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The hell? I can't go home for Christmas with this lil bit lost!!! I'm just gonna have to suffer through the damn protein drinks (start back on them - AGAIN) and cut the carbs down and increase veggies (which I've started eating green beans - never didi b4 surgery.  Almost picked up brocolli, but wouldn't the cheese defeat the purpose??? Sure, I can say more protein, but I don't think that really flies, now does it???)

I wanted to be under 200 before I went home for Christmas... I'm 225.4lbs today... I don't know...  My coworkers all marvel @ my progress, but the scale isn't moving... well, it keeps going up and down...

I know I need to stop eating when I'm full - even if there's only 2 bites left.  Sigh....

OK, so I forgot to say how surgery day went - before my wake up and stuff. 


Let's start with the day before.... Cue the harp sound where you go back in time...

Church. crapping all day after sipping on magnesium citrate.  Really the gist of it.  Church was cool and surprisingly, so was I - well better than I thought I was.  I came in and napped, then woke up and drank a bottle of loveliness.  Actually, this was the best mag citrate I've ever had (Walmart!)  - cold of course.

I honestly wasn't hungry, since the night before I had a HUGE serving of left over Olive Garden w/ 6-8 breadsticks and I ate every one of those carb filled cuties too.  I ate as late as possible.  So Sunday, I drank some water and CL lemonade.  Pissed I forgot my Sprite... oh well.  I iron my fit to wear to/from the hospital.

So I'm up... took a shower and I hate taking showers @ night, but I have to scrub with this special soap tonight AND tomorrow... sigh... It's after 1am and I'm on the phone with my mom.  It seems neither one of us wants to get off the phone and the foolish thoughts start in my head - what if this is the last time my mom talks to me. I struggle for something meaningful to say after 2-3 hours of jibber jabber.  I tell her I've gotta go b/c I have only 2 hours of sleep to be had and that I love her.

3:15am - alarm goes off. Call my coworker to make sure he's awake, since he's bringing me to the hospital-  I've gotta be there 5:30am. I fall back asleep til 3:45am   I'm not that sleepy, OK, I lie like a rug.  But I'm like surely, I'll catch that up after surgery in a medicinally induced sleep after surgery, right?  So, I trudge to the shower and use the special soap.  Damn this mess dries every pore out!  No lotions, etc..  So coworker gets there @well before 4:00am -  early.  Damn his punctual ass! I just got out the shower and am now running around like a chicken with their head cut off (has anyone ever seen that - does it really happen??? I digress). 

4:00am I lock up the crib and off we go for the 60+mile hike from Douglasville, GA to Johns Creek, GA to Emory Johns Creek.

During the ride I realize I'm OK.  Stewart and I are laughing, chatting.

5:00am we get to the hospital early. We decide to sleep in the car.  I doze off & forgot to call me mom.  Well, there goes the nap.  But surely, I'll be able to catch up on sleep, right?  So mom and I talk, I go tinkle (and forgot I was supposed to hold it for a rabbit test later, but I've REALLY gotta go!!!), nice bathrooms, but it's a very nice facility all around. I go back to the parking lot to wake Stewart, as it is now check in time.

6:00 am I'm checked in, stripped - almost,  Nurse said I was to take it all off.  I told her my aunt was visiting.  They give me a pillow to put in the nether regions.  Not a real pillow, foolish ones - a pad that may as well be a pillow.   I tinkle for the test.  No rabbits.  Tried to tell the dumb asses in order to be preggers, one must have sex, right?  My lady parts haven't been familiar with foreign objects since I don't know when... celibacy... yummy!  

 The nurse is about to put the IV in my hand after I said NOT IN MY HAND! Valium has not kicked in and I'm pissed.  She numbs it w with a shot, but then immediately puts the IV in.  Even I know you're supposed to let the numbing stuff sit in there a minute and jiggle it around.  I screamed bloody murder and did all I could not to cuss that heifer out.  Coworker comes back in, we chat a few.  They tell him my room #, etc and they come to wheel me down to the pre-op area.  Valiums kicking in, but not enough.

7:00am. Now, I'm getting antsy, restless, and scared. I start whining. Yes, I do.  STFU about it!  Nurse asks if anything she can do, cuz I'm damn near inconsolable and accuse them of a placebo Valium.  I want my mommy, dammit!  So, she lets me use her phone.  I call mom and she didn't answer - wtf??? Oh yeah, unfamiliar number.  I try again - this time she answers.   She calms me down and prays for me.  Anesthesiologist comes in, he speaks to mom, said they're gonna give me some happy juice and that I can stay on phone.  Nurse said OK, I told her I'd pay her for minutes, but she said I was fine.  So the juicy juice kicks in and I say TTYL to my mom and I think lil sis popped on for a minute.

7:30am.  I'm supposed to be in surgery, but doc is late.  I doze, he wakes me about 7:45am.  The nurses asks where's their Dunkin Donuts. I say damn them - I'll take 4-6 Munchkin holes and some OJ.  They laugh, I'm dead serious.  Wrong word to be said or thought before major surgery utilizing Diprovan.

8:00am Wheeled to OR.  I remember being shifted from bed to operating table.  Remember the table Janet Jackson used in concert when she did "Would You Mind"? It's just like that. (I want one in the boom-boom room!)  I'm situated, they put the oxy mask on me and tell me deep breaths.

I don't remember what time I came to - 11am or something.  That's when I wanted to change my mind, but it was too late (see other blog).

12:30pm: I'm in room 422.  I see my coworker struggling to stay awake.  I told him to leave, he asked was I sure.  I said yeah, he asked again, I gave him a look and told him I know he didn't get any sleep b/c he got in after 1am from a trip.  He said he had to call my mom to let her know I was up.  He tells my mom and he gives me the phone, but I'm struggling with sleep.  So short convo, I tell mom I'll call later.  I bid Stewart farewell, give him a hug, tell him to drive safe and let me know when he makes it home (which he didn't do, but dude was tired, so I let that one go). 

1:30pm I call for meds cuz ooh, ouchies are a'coming. I also sneak 2 Gas X strips in my mouth to be proactive.

4:00pm-ish.  Remember when I said I'd catch up on sleep? Oh, no! I'm awaken to get vitals and walk. I walk far, I go back to sleep.

7:05pm. I remember this VIVIDLY!!!  I'm up and I'm feeling a lil pain.  Let me call for meds while the pain is manageable. 7:20pm: Pain is worsening - rapidly. I call again. Same response, I'll tell the nurse.
7:30pm: I start moaning and called again begging for something - PLEASE???!!!!!
7:45pm I'm screaming in pain - I mean LOUD cuz this ish hurts. I'm inconsolable @ this point.
7:50pm: Finally get some relief. I can go to sleep.
10:00pm Respiratory comes in. Damn it, I was on a roll. I go back to sleep, but not for long, because...
10:30pm: VITALS! Back to sleep.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009 - the day after
1:30-2:00am-ish Time to walk so I can get meds.
4:00am - VITALS - now, why in the hell can't they combine this with the walk?  Just plain evil.
8:00am - time for leak test. I jump up, feeling energetic, ready to walk.  A chick who had her surgery same doc, same day can't walk - she's bad off with gas.  I take test - crap wasn't so bad to drink as I thought - not good, but I've bad worse - as in barium. 

We go back to rooms.  I tell her I'll sneak her some Gas-X, since it's contraband (one nurse said she didn't care, just don't have out in open).  It helped her out when I went back to check on her.  My lips are dry and so is hers.  I left my chapstick at home damn it!  Her hubby offered to go get me some.  I explain I only have my debit card.  He said he didn't ask me all of that, that I helped his wife out. He asked if there was a specific kind - I tell him the moisture one in blue tube.  She me and her talk while he's gone (we actually met @ pre-op).  So, here he comes.  I thank him and leave, since the nurse has come in.

12:20pm - I'm sleep with my teddy bear and in comes co-workers & ex-boss.  Oh well, I've joked about Mr. Purnuple anyway - some didn't believe me, I guess.  In walk the ballers (all sups) with a lavender balloon.  I said "a".  As in uno. As in one.  Yes, my ungrateful ass mentally called them a bunch of cheap so and so's. (Found out one wanted to stop and get flowers @ the store, was voted down.  Cheapest arrangement @ gift shop was $40 for a very small arrangement.  So? $10 each wouldn't have hurt them... lol...  My ex-sup never heard from me what I was having - there's a reason I call him Chatty Patty.  But I knew he knew and one of the sups (that discharged me from hospital and had surgery earlier in year) said it was talked about on the way there.  His surprise was so fake when I told him, I couldn't do anything but roll my eyes.

That ends the excitement of Day 2.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 - D-Day (Discharge Day) aka The Day After the Day After

1:30pm - Dr. Johnson finally comes around. O2 was low during night and I keep having fevers.  Plus, I couldn't pee on own until last minute.  Will need to stay few hours more to monitor all the above.

3:30pm Coworker/one of the sups comes by.  I tell him I may not be going anywhere.  We chat and watch Oprah remembering MJ. I'm dozing on and off on him... sorry, Dre!  We have a feast - I have a Popsicle.  This fool has the NERVE to have a Coke and crackers in front of me (I love Coke and sprite w/ saltines).


6:00pm - I tell him he might as well leave cuz it doesn't look like I'll be going anywhere.  He goes to check to see what time tomorrow I'll be discharged so he can come back.  He comes back tells me he's not going anywhere b/c I am.  I'm scared - on my own!  Fever have gone, temp stabilized for last 6 hrs, I can pee a lot, and O2 is lovely. I have the option of staying, but dude is here and $$$, so I roll out.  I'm kinda pissed b/c dude was gonna do stuff around my crib had I been let out earlier... oh well.

7:45pm.  Home sweet home!  Dre asked if I wanted to be up or down stairs.  Too tired to go up, so I stay down.

8:30pm:  His relief, another coworker comes,  She's staying with me to help after work.  We sit and watch the Oprah -Whitney interview on DVR - parts 1&2.  They watch - I doze in & out.  Dre gets ready to leave.  They help me upstairs and tuck me in - how special!

There ends that saga.  Now, why all the co-workers you ask? Well, I don't have family here.  I do, but they're far from me, but still Metro ATL,  AND, outside of my mom, sis, uncle, and one cousin, I didn't want ANYONE in the family finding out.


The End (cuz I don't know what else to say!!!)

Hey Y'all,

Just checking in.  It's been raining, flooding, etc in da A.  Thank God though my county was hard hit, I stayed dry!

Well. Sunday I was in the ER - not surgery related. Seem I either had the flu or bronchitis. Yum!

As of Sunday (9/20), I've lost 12 lbs since surgery day of 9/14 - 2lbs a day - yippee!!!!).

Other than that, delayed gas! Arrrgghh! And I messed myself up not thinking - opened garage door and have had a lil pain since.

Protein drinks: Oh, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD someone told me about Nectar! Right now, I'm sipping on Twisted Cherry.  Not bad, but won't do again.  So far, I like Roadside Lemonade, Fuzzy Navel, Strawberry Kiwi, and something else.  Also mixed Allwhey natural/unflavored in my Hawaiaan Punch Lite - it did alter taste, but not horribly so.  Unjury unflavored in the same - the All Whey was better.  I did NOT like Nectar Crystal Sky - and I have one sample left - but I can tolerate it.  Now, only 1 flavor came back up in the 1st 2tbsps (was the day I was sick, but I got the other flavors down).  That was Elite Berry Blast. Still have Nectar Strwberry Mousse, Natural Peach, Natural Orange, Designer brand Natural to try.  (and I'm the picky one - Fuzzy Navel would NOT have been a pick, but was urged to try).

Or, and Centrum Chewable Orange - Horr-friggin'-rendous!  Blah! And UpCal Fruit Punch calcuim chews - the smell nauseates me (Centrum too) and the taste isn't great, but my friend tasted one and liked it.  Go fugging figure.  Hope this helps someone!



OK, the other shyt... so I went to the store to get a few things for stage 3 and more popsicles (I tasted pure wood on the Popsicle brand ones I had - the Mayfield in the hospital was better - alas! They didn't have any more in the store).  So, I got Crystal Light Lemonade & Raspberry Lemonade and Edy's with tangerine, raspberry and something else (Mom suggested the Edy's).  I passed the garlic bread. Um, ok. Cereal? We'll be together again Corn Flakes, so not worried about you.  Steak/beef/pork, eventually.  What made me wanna cry? White grapes.  They've been pitifully pitiful looking all summer. I had some plump ones before surgery. Mind you, they were the best, but not sweet to me.  These were so beautiful looking.  But, until @ least stage 4, noraw or uncooked fruits/veggies. Sigh.

But, as of Friday - 1 week of pureed foods.  Fugg dat! While I'm all for trying grilled chicken again (b/c I'm the atypical black chic and don't eat bird), I refuse to eat that mess pureed!  So, I have my mom's soup (broth from veggie soup - I've never eaten soup!!!).  I will make red beans, sans rice cooked w/ ow fat smoked sausage (I don't eat SS, and I'm hoping I can tolerate da beans - plan to mash em up like feeding a baby.  Maybe I can eat regular mashed potatatoes?  Will try sweet potato (never eaten it!), grits.  NUT said no, surgeon said stage 3 only - I'm going w/ doc.

Aight, I'm done 4 now. SIpping on Nectar Twisted Cherry - straight medicine - but tolerable.

I was in the hospital Wednesday when they were debating whether to release me or not. Longhorn commercial comes on.  I'm in conversation w/ a friend and I just shut up.  He fell out laughing saying I was mesmerized and in a trance.  He's had his surgery in March of this year.  I know somethings I'll have again.  But still, the Mc Donald's commercials are every friggin' where!  The bastards are stalking me.  Ronald's mad I dumped him.  Me and the King were occassional, and Wendy's was the only only chic I dabbled in.  But I am pissed I didn't get my Checkers fries in or didn't even THINK about Waffle House (maybe cuz I REALLY have to be in the mood).

OK, so up until yesterday I was fine.  Then I crashed - energy poof. A lil better now. I've been able to do 2 of the 3 protein drinks (doing Nectar - Roadside Lemonade is good, so is Fuzzy Navel.  Not into the Crystal Sky - not bad, but blah!). Supposed to do 8oz eaxh.  Able to do 6 and was suggested to stop when feel full - if feel pressure, too far.  Yeah, went too far today - ouch!

Well, the Roxicet is a-working and I fear I'll become incoherant. So, ta-ta!

In a fog, I hear the old school song from Junior :Too late, too late, baby, bye-bye...Now’s my time to go. No, it's not playing anywhere except in between the frontal, temporal, periatial, ocipital bones (thanks, Coach Walker - emblazed in the brain!).  That would be the skull bones, ladies and gents!

So, I'm having second thoughts.  My last memory was of being situated on the OR table and being told to breathe, but I wanted to speak, but couldn't.  I wake up and I start mumbling - I'm trying to get out that I change my mind - only some dayum nurse tells me I did very well in surgery. WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I changed my mind!!!

Cue Music:

But it’s too late, too late, baby, bye-bye
Now’s my time to go
Too late, too late, baby, bye-bye (I just got to let you know)
Now’s my time to go (Yeah, yeah)

Boo-fuggin' hoo.

Damn Flo decides to visit me. Sweet! I'm fatigued and still need to finish cleaning... trying to push, but...

Damn if I don't have much of an appetite - but I'm about to cram some ice cream and cupcakes down.  Watch tomorrow I'll be hungry as hell - just cuz I can't eat, sigh.

As long as the fibromyalgia doesn't flare up (why I'm  trying to rest often and going slow), I should be OK.


So, here's one of my swan songs... hopefully I can get to the land of self confidence/acceptance/esteem.


"Imagine Me"

Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy cause
I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me?
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you imagine me?
Over what my mama said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

[Chorus:]
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...
Imagine me

Being strong
And not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me?
In a world (in a world) where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Can you imagine me?

[Bridge:]
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

[Chorus x2]

[Vamp:]
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

WEll Fuck! I sit drinking a strawberry daiquiri in a styrofoam cup that somehow made it from New Orleans to Atlanta STILL frozen when packed in ice. It's a fine fuggin' time to realize it when I NEVER be able to drink one in life again... Damn that! CALL THE DOC!!!! CANCEL NOW!!! Psych! Or maybe not....

So I went to Olive Garden tonight - OMG!!! That was some of the BEST breadsticks I've EVER had! And to my surprise - it was Never Ending Pasta bowl time! Let me say I only do it b/c it's cheaper @ $8.95 + $1.95 to add meatballs than getting the meatballs & spaghetti for $12.25.  Istruggled through that 1st bowl.  The 2nd came how with me and boy did ole girl hook me up w/ breadsticks to go.  Told her why.  she got a fat tip though.  I couldn't even go to Walmart - I had to go home and sit upon the throne as I evicted some royal tenants.

Tomorrow, I'll get my hair wrapped and have the last go-round of I-HOP (mom snuck $$$ in my jeans to treat me - and I know she didn't have it, so it BETTER be good - T-bone, hash browns, toast, pancakes (which I can never eat there - usually the day after, but the day after is Liquid day! Yippee!  Here's to drinking 2 bottles of magnesium citrate - YUM- I say in jest).

Sunday is church - I'll have to wear a wig to preserve the wrap.


Monday - I'll have some Valium and Diprovan (I kid you not!) and leave this fat shell ass hussy on the table.  I'll be like the thingies that worked in Evilene's sweatshop in The Wiz.  I think I'll have to make sure to play "Brand New Day" on way to hospital... I digress... you know the part where they zip off the uniforms, then start dancing in their drawers? Yeah, that.  Time to say welcome back home to my prodgical skinny self - and make sure that bitch is here to stay forever and a day.

I'm anxious (not in a bad way, just more in an anticipatory way), happy, nervous, crazy, sleepy, tired, all in one.  I'm off to bed. 7am hair appointment - Delightful!

Well hell,

I was supposed to better @ this... well, here goes...


To date, (well, as of July 20th), I've lost 18 lbs. NUT wants me to be down to 250lbs for surgery - that leaves me four lbs. I'm gonna say 240-245lbs - how ya love dat???

~My final visit was to my PCP on July 20th - this was for Aetna's 3mth pre-op plan. 
~My paperwork was submitted to Aetna by Dr. Johnson's office on Tuesday, July 21st. 
~Aetna received it on Thursday, July 23rd. 
~Aetna approves surgery on Friday, July 24th.
~ I call Aetha on Monday, July 27th and got the news... wait, that fast? Damn, it's really real now!!! Breathe, bitch, fuggin' breathe!!! Where's my inhaler?? I need a hamburger!
~The letter is in my hands on Thursday July30th.
~ no date as yet - I did say I wanted the Monday after Labor Day (gives me time to train back-up @ work and get everything in order.).

So that's the cliff notes version.

My post disappeared...!!!

And for that matter, I am too.  I'll rewrite tomorrow.

New Orleans... The Crescent City... The Big Easy... The City that Care Forgot... all that!

Last Thursday, I headed home to laissez-les bontemps roulez!!! And to tap into some joi de vivre!! (and po-boys, snoballs, & daiquiris....) Just got back tonight.

More to come.