Kryst
Frustrated
May 06, 2007
I'm a bit frustrated I've only lost 21 lbs since my first part of surgery.. I have the sleeve part now and waiting for the "switch" to happen in June..
I'm on WW right now to make sure I don't gain while waiting for my switch.. I hate diets! If I could diet and lose weight I wouldn't need WLS!
Counting points is harder for me then just making sure I get enough protein.
I eat very lil and still can not move the scale, this is driving my crazy! I see soooo many ppl with just the sleeve and they do great, what's my problem? Why can't I lose like that? I know, do NOT compare yourself to others but c'mon this is just not cool!
I feel like I'm rushing through my life, or trying to rush through it while waiting for June to get here.. Seems like it's never gonna come!
At first I thought, wow this first part will take at least 40 lbs off me and I'll get to goal by end of summer.. Now I'm just thinking wtf? am I gonna be one of the unlucky ones to never make goal... I hate being FAT! I've been fat all my life and it does suck, not to mention I have one of those freaky body types, big on top small on bottom!
I can feel myself starting to ramble on so I'll end here and update after my switch..
Morning of surgery 3.26.07
Mar 25, 2007
Today is my day!!! I'm quite calm about it actually.. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared, but not freaked out like I have been for the past 2 weeks.
I'm going in to this with all positive thoughts, nothing to bring me down! I'm taking all of you with me, your well wishes and prayers are deep in my heart.. THANK YOU!
For all I've been through, I know this is right.. I truely believe that this the start of something wonderful for me, a new lease on life! YEAH!
Knowing that I've been blessed to have one of the BEST surgeons in the world work on me is a great feeling. I've done my H.W. well.
See ya on the switch side!
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Pre-Op Testing today - March 14th
Mar 14, 2007
I walked in feeling good, but then those demons came haunting again..
I was walking through the hospital and saw the beds and became ill.. I felt like I was gonna throw up! I started crying and my ex hubby gave me a hug and told me all would be alright.. I was a bit in shock, as he was not so gun ho on me doing this again.. As most of you know he was by my side through my very worst times and never let me down. Here he is AGAIN to hold my hand through it all.. He's a good man and I think I really made a mistake by divorcing him..
I'm starting to feel a bit better about the whole surgery but I'll admit I'm still scared, as most people would be at this point. I now have Mike (the Ex) actually giving me support through this, so it does help ease with the tension and feeling alone part.. I just can't wait till this is all over and done with.. I really want to start living a normal life and with the summer quickly approching I want to get my ass in gear and start being more active.. Keeping my chin up (or, well at least trying) and waiting for my new life to start.. Till next time, Hugs to all..
Thinking of my daughter as surgery date gets closer
Mar 03, 2007
Just sitting here reading a few post and responded to a post about saying goodbye to our lil ones before we go into surgery.
WOW I'm in tears and the only way for me to get this out is to put it all on here.
As some of you know I've had a very bad experience with my previous surgery and alot of those old feelings are coming back to haunt me!
I never really got DEEP into thinking about this until I read this womans post and I responded.
If God forbid something should go wrong again I NEED to mentally prepare myself so I can be able to handle it again! I came along way and fought alot of bad demons along the way, my journey was NOT easy.
It took me along VERY LONG time to become a mother and I cried many years while waiting for my lil angel to come. When I had my surgery back in 2001 I almost died and was in pretty bad shape, I cried daily and went into a deep dark very bad depression. I cried mostly for my baby, I had unbearable guilt that I worked hard on to overcome.
I LOVE my daughter so much that it hurts sometimes! does this sound crazy? Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes, some of pain, most of joy. The pain because I know one day she will have to go out into this cold world and deal with lifes curve balls and I WANT to be there for her. If I'm unhealthy I can not be there, so I know surgery is right for me, but I'm scared to death!
The Joy is watching her grow, laugh, pretend to be a princess lol, sharing her joy when she gets a good grade in school, learning and teaching her along the way to be the BEST person she can be. I love being Dr. Mom when she's ill and the fact that she needs me gives me great pleasure to be there for her! I love being there when shes sad for any reason. One day she was upset cuz her cousin wouldn't play with her and she came to me in tears telling me she had a broken heart lol,it was my pleasure to comfort her at that moment! I want to always be able to make her feel safe and take away her hurt. She is simply amazing! The unconditional love we give and recieve from our children is just so BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING that unless your a mother you can not begin to understand this bond.
The day my daughter was born was the most wonderful day of my life! I remember looking at this lil baby and thinking OMG she's REAL, she's HERE and she's MINE! From that moment 7 years ago I experienced something that EVERY woman in the world should feel.. PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
I guess I just need to vent these things out as I'm really scared about my upcoming surgery. My daughter is truely the most important person in my life and I think deep down inside, this will HELP me! I will FIGHT ALL THE WAY to come out clean on the otherside feeling great!
Being a Mother is the most fulfilling job one can ever have! It's just amazing and keeps you in awe all the time! Just WONDERFUL!
Vent over and I feel better! Thanks for reading.
New Surgery date
Feb 27, 2007
Hello everyone
Just wanted to make a few updates and share my happiness with you all...
As most of you know by now I've been APPROVED! Many may remember a few weeks ago I was denied and very depressed, now I'm as happy as can be!
My new date is March 28th 2007 *happy dance here*
Now for the bad I've been doing... Grrrrrrr
I was so upset thinking that my DS would never happen so I turned to diet pills! I've been on them a week (as of yesterday I stopped) :)
I thought 'oh well, I aint gonna lose if I continue to eat' so diet pills helped. BUT, as most of you know that's a short term thing those pills only help for a bit.
I have to confess something now.. I did quit smoking when I thought I was getting my DS but, I've started again. *sigh* I picked up that cig 3 days AFTER I was denied by ins. Now I know I've got to quit again and it's freaking hard! but I know I can do it.
I'm gonna end here and read a few post to catch up on things... I turned away from here because I was just to upset to keep coming here and not being able to share with you guys. Oh boy, I did MISS YOU ALL THO! ALOT!
Keeping you all in my heart..
My journey
Jan 07, 2007
If ya read on you will see that my first choice was the DS NOT the RNY.. I wish I would have went with my first choice but, at least Thank God I have a 2nd chance at this.. Here goes...
2000...I want to feel better, and I don't want to have back pain anymore. I've been doing my homework on this , and found that after trying all the magical weightloss stuff thats out there today , this is best for me. However, i'm a bit scared , as I think anyone going for, or thinking about surgery is scared.
11-17-00 OK where to start..LOL ummm I got my first appointment with DR. Barry Inabnet in NYC this Monday Nov.20th. I am very excited!! I have been over weight all my life and can't wait till the day i can shop in a store like "Mandee" I just hope all goes well and the insurance company doesn't give me any problems.
I don't see why they should as they know i have a bad history with my back and all.
Well wish me luck! as i'm going to need it...LOL
I will update again after i see the DR. on monday, will let you all know the outcome.
UPDATE:11-20-00. I met with DR.Inabnet today, He is a very nice and easy to talk to man. I had alot to say and ask , and he just listend and answerd me. I was not rushed at all, and was very well taken care of from the moment i walked in the office. I also like the staff they were really nice .OK...... NOW ME :o) i'm very happy as i chose to have the lap D/S he told me all about the RNY and i don't , and am not willing to have that dumping thing going on. Anyway the bummer is its gonna take up to 8 weeks to schedual my surgery date , thats because of the insurance i have which is GHI. They are not one of the fasted insurance companies to get things done. They dont work in a timely manner.Well i guess this is not such a bad thing, as the holidays are here now and i do look forward to all that good food and cake....MMMMM (reason why i am here..LOL)I also weighed in at 230lbs , I HATE THE SCALE...:O( It never says nice things to me...LOL
Ok well i just wanted to update everyone and let ya all know i will be moving to the other side very shortly ....YIPPPPPI CANT WAIT!!!!!! I want to say, i think this is great! We can update eachother and it also enables us to keep track of all we do from start to finish, Thanks for reading & listening I will be back!
UPDATE:12-4-00 Dr. Inabnet submitted for approval, Now i play the waiting game..:o(Grrrrrrrrrrr! I hope I don't have any problems I'm getting sooo excited about this.I got an appointment with the Gastroenterologist 12-8-00 then the following week we do the Endoscopy, Which i'm not too happy about.I hate the idea that they will put me to sleep and stick a camera in my stomach! BUT I know its necessary. I did go for the blood work 12-1-00 still waiting for the results to be faxed over to the Dr.SEE WHAT I MEAN "THE WAITING GAME!"..LOL.
Anyway, I'm still hanging in there just waiting for the first denial letter to come..LOL.. I KNOW I KNOW THINK POSITIVE, which is hard, knowing how many people get denied all the time.
I will keep you all updated on the Drama in my life as it unfolds..LOL
Till then thanks for reading and good luck to all pre and post op people out there.
UPDATE:1-11-01 Hello everyone, I know i havent been here in a while but i wanted to let you all know i will be goin in for the surgery on 1-30-01. I am very ,very, scared, excited, nervous, and happy all at the same time. I just want to make it to the other side happy healthy, and safe! i want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my profile. I would like to ask for your prayers for me and my family as i undergo this very big transformation..LOL, (as i call it)BUT seriously please pray for me. I will be seeing you all on the other side with the help of the Lord!
UPDATE: 3/5/01 Well here i am again, its now march and still waiting i havent updated in a while.
I was suposed to be post op by now! Just my lucj i got sick befroe surgery and was put off TILL NOW! I WILL BE GOING ON TOMORROW MORNING!
Also my type of sugery changed.... I will be having the RNY Gastric bypass. i had time to rethink the sugery and found that the D/S was to intense for me.
OH GOD i'm so scared! i want to be safe and healthy when i get wake up from surgery, please i know this isnt much time for anyone to read, as i will be going in the hospital in less than 15HRS bubt if you read this , please pray for me! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS I GOT ALREADY!PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ME! Well i will be back to post again as a POST OP and on the OTHER SIDE! thank you all so much for your information and for listening and taking time to read.
God Bless you all! keep me in your thoughts and prayers thanks! see you all on the OTHER SIDE!
UPDATE:3-31-O1 Hello everyone!!! i am 1 month post op!!! it has not been easy i have to say i was very upset I did this. I made it through surgery just fine ...the only draw back was i got a lung infection and i couldnt breath without oxygen mask, this happend because i smoked 2 packs of cigs a day! i have not smoked since the surgery thank God!!
I also dehydraded and it was not a good thing, they wanted to out me back in the hospital.I said "NO WAY" i will try harder and i started to drink Gatorade and water that seemed to work well.
I also could not eat a single morsel of food it was such sicking think about (FOOD) can you believe that??
I now can eat ANYTHING!!! WOW I CANT BELIEVE THAT EITHER! I have lost 25 Lbs so far and i am very very happy about that. I didnt think i would ever be happy about doing this surgery. I was really depressed about it. I think i was morning the loss of food. Is that crazy or what? i think i was so upset because i had a craving for "DAIRY QUEEN" ice cream after i came home from surgery! LOL....
The truth of the matter is i am a big baby and i cant take pain!
Well I think i will end here and update again next month thank you all for reading and praying, God bless you all!! Good luck to all post and pre op people out there!!!
This is where I NEVER returned to tell the rest of my story.. Turns out after I passed the not wanting to eat stage, I finally did and all was going good, (so I thought).. After a few weeks of eating I found I could no longer eat then I found I could no longer drink.. Went back to Dr. and found out I had a srticture.. By this time I was very dehydrated and had to have a scoping to open my passage way..
I went to the Dr. who did the first endoscopy on me and thought I could use him again for this.. BIG MISTAKE! He was NOT familiar with the Gastric Bypass and never told me that I would be his first bariatric patient... Needless to say he landed me on my death bed!
I had the scoping done in S.I. Hospital and went back there for the dilation.. After I had the dilation I got up crying and saying I CAN NOT BREATH IT HURTS! He just said sit and relax for a bit.. I DID JUST THAT.. My Husband (now ex) was with me the whole time, I looked over to him and said something is really wrong here.. I feel 'air' in my neck and stomach... I asked the Dr. if he put air in my stomach cuz it hurt so bad.. He said yes I had a balloon in there to strech the opening but the pain will pass...
After an Hour of me crying and complaining the anestegologist (sp?) came to me and said 'we are taking you down to xray to see what's going on in there' I said OK.. At this point I could NOT even walk! I was doubled over in the most sever pain I ever felt.. I was wheeled down in a chair and had the xray done..
Was taken back to recovery and look at my husband and cried and said this is bad I just know it... Sure enough, it was BAD, the Dr. ruptured my sutures... He came to me and apologized and said "it's nothing" they will open you up and fix it" I looked at him and said "who's they?" He said I have to send you BACK to MT. Sini via ambulance cuz we can NOT fix it here and I'm not familiar with the Gastric Bypass.. I looked at him and said WHAT? You SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS DAMN IT! I was not only in pain BUT VERY ANGRY at this point..
They called Mt. Sini and Mt. Sini had a whole TEAM WAITING FOR ME!
OK, Now it's over 2 hrs, and my husband say's to the Dr. Can I drive my wife there cuz she's in sever pain! DR. say's NO.. We wait some more.. Mind you, I'm sitting with ruptured sutures LEAKING gastric gas and acid into my stomach! By now I'm starting to get sick.. My temp was going up and down, I couldn't walk, my eyes were rolling and I was shaking.. AGAIN my husband says PLEASE LET ME TAKE HER THERE, by the time the abulance gets here I can have her there! Dr. says NO.. My dad comes now and starts freaking out saying GET HER THE AMBULANCE NOW.. Finally it came almost 7 hrs later.. By the time I got to Mt. Sini I was SEPTIC! I had all this toxic stuff leaking into me for about 10 hrs. I rememebr going into the ER and seeing about 15 DR's there waiting for me all this time!! I was RUSHED right into surgery.. I was hysterical scared to death! Dr. Inabnet was out of town so his fellows worked on me, they were WONDERFUL! They literally saved my life! When I was being rushed to the O.R. I was being told what has happened to me and what they were gonna do, how they were gonna fix this and that they would try LAP first.. They ended up cutting me open from my breast bone to my belly button because of where the rupture was and the fact that all my organs were being infected due to the time I had to WAIT!
I woke up in ICU about a week later, I was confused, SICK and running fever.. My family was told it was 50/50 that I would make it! If the fever goes and there are no leaks I would be OK, if the fever didn't go chances are theres a leak and I would be in more serious trouble..
Thank God I made it!
I went into a sever depression and cried every day/night I stood in the hospital for about 3 weeks and was sent home with a feeding tube in place..The smell of the incision and the meds and the fact that I was so depressed made my life sooo dark and grim that I really thought I was knocking on deaths door! I said what did I do to myself?? WHY, WHY would I do this to myself!!! My dayghter was so young just 1 yr old and I cried for her more then myself! The guilt was killing me.. I thought this poor baby will lose her mother cuz I was selfish to do this to myself..
I lost my marriage, I'm now divorced.. I kinda went crazy after all this happened to me.. I wanted no part of my husband and kinda driffted off into my own world.. I did NOT eat right, I did NOT take my supplements There were days that I just wouldn't eat beacuse I did NOT want to! Not that was not hungry BUT I just kinda sat there like nope not today I don't want to eat. BUT I was hungry! I think maybe I was trying to punish myself..
After my divorce and I sold my house I got a grip on myself and started to try to work the "tool" I did OK I lost weight, I was eating but still no supplements.. Bad Bad BAD!
I've been though alot and had to do some deep soul searching and I've come through just fine with the help of God all the way!
I'm now going for a revision to DS and plan on becoming healthy and strong!
BTW... I did sue that Dr. and YES, I WON!
This is my story I wanted to share it with you all so you can know me a lil better.. Thanks for reading.. Oh I do have a date for my revision it's March 12th 2007! I'm so looking forward to this..
