Kilaani

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Wow, it is hard to fathom that another year has almost slipped by since I last posted. What a year. I decided on thigh reconstructive surgery with Dr. Agha. He is amazing and aggressive about getting the best contour possible. I did, unfortunately, have complications. Looking back and knowing what my body has gone through, now, it is like duh, of course I had complications. But then,we did not expect them so it was quite a shock. 

I had a thigh lift, vertical thighplastcy and lipo 6-12-12. I also had a revision of my lower body lift scar and Dr. Agha was actually able to lower it by almost 2 inches. in July, my surgery unravelled and I had very large open wounds in my inner area from  groin to knee and on my back all the way across. We had done wet to dry dressings for weeks and finally returned to Dr. Agha after constant contact while this all occurred. I also had a nasty case of cellulitis pop up while I was home in Las Vegas. After I healed with help from Dr. Agha and a wound vac, I had another surgery where he closed up the wounds and revised again and spent 6 weeks in Cali in a hotel room next to John Wayne airport. I moved very little trying to help healing. I was able to return home in September, but then spent a night in the hospital for severe anemia (3%) and 2 blood transfusions. Next 5 weeks spent meeting a hematologist and getting iron infusions. Hema wanted to know WHY I was anemic. I thought it was just because of the past 6 months trauma on my physical body, but he wanted a colonoscopy and follow up. I jumped back for a Pap smear with my regular doc since I was overdue. 2 days after my colonoscopy came back clean, a OBGYN testing resulted with the result of endometrial endometrioid adenocarcinoma. Turns out, I had blow off a bad pap flag in August 2010 and didn't follow up. Might have had the cancer even back then. 

Full hysterectomy was done and they thought they got it all, but last week, they sent me to a radiation oncologist and want further treatment of chemo and rad therapy. My head is spinning, there goes the rest of the teaching year. I was supposed to go back to work 2/4/13 after my 6weeks for the hysterectomy but there that goes.  I am very concerned about the lymph nodes as I have had leg swelling since June and before. After surgeries, even with constant compression, legs look bad if I have been on them a few hours: bad news for a teacher on her feet 10 hours a day.

God is in control and I am not. The past years eating would have resulted in significant weight gain if not for the DS. I have: eaten crap, eaten too much, eaten when I was not hungry, eaten for emotional comfort, and experienced far more Acid and heartburn than in the prior 7 years. However, day of surgery- 140lbs in December. I am holding around 144-146 pounds.

Since my DH has been sleeved just a few days ago, I know I have even more cause to clean up my eating, so I am back to work my DS I the best way I can. Getting off sugar is sooo hard, but it feeds cancer and makes me feel crappy. Trying to finally grow up and stop my diet of an 8 year old.

Still here. I haven't been back in the 140's in the past month or so, but was 149 in December, I believe. Today, I was 158. I also was in the office of Dr. A for consultation on my lymphodemia and other issues regarding thighs and legs. It, of course, is the last stand for me - what keeps me from feeling normal. I wish there were one reconstructive genius with thigh work. I know it is a difficult balance- being safe and knowing any results are also going to have extensive nasty scars...or worse, poor results, difficult recovery and then STILL nasty extensive scars.  My veins are also problematic, and my vein doc told me that he wanted to wait to address the pain and issues after any leg work for the skin and lymphatic issues... what a mixed up bundle of mess it is!

In a few days I am 7 years post-op. Am I thankful; definitely. Am I starting to feel anxious about my eating - yes. I have been eating when I am not hungry and eating too much lately. I have seen the slide from my 'normal range' 153-158 and hit 165 last week. I have to be in constant vigilance.  I know how I gained weight - 5 little pounds a month and emotional eating years ago, and thought I was over that. However, the recent gain slippery slope and my constant thoughts of food don't bode well, but I need to keep the faith! God has taken care of me thus far, I need to stop worrying and start trusting.

It saysdo not worry or be anxious, but I believe recently with work and  everything else, I have been prey to anxiousness. I am worried about this surgery. I don't want to have it, but yet, it is necessary. :(  Last leg standing, as it were.

March 10, 2011 will be 6 years since my DS revision that changed my life (and extended it!) That's less than a month away.

I've made it through the most difficult year of my life (with many blessings, too, though).

I met my husband in August 2009. (blessing) 

He proposed in October 2009. (blessing)

My mother fell and broke her hip December 25th, 2009 - limiting her to Seattle so she was no longer where I live in Las Vegas.

She missed my wedding January 10, 2010. (wedding was the blessing) 

I was in Seattle during March 2010 for my upper body lift surgery - mom was in the assisted living, so it wasn't the same without her there :( ... but it was a blessing to be able to stay in her home. Difficult surgery, not a very relaxing break from school!

I went to Seattle in May 2010 again due to mom's declining health... again in August...

school started again after 2 week vacation (no summer break for me... changed from a year-round school to 9 month).

We closed on our home and moved October 4th. (big blessing)

I was in Seattle again in October (7th or 8th) then back end of October/November and she died November 6, 2010. Her service was November 21, 2010.  (The blessing was that I was there the day she died, we kissed goodbye, she sent me off to lunch with a friend, and died with my sister taking care of her 2 hours later). A huge blessing is that my mom had not lost her mental awareness or had she been experiencing great pain, her body was just worn out and ready to move on to the next part of her journey. I'm thankful I know where my mom Gloria is now, though I miss her so much everyday.

Christmas was here in Las Vegas. It was quite difficult but good in that we had DD's parents and sons with us. A whirlwind....I was a bit of an emotional wreck, but grief just takes time.

However... in all this, I have maintained and lost weight. That would NOT have been the case previously.

I have reached my new low of 147.6

I have seen the 140's more consistently and am trending to stay in the low 150s. Constant Vigilance. I am up to get my labs and dexas again soon.  I will need to up the ante, I'm sure on getting my a, d, and calcium up to snuff.

My goal since 1983 has been getting to 149 pounds as in end of 1982 I did make 152 but never got back to the 140s.

Today I stepped on the scale (three times to make sure) and it read 149.6

I am going to upload the photo if I can.

There are very difficult circumstances going on right now - my mom is dying, we just bought a new house, the new school year has been stressful... but the fact my DS is STILL WORKING for me and after 5 years seven months I am still losing, it gives me hope that this is going to continue with my CONSTANT VIGILANCE. There have been times the scale swings the other way and if I let it go, it probably would trend up... what can I say.

I am thankful. I am humbled by those who say I'm a success. I am feeling very fragile in my emotions right now so this is one nice thing. I am .... cognizent.... of my need for nutrition work on consistancy.
 
It's not the best eating but I guess portion control helps. Fitday says something like 2500 calories,and just for fun I put in my (crappy) eating yesterday. It came in around 2200 or so. My protein was a little low so I need to increase my shakes - had one already today... I need to get at least 2 in with my regular food.

I'm pretty delighted - made a post today in DS forums. As of today, I'm at 151.8 - I did hit that briefly at 36 months out, then had gone up a bit and down a bit again -

Since my last post, the weight has been slowly going down with the swelling... I think my swelling is pretty much gone by now and my weight has been stable, not big jumps up or down so it's feeling good.

We'll see if I hit that dream goal of 24.9 bmi with 2 more pounds off!!!

I love life, it's chaotic crazy, we're moving soon, my mom is in Seattle now, my cat Ginny passed over the Rainbow Bridge 6 months ago - she disappeared and we believe she was Coyote kibble. :( I have a new class this year and it's busier than ever.

2005
440 high weight 3/7/05
435 on surgery date 3/10/05
1 month April 10 395 –45!!
2 month May 10 387 -8
3 month June 10 375 –12
4 month July 10 354 -21!!
5 month Aug 10 344 –10
6 month Sept 10 329 –15
7 month Oct 10 311 –18
8 month Nov 10 300 –11 Skied!
9 month Dec 10 292 – 8

2006
10 month Jan 10 283 – 9 Skied!
11 month Feb 10 274 – 9
12 month Mar 10 259 –15 (-181 in one year!)   Skied!
13 month Apr 10 259 – 0
14 month May 10 250 – 9 –190lbs 65% EWL  Skied!
15 month June 10 248 – 2
16 month July 10 232- 16 (-208lbs)
17 month Aug 10 230– 2 (-210lbs)
18 month Sept 10 228 – 2 (-212lbs in 18 months)
19 month Oct 10 211 – 16!! (-229lbs)
20 month Nov 10 214  +3 (-226lbs)
21 month Dec 10 202 – 8 (-238lbs)

2007
22 month Jan 10 214 + 12 (-226lbs) (Lots of fluid retention for some reason!)
23 month Feb 10 195 - 19 (-245lbs)(84% EWL, 32.4 BMI)
24 month Mar 10 188 – 7  (-252lbs in 24 months)
25 month Apr 10 184 – 4  (-256lbs) 30.6 BMI
26 month May 12 184 - 0  (-256lbs)
27 month Jun 10 190 +6  (-250lbs)
28 month July 10 177 -13 (-263lbs) 29.5 BMI (Overweight!!!)
PLASTICS July 11, 2007 Belt Lipectomy with Thigh Lipo! (177 day of surgery,20lbs taken off of skin and fat)
29 month Aug 10 172 –7 (-268lbs) (Still major swelling!)
30 month Sep 10 168 –4 (-272lbs) (Still fluid retention) BMI 28.0
31 month Oct 10 165 –3 (-275lbs)
32 month Nov 10 162 –3 (-278lbs) BMI 27.0
33 month Dec 10 160 –2 (-280lbs)
2008
34 month Jan 10 158 –2 (-282lbs) BMI 26.3
35 month Feb 10 156 –2 (-284lbs)
36 month Mar 10 153 –3 (-287lbs) (got to 151 for a half hour!) 
37 month Apr 10 166 + 13
38 month May 10 174 + 8
39 month Jun 10 177  + 3
40 month Jul 10 181  + 4
41 month Aug 10 167 -14
42 month Sep 10 163 -4
43 month Oct 10 160 -3 (-280lbs) 

next 2 years or so ---- been maintaining between 157 and 163 or so. I was 155 on my wedding day 1.10.10 and usually am somewhere around 160 or so. On the day of my brachioplastcy and breast lift, Dr. Egrari removed 2 more pounds of skin, but of course with swell hell I ballooned up from 158 on day of surgery to 166 a few days ago. Today I'm down to 162 again, so it's going the right direction. I'm sure it'll be a while, if ever, that those 2 lost pounds actually reflect in my weight. In my future I still have thigh work to be done and Dr. Egrari stated he thought I probably had 5-10 pounds each leg - realistically, I'd probably say no more than 7 pounds each, but with that 14 pounds off and if the 2 ever showed, my weight would maybe be in the 140's.... that'd be amazing and I'd finally reach a normal bmi which for me is 149 pounds to get 24.9 bmi. 

I'm not betting the farm on it ever happening (that I get into the 140's) and it really doesn't make much difference to me anyway - weight is now just a number I use to keep in line with constant vigilance. I cannot be one that doesn't ever get on the scale. I need to weigh daily or nearly daily so that I don't let the evil carbs take over. Weight gain CAN and DOES happen with the DS, don't let anyone ever tell you it's a free ride to eat whatever you want!   If I hit 166-167, that's my 'uh oh' number that I had better get my **S moving more and my mouth eating less and start paying attention!

Post Date: 11/26/09 1:15 pm
I am so thankful. This year has been momentous.

I'm very very thankful for my fiance DPD, he's awesome and I am glad I held out for something more. I looked back at my last blog post 5/09 and I said I was still holding out for passion and something more than 'meh'. DPD is all that. :) We are getting married 1.10.10 !!!!!! This is my first marriage and the Rascal Flatts song 'Waiting All My Life' says it all.

I'm thankful that I'm maintaining my weight. Constant vigilance is required, it would be really easy to start an uphill weight creep but I weigh daily and keep it in mind even when I'm eating too many sweets. Fortunately (and I'm so thankful for) my DS - I could never have kept the 280lbs gone otherwise.

I'm thankful that I have a good job and I love teaching children, even when this year I'm preoccupied with wedding plans and taking care of my almost 86 year old mother. I'm thankful that I'm staying with her and able to really spend time with her, she's such a delight.

Blessings to all of you,

Jill - revision from band to DS 3/10/05 by Dr. Baltasar, Spain
440/160/149  hw/cw/gw - 5'5" -280lbs
lower belt lipectomy/lipo 7/07, looking for more PS thigh work 4/10
www.picturetrail.com/kilaani - Jill's Journey shows monthly front/side/back for my first two years or so.

I have so much to be thankful for: 
a job
my mother - she's doing well and I'm so thankful to be able to spend time with her
my fiance DPD - the love of my life
my cat Ginny
my friends
my family
my body - maintaining around 160lbs.
a wedding coming on 1.10.10 :) 
and certainly not least - I'm thankful for God's sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ who died for me so I could be at peace with God.

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted. My 4 year anniversary has come and gone. I was about 157 at my 4 year. I've gone up and down and up and down and up and down since then - lol. But.... it's always the same 15 pounds or so. I think sugar and carbs and water weight certainly configure into that.

Overall, I'm confident in the DS and how the malabsorption has been saving my bacon, so to speak. I'm sure if I'd have had the RNY I would have been regaining by now! 

Just for a sum up for historical reference... on February 14, VW and I "downgraded" or "downsized" however you want to put it - back to friends. It was actually a relief - I had been so frustrated for a long time with the lack of passion from him - he's so low key and totally not into physical touch that I just felt rejected a lot of the time. On one hand, I knew he totally accepted me, skin, scars, and all, so it was very healing in that way - but on the other hand, my cynical side said, "well of course he accepted you that way, he was just not that into you so he didn't care". Oh well, I know there is a man out there that God has for me that will think I'm the best thing since sliced bread and appreciate my passion and energy. Part of what I think kept me fat for so long was emotional scars and fear of my own sexual passion.... and I definitely am more comfortable with myself at this stage in life and know I'm not just going to give in or go against my standards and values just to have a guy pay attention to me - forgetaboutit! I was super happy, though, that VW and I had never actually gone all the way - that is my personal comfort level that I do believe in leaving sex for marriage according to the Bible. :)

Anyway, so in February I downgraded to friends, so for a few months I felt at a bit of a loss, even while being relieved and all. We are still good friends, but I think making the adjustment might have been harder for him than me. He hadn't the same amount of experience having women as friends as I have with men as buddies - but I think we're finding a comfortable level of friendship now. I don't see him very often and probably talk once or so a week and it's okay. It's time to move on to other things. I'm getting more involved with my church and joining choir and going to get going to the gym regularly. I did while I was on vacation in Seattle and it felt good to work that cardio and lifting again. :) 

So, I'm a little higher weight wise than I was on vacation for some reason - I'm pretty sure the water weight monster is with me again. Just before vacation I had dropped 14 pounds water weight - crazy! My Dr. says it has to do with the veins in my legs - I really need a procedure called the Vnus, but my insurance wont' cover it, blast them.

So, there ya go, an actual post on my journal! I'll try to be a little more consistent. I just got a facebook page, so maybe I'll link that with some more pictures. I still have picturetrail and need to get a few more pictures up. In Seattle I got another front/side/back shot from a trainer at my old gym, so I'll have to add those! 

December 10 - 157 :-)
January 10 156!
LOL!!!!
Hey, if I can even stay with 1 pound down a month, I'll make my goal by August... Hopefully it'll be a bit sooner than that, but I'm not giving up on 149 pounds and my dream bmi of 24.9 :) 

All is good, I'm on vacation through the 22nd since I'm at a year-round school. I love teaching first grade and teaching all girls is a dream! I couldn't be happier and I'm getting on top of the curriculum and all of that.

VW is good, we're still plugging along. It's hard to know... especially since I've never been in this position and had a very romantic imaginative view of what a relationship would be like - fueled by too many romance novels, no doubt.