. Thats 7 years ago. Its going to be awesome to be there again.

The next couple of months are going to be fun. I'll be hitting weights I haven't seen in years. When your "big" your whole life you remember exactly what weight you were on those special occassions. Like First day of college I was 243. Senior picture I was 221. Prom 246. First Gig, 217 (my lowest adult weight). When my grandmother died, 256. Autozone job, 280. When I began working at Torrid, 314. All these times I remember feeling like a loser and if I was stronger I could lose the weight. I wasn't thinking in long term weight loss, just to reach my goal (which I never remotely got close to).

Last night was a HUGE NSV for me. We had movie night and got pizza and chicken wings. I had the smallest piece of thin crust pizza and 2 chicken wings and it was DAMN good. lol I ate like a normal person and it felt really good. After we watched 3 movies I went to put away the pizza and wings. I was so tempted to eat two more wings. I asked myself "Am I really hungry?" I knew I wasn't so I just packed them away in the fridge. It felt really good to do that. I guess last sundays was a Godsend. Now I don't want to screw my week up by having crap.

I'm just really happy and proud of myself. I can't wait to make my mini goal and all the other goals I set for myself.

Thanks to all my OH friends for support.
Take Care
Kristen

So from my last post where I confessed my sin on Sunday night (lol) the scale has been ALL over the place. By mid week it said I GAINED 3 pounds. 3 Freaking pounds. I was pissed. That one little sabatocal from plan caused ALL this CHAOS. So I waited it out and today I weighed in at 252.8. That means in the last 2 days I've lost 4 pounds. Woo hoo... BUT I hate to face my food demons. My issues with food and doubting myself.

When people call this a "weight loss journey" they ain't kidding. Its a total mind fuck. I knew there would be these days when I would doubt myself, doubt my decisions but when there placed in front of you it really takes a toll on you mentally. I knew Preop about STALLS and crazy Scale days. I tried to prepare myself but no matter how much you think your prepared... you aint.

You don't get to be 300 plus pounds with a "slow metabolism" thats bullshit. You get there by emotionally eating. Eating when you're bored, eating when your sad, loney, angry... ect. I look back and see my family and how they eat, thats how I ate. I would just mindlessly eat, like a machine. No joy, no taste... no chewing (lol). And now I'm chewing my food, enjoying my food, appreciating my food. Its completely different and I am SO THANKFUL for that.

Having to deal with an eating disorder was probably the low point of my life. People try to understand but they can't. It was the worst thing in the world, having no control and feeling like a big fat loser. I still have it, I can still fall into the cycle of it. I know my triggers and I know now what to do when I'm faced with it. It will always be apart of me and it will always stay with me weather I'm at goal or not.

With that said, again.... I am SO THANKFUL for my Sleeve. It helping me be a better eater and see food as enjoyable and a fuel for my body, for my weightloss. Without my surgery I wouldn't be at the place I am now with food. The optimist in me wants to differ but me who lives in reality knows that to be true. If I didn't have this surgery I would probably be on my 4th year of weight watchers, STILL battling my eating disorder and beating myself up mentally for not being strong enough.

Thank God I chose to get help and I'm here, losing this weight for good.

Every one Take Care
Kristen