Reality Check

Oct 22, 2006

so yeah.. the whole.. I am doing great and back on track.. well its true.. I am doing great and I am on track.. I mean.. I ran 4 miles this morning all alone... and I felt super good... and thank good ness. .because I finally bought a new scale.. ugh.. why I did that I dont know.. but I know I needed it to keep me accountable.. I havent really been keeping up with myweight since my scale started getting wacky.. that was abotu mid august.. and now. .as of today with my new scale.. I weigh 227.. yep.. thats right.. I am UP... My all time lowest was 208... then a month or so ago... I knew I weighed around 220.. but to see 227 on the scale today.. wooooo.. that is spooky.. I am glad I didnt have this scale three weeks ago.. cuz I probably would have freaked.. i know with the running and eating better recently I have lost a little bit because things are feelign better & clothes fit good.. so.. I need to continue.. man.. do I neeed to continue.. and I am going back to weighing myself EVERYDAY..   for somepeople this isnt a good thing.. for me it was bad before.. but right now.. I think I need to do this.. once I get down I want to go back to once a week weigh-ins.. and be more on track .. this is so a major thing.. I really want to be a success.. I am a success.. I just need to re-focus and get off this hiccup.. So to all those readers out there.. be good to you and your tool...

October 2006

well.. I have been doing much better with my exercise routine & its helping.. over the summer.. I fell into some old bad habits.. and now.. its time to really over-correct and get on the right track.. so I am working out regularly thanks to my workout buddy.. sexy syl.. and I have been doing walks.. we did a breast cancer 5k and then the AIDS walk 10k and then we also started walking 2 times a week.. I feel super when I exercise so I am ready to keep this momentum.. as for the home front.. Grampa is in a home.. he hates it & constantly wants to come home but sadlly that will never happen.. he also had two more strokes and his dimentia is rapidly getting worse.. My gramma is coping but little by little I know she is accepting that he will never come home. Its so hard.. they have been together for over 60 years.. as for me and Jose.. things are having their ups and downs still.. He is finally working full-time.. he got his credential and works for LAUSD at a high school in south LA.. its a tough job.. I never realized that teaching is so time consuming.. but.. hes loving it..  anyhow.. gotta get back to work so until next time.. in the words of lisa P.. Keep it Healthy!!!

wow.. where to start.. yup.. My dodgers made the playoffs.. My weight is kinda kickstarting again.. and I feel good.. My vits are okay.. need to still get the iron going.. but its soo hard.. and on top of it.. my doc is saying she has no access to getting me injections..hmm.. makes me wonder.. so in november I am actually transfering to Kaiser.. Jose got health insurance for all threee of us through the district so on one hand.. I get a HUGE raise cuz of all the money I get to cash out on..but the other side of that is... I have to go see Kaiser docs.. and.. I am a little worried since I had a GBP how will that go?? hopefully its a smooth transition.. I mean.. I need to get a wLS friendly doc.. and just make sure I get labs etc done.. most importantly.. I just keep pluggin along to make sure that I am a success.. I drink plenty of water.. get in protein & vits.. that is what is super important..

September 2006

Hey all.. I am trying to stay true & keep my journal up.. So I have really been trying to stay on track and even post to the ontrack team on the cali board.. and its helping .. the support is great.. I am back at the water.. back at the protein, and taking vits.. the vits are helpign with my energy levels and keeping me in gear.. My weight is holding.. but I am NOT gaining.. so that is the good part.. I am at 218 right now.. and that is only over 9lbs from my lowest ever.. and my 16s are fitting again.. so thats a plus.. onward & downward... that the motto.. I was sad to see the reality that was posted on the board this morning.. my friend posted herself as a "WLS dropout" I had heard she was battling weight gain.. and today she put it out there for everyone to read.. and yes.. she has gained nearly 30lbs even after having her PS on her panni.. my gosh.. I feel for her.. cuz for me.. it has been horrible just gaining a few lbs.. but to gain even after PS.. wow.. but it has also been eye opeing.. showin me.. NOT to abuse my gift of my tool.. to stay focused & do what is best for my body.. I did this surgery cuz I wanna live.. and that is what good living is.. being kind to our bodies & taking care of what we have.. So.. I am still on track & trying hard to stay there.. cuz this is NOT easy.. but it is my lifestyle..

August 2006

Yeah I know.. didnt update all summer.. but that is the nature of the beast.. I have been out there living.. working and dealing.. My grandfather had to be placed in a convalescent home.. so now that was emotionally exhausting.. I still have to work.. and Jose started a new job.. working for LAUSD... My little Vicky has been keeping me hopping with Ballet & T-Ball.. and the list goes on.. My angellette Kevin had his surgery last week.. hes home & doing well.. on the bad side of things.. I have gone all crazy with my weight this summer.. up and down & all around.. but.. I am gettin back on track.. drinkin water.. taking my vits.. and really watchin my protein.. I am about a year and a half out and its a battle.. the battle to not fall into old habits.. stick with my good ones.. like back to ALWAYS carrying my water bottle.. and bein RELIGIOUs about the vits.. I have a very serious iron/anemia problem.. so I really have to eat spinach, lentils, and take iron supplements.. So people please do as told & follow all the rules.. its important for us to stay healthy..after all that is the reason why we do this right?? in anycase.. things are lookin up... and as soon as I get the scale moving again.. I will be even more happy.. so until next time.. drink yoru water.. take your vits and dont forget the protein..

July 2006

wow.. okay so its been WAY too long since I updated.. and as usual things have just kept me busy... and i guess the biggest thing is work.. since I do all that summer stuff.. I had to plan a lot durig june & yeah.. my free time is limited.. so.. my weight loss is the same.. I flirt with like 7 lbs.. up and down like a yoyo... but I feel great & I am able to do SOO much more thatn I did last year at this time.. Also in June my lil sister had a baby.. yeah.. that was an adventure.. I was the coach.. and we had some minor complications.. but we are better now.. baby & mom came home.. and are both doing well.. the babys name is Alexander Victor ... big name for a lil guy.. anyhow.. the grandfolks are the same.. still hangining in... I do need to up my exercise.. I notice I do battle with the most weight gaine if i dont drink my water & get some exercise.. but mowing the lawen.. walking to the store.. running around at work.. that stuff helps.. its when I have tooo many meetings that I sit at my desk.. I put it on.. but on the brighter note.. I help run the concerts & street market in my city and this year.. our city council has decided to be a "healthier" place.. so I get to mc an exercise break for those in attendance.. he he he... ME.. the formerly OBESE chick at the park... I think its HIALRIOUS... lol anyhow.. Ill try to be better at updating.. unitl then.. Drink your protein & water...

May 2006

Well so it happened to me.. that one thing we all wish to NEVER happen.. I GAINED.. not just the fluctuation of a pound or two.. but honest to goodness weight.. I gained 11 lbs.. wow.. scary to get on the scale thinkin I have lost a few & bam.. there I stood at 220.. WTF super scary.. yeah.. so I havent been eatin the best.. still drink my water & am VERY active & I go to the gym.. maybe only 2 times a week.. but mowin the lawns.. washin cars.. many I really am very active.. so who knows.. maybe combination of alcohol & food in vegas plus gettin my period all added up.. in any case.. it scared the crap out of me.. yes me.. the one who was so friggin close to those onederfuls I can literally feel em teasin me.. one day I can fit into a 16 the next.. FORGET it.. too tite to even try.. so the moral of the story.. I am NOT invincible.. I am human.. and I mess up.. gosh.. this sucks.. and I am sure all the stress in my life doesnt help.. but I am doing much better.. Since I came made this discovery I am proud to say that I am now only 213.. so I have lost 7 lbs.. still workin on that last 3 & hopefully some more.. On the rest of the home front.. didnt get any of the jobs I applied for.. one they went for the in-house person.. and the other.. well. I got the old.. thatnsk but no thanks letter.. I called a friend from the city to see what happened.. and basically.. I am TOO young.. he he.. yeah.. I knew it was a long shot but ya never know.. so I am gonna still keep my job.. I mean.. its NOT like I was leavin cuz its terrible..just wanted to change things up & keep myself fresh.. and I guess its NOT that bad to have to work at my cool location.. h ehe he..

ANyhow.. Keep on keepin on.. Take your vits & drink your water.. & def.. watch your alcohol & Carb consumption.. ugh.. I hope no one feels like me.. Good Luck & see ya next time.. 

well.. I the whole Cali board is gettin ready for our Annual Craig Park fun adventure.. and in doing so I was thinkin about how different everything was last year.. how I was freshly a post op.. just a whole bunch of stuff.. and then.. I came across some pics.. ugh.. I am definitely going to post a new one to compare.. but for now here is one from last year.. what a difference a year makes.. TOTALLY.. 

** I havent figured out how to get a pic in here but I will put the fat pick in when I figure it out**

April 2006

Well here I am .. a bit late on my 13 month update but such is life.. I am holding steady at 209.. been in this zone for about 2 months so it makes me wonder.. is this it?? I have always told myself I would be happy just being a size 16 or 14.. and I am but I guess secretly I thought it would be cool to be in single digits.. but actually I dont need it ... just thought it would be cool.. in any case.. I am happy.. I have my health & my freedom from my fat suit.. I have been really considering having my arms done soon though.. I want to wear short sleeves this summer & my arms are in need of some serious help.. talk about batwings.. ugh... the surgery is super expensive though so in my crazy world I might not be able to have it for at least a year.. On a seperate note I have been considering a job change.. now dont get me wrong I love my job... but I guess I always stayed because who else would want some fat chick running their programs.. and now with my renewed self respect.. I want to run & be free.. I didnt have to try and apply for a job after college.. my boss said hey.. wanna stay full time and I said hey.. sounds good.. now that was over 6 years ago.. and I although I have been given some great opportunities.. but I want a new challenge.. I have put together some really strong programs.. I rebuilt & programmed a Family Service Center, help build, construct & plan a Teen Center & skatepark complex, help build, plan, construct a local neighborhood park, and now am working on our newest project.. the Arts and Recreation Center.. we are in construction now.. and wow its exciting but.. also so stressful & maybe I just dont want to be stressed... maybe with my grandfather & all that mess I want at least one aspect of my life to be "normal" I mean I still battle food demons.. hell I dumped last night on pizza.. and I KNOW i should not have ate it.. but I did.. and it was cuz I was tooo hungry I grabbed the first thing I saw.. dam staff....all these youngsters do it eat crap.. and I follow.. ugh... anyhow.. I guess I am at a crossroads.. do I leave my job for the unknown or do I stay & try to fix the homelife?? ahhh decisions.. decisions... 

wow.. so yeah.. crazy day today.. I mean all sorts of good things.. Mizz Marta had PS.... Kevin my angelette had his first consult & I got the opportunity to win a brand new TAHOE.. I mean.. wow.. talk about some luck.. I entered this online contest and bam.. the los angeles dodgers call me to tell me.. uh.. you want to try to win a tahoe... I was like excuse me..... HECK YEAH... so I had to do some paperwork fax it & get ready for next wednesday cuz I could win a tahoe... wow.. I cant believe that;... and as for my health.. couldnt be better.. still holding at 210... but feeling great.. got into the on track team posts... take my vits.. drink water. & eat better... so things are well.. in any case... see you later 

Okay so they called.. I have a second interview scheduled for Thursday morning.. wow.. this is so for reals.. can I and will I leave my city.. 11 years of loyalty.. wow.. but ya know.. I am ready to grow and leave the nest,... for all the comfort I have here.. I really think change would be good.. the only down side is.. I finally REALLY have great staff.. I got a new assistant and he is ALL over it.. he follows up REALLy welll.. helps all the time & is very proactive.. now.. do I wanna mess it up?? but ... isnt that how it should be .. a good boss grooms them to be able to handle it all.. then they can fly?? I trained this staff for the past 3 years..and now he is totally doing it... I have my doubts about leavign but.. this one has to be for me.. and secretly.. I will love going to a new place where no one knew me as the fat girl... I want to just be Helen.. not .. oh did you see how Helen has lost sooo much weight.. wonder how she did it.. I didnt tell people about my surgery.. I just told my boss.. cuz of time off.. ... ay.. decisions decisions.. its a real struggle.. just likemy weightloss.. I dotn want to be stalled here since I have been here messing with the same 5 lbs for a while now.. actually like 3 months.. I am quite comfortable with my size though.. I am feeling okay.. and really wanna go for a surgical consult.. I want to get rid of my bat wings & my flabby tummy.. ahh we shall see.. only time will tell...

wow what a busy week.. well.. an EXCITING busy week.. I had so much going on.. and in the midst of all that.. Ms. Gloria.. Wedz9r... nominated me for SYSK.. wow.. me really.. somone you should know... I am not sure about that cuz if ya know me.. ya get stuck with me.. he hehe.. in any case.. Thanks Gloria.. its a REAL honor to be thought of in such high regard.. wow.. so people.. Read this
darn journal that I babble in.. he he he.. so my past week.. I had another successful event... I ran a healthy parks day field event at my city to keep kids busy & healthy during their spring break.. it was very successful and over 300 people attended.. so not bad for me.. I also had the chance to attend a dodgergame as a contestant for the "win on wednesdays" promotion.. I ALMOST won a tahoe..but na.. didnt win.. its okay though... couldnt afford those taxes.. ha ha.. but it would have been nice.. and then.. I had a job inteview.. which I have since found out that I didnt get.. but its okay.. cuz I have ANOTHER job inteview.. and its an EVEN BETTER opportunity.. its an asst Director job.. smaller city but it has GREAT benefits and much more money.. and who knows.. it could be the begining of something beautiful.. now on another note for my exciting week.. I went to Toms Farms.. it was a BEAUTIFUl.. event.. I saw so many old & new faces.. gosh some peeps are MELTING away.. but Hooray for them.. this tool is awesome... as for me.. I am loosing some inches.. and maintaining my weight.. so its great.. and I FEEL so healthy now.. I hope eveyone truely enjoys & takes advantage of this tool.. and take your vitamins too.. they are super important.. 

March 2006

so its been a while since I have updated.. but mainly because my life is pretty busy.. My grandfather is in the hospital again.. he woke up one night and couldnt breathe.. I can still hear him shouting my name... scared the hell out of me at 2:31 in the morning.. so we had to call 911.. he was rushed to emergency and has been in ICU for a few days... HE was in congestive heart faillure and his lungs filled with fluid, his heart has some muscle damage...and his stent needs to be replaced. Its been crazy with him there.. My grandma is a mess.. and its been taxing to say the least... so that is where I am at... I guess its a blessing in disguise that I already knew I wasnt going to run the marathon.. and with all this.. I would have been even MORE disappointed.. so... at least I know I can be healthy & it is POSSIBLE for me to run a marathon.. and I take comfort in that..but more importantly I am glad I am able to be here for my grandma.. she really needs the support.. and as we get ready for grandpa to have heart surgery... I feel as though she and I will be spending many more days together supporting each other. well until next time.. 

wow.. so my weightloss journey has taken a weird turn.. since my grandpa was in the hospital.. he has ended up being released.. to home.. they were trying to get him into a long term care place but that didnt work out.. so they just said sorry.. apply for medi-cal & then they can try to place him.. but no guarantees.. in any case.. he is home & VERY unruly & uncooperative.. yes.. I am at my whits end again... so.. we went to the welfare office to apply & EVERYONE there was SUPER NICE & friendly.. well until we got to the case worker but thats anoterh part of the story.. but I noticed how RUDE they were to people who spoke a different language or who were overweight.. gosh.. it still hurts to hear people talking down to others based on their outward apperances.. and it sucks more cuz that was me less than a year ago.. now would peopel have treated us crappier if I was overweight.. heck yea.. and that sucks.. its just another painful reminder that our society is screwed.. cuz most of those people will probably teach that crappy attitude to their kids.. in any case.. with all the grandpa comotion.. I am still hangin on.. no onderfuls in sight.. and I reallyneed to start eating better.. I have been good about keeping a protein drink handy to not go too long without food.. but its still hard.. hospitals, wating rooms, traveling.. now public service offices.. cuz we had to spend a few hours at Social Security too.. ugh.. what the heck have I gotten myself into.. I just cry all the time now & its frustrating.. but ... on the brighter side.. I know that no one else would go above and beyond for them.. and who knows how bad off it would be if I wasnt here.. right.. I gotta stay positive.. I gotta focus.. tough but its productive.. and at the end of it all.. things HAVE to get better.. God wont let me fail right.. he brought me here.. and I have to run his race.. finish his journey.. Lord please help me.. cuz its tough.. .... until next time.. 

February 2006

wow.. so yeah.. I guess over the past month or so I really lost track of what I was puttin in my mouth.. what I did or didnt drink.. NOT NEARLY ENOUGH I paid.. I was stuck at 220 for a long time.. for the whole month.. yep.. me stuck.. 11 months out.. and there I was.. STUCK.. but the light goes on.. I decide I am NOT gonna flake.. I am soooo gonna do the marathon.. and get my azz back to the gym.. add a few proteing shakes this week.. and BAM... just like that.. drop 6 lbs in 5 days.. ha.. this stuff does work.. a little protein.. a little water.. add some exercise.. and then.. the weight falls off.. now granted.. in the past month I did go down a size.. and yes.. I squeezed into my first pair of 16s.... since.. HIGH SCHOOL.. and I have felt good about at least NOT gaining.. but yeah.. with the added stress of moving... bad holidays... and plain old work that is driving me crazy.. I let myself excuse me from working out.. and that is what I needed to keep doing.. all the stress just made me feel bad.. and tired.. lazy..etc.. so.. getting back on track makes me feel SUPER.. and I am excited about my big run this sunday.. man.. this is super crazy.. NEVER in my life did I think I would be happy about a 12 mile run... ha ha ha.. but yep.. I am.. so again.. stick with it.. cuz it all works itself out.. Good Luck to you... and know that I believe in you.. cuz if this superstar lazy butt.. could actually get up and get moving towards a marathon.. than you can take that step to becoming healthier.. whether its just going forward with surgery or just taking a walk around the block.. YOU CAN DO IT... en espanol... SI SE PUEDE>>>>!!!! 

Okay... so this crazy lady had fun celebrating last friday... I was so super excited about my size 16's... no matter how much I never wanted to admit big azz was a 32.. squeezed and forced myself into too many 28s just so there would be no number 3 infront of my clothes.. I did however have one secret pair of jeans that were a 30.. I used to wear them when I wanted to breathe.. so this size 16 is a HUGE deal to me.. that it.. thats the magic.. I am offcicially 1/2 my size... wow.. its cool to say that .. and hopefully I will reach my goal to loosed 175 which is 1/2 my size in lbs..but I will be patient with that.. in any case I am still loosing all the time.. and I am sure with all the extra exercise now I willdo better.. Yeah .. so Luana conviced me to keep training for LA.. but.. I dont know if I can make it.. I ran 12 actually 11.5 miles this weekend and I am sore.. I am gonna go get stretched at the gym today by my trainer but.. this soreness is not a fun thing.. and I have ANOTHER big run next weekend.. so I am nervouse.. CAN I REALLY DO THIS??? maybe I should just wait for Rock n Roll?? I am gonna keep trying.. this way at least I will still be prepareing for San Diego... that one is supposed to be super fun anyways... oh well.. thats my update... and I am sticking to it.. oh one year anniversary is comin up too.. I have about 17 days to go... hmmm where will I be?? 

Okay so I just couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday... Yep.... My one year anniversary was yesterday & wow.. thats all I can say.. I cant friggin believe its been a year.. NOPE I am not no size 4 but dam.. to be down 138 lbs.. its amazing.. I can RUN.. I can jump.. I can exercise.. I can walk all over the zoo like no problem.. I mean.. yesterday was my actualy re-birthday so I took the day off work and I went to the zoo with my 3yr olds pre-school.. I had 4 little guys to watch over and man did they keep me hoppin.. we left the zoo about 2 and went back to drop off the kids.. Then I raced over to the hospital to check on Sexy Syl. She had surgery earlier that morning. Me & Victoria hung out for a little while & then we took BRooke & Alyssa to eat dinner at Denny's... we had fun.. then we went back to the hospital for a bit..then I raced over to Pasadena to give a skatepark presentation.. and then home by 730 so I could get stuff ready for work & school the next day.. Now.. that was a crazy busy day.. and in my old fat days.. NO WAY could I have done all that... AFTER spending the morning at the zoo.. This surgery has really saved my life.. I am LIVING.. and that is what is important.. I eat healthy.. I drink lots of water.. I take vitamins and I am quite active... I can keep up with my kid and any extras I may run into... So to all you newbies out there... wow.. its so SUPER fast & so sureal... enjoy ever minute... and EAT RIGHT... Congrats to me.. down 138 lbs... woohoo.. and still loosing.... 

wow.. so I had my official one year checkup with Dr. Lamar today.. and he is super proud.. he knows how hard I have worked and I was so happy.. I was sort of nervous about how some people have had their docs tell them they are failures and such because of not reaching goal at year.. well mine told me.. hey..if ya get under 200 that will be all gravy.. and I agree.. HIS official scale said 219 this morning.. but thats after breakfast and 3 bottles of water.. when I weighed this morning with No clothes on fresh out of the shower after a nice movement I weighed 209... so I guess.. I am still around 214 .. thats in the middle of both our scales.. he he.. either weigh I feel like a success.. I mean.. I grabbed a pair of jeans at some no name store and they were an 18,,,... I thought they looked way too small but they fit perfect.. and so what .. if they are still an 18.. I do have one pair of old navy jeans that are a 16 and they fit me.. tight but they fit me.. all in all it doesnt matter to me about the number... I FEEL great.. hell I feel so good I would try to run the marathon right now if I could... but yeah.. on that note.. I have decided not to run.. I am still going to support my fellow OHers.. but with all the comotion around the grandparents and really taking time to be with them.. I just couldnt fit in all the training... and it came up soooo fast.. but I am still runnin.. I am plannin on doing the rock n roll one in San Diego.. Hell.. jsut the fact that I can run & put in serious mileage is amazin... I LOVE it.. runnin is so peaceful & makes me feel accomplished... In any case.. Happy one year to me.. cuz its official.. I have survived...

January 2006

wow Happy New Year.... Yes I am about 2 weeks shy of my 11 month anniversary and I cant believe it... its amazing I am down about 130 lbs... feel so full of energy I cant sit still sometimes... and I am living life... welll trying too... Okay so an updat on my living situation... Jose and I moved into my grandparents house... we are okay with that.. My gramma well... she is an interesting character... she keeps me on my toes... got to get after her to shower and eat not just drink coffee all day... I swear its like having a second kid but at the same time I let her boss me around... and I am usually good at telling my kid no...but not gramma... I am still scared of her... lol.... any how.. Gramps is getting better... he can walk with a walker which is better than not walking at all...and he is talking a lot more...Work is crazy busy but what can ya do??? suck it up and keep on keeping on... the good news is that my weightloss is going well... I am so happy... okay.. well until next time.. 

wow.. I am just a couple days over my 11 month anniversary.. WTF how did this year almost fly by.... gosh.. when people say it goes fast.. I thought hell NO.. this liquid diet sucks.. this mush food . sucks... all of it.. and now.. ha.. I was such a baby.. it was so short.and now I am living my life... I am enjoying food.. Not gorging on it.. I am loving exercise.. I am actually happy... yes there were tough moments... hell a lot of them.. but to look at what I am doing now as compared to what I was NOT doing last year.. wow... I am running places not walking.. hell I am able to walk and walk and walk.. and then I can come home do some laundry.. wash the car... handle some yard work.. then think about or even go to the gym... no way that 11 months ago and 130 lbs on me could I do all this.. I am truely grateful for the time I have spent with good people and for being supported by my fellow loosers.. and just being able to be me.. the real me that was hidden under that FAKE happiness.. under all that fat.. wow how did I think I somehow looked cute at 351??? how did I function at 351... damn who was I kiddin... any how.. I have gone from a huge person to a happy person.. from a person who settled to a person who makes choices.. .. Things sure are looking up.. I am glad for all the lessons I have learned and for those to come.. Life is too short.. but I am glad I will get to live just a bit longer then I would have... and besides.. if I can live just half as long as my grandparents who are trying to drive me crazy..then I will be in a good spot.. Hell its frustrating but its all out of love.. one minute I am ripping my hair out the next... I am feeling so glad they are still here to just be with.. and that my daughter gets to say.,.. she loves her gramma gramma... aww I am getting all sentimental and I am not even at the official one year re-birht.... hell I wonder what happens when I actually hit that date??? in anycase.. life is good.. enough said.. until next time... COME on APRIL>>>> cant wait for DODGER BASEBALL>>>> woo hoooo....

About Me
South El Monte, CA
Surgery Date
Mar 02, 2005
Member Since

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