ladyanji
It's about time!
Mar 29, 2007
I know, I know... I've been told (and reminded) that I really need to update my profile. I waited and waited because I thought I would go back and try to "fill-in-the-blanks" but I have decided that it would be to hard to hit the highlights. It's been a big year.
So I will just start from where I am, maybe reflect a little on the finer points of my first year out... but we'll see how that works out. Okay? Okay.
Where am I right now?
I am doing well emotionally & physically... for the most part. Official weight loss... at 14 months out is 292/269/207/160
I am happy with where I am but disappointed with how much work I have had to do to get this far, how much work I have had to do to hold onto my loss, and that it seems like no matter how much work I do, I cannot lose anymore.
Why am I happy? Because I am healthy. I am still, and will always be, considered diabetic, but I am far from needing to be medicated for it. My high blood pressure is gone... with the exception of a few stress/work related issues. I can move without being overly tired. Heck, I take a 45-60 minute cardio class 2-3 days a week and yes, I get out of breath and sweat up a storm, but I walk out of that class feeling wonderful. I love it. And I workout right beside the little 125-pound-princess... and she's sweating just as much as I am... It's a great place to be... considering where I was.
Emotionally? My girlfriends from the Vegas surgiversary trip know all too well... I'm in love... Well, I haven't decided if it's love, yet, but I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man that I adore.
We met online, so that took care of the "first impression" worries. But a lifetime of self-esteem issues caused me to struggle with what he would think when he met me.
It was a dream... and I learned a few things the first time we met. When you are ready for a real-adult-honest-caring relationship... you will be prepared to drop your guard, and just be comfortable. I learned to accept myself as I am, and he made it so much easier than I thought it would be. I also learned that it was easy to accept imperfections, it makes people who they are, and its just not that important. The feelings that I have for him are so much greater than any physical trait. He looked right through my lumps and bumps and stretch marks and scars... He knew about them, he knows why they are there, and it didn't matter.
I had heard about men like him being out there, but never dreamed I'd find one... my biggest obstacle now is to hold onto him. It has not been bliss, but a wonderful learning experience. An experience that, 80+ pounds ago, I wouldn't have even let myself feel. The wall around me was at least as thick as I was and I didn't trust anyone. I'm still trying to take it down, and it is getting easier but there is still work to be done...
Weight loss? It has been a really big struggle. I have been hovering around the same 6-8 pounds since late October. If you want to see a person whose frustrated... just look at my picture. I made it through the holidays nearly unscathed... hitting my lowest weight about a week before Christmas. However, in December I began getting the depo shot, which I was warned could cause weight gain... I believe that's been some of the reasoning for being perpetually stuck. In February I began working out again, after taking most of the winter off. There was some initial weight gain as my muscles swelled a little from having to do some actual exercise. But now, continuing the workouts and continuing to watch what I eat... I have expected to see the numbers on the scale moving again... but it hasn't happened. Most of the February gain is gone, but I am still bouncing around between 209-214...
I think the next step is to put the scale away. Allow myself to weigh in once per week, and try it that way. Stop worrying about the number so much and focus on the method... It sounds good, but I am not sure I am capable.
So there you go...
That is where I am - 1 year, 2 months, 19 days after my surgery.
I will try to update this blog more often...
I will try.
Much love,
A
So I will just start from where I am, maybe reflect a little on the finer points of my first year out... but we'll see how that works out. Okay? Okay.
Where am I right now?
I am doing well emotionally & physically... for the most part. Official weight loss... at 14 months out is 292/269/207/160
I am happy with where I am but disappointed with how much work I have had to do to get this far, how much work I have had to do to hold onto my loss, and that it seems like no matter how much work I do, I cannot lose anymore.
Why am I happy? Because I am healthy. I am still, and will always be, considered diabetic, but I am far from needing to be medicated for it. My high blood pressure is gone... with the exception of a few stress/work related issues. I can move without being overly tired. Heck, I take a 45-60 minute cardio class 2-3 days a week and yes, I get out of breath and sweat up a storm, but I walk out of that class feeling wonderful. I love it. And I workout right beside the little 125-pound-princess... and she's sweating just as much as I am... It's a great place to be... considering where I was.
Emotionally? My girlfriends from the Vegas surgiversary trip know all too well... I'm in love... Well, I haven't decided if it's love, yet, but I'm in a wonderful relationship with a man that I adore.
We met online, so that took care of the "first impression" worries. But a lifetime of self-esteem issues caused me to struggle with what he would think when he met me.
It was a dream... and I learned a few things the first time we met. When you are ready for a real-adult-honest-caring relationship... you will be prepared to drop your guard, and just be comfortable. I learned to accept myself as I am, and he made it so much easier than I thought it would be. I also learned that it was easy to accept imperfections, it makes people who they are, and its just not that important. The feelings that I have for him are so much greater than any physical trait. He looked right through my lumps and bumps and stretch marks and scars... He knew about them, he knows why they are there, and it didn't matter.
I had heard about men like him being out there, but never dreamed I'd find one... my biggest obstacle now is to hold onto him. It has not been bliss, but a wonderful learning experience. An experience that, 80+ pounds ago, I wouldn't have even let myself feel. The wall around me was at least as thick as I was and I didn't trust anyone. I'm still trying to take it down, and it is getting easier but there is still work to be done...
Weight loss? It has been a really big struggle. I have been hovering around the same 6-8 pounds since late October. If you want to see a person whose frustrated... just look at my picture. I made it through the holidays nearly unscathed... hitting my lowest weight about a week before Christmas. However, in December I began getting the depo shot, which I was warned could cause weight gain... I believe that's been some of the reasoning for being perpetually stuck. In February I began working out again, after taking most of the winter off. There was some initial weight gain as my muscles swelled a little from having to do some actual exercise. But now, continuing the workouts and continuing to watch what I eat... I have expected to see the numbers on the scale moving again... but it hasn't happened. Most of the February gain is gone, but I am still bouncing around between 209-214...
I think the next step is to put the scale away. Allow myself to weigh in once per week, and try it that way. Stop worrying about the number so much and focus on the method... It sounds good, but I am not sure I am capable.
So there you go...
That is where I am - 1 year, 2 months, 19 days after my surgery.
I will try to update this blog more often...
I will try.
Much love,
A
Post-Op Update
Jan 17, 2006
My surgery was Lap RNY with Dr. William Rizk, 1-10-2006 at 12:30 pm at Mercy in Sioux City. I arrived at the hospital around 10 am, since I had to be registered by 10:30am. I was taken to a small pre-op room, where I was asked to change into a gown and wait. I waited and waited and waited. If it weren't for my support friend, I would've been napping... and well rested!
At about 12 pm a nurse came in, put in my IV's and shortly after that I was taken through a web of hallways to a cold operating room where I was greeted by two anesthesiologists. My surgeon came in placed his hand on my forearm, flashed his big white smile, and asked if I was ready. I shook my head, and I was out.
I woke-up in a dark recovery room. I think it was about 4 pm, or a little later. The nurse that was guarding me told me that everything went great and I should be going up to my room very soon. I went in and out, and remember waking up in my room, the first thing I saw was cartoons on the TV; I knew my little boy was there! I looked for him and motioned for him to give me a gentle hug.
The first few hours were a blur of nurses, in and out, poking, prodding, and telling me that I should try to start getting up soon. I had to pee, so I was more than willing to get up. I walked to the restroom with the help of two nurses, and was able to do my business and get back up without too much trouble. I walked the length of the hall and back, and went back to my room.
Everything seemed fine and dandy. The nurses emptied my drain, I got up a couple more times and thought I was doing great. My son left for the night, and I was ready for some much needed rest.
I don't remember what time it was, but I remember waking up about 9:30-10 pm and feeling really cold on my left side. I sat up a little to find a huge puddle of blood. I buzzed for a nurse, two came and began to clean me and the bed, and feeling for pulses, taking pressures, reading monitors.... My blood pressure was dropping... and fast. At one point I remember hearing the numbers 98/46, and thinking- "S***, that's not good!" The nurses were emptying my drain, about 100cc of blood every 15 minutes. They began transfusing blood, but my pressure kept dropping. They called my surgeon, the diagnosis was that I had a "bleeder", and that they would have to go back in and attempt to stop the bleeding.
The on-call surgeon, a Dr. Grossman, would be the one trying to fix the problem. He spoke with me briefly, and assured me that they could go back in Lap, and should be able to find it, but that there was still the chance that he'd have to open. That poor man must have seen the terror in my eyes, and he assured me he'd do everything he could first.
It was about 2:00am when I was put out for my second surgery.
I woke-up at about 8am in the ICU, where I remained for a day and a half. I had received four pints of blood. The doctors said that they really didn't find a source for the bleeding, so they cleaned up what they could and closed. The first thing I remember was reaching to feel my stomach, in hopes that I wasn't opened... I was extremely relieved.
The rest of my hospital stay was pretty textbook, my blood pressure is high, my blood counts are low, but they expect those things to correct themselves with time.
SO........
Now I'm on the eve of my first post-op visit. Hoping to have this drain taken out of me, so that I can "live normally" and get to losing! I'm feeling really good, I think I will return to work next week. I get to drive to my appointment tomorrow, so... yeah... I have my independence again!
Pre-op I was 268.5 ~ (My highest was 292 in 2003)
While in the hospital, I was highly medicated, and bloated...
I didn't want to know what I weighed.
I was released Friday.
Saturday I was 265
Sunday I was 260
Monday my scale died... so I don't know where I am. I am content to wait. I don't expect overnight results...
For right now, my focus is getting pain relieved and wounds healed.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!
and I KNOW EXACTLY WHO TO THANK FOR EVERY BREATH I HAVE TAKEN SINCE LAST TUESDAY NIGHT.
THANK YOU, LORD!
~~~God bless, Angela~~~
At about 12 pm a nurse came in, put in my IV's and shortly after that I was taken through a web of hallways to a cold operating room where I was greeted by two anesthesiologists. My surgeon came in placed his hand on my forearm, flashed his big white smile, and asked if I was ready. I shook my head, and I was out.
I woke-up in a dark recovery room. I think it was about 4 pm, or a little later. The nurse that was guarding me told me that everything went great and I should be going up to my room very soon. I went in and out, and remember waking up in my room, the first thing I saw was cartoons on the TV; I knew my little boy was there! I looked for him and motioned for him to give me a gentle hug.
The first few hours were a blur of nurses, in and out, poking, prodding, and telling me that I should try to start getting up soon. I had to pee, so I was more than willing to get up. I walked to the restroom with the help of two nurses, and was able to do my business and get back up without too much trouble. I walked the length of the hall and back, and went back to my room.
Everything seemed fine and dandy. The nurses emptied my drain, I got up a couple more times and thought I was doing great. My son left for the night, and I was ready for some much needed rest.
I don't remember what time it was, but I remember waking up about 9:30-10 pm and feeling really cold on my left side. I sat up a little to find a huge puddle of blood. I buzzed for a nurse, two came and began to clean me and the bed, and feeling for pulses, taking pressures, reading monitors.... My blood pressure was dropping... and fast. At one point I remember hearing the numbers 98/46, and thinking- "S***, that's not good!" The nurses were emptying my drain, about 100cc of blood every 15 minutes. They began transfusing blood, but my pressure kept dropping. They called my surgeon, the diagnosis was that I had a "bleeder", and that they would have to go back in and attempt to stop the bleeding.
The on-call surgeon, a Dr. Grossman, would be the one trying to fix the problem. He spoke with me briefly, and assured me that they could go back in Lap, and should be able to find it, but that there was still the chance that he'd have to open. That poor man must have seen the terror in my eyes, and he assured me he'd do everything he could first.
It was about 2:00am when I was put out for my second surgery.
I woke-up at about 8am in the ICU, where I remained for a day and a half. I had received four pints of blood. The doctors said that they really didn't find a source for the bleeding, so they cleaned up what they could and closed. The first thing I remember was reaching to feel my stomach, in hopes that I wasn't opened... I was extremely relieved.
The rest of my hospital stay was pretty textbook, my blood pressure is high, my blood counts are low, but they expect those things to correct themselves with time.
SO........
Now I'm on the eve of my first post-op visit. Hoping to have this drain taken out of me, so that I can "live normally" and get to losing! I'm feeling really good, I think I will return to work next week. I get to drive to my appointment tomorrow, so... yeah... I have my independence again!
Pre-op I was 268.5 ~ (My highest was 292 in 2003)
While in the hospital, I was highly medicated, and bloated...
I didn't want to know what I weighed.
I was released Friday.
Saturday I was 265
Sunday I was 260
Monday my scale died... so I don't know where I am. I am content to wait. I don't expect overnight results...
For right now, my focus is getting pain relieved and wounds healed.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!
and I KNOW EXACTLY WHO TO THANK FOR EVERY BREATH I HAVE TAKEN SINCE LAST TUESDAY NIGHT.
THANK YOU, LORD!
~~~God bless, Angela~~~
Counting Down
Jan 04, 2006
Well, Here I am, less than a week until surgery. I've been on the full liquid diet since Monday. I'm thanking God it is full and not clear, full is harder than I thought it would be.
I am ready. I have enjoyed the mandatory classes that are necessary for surgery with my doc at this hospital. I have lost a total of 15# since my consult. I'm expecting a few more to come off with this liquid diet... we'll see.
I've also been to several support group meetings. I have been amazed at the transformations I have seen. I have to tell myself, "This will be you... very soon!" I've tried to stop thinking about how fast I will lose, and how much by when. I start getting too excited. I just take a deep breath and give it to God and remind myself it is in His time, not mine.
I am very thankful to God. When I began this journey, back in August, I never thought that I would wiz through all of the "things that need to be done" like I have. The whole thing was just too easy. Even the money for the surgery was dumped in my lap unexpectedly. It is only through His grace, that I am in this position now. Thank you, Lord!
Thanks, also, to those of you who have offered your support. I really means a lot to be noticed and thought of!
See you on the other side!
~~~ God Bless, Angela ~~~
I am ready. I have enjoyed the mandatory classes that are necessary for surgery with my doc at this hospital. I have lost a total of 15# since my consult. I'm expecting a few more to come off with this liquid diet... we'll see.
I've also been to several support group meetings. I have been amazed at the transformations I have seen. I have to tell myself, "This will be you... very soon!" I've tried to stop thinking about how fast I will lose, and how much by when. I start getting too excited. I just take a deep breath and give it to God and remind myself it is in His time, not mine.
I am very thankful to God. When I began this journey, back in August, I never thought that I would wiz through all of the "things that need to be done" like I have. The whole thing was just too easy. Even the money for the surgery was dumped in my lap unexpectedly. It is only through His grace, that I am in this position now. Thank you, Lord!
Thanks, also, to those of you who have offered your support. I really means a lot to be noticed and thought of!
See you on the other side!
~~~ God Bless, Angela ~~~
I Have A Date
Nov 14, 2005
I have a date! Between yesterday and today I've gotten myself scheduled! WooHoo!!!
****January 10, 2006****
Everything is set up. I have my appointments for Mercy's Bariatric program. The next few weeks are going to be hectic, especially with the holidays.
I was originally trying to have my surgery before the end of the year, but my surgeon will be going out of town the day after my first date. I decided that I'd rather have him here. So waiting an extra couple of weeks is okay with me. I have just under two months to get geared up. Also, I was not keen with the idea of being on the liquid diet over Christmas. But now I'm looking at these as my last fat holidays... I'm a little saddened.
I'm trying to diet a little before the surgery, so far I am down about 10 pounds from my consult weight. I'm hoping to be down another 15+...we'll see?
~~~God Bless, Angela~~~
****January 10, 2006****
Everything is set up. I have my appointments for Mercy's Bariatric program. The next few weeks are going to be hectic, especially with the holidays.
I was originally trying to have my surgery before the end of the year, but my surgeon will be going out of town the day after my first date. I decided that I'd rather have him here. So waiting an extra couple of weeks is okay with me. I have just under two months to get geared up. Also, I was not keen with the idea of being on the liquid diet over Christmas. But now I'm looking at these as my last fat holidays... I'm a little saddened.
I'm trying to diet a little before the surgery, so far I am down about 10 pounds from my consult weight. I'm hoping to be down another 15+...we'll see?
~~~God Bless, Angela~~~
Approved!
Oct 26, 2005
I got my approval! It only took them 8 days to decide if I was acceptably obese. I'm so excited. Except now my big concern is the program co-pay and deposit for the surgeon. I hope that I can get the money together soon. I suppose that my surgery won't be until after the first of the year. Unless I get a miracle... I'm believing for one!
Take care and God Bless you and yours!
~~~Angela
Take care and God Bless you and yours!
~~~Angela
Pending Approval
Oct 07, 2005
Nervous about insurance approval...
even though Dr. said it should be a "slam dunk" with my co-morbidities.
Waiting will be hard! I just need to focus on the other steps, so that when I get approved, everything will be ready to go.
Wish me luck!
even though Dr. said it should be a "slam dunk" with my co-morbidities.
Waiting will be hard! I just need to focus on the other steps, so that when I get approved, everything will be ready to go.
Wish me luck!
