lackdd

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I had a scare the night before last (seven days post op).... I had severe pains....and I just took meds and tried to relax...

Well, hubby took me to the ER yesterday and everything is looking A-OK....I'm so thankful!  Thought I had lost more than the hospital scales, but not too bummed just adjusted the scales at home...so I'm down a total of 25 pounds from top weight and down 11 pounds in 9 days....

Feeling better, still really sore and taking it easy....

Oh by the way, last day to take Lovenox....I'M SO THANKFUL!!!!!

 

I'm back home from the hospital, I was in for four days, I didn't expect that.  YAY It's good to be home!  I'm having trouble turning onto my sides, did anyone else have that problem and did it go away?

Sneezes really hurt.....

Thanks!

Tomorrow is my surgery day....I'm looking forward to it. I have gone through so many appointments, tests, and labs - I feel as though I'm ready....but what lies ahead? I don't know, I can only prepare through educating myself.

Good times ahead, I know this.  I think back on my relationship with food and I see a dependency for comfort.  So I've decided to divorce food!!!  Strange as it may sound, I'm done with food comforting me! 

Post more later!

Do they really expect you to sleep? Please....

I just finished my second night of the sleep study. The first night, last Tuesday, was kinda uncomfortable and odd. The hose to my nose that was wrapped around my ears was way to tight, but if you know me - I didn't ask for her to loosen it. Go figure, I guess I thought it's supposed to be that way, and who am I to question? So let's just say that I didn't get much sleep that night, and then had to drive 1 & 1/2 hours without nodding off....(only a couple of times). Then I get home and crash and I didn't wake up until 9:00 a.m. and didn't make it into work until 10:00, but at least I made it to work right?

Last night was more enjoyable, did I just say the sleep study was enjoyable? Yes, more enjoyable than the first, that wasn't easy to beat. Christy was my tech and she explained so much to me. Like, after this surgery it has the highest divorce rate, and you & your spouse need to be able to communicate each other's needs. I would have to say that Terry and I communicate very well, but who couldn't improve right? He's the best!

Also, that she had the surgery two years ago, so she was very honest, open, and didn't mind answering the questions I had.

My tech recalled the first time she walked into a store and fit into the first thing she tried on....Just the thought of walking into ANY store and not shopping in the "PLUS SIZES" - what a concept.....I'M READY, BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!!

We also had a very interesting conversation about the attention issue. Let me explain, whether or not thin to average people want to admit it, they tend to ignore, look past, or not take BIG people seriously. I've always felt that people don't listen to what I have to say, or they do but don't give it any thought. Have you ever been in a meeting and made a suggestion that noone considered, then two days later someone else has the same suggestion and they get credit for it? YES, this happens....

Have you ever passed people on the street and looked them in the eye and they deliberately look past you? Or you can see them looking other people in the eye like the beautiful thin blonde (Jen :) ) walking with you? Oh but others say, don't take this personally. Please....how do you not?

Christy also shared her before drivers license, I looked at the license and looked back her several times. See for me this is an awkward moment! I want to say, WOW GIRL LOOK AT YOU NOW!!!! But then the question is did she really look that bad before she lost the 116 pounds? No, not at all, she was very pretty.

I've been told that when I start losing the weight - people will comment on my size very often, but then right now I think is that how others see me? Am I that bad to look at? Yet, I know different, but how can that not give me a self-esteem complex? Anyway, I know how beautiful I am...so how much more beautiful will I be? This is the question, so stay tuned to find out!!!

So here goes... i found myself eating to comfort me emotionally... I have a relationship with food! First part is admitting you have a problem, right?

There's more...
I've recognized that others treat me badly at times, that I accept their misbehavior and even try to rationalize their behavior. This is where it gets stupid... I know this.. I unconciously rationalize and accept their misbehavior as this is how I've always been treated, this is how people treat me (I must accept it), this is what I deserve... Its that last statement that I really have a problem with and so does the people who love me.

Who deserves to be treated badly? No one, not even me! I know this yet its almost like an unconcsious acceptance. Strange, huh? I think so too.

Morbidly obese people, like me, have accepted the way others have treated us because we haven't known anything different.... Well its time... I'm gonna change that, for me! I demand more! Better treatment! Better behaviors! Stop expecting me to do it all and others do nothing! Sorry RANT!

So....
I've decided to go under the knife, have gastric bypass, tummy stapling... it really sounds bad.. but I've determined the only way for me to lose weight and keep it off is to have my hand forced...or mouth forced.. and i'm so looking forward to it, unbelievably looking forward to it.. dropping to 150... can you imagine? I can't. No seriously, I can't see myself thin... but as I lose weight I believe it will slowly come to me... Terry wants me to be happy and healthy and he'll support any decision i make...

So far i've had a pretty good response from those i've told... but i haven't told any family members yet... just coworkers, and now Jen my bff!

I've had people tell me not to change. Not to become mean. To keep my personality.
Is this the expectation that when morbidly obese people lose weight that they become mean, they change?

Or is it that they actually stop accepting others stepping all over them? They stop overachieving? (I can't imagine me not going the extra mile for anyone, but can that happen?)

So check back, I'll try to keep this updated...

Journey to another land
Out of pride and prosperity
Unlike anyone elses dream
Roaring like a lion
Never wanting to return
Extreme urge of delight when
You reach the end of your journey